


But since we're going to live here...

by hikarimitsuko



Series: But since we're going to die here... [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, aot - Freeform, attack on titan - Freeform, but since were going to live here, butsinceweregoingtolivehere, hikarimitsuko, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:33:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 109,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3764875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikarimitsuko/pseuds/hikarimitsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the sequel to the fanfiction named "But since we're going to die here". Levi wakes up from a nightmare and tries to keep living his life normally, but that nightmare affected him. Deep inside, he knows that it meant something. He ignores it. Until he sees him. That guy. The guy from his nightmare. The guy he loved in that dream. Eren, was it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) This is the first chapter of the sequel of "But since we're going to die here". Hope you like it. (reminder: I speak french....be kind)

I sit up straight, covered in sweat and completely out of breath. I look around a bit lost. _Shit! Where am I?_ I push away the black bed sheets that are on me and take a look around, trying to get a glimpse of the environment that I’m in. There’s a nightstand on the right, a window in front of me, a closet and bathroom on the left. I’m in… a bed? _Oh right. My bed. Oh gosh what a nightmare. This seemed so realistic, why do I feel like crap so suddenly? It was just a nightmare._ I get up and walk past the dark gray living room to enter the kitchen. I pour some water into the kettle and wait. _I need some tea. I need to calm down._

After a moment, I pull myself away from the kitchen island and turn the kettle off, deciding to go take a shower instead. I walk back to my room and grab a towel. The bathroom floor is cold and I quickly undress myself to get in the hot shower. I let water drip down my back and place my hands on the pewter wall. All of a sudden, a sharp pain fills my head as I get flashes of showers with this guy, from that dream. I blush and tears stream down shortly after. It’s overwhelming. “Fuck! What the hell?” I say to myself as I let myself glide down the wall. After a while I realize that the flashbacks are over. Nothing else comes to my mind. Ten minutes later I get out of the shower and decide to go back to bed, ignoring those shitty dreams. _After all, I have to be at work in about two hours so I should probably try and rest a bit more._ The dark circles that permanently surround my eyes are proof that I don’t sleep enough. _Thanks to nightmare and Insomnia._ Surprisingly, as my head hits the pillow, I fall almost instantly back to sleep. _Will I dream of this boy again? I’m not sure…_

***

I put my blazer on and step outside. It’s early October but it’s really unusually cold. I let my steps guide me a bit further up the street. On the corner of 3rd and main, that’s where my tea shop is. Although, everyone goes there for coffee, not for tea. Lately, people have been coming less. Reason being, a Starbucks opened two streets away. At least I have some faithful customers. I don’t see why though. It’s not like I am being all that nice in general. Or perhaps it’s because I make good coffee and tea. That, I am sure of. I cross the street and look at my flickering shop sign. “Lev ’s”. Apparently the “i” is broken again. _Wonderful._ I shake my head as I unlock the door and turn the hanging cardboard piece to “open”. The gigantic glass windows let me see that the traffic becomes more dense on both streets as the minutes pass. I was lucky enough to find this spot a couple of years ago. It seems, every previous owners had problems but for me nothing bad ever happened. And I don’t intend on selling this place for a fucking stubborn “i”. I guess my shop is popular because there is a college right down the street, close to where my apartment is on 3rd avenue. Also, pretty much everyone passes on main to get to the highway so they often stop on their way.  
I press the multiple buttons of my coffee machines. Start the dishwasher in the back, place some fresh muffins and cookies preparations in the oven. Then, once I’m done, I sit at the table beside my counter. Known as “the owner’s table”. Mostly because I always sit there with a book until someone walks in. Which takes only about 5 minutes this morning. _What a shame, this chapter was getting good._ I drop the book and walk behind the counter, putting the green apron over my black pants.

“I’d like a large vanilla latte.” The customer says.  
“Sure. 3.15$ Please.”

She pays me and then I move on with her order. When I’m done, I see that a couple of people are in line so I pick up the speed. Eventually, only a few of them are left.

“Yes miss.” I say as a black-haired girl walks to the counter.  
“Earl Grey. Black.”  
I raise my eyebrows. Not at her expedited way of speech, but because it’s a rare choice for such a young person. I move away from the counter to prepare it. I turn back around to her and as I’m about to make her pay, I notice the guy beside her, who’s face is half hidden under his hair. He’s looking down at… _his phone. Another stupid facebook addict. He does have something about his hair though. It’s been a while that I didn’t change mine. Always the same style with the undercut. I guess I like it that way, but his is… I don’t know._

“Hum.Hum.” The girl coughs, waiting for her change that I’m still holding mid-way between her and I.

I instantly give it back to her. The guy slightly glances at me and when I meet his bright green eyes I freeze. He looks exactly like the guy I dreamed of. Startled, I let the next paper cup fall on the counter.

“Excuse me!” I say, loud enough for him to hear me.

He doesn’t, so I walk out of my spot before they reach the door, gesturing to the other customers to wait a minute. When I reach them, I tug on his shirt.

“Excuse me, sir. Do I know you?” I ask as he takes off his earbuds to look at me.

He frowns.

“I…don’t think so. I would remember.” 

_Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ My cheeks instantly blush and I hate it. _What the fuck?_

“I must have mistaken you for someone else.” I add as I turn around to walk back to the counter.

He nods with a smile and puts his earbuds back on as he walks out with the girl. I find myself staring at them to see if they are holding hands. They aren’t. But, his eyes meet mine once again, bringing up a crimson tint to my whole face. _Why do I even care if they’d be holding hands, she wasn’t that pretty anyway. Or perhaps…I am envious of her, not of him?_ I shake my head as I reach the counter and try to distract myself with all the other orders but I can’t shake the thought out of my head. _He did look exactly like that guy. How the fuck could I dream of this guy if I have never even seen him? And those dreams… When did I ever try anything with a guy? I would remember, if I did. But how could it make me feel so good when I dreamed about it. No. I can’t admit this to myself… Shut up, Levi! … But I did enjoy it in the dream. But that’s what it was: just a dream. Right?_

“Ugh…” I mutter to myself, growing angrier by the minute.

I finish serving about 3 hours later when the morning rush is done. Only a few people are left sitting at the tables so I do the same and take place at mine. I pick up my book and start reading.

As I’m about to reach the end of my work day, after spending another rush hour at the register, I realize that I forgot to prepare another batch of muffins. So I head back to the kitchen, leaving a little bell on the counter in case any customer would walk in. I follow the recipe that I printed a couple of years ago and modified to my own taste. These sell A LOT so I guess that it was a win situation to choose to change the recipe.

The familiar sound of the bell echoes in the kitchen. I walk out, forgetting to take off my apron and gloves. When I glance at the counter I see that guy again. I place my palm on the towel that always lays on the counter.

“Vanilla latte. Please.”  
“3.15$.”

I turn around, trying to pretend that his voice didn’t just provide a weird sensation down my belly, and prepare the coffee. Annoyed by the fact that these flashes keep coming back to me, I roll my eyes and sigh. I give him the steamy beverage and our fingers accidentally touch. A shock travels all over my body especially all the way up and down my spine. _He seems to get tense too, perhaps he felt the same thing?_ We stare at each other for a silent moment. He blinks repeatedly.

“Thanks.” He says shyly, before heading to one of the tables close to the windows.

I stare at him for a while before heading back to the kitchen. I finish my preparation and put it in the freezer for tomorrow morning. Normally I’d sit back at my table but right now I feel like I should be cleaning. I grab my wet towel and disinfecting soap and start scrubbing the top of the tables. Eventually I find myself a table away from “THE GUY”. _What the fuck am I doing?_

“Are you sure we never met?” I ask, not taking my eyes off of the table that is beside his.

Then, I realize he is wearing his ear buds.

“Well… so much for being curious…” I mutter to myself.

What I didn’t know is that he heard.

“Curiosity can be good. And yes I am sure.” He says.

I move closer to him.

“Can I?” I ask as I gesture towards his empty cup.

“Sure! Could… I maybe have another one?” He asks with such a puppy face that it should be illegal to have such power with your eyes. Then again, I’m not one to talk. My eyes are a sharp weapon that I use in plenty of different situations.  
“Of course.” I say.

I go back to the counter and prepare another one. When I bring it back to him, I realize that he’s drawing. Curious I lean in a bit over the table. He shoves the paper under a school book when he notices me.

“You draw?” I so stupidly ask.

He nods.

“Well. Can I see?”

 _God dammit why am I even doing this? Levi, just walk the fuck away back to your chair and book!_ I turn my feet in that direction, more than ready to comply with my authoritarian mind, but the boy grabs my wrist to stop me. Normally I would’ve been completely outraged by that, but for some reason, I didn’t mind. Especially because the same shock as before ran through me. He moves his book further on the table and I see the piece of paper. I am completely amazed. He drew a city. A city so detailed that it seems real.

“Surrounded by a wall? Why?”  
“I don’t know.” He answers. “I just felt like it should be that way. That’s how I saw it in my head.”

As I look closer, something seems familiar about this drawing. I try to pick it up but he stops me.

“Hey! I never show my drawings to anyone. Don’t ask too much of me now.”  
“Not even to your girlfriend?” I ask.

I don’t let it show but I am mortified and pretty sure that my soul is currently digging a hole in the corner of my head to try and disappear. _What a fucking moron._ I shake my head and close my eyes, tempted to face-palm myself.

“Girlfriend?” He asks, confused.

I open my eyes, surprised.

“The…black-haired girl?” I say through gritted teeth.  
“EWE! DUDE, she is my sister.”

At this point, I’m almost tempted to laugh. _What is wrong with me?_

“Oh sorry. But you have to admit that you don’t look alike.” I mutter.  
“She’s adopted.”  
“Is that so?”

He nods and grabs his pen. I believe this is a sign that the conversation is over so I walk back to my table. I realize that I didn’t make him pay for the second cup. _Fuck it._

Even though I try really hard, I cannot focus on my book. My eyes keep glancing up at this guy’s back. _The guy… I didn’t even ask for his name._ I shake my head and try to read the page once more. No luck. The shop will be closing soon. I always close at 9 on Mondays. First of all because there isn’t a lot of people, but also because it’s Monday. _Who likes to work on Mondays?_ I catch myself spying on him again when he gets up and shoves his things in his backpack carelessly. I bring my eyes back down to my book until I hear the bells of the door ring. I’m a bit disappointed that he didn’t even say “bye”. _But I guess, nobody does that? I mean…who walks in to Starbucks, orders something, and at the end of the evening says bye to the baristas? Why am I being so stupid. Shut up, brain!_

That night, I go to bed early. Hoping that I could rest more and also secretly hoping that I would dream more.

***

The next morning, as I serve my usual customers and the ones that are rarely dropping by, my eyes are looking for him. I haven’t slept so much. At least not as much as I would’ve wanted to. I couldn’t stop thinking about that feeling, when we touched. It was the weirdest thing. As I think back on my evening and night, I do not realize who the next customer is until he is right in front of me.

“H-Hi!” I stutter.

_Get yourself together you fucking idiot!_

“Hey Levi!”  
“Ugh…? How?”  
“Well.. you’re the owner, aren’t you?” He asks.  
Noticing how lost, or dumb, I am, he adds:  
“The sign?”

I sigh, relieved. Although I wish he’d have a better story to tell. Something like: _I found you on an old band video of yours on youtube and I had to find out where your coffee shop was because your voice is damn right perfect and I was hoping to hear you. Wait, what the fuck?_ I blink, trying to get out of my daydreaming. _My fucking ridiculous and childish daydream._

“Oh!! Yes. I am. Vanilla Latte?” I ask, trying to maintain a straight face.  
“Good memory you have there.”

I nod and hand him the coffee as he gives me the change. Unfortunately we do not touch this time. _Would I have wanted that?_ I don’t even understand my own thoughts anymore.

“Thanks Levi.”  
“No problem hum?”  
“Oh…Eren. Sorry.”

My heart beats faster as I hear the name. It sounds familiar. _Wasn’t this the name of the guy in the dream? But it can’t be possible. I certainly must have met him before if I dreamed of him. But where?_ My gaze follows him to the door. He’s probably going to school. That probably means he’ll come back later. And that he is young. _Wait…Why am I thinking about that?_

“Tch.” I mutter.  
“What?” The next customer asks.  
“Nothing.”

The day goes by very slowly and the usually soothing time I spend with my book is now less than pleasant. I look at the clock every few minutes, waiting for 8pm. That’s when he showed up yesterday. _I’m pathetic._ Eventually, I decide to go prepare the cookies and muffins for the next day. And as I expected, I hear the bell ring. My heart beats faster as I approach the door. I get out and nonchalantly take off my gloves as I pretend that I wasn’t expecting him. _Sadly, it is…not him._

“Yes?” I ask to the blond guy. Who, somehow reminds me of a mushroom.  
“Small mocha with two sugar cubes. Please.”

He pays me and I prepare his order. When I turn around, I almost drop everything because, Eren, the guy, is standing in line behind the blond one. I hand the cup to the customer. As he walks away, Eren turns around and stops him. I listen to their conversation, pretending to be annoyed at waiting for his order. _To be honest, I kind of am._

“Hey! Do I know you?” Eren asks to the short blond boy.  
“I don’t recall meeting you.” The blond answers. “I’m Armin, does that ring a bell?”

Eren frowns again.

“Not really. Sorry that I disturbed you then.”

Armin nods and walks away. Eren turns his attention back to the counter…or me. I wouldn’t know.

“Good evening Levi!”

I nod and smirk.

“I’ll take one of these sandwiches, a muffin and another vanilla latte, please.”

I nod, still unable to say a word, and I prepare his order. I let heavy breaths out of my mouth as he is facing my back. He can’t see how nervous I am. _Why the fuck am I nervous in first place?_

“You know…” He starts but stops talking instantly after.  
I glance at him over my shoulder.  
“Mhm?”  
“Oh nevermind.” He says.

I turn around with his order all ready. Holding it hostage for the boy to say what he was about to say.

“No. You tell me what you were about to say.” I order.

He seems amused for a second and it makes me want to kick him in the face.

“Don’t take this the wrong way…”

 _Well if it starts like that..._ I can already feel a hole in my chest just with these little words. _I assume there’s no way that I won’t take what’s next personally if he says that._

“You should do theme nights and stay open later on Friday and Saturday. Maybe think of selling beers too?”

I certainly wasn’t expecting that. I’m actually relieved.

“And why the hell would I do such a thing?” I ask, suddenly very curious as to why this is even a conversation that I am having.  
“HEY! I told you not to take it personally.”

He hands me a 20 and takes his order back to the same table he took yesterday. I sigh and I can feel my patience running out. _Fucking cry baby who can’t even stay in front of me for a second to let me reply. Was I even that rude?_ I walk up to his table.

“You forgot your change.” I say as I drop it on the table beside his books.

He’s obviously hiding some drawings again.

“I didn’t want my change back.” He says as he shoves it into his pocket.  
“Well that wasn’t very clear, especially since the bowl for tips is beside the register.”  
“Are you being an ass on purpose tonight?” He asks.  
“Are you being so irritable on purpose, shitty Brat?”

He turns to me and stares straight into my eyes, making me inevitably blush as I feel the tension between us reaching a whole new level.

“What did you just say?” He asks, his gaze locked into mine.  
“You’re getting irritated easily, it seems.”  
“No, after that, you idiot!”

The familiar calling makes my skin itch. He’d need to be taught how to talk politely to other people, just maybe not by me, I’m not the best influence.

“Oi! Careful with your words, I’m not a 15 year old.”  
“REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID!” He shouts.

A couple of customers turn around to look at us. I try and force a smile, which probably looks more creepy than anything else but they get back to their business. I turn my attention back to him and try to lock my eyes to his but my gaze keeps gliding back to those lips. So similar, so identical… to the ones of the boy that was wrapping them around me in the dream. I gasp.

“I called you a shitty brat. That's what you are. That’s all. Why is it so important?”

He stares at me and doesn’t say a word. After a while he blinks a couple of times and grabs a piece of paper to start drawing. I don’t even know why I ask, but I do:

“Are you going to show me some more of your works?”  
“Are you going to listen to my suggestions?” He mutters.

I frown and roughly grab the chair beside him to sit, sign that I give up.

“You think some Brat who just barely hit puberty can tell me what would be good for my shop? Why do you even bother?”

He glares at me. A glare that says a lot. _Either you listen or you fuck off._ I smirk, noticing just how much this kid resembles me.

“Fine, I’ll listen, but there’s no way that I will do theme nights.” I say.  
“Will you just hear me out!” He says with a grin.

I roll my eyes and fold my arms and legs.

“I’m all ears, impress me, Brat.”  
“Don’t call me that.” He murmurs.  
“The name suits you very well, so I might just keep it.”  
“Fine Captain shitty attitude, I’ll find one for you too, you just wait.”

I can’t help but smirk.

“Oh and just so you know, I’m not 15, I’m 21.”  
“You’re saying that because you want me to sell you beer. There’s no way you’re 21.”

He shakes his head and grins as he gets his driver’s license out. I grab it and look at it for a moment. Not even at his age, I really believe him but it doesn’t matter. What I’m staring at, is the photo. _There’s not even a smile on his face and I still find him hot. Well apparently I’m going to have to face myself. I like this guy. I like A GUY._ I give it back to him and he puts it back in his wallet.

“Satisfied?” He asks.  
“Very.”

His cheeks are now clouded with a pink glow. _Oh gosh, he’s blushing._ My eyes widen. _So I’m not actually dreaming this, he’s been flirting all along. And apparently, so have I. What’s gone through me? I have no idea but there’s no going back now it seems._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hope you enjoy the fact that this is obviously a reincarnation AU, (I couldn't leave them dead, you crazy? lolll 
> 
> Anyways you can follow me pretty much everywhere. If you want alot of cosplay things, You should try instagram, although I post pretty much everything on tumblr. Same username everywhere
> 
> Hikarimitsuko
> 
> Hopefully you'll read the rest of this. I'm sorry in advance for the feels. And love ;) (No I'm not sorry bout that!)


	2. Triggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not so fond of this chapter... the next one though... ;)

I wake up, lost and panting. _I…oh my god…what the hell was that? Another one of those damn dreams about him. This one was much clearer though. It almost felt real._ I place my palm on my chest, feeling my heartbeat gradually slowing down. Eren, or...the guy, refused to talk, he was completely silent and all he was doing was grinning playfully at me. _Why am I feeling this? Why am I dreaming about this?_ I sigh as I sit and tousle my hair with my hands. “Levi…Levi….L-LEEEVI”. I can still hear his voice as clear as it was in the dream. Screaming my name as pleasure filled his whole body. I shake my head, confused. That’s when I notice the little tent shape that formed in my bed sheets. _Nope._

"NO. No. No." I shout at myself as if it would change anything.

I definitely need a cold shower. I walk to the bathroom and glance down… 

"Still there?" I mutter. 

_God dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me? He’s 21! I have to stop this right now. That’s enough._ I shake my head once more, wondering if I’m actually talking to myself or to my oh so happy friend down there… I get in the shower and let myself shiver for a few minutes, which succeeds in calming every inch of my body, if you know what I mean. I grab the towel and walk back to my room. I jump in bed right away and almost instantly fall back to sleep. It’s been a week that I wake up every night like this. I’m getting used to it. 

*** 

I smirk as I see him approach the counter. The black-haired girl glares at me. 

"Morning Levi!" Eren says with a huge smile that instantly reminds me of the cold shower that I might need if he does that again.  
"Morning. Vanilla latte?" I ask.  
"Yes! And Mikasa, my sister, will have the tea." He says with a wink.

 _Seriously Eren?_

"You have to say which tea, dumbass." She says to Eren.  
"Oi! It’s alright." I say. "Black earl grey, I remember." 

She turns to me and nods as I clench my fists in anger. _Why do I feel so protective of him. It’s his sister…it’s just normal childish behavior._  
I prepare their orders and let them leave, as they usually do. Eren waves at me from outside. As much as I try focusing on the next customer, I can’t help but let the corner of my mouth quirk up. _Damn that Brat._

When the rush is over, I sit at my table with the notebook that I have been carrying around for the past two days. I would never admit this to him, but that idea that Eren had could definitely bring in some more money, which I would definitely love to have. I have been writing random thoughts and ideas on how to make the tea shop more popular but nothing ever gets better than what Eren suggested in first place. So I’m writing a plan. When, how, who and how much. That’s what I need. Every possible scenario I come up with is inspired by the ones he suggested the other night. Since then, he kept coming here every morning and night, which makes me wonder how much he actually spent here. I let my pen fall on the table. _Oh my god, the little shit must have spent so much money here for all this food and coffee. He doesn’t look like he has a job with all the free time he has. Am I actually sucking dry his college money? I’ll have to talk to him about this._ My heart sinks, thinking he might stop coming here if I do. _Perhaps I could make some sort of fidelity card system, that would help him…and others. But let’s be real, I don’t give a shit about the “others”._ I grab the pen and write the idea under some other scribbles. 

Later that night, I hear the bell ring. I grin as I put the dough back in the freezer. I take a deep breath and walk out to the counter. He doesn’t even say Hi, he just grins at me. I bite my lip from the inside, trying to keep my serious face on. Unfortunately that doesn’t work at all. I shyly bring my head down as I pretend to remove a crumb from the counter. When I glance back up he’s still staring at me and he is still grinning. 

"Will you just fucking stop?" I order. 

He laughs, pretending to be offended but knowing exactly what I mean by that. 

"Vanilla…" 

I don’t let him finish. 

"Wait, before you order, I want to talk to you about something. Go sit, I’ll meet you there after I serve the people behind you." 

Surprised, he nods and walks over there without a question, always grinning. I glance at him while I prepare the other orders. As if he’d just walk away and leave me. _Leave me. “Don’t leave me”._ I shake my head, pushing away those fucking flashes again. When I’m done with the last customer in line, I prepare two Vanilla lattes and bring one of my muffins. I take off my apron and walk to his table. He looks at me as I put the food down and sit laid back on the chair in front of him. 

"Fidelity card." I announce.  
"Excuse me?" He asks as he searches his pockets for money.  
"No Eren, it’s on me tonight." 

His eyes jolt up to me and his cheeks are flushed. 

"On…you?" He asks, his jaw slightly hanging.  
"The muffin and coffee, you don’t have to pay them." I reply innocently.

Because yes, I know exactly what he thought that he understood and I force myself to think of those cold showers that I have to take. 

"OH! OH! OKAY!" He laughs and tries to hide his face behind his hair. 

_Such an idiot._ I’m tempted to play with this a little more before letting it die. 

"What did you think I meant?" I ask, smirking.  
"N-Nothing." He stutters. "I just…I’m just lost, it was a long day." 

I let the silence make him a bit more uncomfortable before switching subject. 

"Tch. Alright, what do you think of my idea?"  
"What idea?" 

I sigh. 

"The fidelity card. Pay attention."  
"Well you could always elaborate more, Levi."

I sigh again and roll my eyes. 

"Just like any other places, I could offer a fidelity card that gives discounts. Or perhaps a student special. Something like that. What do you think?  
"Damn, that’s an awesome idea Levi! A lot of students come here." He says with a smile.

Shortly after, he narrows his eyebrows and drops his pen on the sketchbook.

"Wait. Are you…doing this because of me?" He asks. 

I remain silent and look away. 

"Levi?" He asks.  
"Wow, you're full of yourself shitty Brat. Don’t give yourself too much importance!"

I look back at him and he’s staring right into my eyes. I feel like my usually secure shell is of no use in front of him. He sees right through me. He grins.

"You ARE doing this for me aren’t you? But why?"

I fold my arms and cross my legs, trying to make him look away from my face.

"Because you spend all of your money here. You’re here every morning and every evening."

He shakes his head and smiles. 

"Levi, if I come here, it’s because I want to come here. It’s because I like… your shop and your coffee. I like your food…I like how calm it is."  
"Yet you want me to make theme nights to make it more popular and noisy?" I snort.  
"Well yes because I’m not blind, I know about Starbucks and I see that you are the only employee here and you spend your whole days working. All I’m saying is that now that I found this place, I would be really sad if it ended up closing."

I clench my fists. _So is this all it is? Pity? He cares about the shop, that’s all. He wants his little drawing oasis and that’s all. What the hell was I thinking? A guy? Even worst, a younger guy? Interested in me? Come on Levi, how stupid can you be?_

"Tch. I don’t need no pity from you."

He bites his lip and my stomach turns. My whole mood shifts back to lust. It’s like I just had an electroshock. I close my eyes and think of the cold shower. _No. No. NO. Levi, breathe in, breathe out. Don’t…don’t think of his tongue wetting his bottom lip before biting into it. Don’t think of his bright green eyes as he stares right into your soul. Don’t think of that dream where he was screaming your name on and on. Don’t…don’t. FUCK!_ I cross my legs even tighter and take the bottom of my shirt out of my pants. 

"I had a feeling you’d say something like that." He says. "Same as I don’t need your pity about me spending all my money here. If I spend it here, it’s because I want to. You won’t keep me from buying coffee."  
"I never planned on doing that. It’s just…"  
"Yeah?"  
"Just…I see you as a…little brother. I care about you for some reason. You should be having fun with your friends or something instead of trying to help my shop staying afloat by buying way overpriced coffees and meals."

He brings his head down and stares back at whatever he was drawing before.

"A brother?" He whispers. 

_Shit. Why did I say that? Maybe I'm wrong, but he looks pained and I don't know what to do._ I quickly start to try and explain myself. 

"What I meant was that I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice other important things like going out with friends or whatever else because you want me to make enough money. I still have plenty of customers. It won’t matter if you spend your money here or not. For all I know you could always go to Starbucks, and that wouldn’t change a thing for me."

I instantly see, in his eyes, that I just hurt him even more. _What the fuck? Why am I so shitty with words?_

"Oh…" He mutters. "And here I was, thinking that it was better to keep coming here because the food and coffee tasted amazing and I could draw alone without being disturbed except by the very hot own… by the mysterious owner of the shop. Thanks for putting me back on track."

He gets up and hides his face from me. It takes a couple of seconds for me to realize what he just said. _Did he just say I was hot? Wait, that’s not the point._ I get up and grab his wrist, stopping him from shoving stuff into his backpack. 

"I only…I only meant that I don’t want you to feel forced to come here only because you want my shop to be okay. It will be fine no matter what. If you do want to come here though, that’s great. I’m always…happy…to hear your ideas and see your work."

I place my hand over his and make him let go of the bag. Which he does. With the other one, I press his shoulders down to force him to sit. He is still looking away, hiding his face with his hair. 

"I’m sorry. I overreacted." He says. "I tend to do that."

I nod. 

"And I can't deal with emotions. It’s okay, it happens. We're both idiots. Now calm down and relax."

I look at him for a while and an uncomfortable silence settles between us but one thing is for sure, I am deeply relieved that he is still here.

"Listen, Eren, you’re a good kid. You don’t even know me and here you are trying to be the heroic guy who’s going to be able to save my shop from closing. First of all, it is not happening anytime soon. Second of all, your suggestions were…great… -Shut up, I can see you’re fucking smirk!-... and I plan on using them. And third, I don’t even know why we seem to get along, I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but somehow, we always end up sitting here talking about various stuff. As you may have noticed, I’m not the most sociable human being and I am really shitty with emotions and communication so the fact that you are talking to me so openly, means a lot. Usually people don’t even attempt approaching me. I’ve been alone for a while and I got used to it but it’s great to have someone who doesn’t seem scared of me for once. So if what I said earlier offended you, I am sorry. And believe me, I never say that so you better feel fucking privileged, shitty brat. Now erase that smirk from your dumb face before I throw you a chair or something."

"Why so violent? Were you a psychopath in your previous life?"  
"Oh so now you’re making fun of me? Tch."

He shakes his head and his laugh echoes in my ears. It gives me the same feeling as when you listen to an old song but can’t quite remember if you heard it before or if it reminds you of something else and it is actually a totally new one.

"Can I show you something?" He asks, cutting my thoughts short.  
"Sure." I reply, curious.

He takes a notebook out of his bag. I can already tell that it’s his notes from one of his classes because its filled with math graphics and algebra. He flips the pages and eventually stops before turning the notebook towards me. My eyes widen. It’s a guy who is almost…flying? As I look closely, I realize that he has the same undercut that I have and he actually looks a bit like me. He’s wearing a button up shirt, white pants and some sort of belts all around his body. I think he drew blood stains on him too. He seems to be holding a sword or something that looks like it. I feel kind of lost. _What am I supposed to see beside the fact that it’s really good drawing and the obvious representation of myself in it? Myself covered in blood, that is._

"What’s that?" I ask.  
"It’s a drawing I made, when I was 16. That’s when I started to draw a lot."

I almost choke. 

"You…mean that you drew this before meeting me?"

He nods as I stare blankly at him. Suddenly, I forget how my mouth works.

"What a coincidence, right?" He says nervously. 

I nod. _Should I…tell him that I’ve been dreaming of a guy that looks just like him? Probably not. If someone said that to me, that would freak me out. Well, that would freak anybody out._

"Indeed, what a coincidence. I…have no words." I say after a while.  
"I have others like that…" He murmurs as he pulls out an obvious representation of Mikasa, his sister. 

It’s his sister, dressed in the same outfit as the other guy. Perhaps it’s just a weird thing for military stuff he has.

"And…" he says as he pulls out another one. "This guy. Remember him from last week?"  
"It’s that Armin guy!" I say.  
"Yes?" Someone says.

Eren and I both turn around to the door. Armin is standing right there, about to go order his coffee when he notices me sitting with Eren.

"You…know my name?" Armin asks as he approaches.  
"I…overheard the other day." I mutter.  
"You guys were talking about me?" He asks with an uneasy expression.

Eren nods as he hides his drawings and places them back in his bag.

"Eren was just mentioning that he thought you looked familiar the other day and that it was weird. As if you had met before." I say.

Eren’s eyes turn to me and he frowns. “As if you had met before”. This triggered something in me too. I feel like I know both of them. Mostly Eren. _I feel… I… UGH!_ Everytime I get a hint of something it disappears. I sigh. 

"Can I join you?" Armin asks to both of us.  
"Sure, take my spot." I offer. "I have to go prepare my things for tomorrow morning. We’ll talk later Eren. Nice meeting you Armin."

Armin nods.

"Need any help?" Eren asks with a smirk.

I turn to glare at him and he answers by biting his bottom lip. I turn around and quickly walk to the counter, grabbing a towel and placing it in front of me as I rush into the kitchen to hide my obvious boner. _God dammit BRAT!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Next chapter will be posted tomorrow. So far there are 5 chapters written. The 6th one will be written tomorrow also (since i post on mondays). So what I mean to say is that there will be 4 chapters that will be posted this week (after this one). After that, the fic will be up to date. In the next one, you’ll get to see other SNK characters crossing paths with them and Levi will do something he doesn’t usually do. It’ll be awkward and you’ll see a whole new side of Levi. (Not too OOC, don’t worry).


	3. Black Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren brings Levi somewhere and a huge misunderstanding happens.

I close the door behind me and make sure it’s locked by pulling a little on it. I turn around to start walking back home but I jump when I see a hooded face propping right in front of me. He lifts his head and I realize right before hitting him, that it’s Eren.

“It’s you, little bastard! Don’t scare me like that!”

He laughs, not realizing that his little stunt brought me back to my younger days where I wasn’t exactly hanging out with nice people.

“Scare you? I didn’t think you were the type to get so easily scared, I’ll remember that.” He says.  
“Tch. What do you want?” I ask a bit too abruptly, my heart still pounding in my chest.  
“Get off your high horse, Heichou. I’m taking you somewhere.”

A numbing buzz echoes in my head and all of a sudden I feel dizzy. I take a step back before tripping and almost falling on my back. Eren, who now holds my waist, isn’t smiling anymore.

“Are you okay? Maybe this isn’t a good idea after all. Where’s your house, I’ll carry you there.”

My eyes widen and I blink a couple of times before standing up straight and unwrapping his arm from my waist. Now though, I realize that I do not want to go home _I want to go wherever he wants to take me. Plus I’m curious to know where that is. Unless, he’d go home with me._ I blush at the thought. _I can’t deal with this. I’m not ready. I’m not even sure how I feel._ This numbing buzz and dizziness does worry me a little though. It never happened to me. It’s like what he said triggered it.

“Tch. You ain’t carrying the old man that I am. I can walk just fine. Besides, what that’s shitty nickname you got there?”

He grins.

“Heichou? Oh, I don’t know. I just thought about it in class today. I told you I’d find one for you too since you insist on calling me Brat. You may now thank me for choosing something a bit more flattering for you.”  
“How is “Captain” flattering?” I say as I feel the little buzz in my head again.  
“Well, isn’t it like I’m calling you “boss” or something? You seem like someone who likes to be in control, am I wrong?”

I blush and nod as I start walking on the opposite direction of where my house is.

“Hey! Where are you going?” He asks.  
“I don’t know, you tell me.” I mutter.

 

***

 

He leads the way to a place that I have never seen before. Or perhaps I never paid attention to it. It’s only a couple of streets away from my tea shop.

“You know, I thought about some themes for your theme nights. How about movie night? Music night? Reading night? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure music night would be a good one to start with. Perhaps rent a little stage, guitar and mic and let people climb up there? A piano would be great but it takes a lot of space…mmm and maybe a sax…”  
“Brat. I haven’t even checked for that yet, let me think about it. Don’t get too excited.”

He grins.

“Okay, okay.”

As we approach, I see there’s a long line of people waiting outside and I automatically assume that this is a club or a bar of some sort.

“Eren. Stop. I’m not going in there. First, I do not dance. Second, I am older than everyone in this line. Forget it.”

I turn around and attempt to wave at him and instead he uses the occasion to grab my wrist and pulls me forward with him.

“Trust me.” He pleads with guilty eyes.

_Shit._

“Fine, but I’m not dancing you little shit.”  
“We’ll see about that.” He whispers, probably thinking that I can’t hear him.

I can’t help but grin. _Oh hell I don’t want to do this._ But the fact that he insists so much on spending the evening with me makes me feel all sorts of things. He walks straight to the door. I assume that the bouncer will shove him aside but instead, the tall blond guy gives him one of those secret handshakes that take forever to end. I roll my eyes.

“Reiner! It’s been a while. Where’s Bert?”  
“Where else? With Annie, as usual. And where’s your girlfriend, Jaeger?”

Eren laughs and pats Reiner’s back before pulling me inside with him. My chest hurts. I feel like it’s tightening, like I’m suffocating. I halt between the two doors, forcing Eren to take a step back. I stand there like an idiot as he walks back to me. I look up to him and gaze into his eyes, silently daring him to turn his head away but he doesn’t.

“Oi, Brat, I think I should go home.” I say. “Your girlfriend must be waiting for you, you should go back to her. Plus I’m still not feeling all that great.”

He frowns and then understands what I mean. The corner of his mouth quirks up as he takes a step forward, his head right above mine. I’m pretty sure that I could kiss his chest if I brought my chin down. The thought makes me blush and I automatically remind myself of the cold showers. Many many many cold showers. He brings his head down. My heartbeat plummets out of my chest. I’m fairly sure that without the loud music, you could hear it VERY well. His cheek brushes against mine as he moves his head closer to my left ear.

“I don’t have…a girlfriend.” He whispers.

Without another word he grabs my wrist and turns around, pulling me inside the bar. There are so many questions in my head. I wish I could ask him all of them, but that would be a giveaway on how I feel. _Because I don’t think I just casually “like” the kid. I have a feeling I’m going to get hurt and the shell that I am used to is shattering. What am I going to be left with, if it does? If he doesn’t have a girlfriend, then what did the bouncer mean by that? Why did he feel the need to torture me as he told me this? Perhaps he knows… Am I that obvious? I mean, I did succeed on hiding my boner. And I rarely get to a point where I blush. I don’t know anymore._

“Levi!” Eren snaps his fingers at me.  
“Ugh?”

He smiles and turns towards the table, gesturing to people.

“Hey guys! Here’s Levi, one of my friends.”

He looks at me and raises an eyebrow, questioning whether I’m okay with that title or not. I nod even though, in my mind, he is way more than a friend for me. _A very very young friend too. Ugh… why am I so old?_ I feel ridiculous being here with them.

“Levi, here’s Mikasa and Armin, who you already know.”

She turns her head towards Armin, who nods at me. Eren continues.

“And there is Historia, Ymir, Sasha and Connie.”

I wave awkwardly at them, noticing how Historia’s eyes are literally attached to Eren’s mouth. A burst of jealousy fills me and I’m not the only one.

“Jaeger, why don’t you guys go dancing for a while?” Ymir suggests.

As much as I want to kill her for saying that, I admire her trying to disguise the fact that she is doing that only to get Eren away from the blond girl.

“Good idea, Ymir!” Eren shouts over the loud music.

He turns to me with the same pleading eyes as earlier. I shake my head.

“Eren, no.” I warn him.

He brings his shoulders down and widens his eyes even more, making them almost teary. _You fucking little shit._ I roll my eyes and sigh.

“Fine. You make a fool of yourself and I’ll just stand there in front of you and watch.”

He stands tall and grins, knowing that he won. He just doesn’t know how much he won. He doesn’t know he won my will to fight my feelings. He won my heart and that’s a prize that I never truly gave to someone before. I let him push me into the crowd as he slowly makes his way in front of me.

Bodies bump against mine and I keep my arms folded, completely annoyed by their touch, the sweat, the proximity. I stand there though, because all I care about is the waist of the guy in front of me, moving to a beat that I can barely even hear because my eardrums are on the verge of exploding for many reasons, including the tiny flashes of him screaming my name that I get in my head. I blink a couple of times to try and focus on the actual Eren. The DJ slowly brings another beat in and Eren’s face light up as he realizes what the song is. “Walk the moon – Shut up and dance”. I heard it many times lately and I have to admit that the DJ made a pretty good job at modifying this song for the dancefloor.

**Don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me**

Eren grabs my arms and unfolds them to grab my hands. _Thank god for the darkness in here because my whole face must be crimson red._ He moves my arms up and down as I nonchalantly stand there doing nothing. I shake my head. _I won’t dance you fucking idiot._

**Shut up and dance with me**

He mouths the lyrics. Then, he grins and glares at me playfully, just like in the dream. I close my eyes. _Cold showers, cold showers, cold showers._ When I open them, I gasp. He’s one inch away from me. He brings his head down to my ear again.

“If you don’t dance, I’ll make you.” He shouts as he puts his hands on my hips and brings me closer to him.

**The chemical, physical, kryptonite…**

As much as I want to be angry, the only thing I can focus on is the blood that is rushing down. _Those cold showers are useless now._ I push Eren away from me and grab his hands.

**We were born to get together**

I slowly move my weight from the left leg to the right one. _That’s the best he’ll get from me._ He smiles and starts jumping as the DJ begs for us to do so. Eren continues dancing and when the DJ asks again, he raises my hand and makes me jump with him.

**Shut up and dance with me**

As much as I’d like to hate this too… I can’t help but grin from ear to ear as I shake my head from one side to the other and let my hair whip my cheeks probably wiping the sweat that is slowly creeping its way out of me from everywhere. But I don’t care, it’s been a while since I smiled and I can’t help but let a laugh out. When people stop jumping, Eren notices that I’m smiling. He bends down to my ear again.

“So, am I a worthy enough friend to hang out with you, Heichou? Come on, admit that you’re having fun.”

**I felt it in my chest as he looked at me**

I simply nod, letting my smile do the rest. A numbing feeling fills my whole body. _Euphoria, I think that’s what they call it._ I smile and shake my head at how perfect this moment is. _I’m old, he’s young. Who fucking cares? One day, he’ll be mine._ We keep on dancing and Eren occasionally brushes his arm against mine. I grin at him and he grins back. I wouldn’t know if he does all of this on purpose, but I couldn’t care less. Just this is more than I ever hoped for. _Hell, I was fine with how my life was. I didn’t even need anybody but it’s like my soul is hooked on this guy. A guy! A FUCKING GUY! But it’s him, it’s only him. He’s special, he means something._ I gaze at him, detailing his movements as I awkwardly follow the beat to the best of my capacities.

After a while, I notice that Mikasa and Armin left and only Historia and Ymir are at the table. I glance at them and see Ymir shaking her head as she gets up and leaves. Historia’s eyes are pinned on Eren and I clench my fists. I place myself in front of him. Then, I remember our height difference and realize that it is, indeed, useless for me to do so. Eren’s gaze meets mine and I can’t take this anymore. Without thinking, I prop myself up on my toes and press my lips against his. I keep a tiny crease open between my eyelids to see his reaction. At first his eyes widen and he almost takes a step back but then he presses his lips on mine even more, closes his eyes and holds my waist with his strong arms. I feel like a black hole opened in the middle of my chest. Sucking every breath I take and mixing everything I ever felt into one gigantic pond of “what the hell is happening?”. I don’t know what I thought or why I did that. To make her jealous? Or…because deep down I really wanted to. He lifts me up and places my feet on his without interrupting the kiss. He slowly walks backwards until his back hits the wall. I couldn’t say how much time passes before I pull away to catch my breath. All I know is that my lips are numb. I’m about to give him one of the rare smiles I can manage to pull off. But I notice that Eren’s face is completely emotionless. Suddenly the whole thing feels awkward. I take a step back to see what he’s going to do but he stays there, his fingers slowly tracing a path on his bottom lip, turning his head away from me. I follow his gaze to Historia who is walking quickly towards the door.

That’s when I feel the little needles that seem to be poking my eyes. All traces of a smile have disappeared from my face and my heart feels heavier than a rock. I wait a moment to see if he will stop me from walking away but he doesn’t. Actually, he doesn’t move at all. _What have I done?_ I turn around and start walking away. Not glancing back. As soon as I am outside I start jogging and then running, hoping I don’t get lost. As I run, a series of thoughts runs in my head. _It’s over, he won’t come to the shop anymore. I should’ve stayed with him, I should’ve let him explain himself. I should’ve asked for an explanation. No, I had to leave, he obviously wanted me to and didn’t know how to tell me. But then why did the kiss last so long? Why did he hold me._ I gasp and almost trip. I stop and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. I roughly wipe a tear from my eyes. _NO! You won’t cry. Not for this. Not for him. You barely knew him, get yourself together. Shit, that Historia chick saw us, she’ll tell everyone. Oh come on, everyone? You have no friends Levi, you’re pathetic. You’re alone and besides your nosy neighbor Hanji and your customers, nobody ever talks to you. It was perfect, you had freedom, now you are hurt and all of it is ruined. All of this for one person, for a guy. A guy who doesn’t give a shit about you._ I climb the set of stairs and slam the door behind me as I enter the house. I leave a trail of clothes from the entrance to the shower. I sit on the floor, letting the tears fall and occasionally punching the floor tiles to try and stop them from coming. _Why did you do that?_

I must have drifted into my thoughts because eventually I find myself shivering. I blink a couple of times before realizing that the water that falls on my head and trails down my flat tousled hair is icy cold. My fingers are blue and little droplets of blood appeared on my fists. Probably from hitting the floor too hard. I shake my head and get back up. I slip my pants on and crawl into my bed.

I see the sunrise and I still haven’t closed my eyes yet. I sigh and get up, tempted to leave the shop closed this morning but I can’t afford to lose customers. I put a t-shirt on and walk to the kitchen. I prepare some tea and sit down in front of the dark TV screen. Then, I get up and sit in front of my laptop. I open my facebook page and as usual, no notifications appear. Which is obvious considering I have like 4 friends, including my nosy neighbor who keeps sending me shitty game invites and my asshole of an uncle who lives at the other end of the globe. “What on your mind?” … _broken_ is the only word I find to describe what’s on my mind. And so, for some reason I type it and press enter. I shut the laptop down and move back to the couch.

45 minutes later I’m sitting at the shop with a new book. A very gore one this time. _I feel like I need some sort of violence to give my mind some other things to think about._ The shop is unusually calm this morning. _Ah it’s Friday, that’s why._ People tend to take day offs on Friday. The weekends are always a bit slower early in the morning.

“Hum, hum. Someone coughs at the counter.”

I get up, barely looking at the customer.

“I’m sorry I was really absorbed.” I say as I serve the tall blond guy.  
“It’s okay. I loved that book. I like that author.”

“Mhm.”  
“I’m Erwin by the way.”

I sigh, exhasperated.

“Nice meeting you Erwin, what can I do for you?”

He smiles. A smile that makes his gigantic eyebrows move. I stare at them, unable to look away. _Oh my god dude._

“I’ll have a tall black coffee with one sugar cube.”  
“Anything else?”  
“Yes, would you mind if I join you?” He says as he pulls out the sequel of the book that I am reading.  
“Sure. Have a seat.”

I decide on being polite instead of being an ass. In my head though, I’m yelling that I need to be alone. I prepare his order and we both sit at my table. I think it’s the first time that a customer sits there with me.

“So…you don’t remember me, do you?”

I frown, putting down my book. _This, again?_

“No. Should I?”  
“We met in September. I’m Hanji’s new roommate. We’re neighbors.”  
“OH!” I say, relieved. “How come I never see you?”  
“I travel a lot for work.”  
“Lucky bastard.”

He raises his eyebrows and starts laughing. I laugh too, because if you’d have seen those eyebrows, you couldn’t contain yourself.

The bells rings and I Instantly stop laughing. The door closes. It’s Eren. He walks straight up to the counter. I walk up to the register without looking at him. I am nervous and I shouldn’t be. _He’s the one who hurt you, dummy._

“Good morning Levi.”  
“Mhm.”  
“A vanilla latte, please.” He brings his head down and I can see he’s blushing.

Anger fills me. _Why are you blushing? Stop toying with me. I’m done._ I turn around and prepare his order. Once it’s done, he pays and I don’t let him initiate any other conversation subjects. I go back to sit with Erwin. He starts talking to me about being a travelling doctor and helping people in other countries and giving classes and…basically shit that I don’t care about. But today, I make a point of looking very interested in whatever he says. Because, Eren, who is drawing at the same table as usual, keeps glancing up at us and I want him to suffer for what he did to me. He was thinking of her while we kissed. Not of me. He didn’t say a word. He doesn’t realize how hard it is for me to express what I feel. How hard it is to let myself go, to let myself feel. He left me there, me, Levi, begging for his attention and then once he granted it, he took it back. Or perhaps he was just too shy to say anything or didn’t want to and just went with the flow as I basically forced him to kiss me. I didn’t let him explain himself, but I didn’t need to. I understood when his gaze went back to her. He humiliated me and nothing he could say could excuse the fact that he obviously regretted it as soon as it was over. He shouldn’t have teased me all evening and even returned the kiss if he didn’t want it to happen. I humiliated myself by standing taller to kiss him in first place. I shouldn’t have done that. And I’m even angrier, because as much as I want to hate this kiss and regret it, I can’t, which is shredding my heart in pieces. It’s too late now, I love him. _I LOVE HIM._ I glance at him and our gazes meet.

_I hate your guts you little shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): DO NOT PANIC! Lol… I promise you will love the next chapter. And when I say love, I mean you’ll LOVE it. K? ^_^ Hope this wasn’t too OOC for Levi, I really tried hard to keep his fa?ade as untouchable as usual. Levi is a good guy, I’m sure that inside, he is always fighting his emotions and doesn’t know how to deal, whether to act or not, say something or not. He prefers staying silent and analyzing things to be able to act accordingly. It is way easier for him to look like he doesn’t care. But you can see that inside, he has many contradicting emotions. He cannot deal with all of it especially at the same time. Feel free to leave comments, I love em ^_^.


	4. Stalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the mind can't say, the heart can sing.
> 
> (Yes I always say that because I sing all the time and music is part of every mood of my entire life. Now I don't know if this quote already exists, if not well it's mine so don't go put it in your fic and say it's yours. This seems to happen a lot around here.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Super long chapter, please don’t kill me lol! I suggest you listen to these two songs before or after reading this chapter. (Before being better)...
> 
> Jonathan Clay ft.Scott Thomas - Heart on fire  
> Goo goo dolls – Iris
> 
> I LOVED writing this one. Enjoy and please comment ^_^

“LEVI! Stop!” Eren shouts from behind me as I make my way home from another exhausting day.  
“You must have better things to do than to follow me. Go back to your girlfriend.” I mutter as I keep walking.  
“SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” He yells before grabbing my arm and turning me around. Most probably leaving a bruise there.

I frown and bring my head about an inch from his as I shove his hand away. 

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” I glare at him.

He takes a step back, raises his hands and grins obnoxiously.

“FINE, keep pretending that you want to ignore me!”

He turns around and walks away.

***

You’d think that he would’ve walked away from my life forever. But little did I know. He still came back for coffee every day the following week, which, somehow, made it easier for me because I couldn’t have lived not seeing him ever again. Hell I would’ve probably done anything to find out where he lives and stalk his ass, even if it meant only seeing him from afar.  
And when my first theme night finally arrived, the next Friday. He was there with Mikasa and Armin. Unfortunately, Historia, Ymir and the rest of their little group were there too. Thankfully, the shop was so packed that I didn’t have time to think about it. I did order my alcohol permit but sadly, I wouldn’t get it before Halloween. The event papers I’ve been plastering all over main have paid off. I don’t think there’s even a seat left. One guy is picking at the guitar at the moment and all I’m thinking about is when this is going to stop. He is not a musician. _Someone needs to tell that guy he needs to stay away from performing arts. Forever._  
My ears buzz when the sound is finally cut off. Half of the night has passed and I already made more money than in the past two weeks all together. Also some singers weren’t too bad. As I fill up the muffin stand, I hear someone else take place on the stage. I glance at it one time. Then twice. Then a third time. _Eren?_

 _Is he actually picking up that guitar? Oh gosh, yes, he is._ I never thought he meant that he could play when he gave me that idea. I’m so glad that I didn’t turn it down. Of course I don’t plan on admitting that to him. We are still not talking and I don’t plan on changing that. Yes, it did take some convincing for me to agree on those theme nights, but I guess he was right and now I’m more than curious to see this hidden talent of his. _Hidden… Why do I even say this, I barely know him, maybe he’s been singing his whole life._ This just shows how little I know about him. I sigh.  
As he starts picking at the strings, the melody seems familiar. I’ve never heard the full song before, I think, but it rings a bell. As he glides through the notes. I’m surprised to hear a melody coming out of his mouth too. Soon enough, he’s singing. My heart skips a beat as I hear how incredibly pretty his singing voice is.

**“I’m falling in, I’m falling down  
I wanna begin, but I don’t know how…”**

Suddenly, my thoughts race to plenty of different directions, making me completely forget how angry I am at him. We definitely need to make up for what happened. Should I hire him to sing every once in a while? I want him close to me. The scary thought of never seeing him again crosses my mind once more. _No. I can’t let that happen._ And then, in a split second… a pain fills my chest as these words come out of his mouth and he is staring at her, Historia, with a smile.

**“To let you know how I’m feeling,**  
**I’m high on hope, I’m reeling…”**

_Why am I so fucking jealous? He said he had no girlfriend. Still…it’s possible that he lied to me, but he made it clear he didn’t want me. Gahhh…Why do I keep having these dreams and why is he even in them? Why…Why do I feel like this? Why did he have to walk into my life in first place? I don’t want to think about him anymore._ A burst of anger fills me and I’m pretty sure I would’ve flipped a table if I didn’t decide to glance at him once more. He’s looking straight into my eyes as he sings the words.

**“I won’t let you go, now you know,**  
**I’ve been crazy for you all this time.**  
**I kept it close, always hoping,**  
**with a heart on fire, a heart on fire…”**

As the first chorus ends, he keeps singing and all I hear are bits and pieces of the song as he seems to lock my gaze with his and my heartbeat echoes into my ears.

**“…When I’m with you, I’m grinning…”**  
**“…Heart on fire…”**  
**“…You woke me up…”**

All I can do is stare back at him as I feel my face becoming completely flushed red. _What the hell is happening?_ My heart pounds against my chest and I know I have to make a decision. I can’t think straight and the first thing that comes to my mind as I look at him getting off the little stage under a round of applause, is to get up there myself. I hesitate for a while, reminding myself how I felt at this shitty bar when he didn’t run after me. I shake my head, thinking back on the present. _He sang those words to me. They were definitely for me. If…he is playing me again though, he better run fast._

I climb up on the stage, cutting off some stranger that was about to go there. As soon as I’m beside the guitar, I notice that Eren looks at me quizzically as he sits back at the table beside Mikasa. The euphoria that fills my vein is too grand to let me be so easily annoyed by her and Historia so I keep staring at him. It is, weird, because I already know what I’m going to do. _I’m going to sing too, and I’m going to stare too, you little shit._ The song comes to me naturally, even if the only place I ever sing is in the shower and even that, is pretty rare. It’s one I always liked and it’s not too revealing feeling-wise. _Feelings…_ People are getting impatient and so I clear my mind and throat. I close my eyes and grab the microphone. I start singing, shy at first and then with more confidence.

**“And I'd give up forever to touch you**  
**'cause I know that you feel me somehow.**  
**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be**  
**and I don't wanna go home right now”**

I open my eyes and our gazes meet as the words come out of my mouth.

**“And all I can taste is this moment,**  
**and all I can breathe is your life.**  
**When sooner or later it's over,**  
**I just don't want to miss you tonight.”**

I can see very well that the tips of his ears are red and his mouth slightly opens as he figures out the words that I’m singing. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I misunderstood and he was, indeed singing this to her. Or perhaps singing it to the few people that are here. I’m dizzy, but I keep going and I keep looking into his eyes. _Boy, you’re going to listen whether you want to or not. You made me do this with your lovey dovey shit. Actually no, you didn’t. Why am I even standing here? SINGING!_ I keep going, not wanting to look like a moron even though inside that’s all I feel like. _Actually, I feel naked. That’s how I feel._

**“And I don't want the world to see me,**  
**'cause I don't think that they'd understand.**  
**When everything's made to be broken,**  
**I just want you to know who I am.”**

He narrows his eyebrows, trying to figure out if I’m actually sending him a message through these lyrics. _Am I? Actually I’m pretty sure that I am. There’s a reason why I picked this song. It does, indeed, describe how I am. I overreact, I can’t express myself, I can’t say that I am sorry, I can’t say that I regret some things I’ve done and most of all, I want someone to love me that way. I can’t believe I never actually admitted this to myself or anyone._ My eyes get teary and I force myself to keep them inside and to keep my breathing in check. There was a time where I would’ve kicked my own ass for even remotely thinking about shedding a tear. _Levi Ackerman doesn’t cry. Well…not in public anyways._

**“And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,**  
**or the moment of truth in your lies.**  
**When everything feels like the movies,**  
**yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive.”**

He glances at Mikasa, who seems just extremely annoyed and bored. He rolls his eyes at her and then looks back to me as he gets up. I keep singing as he makes his way closer to me. My gaze follows him and my heartbeat accelerates and I’m trying not to show how much more nervous I am now. _What is he doing?_

**“And I don't want the world to see me,**  
**'cause I don't think that they'd understand.**  
**When everything's made to be broken,**  
**I just want you to know who I am.”**

He gets on the stage and his elbow brushes against mine as he turns around to sit with the guitar. He taps his foot and after a while starts playing. I grab the other chair and sit down beside him, bringing the mic with me as I do. I never take my eyes off of him and my heart is beating faster by the minute. _What the hell?_ When his fingers are ready to play the next few notes lefts, he turns his head to me as he decides that this is now a duet.

**“And I don't want the world to see me,**  
**'cause I don't think that they'd understand.**  
**When everything's made to be broken,**  
**I just want you to know who I am.”**

I keep singing but I’m completely numb. My head, my heart, my soul. I feel like I’m falling into an abyss of feelings. _God knows I suck at this._

**“And I don't want the world to see me,**  
**'cause I don't think that they'd understand.**  
**When everything's made to be broken,  
**I just want you to know who I am.”****

He places his palm on the strings of the guitar to make the sound stop as we finish those last lines together, gazes lock to each other. Because it seems that what the mind can't say, the heart can sing: 

**“I just want you to know who I am**  
**I just want you to know who I am**  
**I just want you to know who I am”**

He gets up and I quickly fall out of my daze to follow him when I realize that people are applauding. Except for Mikasa and Historia, obviously. I keep glancing at Eren but he just won’t look at me. I can’t help but feel a bit offended by that. _You do this and then walk away as if nothing happened._ This looks awfully familiar to the other day at the club. After a while I decide it might be better if I go back behind my counter to finish cleaning for the next day. This was very awkward and I really don’t want to have to deal with his stupid friends right now. _Or with another rejection._  
I get back to my duties and it takes a long time. I find myself intentionally peeking above the glass stand to see what he’s doing every 5 minutes or so. He’s drawing, as usual, barely looking at the other people who pick up the microphone. He occasionally smirks as an answer to whatever his friends are saying.  
I’m almost done placing the new batch of cookies and muffins in the now fully cleaned stand when the last note of the guitar echoes in the shop. I didn’t notice it was already midnight. Maybe the Brat was right, maybe I should stay open until midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. After all, I did make more money tonight. … And had fun, but I’ll never admit it out loud. _Also this whole singing thing, this moment that we had, that we shared…_

“Tch, it’s your imagination you fucking idiot.” I mutter to myself as I throw the wet towel on the counter and scrub it roughly.  
“Levi?”

I jump when I realize someone is standing in front of the counter. And that this someone is Eren.

“Tch. Don’t scare me like that, shitty Brat!”  
“Come on, you’re not that old, you’re still in great shape… Plus, I did mention to you that I would remember that you get easily scared.”

My heartbeat races. _Great shape, hum?_ This means he looked at me. He detailed me. He stared at me… _Why the fuck is this making me feel so good? Why do I care?_ I frown at him, not understanding what the meaning of this is. _Seriously, that’s the first thing you say to me? You’re not that old? Tch._

“It’s not like you were gonna have a heart attack, I mean.”  
“Wow. How kind of you? So I’m old…but not old enough for a heart attack? Is that it?”

Suddenly I’m pissed off so I keep scrubbing and ignore him. _Does he really have to point out the age gap between us and rub it in?_

“Oh come on! I meant it as a compliment.” He says. “Don’t be a sissy, you aren’t old at all, you don’t even look your age.”

I freeze.

“And how the hell would you know my age?” I ask.

His face turns red.

“F-Facebook.” He mutters shyly.

I smirk.

“I see, you’ve been stalking my profile and didn’t even bother to add me as a friend?”  
“I did.” He replies. “But you never answered my request and I thought it was because of the other day. That you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

I’m internally screaming. It is true that I never go on there, I find it pretty useless. But the fact that he went on mine instantly makes me want to go more often.

“Oh… I don’t go on there much. Sorry.”

He seems glad that I ignored the last part of what he said. No I do not want to talk to him. But after what happened tonight, there is no way that I can go against what I really want. Which doesn’t mean that I forgive him. In fact, I’ll make him work even harder for it. _If he wants me, he’ll have to prove it. Of course, that is if I can even control myself._

“Well I saw that. The few photos you have are public, along with all your personal infos. You should definitely review your privacy settings, Levi.”

So he did stalk my profile. And not only a little. I try to hide the grin that creeps up on my face but I fail.

“I don’t really know how and I don’t post much so does it really matter?”  
“Someone could steal your identity. And everyone can see when you feel…“broken”.” He says while blushing.  
“I…am not.” I mutter, suddenly uncomfortable.

I had forgotten that I wrote this. I’ll have to go and remove it. I glance up as Eren raises his right arm and plays with the little strands of hair at the back of his neck.

“If…you want… I could come to your place and show you how to do it.” He offers.

I glance at the computers in the corner of the shop, hoping that he won’t notice them. Or perhaps he has but he ignored them because he wants to go to my place. _Hell, I'm pretty fucking sure I want him there too._ I fake a moment of hesitation as I pretend to think of all the “nothing” I have to do.

“Mhm. Sounds like a plan, but I need to finish cleaning first.”  
“Do you need help?” He asks as he throws his backpack on one of the tables.  
“Sure.”

I throw him a broom and tell him to clean the floor around the tiny stage. Keeping him as far as possible from the two computers, hoping he hasn’t noticed them.  
It takes about half an hour and everything is done. His cleaning could obviously be better, but I guess we have better things to do. It can wait. _Wait a minute…what? Better things to do? Where am I even going with this? It’s not like he hinted at anything, did he? I can’t deal with relationships, I can’t deal with emotions. I’m lost. I mean… I did have two girlfriends in the past. They couldn’t live with my attitude._ Petra was a total hippie and she ended up getting on my nerves about seeing the positive side of things so she left me because I wouldn’t cooperate. And I dated my crazy neighbor for a while until she realized just how “boring” I was. I never really had a relationship that worked. One where there was actual love involved. I never thought…that I might feel like this for a guy. _Or is it something different? Brotherly love? No, ewe, certainly not._ I feel like kicking his ass because he’s so annoying but I also want more from him. _The hell with it. I want to try again and if it fails again, I’ll just kick him out._ My face flushes red as something comes back to me. Suddenly my head is filled with these dreams again, him all over me, me all over him. And most of all, the other day’s kiss. _Let’s erase that one. We can do even better and start from scratch._ If, indeed, he wants to do that.

“Are you okay?” He asks.  
“Tch. I’m fine, it’s just hot in here.” I mutter, trying to cover up why my face is red.  
“Oh I thought it was a bit cold actually. Are you sick maybe? Do you want me to drop by some other day?”  
“NO!” I shout.

He raises his eyebrows.

“I mean no.” I calmly repeat.  
“Ok. Let’s go then.”

I walk to the door and grab my blazer. I’m almost done putting it on when I see that Eren is shivering. I hand it to him.

“Here. Put this on.”  
“But…you’re going to get cold.” He says.  
“I’m fine, just shut up and put it on.”  
“Alright, alright, calm down.” He smirks at me. “And thank you.”  
_Cheeky little bastard._

We walk down the street for about 5 minutes before we finally reach my apartment. That’s when I realize the keys are in my blazer.

“I need the keys.” I say as I look at the pocket.  
“Ugh?” He asks.  
“Never mind." I say as I grab his arm and move it away from the pocket in order to pick up the key from inside of it.

I make the mistake of glancing up to him and my heart skips a beat. He is so close. All he’d have to do is lean in. I turn my head to the door a second later. _Shy? Really Levi?_ I shake my head as I unlock the door and push it open. _It is warm in there, way too warm._

“Wait a minute I’ll go put on a t-shirt, this long sleeve shirt is killing me. Aren’t you hot?”  
“Still cold.” He mutters.  
“Oh my god, who’s the sissy now, Brat?”

He grins.

“Make yourself at home.”

 

I come back to the living room as I put on the t-shirt. The fabric falls down to my hips, slowly covering my stomach. That’s when I notice that he is staring at me. More precisely at my abs. It takes every nerve in my body to control what’s growing inside of me at that very moment.

“The computer is right there.” I say as I point to the corner of the living room.  
“Oh.” He shakes his head. “Of course, yes.”

 _Did he actually forget he was coming here for that? Or was it actually because he wasn’t?_ I grin as he gets up to sit back in front of the laptop. I meet him there and he seems uncomfortable as I put one hand on the back of the chair and one hand on the desk, leaning towards the screen. _Good._ For some reason, I like to see how quickly his face can go from perfectly tanned to completely red. _But, what am I even trying to do? He might hurt me again._ That’s a thought that terrifies me.

“I…need your password.” He says, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
“Sure. Move.”

He rolls the chair a bit further behind so I take place in front of him. The unfortunate position probably leaves him forced to look at my ass, but I have a feeling he doesn’t dislike that. I think I don’t dislike that either. I type the letters and move back to my previous position. I notice that my blazer, which was still on his shoulders a moment ago, is now on his lap. _Well damn! Is he trying to hide something?_

“Why are you grinning?” He asks with a nervous smirk.  
“I don’t know, you tell me.” I gesture to his lap with my chin.

He blushes and shakes his head with a shy smile.

“Come on, focus.” He says.  
“I believe you’re the one who needs to focus.”

He abruptly stops everything and pushes himself away from the desk. I stop the rolling chair with my foot and fold my arms.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I ask.  
“C-Can…I use your bathroom?” He stutters.  
“Depends for what.”  
“Do you want me to explain or draw why people go to the bathroom?” He says with a cocky smile.  
“Of course not, but I have a feeling that you aren’t going there for this purpose.” I say with a carnal glare.

He blushes and looks down at the floor.

“Please let me go.”  
“Fine.”

I move away from the chair and let him pass beside me. Our arms brush against each other and I can see him from the corner of my eyes, glancing at me. My heart is pumping. _Should I do something? Or should I stay here. He did ask me to let him go. But will I ever have another chance? Wait, do I even want a chance? Where am I going with this. I have never… I am not…_ And while I was over thinking things, I didn’t notice that Eren stopped behind me, until he placed his hand on my shoulder. I turn around, hoping for what’s to come. I cock my head up to him.

“What?” I whisper.

He doesn’t say a word but his hand moves from my shoulder and tentatively touches my cheek. I slightly jump at the touch and turn my head because I know that I’m blushing. My heart is pounding as he grabs my chin and brings my eyes back up to his. He puts his palm on my cheek, and slowly brings it to the back of my head. His gaze moves up and down from my eyes to my lips a couple of times. I can see that he’s not used to this. He can probably see that I am not either. The good thing is, that doesn’t stop him from leaning in as he pulls my head forward. He presses his lips on mine and I close the gap between us. I grab his hips and hold him tight. _Oh god, this feels so good. It feels even better than the first time. So, amazingly good._ He tries to pull away but now I’m the one pulling on his neck. _I don’t want this to ever stop. It’s like I craved this for a thousand years. His body against mine, his lips on mine. It is a totally different kiss than the first one._ I get on the tip of my toes to try and press my lips even harder against his, making him stumble and take a step back.  
He strongly grabs my butt cheeks and helps me up. He forces me to wrap my legs around his waist and then pushes me against the wall. As soon as I feel the bulge in his pants brushing against mine, I arch myself, gasping for air.

“Eren” I whisper.  
“Levi” He replies, panting.

I pull his head closer to mine once again and that’s it. _I am beyond done. I am a total mess._ He pulls his head away and serves me the same cocky smile as earlier, followed by a bottom-lip biting. I roll my hips on his, making his eyes widen. _I crave his body. I want it. Its mine, I want to possess it completely. I want it all._

“Room, brat. NOW!” I order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hope you enjoyed it. ^_^ I really liked how Iris represents both of them because they are technically filled will regrets and guilt and Eren still knows on the inside that he is not a normal person. They want to see each other for who they are and that is cheesy as f*ck but nyaaaaa. Oh and by the way there's only two chapters left to post until the fic is up to date with my writing. Would you like me to post one more some time today? Cause I could. And then the other one I could post tomorrow.
> 
> After that, you'll have to wait for mondays to get the updates ^_^
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated and you can follow me on instagram or tumblr: hikarimitsuko


	5. White belt in Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* Smutt *coughs*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Ok this is essentially smutt. So if you don't like it, skip it. Also, this is pretty much the most graphic one I wrote so far... So be advised 18+.  
> I wish this chapter could've been 50 times longer than that but I did have to cut some stuff otherwise it would've been very very long... What can I say... I am obsessed with them.  
> 18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+18+

For some reason, it seems like all the frames in the apartment are on our path to the bedroom as Eren carries me across the living room and hits the wall again and then repeats the process until we reach the corridor. That’s when we hear a sharp noise and glass shattering. Still holding me around him, Eren turns his head to look and I do the same, noticing how an old frame with a photo of the coffee shop just fell to the floor and broke in millions of pieces, his face falls apart but I instantly bring his lips back to mine, only pausing to order him not to stop as I place my foot on the wall behind me and push myself and him roughly to the other wall. Eren’s back hits the door and he gasps. His hand tentatively tries to find the door knob as the other one is busy stroking my ass. My heartbeat is plummeting out of my chest, to say the least. I shove his hand away, unable to wait longer and grab the door knob in one swift movement, almost making us both fall in the room. Eren manages to keep his balance with both of our weights and as soon as we’re in, he runs to the bed. He abruptly let’s me fall on it and climbs slowly on top of me with a mischievous glare. Nudging my shirt with his nose, he travels between the creases of my abs and finally up to my lips. Again, the bulge in his pants brings the friction that I am craving between my legs. I gasp for air and use the distraction to bite his neck gently before placing my hands in his hair. The unruly brown hair that makes him look so hot, even more so when he’s all sweaty like that. I’ve been craving to touch them since the first day I’ve seen him. I grasp a bunch of brown strands and pull his head back to have better access to his neck again. I never thought the crease between his neck and jaw would turn me on so much. His or anyone’s for that matter. I lift my hips up a bit, trying to reduce the already un-existing space between us.

Apparently that’s enough for Eren because he pushes my hips back on the bed and pulls away from me to get on his knees. He unbuttons my pants and slides them down. I turn my head away, blushing crimson red. Eren grabs my chin and forces me to look at him again as he moves back on top of me.

“You’re beautiful, don’t look away.”

I smirk even though I was trying to hide the fact that he had complete control over me already.

“Are you going to remove something of mine?” He asks impatiently.

It doesn’t take longer for me to roll on top of him. I sit on his lap and pull his arms around me. I press my lips against his until I feel like passing out from the lack of breathing. Both panting, we remove each other’s shirts and his bare skin rubbing against mine as I roll my hips is enough to make me moan. _I want him. I wanna be inside of him._

I blink a couple of times, tangling my hands in his hair as I slow down to look at him.

“Everything ok?” Eren asks, suddenly worried.

I pull out my best smile, ones of the few that I never let out, to reassure him.

“Yes, it’s just that I never…” I admit, shyly.  
“You never did it at all or you never did it with a guy?” He asks, holding his breath.  
“With a guy.” I mutter.  
“Well, guess we’ll have to figure it out as we go?” He announces, relieved.

My eyes widen as I realize what it means.

“You…never…?” I ask.  
“I tried with two girls. Didn’t work.”

He blushes nervously as he realizes what he just said.

“SHIT! I mean, not…at the same time. And…I didn’t have any…problem…I mean… I…ugh…”

He sighs. His hand automatically goes to the back of his head to play with some hair strands. _Sooo, you do that when you’re nervous. I’ll remember this._ I cup his cheek with my palm.

“We’ll figure it out.” I whisper before noticing that I’m missing the most important things.  
“SHIT!” I shout, my face falling apart. “I don’t have condoms and lub.”

Eren smirks.

“Why are you smiling, fucking idiot? Unless you didn’t hear me, this means nothing’s happening here.”

He chuckles and the sound that I usually love, is nothing more but annoying right now.

“Just glad to know you’re not a psychopath who has weird tendencies, fetishes, and a provision of sex toys” He says.  
“Tch” I grin as he gets up. “How can you joke about this?”

He starts walking towards the door.

“Oi! Shitty Brat, where are you going?” I ask.

As he walks away, his unbuttoned jeans follow the steady movement of his perfectly round cheeks. Leaving me to appreciate the amazing view that is apparently all mine.

Still waiting for an answer, all I get as he leaves the room is a smirk accompanied by the sound of a loose belt buckle. I know he said I didn’t have fetishes or anything like that. But it appears that I might have just developed one when I saw the loose white belt hanging around his waist. His tanned skinned and the dark denim, so genuinely beautifully showed off by this little accent of white. Definitely, he would have to keep wearing that belt. _Or perhaps I could find a good use for it._ I grin, letting myself fall back on the bed as I wait for the brat to come back, which only takes about a minute. As he walks back in, his jeans seem to fall to the floor with a perfect timing, but I’m pretty sure he brought them down a little right before coming back in, just to be sure that I’d get a good show out of it. He grins and serves me a carnal glare as he climbs back on top of me and takes a moment to glance down and appreciate the tent shape in my boxer. I don’t think this boner would ever go away even if he had decided to leave. _The idiot is beyond hot. He is a god._ He brings his hidden hand, that I didn’t notice until then because of the many things I had to look at, in front of me. He is holding a brand new, unopened bottle of lub and three condoms. My eyes widen.

“Wow, kid, you sure came here prepared” I say to his flushed face.  
“So what if I did? Have I ever led you to doubt my interest in you?”

As the memory of our first kiss comes back, I can feel my boxers loosen.

“You did once” I mutter.

He narrows his eyebrows.

“You’re referring to that night, right? I’ve been meaning to tell you about this.”

I frown, wondering what he means by that.

“I… am not out.” He says.  
“Out?” I stupidly ask.  
“Nobody knows I like guys, because I wasn’t sure myself. That night, when you kissed me. I was beyond happy, it was pure bliss. I knew right away that even if my mind couldn’t see clearly which gender I preferred, if there is even one that I prefer, I was at least totally and insanely crazy about you. And then, I remembered that my friends were there… and I froze. I am terribly sorry for that. I’ve been such an ass.”

My veins are filled with relief as he speaks the words. My heartbeat starts racing again. I’m out of breath. _He did like me. He always did._

“Eren. I am so sorry.” I plead as I sit up to hold his waist and pull him onto my lap. “I should’ve listened to you! God, I was such an asshole. I didN’t even let you explain. How I made you feel like shit for no reason while it was hard enough for you to deal with in first place. And….and… you didn’t let go of me, you still came after me.”

He blushes crimson red and nods as his fingers pulls the hair at the back of his neck again. He bites his bottom lip, trying to find words that need to be said but I’m gone. When he bites his lip, my whole body craves his. I grab him under his arms and shove him aside on the bed, jumping right back onto him.

“Gimme that.” I order as I snatch the condom from him and carelessly remove my boxers.

Eren surprised, sits up even though I protest and puts his hands on mine. He brings his lips close to my ear.

“Let me put it on you.” He offers.

I let the pack fall in his palm as his other hand pushes me down on the bed. Curious, I gaze up and down at him as he rips the foil packet open and… _Oh my god is he biting the condom?_ He’s holding the tip of it in his mouth and right after glancing at me with a playful glare, goes down between my legs. The shock is too much. He presses his lips on the tip of my dick and rolls the condom down with them.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” I shout right before bringing my gaze back to him.

_The cheeky little bastard is staring right into my eyes, playing with me._ Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less right now because if he hadn’t just told me he never did it, I would’ve instantly assumed that he fucked a ridiculous amount of guys before me. But he didn’t and that’s all for me…  
Satisfied with my moans and groans and thrusts, he pulls his mouth away and travels his way back to my mouth with his tongue.

“Take me apart” He whispers in my ear.

I don’t need any other queue. I rip off his boxers and he giggles because I guess I have to admit that that was a bit rough, _I didn’t have to ruin his clothes. But what else did he expect. The brat put a fucking condom on me with his mouth. Talk about tongue dexterity._ I grab the bottle of lub and try to look as hot as possible as I pour some over my fingers and over his entrance. I slowly slide a finger in, trying to remember the very few times in my life where I had seen gay porn. The idea doesn’t seem to help me find the right way to do this. I assume it’s as fake as normal porn anyways so I guess being paid to have your ass destroyed is something acceptable to some individuals but in this case, I don’t want the boy to hurt. Me, taking it slow, seems to be the best approach as I am reassured by moaning after a while of sliding in and out. I place a second finger in and I can feel Eren getting a bit more tense. His eyes are on me. This sea of color, now filled with concern and fear.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” I ask.

He smiles reassuringly.

“Course I’m fine, I’m getting what I want and it’s about time.”

The thought makes me blush and I have a weird sensation in my stomach. Although, I have a feeling he doesn’t want to disappoint me, as if I’d love him less. _Love… I…_ I try asking again.

“We can always try later, I wouldn’t want you to hurt”  
“Levi, I’m telling you it’s fine. It’s just uncomfortable. I’m not use to it, that’s all.”  
“Used to get finger-fucked or getting what you want?” I ask with a smirk.  
“Smartass! Both, now please shut up and keep going because I want you to fuck me, Levi.”

I cock my head to him, suddenly even more turned on by the urge in his voice.

“Careful, little whore, you don’t know my dark side. You wouldn’t want to fall in Wonderland just yet.”

He pushes hard on the two fingers, making me slide them as far as possible inside of him and then he gazes at me, amused.

“Nor do you know mine. Who are you to tell that’s not exactly what I want?”

I lick my lips, butterflies filling my stomach, ready to make this guy scream my name non-stop until dawn. I scissor the entrance with my two fingers and then eventually I slide a third one in. He moans and groans. My heart skips a beat as I feel my dick twitch from all the excitement that the view before my eyes provides me.

“Brat, on your knees and ass up!” I order.

He grins and turns around, seemingly as ready as I am.

“Promise me one thing first.” Eren says.  
“Yes?” I ask as I rub the tip of my dick on his entrance, almost about to explode with lust.  
“Don’t make me a one night stand, alright?”

I blink a couple of times. Well, if I was worried he’d be leaving when I fell asleep, I wasn’t anymore. I smirk.

“Brat, you’re a one life stand.” I say without realizing what I just implied.

And that’s enough for him because I’m not even beyond the tip that he slides on me. He winces a couple of times as he moves back and forth but I figure it is better anyways that he does it on his own for the couple of first movements because he knows how he feels. _Also, slow or not, the sensation is fucking killing me._ It takes every nerve of my body not to release into him right away. I close my eyes and think of that gore book that I’ve been reading, trying to erase every memory of the brat with his mouth around my dick as he rolls down the condom. My dick twitches and I snap out of the daydream and back to Eren moaning and groaning, begging me to slide roughly into him.

“You okay?” I ask as I rub his back.  
“Fuck, Levi, stop asking and FUCK ME!” He orders with watery pleading eyes. “I need you.”

I can feel my mood shift when the animal inside me is suddenly granted full control of the situation. I brutally slide in, waiting for any sign of him hurting. Then I do it again. Seeing as he moans and doesn’t yell with every thrust, I make this a steady pace and I can feel his entrance tightening and loosing and tightening and loosing and eventually it seems like it’s too much because I’m about to come. I slow down a bit, trying to calm myself down once more. _The Brat is too hot. His tanned skin, the perfectly cut muscles all over him. That damn fucking V that leads directly between his legs. His big bright eyes that hold all of the gradient colors of the sea. His perfectly sized lips around my dick and on my lips. Hi, playful glare! Him biting his god damn bottom lip._ I groan, sign that I actually did the opposite and am now even closer to reaching the peak. I bring my head back, exposing the muscles of my neck as I feel the build up rising in me. Eren abruptly pulls away from me. He moves his index fingers from left to right.

“No, no, no. It’s not been long enough, Heichou. I want you all night.”

I glare at him. Like a child who got his candy taken away from him. But then he smiles and my expression instantly gets softer.

“Tch.” I scoff as the nickname makes my dick twitch again. “I’ll never last all night, brat, You are way too much of a god.”  
“Says the god.” He mutters.

I grin as he turns to lay on his back. I grab and lift his legs to pull him close to me. I slide in again and I love how he looks right now. His pupils are so wide and his face is as red as can be. His muscles are all tensed and it’s too much. I slide in roughly, picking up the same pace as earlier. Then, Eren arches himself as one particular movement probably reached his prostate. _Oh really? There you are._ I repeat the same movement again and, surprise, he moans loudly. I place my leg in a better angle to keep the pace steady. After I hit his soft spot many times in a row and his entrance is still tightening and loosing up around me. I can feel the build up in him as the muscles keeps tightening around my length. I am going to come and I need him to come first, so I slide in as deep as I can. A huge moan comes out of his mouth and I know he’s close.

“Moans and groans aren’t enough, shitty brat. Scream my fucking name so that everyone knows who you belong to.”

He serves me the fucking cocky smile again, obviously meaning he will never scream unless I make him and I definitely take it as a challenge. I grab his dick and move my hand up and down. I pick up the pace, trying to sync my hand and my body. I go in deeper a couple of times until he bites his lip and arches his back so much that I need to hold him that way. My build up is reaching its peak and I’m just about to let go. I slam in once more and there it is, the brat screams.

“LEVIIIIIIIIIIII!”

And that’s enough for me to come too with a loud moan. Panting, I slow down until I stop completely, trying to steady my heartbeat. I pull out and look at my work, laying in bed, eyes clouded with fatigue and a grin plastered on his face. A smile creeps up on mine. I bend down and kiss his forehead as I toss his hair aside.

“I’m going to shower, you coming?” I ask. Hoping he’ll say yes.

He nods right before rolling on the side of the bed and almost face first on the floor.

“Oh come on!” I say. “It wasn’t that bad.”  
“Bad?” He says as he gets back up. “Are you a complete moron? I never ever ever felt something like that before, not even from jerking myself off. Bad doesn’t even qualify as a word in the “Dictionary of sex with Levi.””

I blush, unable to respond to such flattery.

“Follow me, just-fucked-hair.”

He carelessly tries to tame his brown strands. Which is obviously useless.  
I stop at the door, evidently wanting to stare at his ass as he makes his way in, since he’s been doing that to me in the corridor, I am sure.

“Not bad” I comment as he passes by me.  
“Not bad yourself” He says.

We both climb in the shower and let’s just say we stay there longer than needed.

 

As I take two pair of boxers out of my drawer, I realize that Eren already has a new pair of boxers on and another shirt too.

“The fuck is in your bag?” I ask. “Are you carrying goods around in case of war or something?”

He looks at me quizzically.

“Moron, you had lub, condoms, boxers, a shirt… What else is in there? I’m curious to know now. Am I going to find a shovel and tie wraps there?”

He chuckles.

“I just like to be ready for anything.” He says with a smirk as his cheeks turn red.  
“Oh, should I assume you get fucked by strangers quite often?” I tease.  
“Ah.ah. Very funny. I don’t.” He says. “And just so you know, I didn’t consider you a stranger, you were only an asshole of a friend.”  
“Kind words, I like those.” I whisper sarcastically.  
“Come here, moron, let’s sleep.” Eren says.  
“Oi! Careful with your idiotic nicknames, I might get offended. Plus, I kind of liked Heichou.”  
“Oh, I’m so scared!” He says as he fakes being terrified. “And alright, Heichou, come to be with me.”  
Obeying, I climb on the bed and lay down beside him. _It’s funny how this isn’t even awkward. I only met him a few days ago and yet it feels like I’ve known him forever. I could get used to this._ I bring my arms behind my neck and sigh, happy for one of the rare times I have ever been.

**“You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now” Eren sings as he nestles his head on my shoulder and wraps himself around me.**

I look down to him and wrap my arm around his back.

**“I won’t let you go, now you know, I’ve been crazy for you all this time. I kept it close, always hoping, with a heart on fire, a heart on fire…” I sing back to him.**

***

I blink, feeling the sun on my face as I notice I forgot to close the curtains last night. It takes a moment for me to realize that I did not dream all of this. I sit and rub my eyes. Close to the wall, rests a pile of dirty clothes, including a pair of ripped boxers. A bottle of lub thrones on my nightstand. I look beside me and no one is there. My heart sinks in my chest as I bring my head down. I let myself fall back on the bed and sigh.

”I should’ve known.” I mutter to myself.

Then, I hear a scrubbing sound in the hallway. I sharply turn my head in that direction. _Did he really stay?_ I get up and put on some pyjama pants, not caring one bit about putting on a shirt. I walk out of the room and am greeted by a panicking scream.

“LEVI! NOOOOOOO!”

Startled, I take a step back, wondering what the fuck happened. My gaze falls to Eren, holding a broom and picking up glass from the floor, at the exact spot where I was about to step.

“Oh.”  
“Just a sec.” He says.

He finishes gathering the pieces and picks them up. As he walks away, I notice his sketchbook on the table and a vague dark shape on it. He wanders around trying to find the trashcan. I walk up to the kitchen, that is right behind my couch in an open space with the living room. As I do, I pass beside the sketchbook and realize that he drew me, asleep. I blush and keep walking, not knowing if I should comment or just keep my mouth shut. For some reason, what wasn’t awkward during the night, now is. _I have no idea what I should say. We barely know each other after all, it’s not like I got tons of ideas that wouldn’t creep him out either._ I open one of the door of the kitchen island and then turn around to make some tea. I freeze as I notice that the tea has already been made and the coffee too.

“I… didn’t know which you preferred so I made both.” Eren says with a sheepish smile.”Also, I never made real tea before so it might suck, if it does I’m sorry.”

He awkwardly laces his fingers with mine and I can’t help but look down at our joined hands. He removes his hand as soon as he notices my expression.

“I’m sorry, this is weird, right? I won’t do it again.” He promises.

My heart sinks once more. I suck at expressing myself but I don’t mind being honest with him so I’ll try. I lace my fingers with his again. I turn to him and get on the tip of my toes to stare into his eyes for a moment, until I finally decide to close them and press my lips against his. I wrap my arms around his waist and press my ear against his chest. “ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump”. The sound is soothing and I can’t imagine that I might’ve missed the chance of hearing this symphony. After a moment, I pull away but get smacked right back where I was by his arms. I wrap mine around his neck as he lifts me up from the ground in a tight embrace. He lifts me up in such a way that I end up sitting on the counter, legs parted on each side of him. I grin.

“Hungry already?” I ask.

He laughs as he touches my cheek with is rough hand.

“I’m glad you don’t think this is awkward.” Eren says.  
“Well, it kind of is. But it is normal I assume. I barely know you, you barely know me and yet we fucked like wild animals and I have to say that yesterday was the best night of my entire life on that part. Be glad that I said this out loud by the way.”

Eren grins but I switch subject before he says something else that will make me second guess my sanity.

“Well, anyways, we have tea, which is what I prefer, and coffee for you because I have French vanilla syrup in the fridge. Now, you’re going to let me down so I can prepare it.”

He shakes his head playfully. A shadow crosses my face and covers my eyes as I grab his arm and gently twist it. Right away, Eren moves aside with a smirk.

“I’ve never met anyone as nice as you are, you know?” Eren says sarcastically.  
“Heichou at your service, my brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Comments and likes are always appreciated. I know some of you have mentioned how you want the memories to start to flow back to them. What I can tell is that you might get some....memories... Next monday in the new chapter. It depends because I am wondering if I add one more day to day chapter before that one, since you haven't seen alot of the other characters and of Levi and Eren's background in this life. So either next monday's update or the other one after, the memories will start coming back. I'm not saying to who though ;)


	6. Truth or truth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N) Hey everyone! SO, the fic is up to date. This is the latest chapter. From now on you will have to wait for Mondays to get the updates. I will be re-updating wattpad with the corrections of all the previous chapters and all because I added ALOT of things. I hope you like this chapter... How is the pace so far? I don't want to write for 40 chapters and get you guys bored, which is why I tend to keep a fast pace in my fics but if you think it's going too fast, please let me know, I really don't mind on dragging this XD. Which is still possible. Comments are always appreciated.
> 
> You can follow me on instagram or tumblr if you’re curious to see the obsessive ereri fangirl-cosplayer. “hikarimitsuko”

" So..." I say as I hover over the sketchbook. "You draw very well."

He smirks as he brings the two cups with him and gestures for me to sit in front of him.

"I thought you'd be totally freaked out" He says.

I laugh and take a sip of my tea. I frown when the hot beverage burns the tip of my tongue.

"I kind of am, but in a good way." I say with a wink.

Ignoring what I just said, he gets up and leans over the table to kiss me. I almost drop my cup from the unexpected move. He pushes his tongue inside my mouth and even though I'm tempted to push him away, I can't. My body wants him and it just seems like I got addicted to a new drug other than tea. _Hell, I'd even go right back to the room if he even hinted that he wanted that._ But he didn't, he pulled away and sat back on his chair.

"Feel better?" He asks, grinning.

I look at him quizzically.

"You burned your tongue, didn't you? Feel better now?" He asks again.  
"Oh, so that's what this was... Yes, I feel a lot better actually."

He seems disappointed that I didn't ask for a second round which would probably lead right back to the bedroom if I'd listen to myself, but we need to talk. There are a lot of things I want to know about him. _Before I fall for him. Well...technically I already have, I know I'm in love with him._ Even admitting it to myself is a big deal. I don’t understand half of what’s happening to me. But I'll never let that show, not after what he did to me, I'll deny it if anything. As far as I'm concerned, it's only infatuation and I'll grow tired of him eventually. The age difference is too much of a gap between us to let any place for anything else. I don't even want anything else, I never have. _Or perhaps now I do. Ugh. My mind is so fucked since I met the kid._

"Are you okay?" He asks.  
"Yes. Yes I'm fine." I reply before starting to ask for the things I want to know. "So, are you studying arts or something?"

He smiles as he looks down at the sketch of me.

"Nah... He'd never let me do that. I study civil engineering."  
"Wow that sounds...Well...not like you." I say, genuinely surprised that he would be into building walls and bridges.  
"You speak as if you would’ve known me forever."

I bring my cup up to my mouth right before muttering:

"I certainly feel like it."

He stares at me blankly before giving me another part of the answer.

"My dad wouldn't let me study arts. He's a renown Doctor and he travels a lot. I haven't seen him in over 4 years, occasionally receiving Christmas and birthday cards, if, he doesn't forget. Oh and money, a lot of money."

I blink, not really knowing what to reply to that.

"It's fine" he adds. "I'm just answering your question truthfully."

I nod.

"Thank you… But, what does your mom think? You know... if he's that far, what's keeping you from studying arts? Clearly that's what you want, right?"  
"Well aren't you a fucking good mind reader?" He snorts. "My mom died when I was 9 and Mikasa won't let me do that either..."  
"Stop cursing so much, shitty Brat. And I'm sorry about your mom." I say, reminding myself about my own mother's death before continuing. "Why wouldn't Mikasa let you study art? She's your age, she has no say in what you want to do."

He smiles as he stares into my eyes.

"It means a lot that you’d say that." He says. "I rarely have people on my side. Maybe... Maybe one day I'll have the courage to face them and do what I want, but right now I need them. I don't have many friends and I keep getting in trouble. They, well mostly Mikasa, are the ones keeping me on the right path. I'm like fire, I burn everything on my path unless I'm kept under close supervision and restrictions."  
"That's a weird comparison. Although I have to agree that you have fire somewhere..." I grin.  
"Careful with that." He warns. "I might just sweep you off your feet and throw you back on the bed right now."  
"I'd like to see you try." I whisper, meeting his gaze.

He stares at me with an even bigger grin than mine.

"Let's make a deal." He suggests.  
"You and your fucking deals" I roll my eyes.  
"I promise you'll like it." He says as he wiggles his eyebrows. 

And suddenly I'm way more interested in the deal.

"Well I'll take the fact that most of your blood has flowed right to your cheeks as an answer. Let me explain before you talk. Ok?"

I nod, trying to hide my face by sipping some more tea.

"Let's play truth or dare" He says. "A modified version, that is. For every truth that is explained well enough, the "victim" removes one of his piece of clothing."

I explode in laughter and he seems startled. Laughing isn't something I do. Even smiling is a lot for me and I've been doing that only with him.

"Ahahah, Brat, I'm only wearing boxers and pyjama pants while you're all covered up, it is obvious that you'll win this."  
"Well, the point is not winning" He adds. "The point is getting your ass to bed, with me, while getting to know you."  
"Two questions won't lead you too far in my head, but I’m fine with losing then.”  
"I only need two."

I raise an eyebrow, suddenly curious about those two questions.

"Fine, I'll play."  
"Okay, no rules. And you start, until I'm only wearing the same clothes as you." He says.

I was about to say that the previous question about his school counted as one, but then I realize it would make me short of one question so I shut up and ask the second thing that's been on my mind.

"You live on campus?"  
"Stalker much?" He asks as he removes his socks, not even waiting to see if I approve of his answer. 

_Well... I'd approve either way. There's nothing I want more than him in bed right now._

"So?" I ask.  
"Yes, I live on campus" He says as he throws me his sock that I push away with my hand.  
"Those usually come in a pair" I muse.  
"Impatient, Heichou. I was about to take it off but now you're making me want to keep it on a while longer."  
"Do not tempt me into just ripping all your clothes off and quitting the game, Brat."  
"Fine, fine. Not that I’d hate that, but if you insist…" He says as he takes off the second sock. "I live in a dorm room and my roommate's name is Marco. Next question."

I mentally count how many I have left. Considering he's wearing a hoodie, a t-shirt, pyjama pants, and boxers, I'd have 5 questions left. Although I don't think when we reach the boxer part, that the game will keep on going. _But...Wait a minute... a hoodie?_

"You had a hoodie in your backpack and you chose to let me offer you my blazer?" I laugh.  
"Absolutely." He says, smirking. "I'm not sorry."  
"Well I am, it suits you well." I say truthfully, because I already mentioned how white looked good on his skin and this white hoodie with a wing logo in the back is doing nothing but making him look perfect. No better than that. _Fuckable._  
"But I'm impressed by how much thought you put into getting me in bed." I add.

He grins as he takes off the hoodie.

"What can I say? I'm an underestimated genius."  
"Keep telling yourself that you manipulative little shit." I snort.  
"HEY!..." He says, seemingly hurt but I know it's just an act. "Fine, three questions left."  
"WHAT?" I shout. "This didn't count as a question about you, how more fucking unfair can you be?"  
"Well, someone's in a mood." He says. "I thought the game didn't matter."  
"Well it does now." I reply a bit too eagerly. 

He raises his eyebrows. Surprised that I actually cared about the questions but mostly about the answers. He gets up and moves his chair closer. He laces his fingers with mine.

"We can play this game as long as you'd like, Levi." Eren says with concern in his eyes. "It's not like I'm going to leave after it anyways."

I narrow my eyebrows.

"So I'm stuck with you?" I ask. "And that doesn't count as a question."

He chuckles and the sounds sends shivers down my spine.

"Come on, make it even. I want to play too." He urges me to speak.

I can't help but be nervous by what he might ask then, but we'll cross the river when we get there.

"What is Historia to you?" I sheepishly ask, feeling my face turning crimson red.

Before answering, he leans down and presses his lips against mine without closing his eyes. I stare into the most beautiful view the ocean has to offer and I hate how it makes me feel. _It makes me feel fragile and... breakable._

"She's just a friend. Most of them I know from high school and some from college. I met Historia in high school and I always knew she had a thing for me. I appreciate her as a friend. I think it's because we relate on many levels, like parental issues, family drama and other things. Other than that she means nothing. If you asked, I'd stop talking to her right now."

"And why would I ask that?" I say. "You're free to do whatever the fuck you want."

He rolls his eyes and takes off his t-shirt.

"Can we skip the part where you pretend you're not jealous of her."

I shot him a warning glare, and not a fake one this time.

"To be jealous, there has to be something to be jealous of and a visceral fear of losing something. As far as I know, I don't have anything to lose, at least nothing that is mine...yet." I say, putting an emphasis on the last word.

He seems flustered and for some reason I really enjoy that.

"A-And what are your plans on that?" He stutters.

Surprised by the question, I blink, trying to find the right answer to it, but I wouldn't even know myself. I feel like I'm walking through fog right now so I cannot know how this'll all turn out. Not after I rushed blindly into it once. It's going way too fast for me to even have time to process what's going on.

"Is that a question?" I say, trying to switch subject.  
"No!! No that's not one of my questions." He says. "Never mind, keep going."

I smile, realizing that I'm now at the pants. I have to pick wisely because there is no way we're doing this until our boxers come off. I'll be on him before that.

"What made you wanting to come back to my shop after the first time you were there with Mikasa?"

I blush, wondering if he'll answer what I want to hear just because it's obvious that I want to hear it. Surprisingly, he doesn't answer what I thought he would.

"This." He says as he grabs his sketchbook and flips back a couple of pages.

It's a drawing of me, very detailed, so much that there is no doubt that it's me. I'm wearing the same military outfit that I had on the other one he showed me. Weirdly, it has the same logo has his hoodie, which leads me to think that he designed the hoodie. The drawing shows me, sitting on a rooftop looking at the horizon. The shades of black and gray pens he used tell me that it's a night sky. On the floor beside me, there's the shadow of someone sitting. Probably the one who has this side view of me. I can't help but notice the shape of the hair. Extremely similar to his. I look back up to the real Eren.

"That. Is... something to freak out about." I say. "I assume that's something you drew before meeting me?"

I don't have to wait for the answer. _I know I'm right._

"There are others, a lot actually." He says as he shyly hands me the whole sketchbook.

I quickly flip through it and see my face many times, with many different expressions and settings. And always this shadow there. The hair... I stop, quickly going back a couple of pages. He notices and attempts to take back the sketchbook but I pull it away from him. I find the page and take in a deep breath. _He drew us... in bed. He drew... the exact scene that came up to me in a dream. The one where he was screaming my name. The room, his face, his hair, me. Everything is identical._ My gaze meets his and I see worry in his eyes. He snatches the sketchbook from me and shoves it back in his bag.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He says, looking down at the floor. "I know I'm an aberration, I've been told often, I'm used to it."

My heart sinks as he pretends to try and find something in his bag to hide the lonely tear that fell off his eye. I get up and sit back on his lap. Forcing him to look at me as I grab his chin and turn it to my face.

"Oi... You are not an aberration. You are a miracle."

He tries to keep it together but it's too much. He starts sobbing and nestles his head in my chest as I hold him tight. It’s all I can do, really. I don’t know what to say but I know that a hug is always a good answer. At least I’ve heard that. After he calms down I decide to tell him the truth.

"Eren, I have to tell you something." I say, causing him to pull back on the chair.  
"Is it something bad? Cause I'm not sure I want to know if it is."  
"Of course not, shitty brat." I pause with a smile before regaining a serious face. "I... met you before too."

He frowns.

"But Levi, we've never met before."  
"We certainly have, because I dreamed about you. I dreamed about us... I dreamed about this exact sketch that I was just staring at a moment ago."

His eyes widen in realization.

"Oh my god, you're an aberration too!" He exclaims.  
"Wow... Thanks." I mutter.  
"No, that's not what I mean, I just mean... you're like me!" He says, smiling from ear to ear. "Do you understand what this means?"  
"No, I can't say I do." I reply truthfully.  
"We were supposed to meet."  
"That or some warning of some sort."  
"A warning?"  
"I don't know, Brat. I never believed in destiny, let alone how it works and what it means."  
"Let's stick with my meaning then." He says right before pressing his lips on mine and lifting me up to make me sit on his lap with my legs parted on each side of him.

I gasp, suddenly forgetting what my name is. I can feel his growing arousal under me, which is causing mine to show up too.

"We're not done with the game." Eren says mischievously.  
"Oh, I think we are." I say as I slowly grind my hips on his. "Plus, you can take off those pants now."  
"You're on them, that's going to be hard."  
"It already is." I smirk.  
"Then let me make this even and get to the one question that I really want to ask and we can forget about the boxer questions until later."

I nod as I roll my hips on his, almost unable to focus on whatever else comes out of his mouth, replacing it with the mental image of his lips around my length. I moan.

"D-Do you like me?" He stutters.

I abruptly stop moving, startled by the question. And unexpectedly, as I stare into his eyes, I can't find the strength in me to lie. I let go of my previous plan that consisted in denying it all. It's useless. It's plastered all over my usually strict face. So, I answer almost right away.

"Yes. I do. And it scares the shit out of me."

His smile grows wider as I feel another pulse between his legs. _If I wasn't sure I was going to get laid, now I am. Not that I said it for that reason. I do like the Brat. I just don't know how and how far this can work or if I even want it to._ He gets up and carries me across the living room and then into the bedroom. With his foot, he kicks the door closed and I know I'm going to be regretting those words, not if, but when he leaves me. Still, I choose to ignore the fact and I let him take me. It's the first time ever that I feel like I belong somewhere and that somewhere is right here, on his lap, in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hope you liked it, please leave feedback, I love it when you do ^_^. There will be one more chapter before the memories start to come back. Unless I change my mind...lol


	7. Unity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi everyone! 
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT: The song in this chapter is “Gavin Degraw – Fire” I suggest you listen to it before, during…and after…the lyrics are placed specifically at important moments as well as the ups and downs of the melody. ;) I’m not sorry for the feels and butterflies ;)
> 
> Just letting you know that this is the trigger chapter for the memories. Starting next chapter, if you haven’t read the first fic, you might be lost for some references that I will use. Actually the whole thing is based on something that happened in the first part (But since we’re going to die here). Anyways this chapter is so long, I’m sorry but I just couldn’t cut it shorter than that, it was a hell of a lot longer before. Hope you’ll like it ^_^.
> 
> PS: Just know that most of the strangers in there are actually everyone from snk… It is a nod to the braves who are still fighting and to the deaths. (You’ll understand after you read the song part).

The following week, I didn’t get to see Eren a lot. Even if it was clearly awkward between us because we couldn’t seem to keep a casual conversation going without jumping into each other’s pants, I was starting to feel like I missed him and I hated it. Because this meant that I had something to lose and I never had. At least not since that day, 6 years ago. I had promised myself back then that I would never bring myself to care for anybody else but me in the future. That I would keep myself from feeling attached to anyone, which is probably why my past relationships didn’t work. I didn’t want any. And now, I was second guessing myself.

Eren’s exams went well, at least that is what the text message said. I knew that it was strongly due to the fact that Armin helped him to study. The pair had become a lot closer in the past couple of days. So much that it made me a bit jealous. Well, I was sure nothing would happen between them, Armin wasn’t into guys. At least, I didn’t think he was by the way he looked at Mikasa. But still, he got more time with Eren than me and that pissed me off, even though I wouldn’t admit it. I only just got him and he was already out of reach.

The coffee shop was almost empty for the most part of the day. It wasn’t very surprising considering the Titans were playing a very important football game today. To everyone around here, it was tailgate and beer day, not coffee. And so, I made a good choice by bringing some work with me at the shop. The place was already squeaky clean and everything was ready for tonight’s Music night. Eren had come here yesterday evening to install a brand new keyboard and bigger speakers. When I dared to ask where it came from, the only answer I got was a smirk. Of course he bought it with his dad’s money and it annoyed me deeply. I didn’t need charity. But the smile he pulled then was enough to shut me up. I let him set up the stage and even helped him by bringing in the 4 microphones that I had just bought. He had to leave soon after that, to my biggest disappointment. All I got was a shy peck and a wave as he walked out with Armin to celebrate the success of his exams. I would’ve wanted to go along, but I had the shop to take care of and the Friday book reading night seemed to have brought a couple of people in, so I couldn’t just close down the place because I felt like I wanted to. I had to think rationally. And so, I stayed there, bored as fuck as I watched people reading shitty poems or books that seemed to be written by 5 year olds. 

I had hoped Eren would show up quite fast this morning, but he didn’t and it got me worried. Not only that something happened to him but that he didn’t care about me half as much as I cared about him, that he’d rather be somewhere else, with someone else. _I know it’s childish, I know how lame and pathetic it sounds, but I can’t help it, not with him. I can’t think straight. I feel so lost, yet I’ve never been more sure that I was in the right place._

I sigh, looking at the shitty design I’ve been trying to draw on my laptop all morning. I pull off my phone and shove it back in my pocket when the blinking screen only shows that I have an unread email from “Natasha, the Russian”. _I have no idea how these shitty spam work but they are fucking persistent in trying to make me want a wife, or a bigger cock for that matter but I doubt Eren’s ass could handle more than what I already have._ I smirk and look back down at the computer. I add more shades and a bit more orange to the creepy letters that I tried to pull off. I manage to make it somewhat presentable and lean back on my chair. I cock my head to the side, trying to see what else I could do. Then, I slightly jump, startled by the two arms that wrap around my shoulders from behind.

“Wow, you’re good at this.” 

A smile creeps up on my face as I hear the familiar voice.

“Being scared?” I ask angrily as I turn around. “I thought you knew that, dumbass.”

He smiles, leaning in for a kiss. He presses his lips against mine and suddenly the weight that I felt on my shoulders all morning is gone. _He’s right there, he’s with me. I won’t lose him. It won’t happen again._

“I meant the flyer.” He adds.  
“Really? I think it looks like shit. Wanna try fixing it?”

He stares at the screen.

“Levi, it’s perfectly fine the way it is. It’s not because I draw that I’m better at design.”

I look at him intently.

“Ok…fine.” He says. “You really suck at it. There, you happy?”

I punch his arm and he fakes being hurt. I smirk, knowing exactly what he’s trying to do.

“Sit, idiot. I’ll go prepare us something.”

 

It was already 5h30 and I knew that there might be a rush soon when the game would be over. I wanted to have as much time as possible alone with him, because yes, the shop was completely empty in that very moment. I come back with the two sandwiches. He barely even let’s me set it on the table. He smiles as he takes a bite.

“aghyum, it’ch tachstes sho good.”  
“Ewe. Seriously close that damn mouth of yours, that’s filthy.”

He pulls out his tongue and I almost gag. I glare at him, which is enough to make him stop.

“So, there’s one thing I was wondering…” He trails off.  
“What now?”

_As much as I try not to let it show, these conversation starters make me very nervous. Especially with him. As far as I know, this is only physical. At least we haven’t talked about anything else. Not that I would want that. Or perhaps I would, but I sure as hell am not going to be the one to ask for it._

“When am I going to get to my boxer question?” He smirks. “Because if I’m a “One life stand”, I think it might be good to get some answers first.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Your words exactly.” He grins. “One life stand.”

All the blood drains from my face as I remember saying those words to reassure him before our first time. At that moment I probably would’ve said anything to reassure him. He had asked me not to make him a one night stand and I would be lying to myself if I pretended that I didn’t mean the words that came out of my mouth after that. _I’m so fucked now and I can’t lie. I never lie, I suck at it, which is probably due to the fact that I hate lies and betrayal._

“I-I…I never said that.” I stutter.  
“Oh yes you did, but that’s not the point. I wanna ask my question.” He says, smiling.  
“Well unfortunately for you, I can’t exactly get undressed here.” I whisper.

A fire lits in his eyes as he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the kitchen, not caring one bit that I almost trip over my chair. I smile and shake my head. _Fucking Eren Jaeger._ As soon we’re on the other side, his hands are on me, removing the few pieces of clothing I have, except for the boxers. I let him do it, because all I can think of right now is him naked on my wooden counter. After he’s done and seems to be appreciating his work, I grab his t-shirt, not even bothering to remove the hoodie and I pull everything over his head to throw it as far as possible in the kitchen. I stare at him with a wild glare as I unbuckle the white belt and unbutton his jeans. I let the weight of it bring it down and use my foot to pull it off from him.

“I have a question too, remember?” I tease as I jump to sit on the wooden counter, slightly parting my legs.

He leans back on the white tiles of the wall and I laugh when he winces because of how cold it is.

“Shall I start?” I ask.  
“Sure.”  
“Well, just know that this wasn’t my original question, but I changed it.”  
“What if I want the original one?” He asks.  
“It’s not yours to decide.” I say before asking the actual question nervously. “Do YOU like me too?”

I avoid his gaze. I’m not usually the shy type, but I couldn’t bear to see the lie in his eyes if what he was probably going to answer wasn’t true. He giggles and walks up to me, placing his hips between my parted legs as he lifts my chin and gazes into my eyes.

“That much is obvious, I thought I made it clear already.”

I blush and don’t even bother hiding my face since it’s become so natural on my skin that he probably can’t even tell anymore when I am blushing or not.

“You’re turn.” I say as he tries to pull away from me but I hold him in place.

I’m keeping the option of kissing him as an answer if the question is too embarrassing. 

“Who is Levi Ackerman?” He blurts out.  
“Excuse me?” I say, looking at him quizzically. “That’s kind of vague.”  
“Ok then…tell me more about you, your past, your goals. Is that more clear?”  
“This counts as more than one question, idiot.” I smirk, suddenly very nervous and trying to hide it.

He rolls his eyes at me.

“FINE!” He shouts with an amused tone. “3 words to describe you in each period. One from the past, one from now, one from the future.”  
“See, you can be somewhat intelligent sometimes.”

He glares at me and all I can do is smile. I feel a bit relieved that I don’t have to explain anything to him in details, at least not yet because the day will certainly come. I take a moment to gather my thoughts and think of the words. After a while, I close my eyes to say them, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

“Past: Dangerous, Murderous, Broken.”

I glance at him through my seemingly closed eyelids. I can see by his reaction that he wants to know more, but he seems to understand, by my choice of words, that I’m not ready to talk about this with him. I open my eyes and look into his.

“Present: Lost, Happy, Lust”

He frowns.

“Lust? Is that all it…” He starts but I cut him off with a kiss.

_I am such a shit with words, even without having to say a lot, I manage to hurt him. I don’t want that. I hate myself for doing this to him._

“Happy, means there’s more than lust.” I add.

He’s relieved, I see it in his eyes. For some reason this makes me even happier now because I always wondered in the back of my head if this was just about sex. I always assumed it was only physical. I’m glad to know that it’s not, even thought I don’t know if I want more than that. _Well I know I do, but I don’t think I should. He’ll get hurt. I’ll destroy him. Like everyone else._

“Future:” I say as I bring my head down to hide from his gaze. “Scared. Indecisive. Hopeful.”

He frowns again.

“Well…definitely we’ll have to play another game of this.” He says.

I’m about to protest but he cuts me off.

“So… you said lust?” He smirks as he bends down to grab something from his pants pocket and then places it beside me on the counter.

I don’t need to look, I know it’s lub and a condom. _Shitty brat is always prepared. Good for me._ He places his hands on my thighs, pushing his hips on mine. A wide grin creeps up on my face as I move further back on the counter, ignoring the ton of flour still scattered all over it from the muffins I prepared earlier. With my index finger, I gesture playfully to him to “come here”. He obeys. _Good boy._ A carnal glare lights up in his eyes, matching mine. He climbs on me, forcing me to lay down and not caring one bit about the flour that’s now all over the back of my body and hair. _And for the first time ever, I couldn’t give less of a shit about being dirty._ Still, I need to get some kind of revenge for this. Or at least to make him believe that I am angry. I grab his arms and make his weight fall on me, right before rolling on top of him to sit. I rub my hands together, letting some flour fall on his abs.

“You got me dirty, I hate being dirty.” I say, glaring at him.  
“Actually, I’m sure you love it.” He says, raising his head a little to challenge me.  
“Careful.” I warn.

As a response, his right hand moves a bit further on the counter and he grabs a handful of flour to throw it right above me. I glare at him, suddenly a hint of anger makes its way to my head. Cleanliness isn’t a habit you can get out of your system so easily. I grab his wrists and pin them above his head as I lower my gaze to his eyes.

“You’ll pay for this.”  
“Bring it.” He says.

***

An hour later, the tea shop is packed with people that are celebrating the Titan’s victory. Eren helped me get through the rush of serving people even thought I told him not to. We had managed to clean ourselves and the kitchen before everyone started to arrive. We even had some time to add some new music to my laptop and get it hooked to the sound system. 

I’m about to go start the regular playlist, which usually plays until someone chooses a song that they want to sing, but a guy walks up to the counter, ready to order. I open my mouth to ask him what I can help him with but I trail off as I follow his gaze to Eren. 

“Eren, you work here? Wait…you have a job?” The boy says.

The brat turns around with a smile as I notice a little spot of flour on the back of his neck.

“Hey Marco, I haven’t seen you in the past two days, where the hell were you?” Eren asks, genuinely worried.  
“Oh I was…” Marco starts but gets cut off right away by a tall guy with the weirdest haircut.

I use the distraction to quickly whip the towel on the back of his neck. He doesn’t even realize that I did because he his gritting his teeth.

“Jaeger!” The other shouts. “Come on, get your ass to work and give us two coffees so we can leave and not have to stare at your face.”

Eren frowns in hatred and I know right away these two aren’t friends and I don’t blame him. _Not with hair like that._

“I don’t work here. I’m only helping my friend. But you wouldn’t understand, horse face, cause you have no friends, right?”

I can’t help but chuckle because he does has something that reminds me of a horse.

“What is it, midget?” The horse face says, now staring at me. “Something funny?”

My jaw clenches and Eren notices it right away. It seems like the guy, Marco, sees the warning in my eyes too.

“Come on Jean, let’s go.” Marco says, trying to pull on Jean’s hand.  
“No” He says, shoving Marco’s hand away. “The midget wants to laugh, so I’ll make him laugh. Alright midget, stand up! OH you’re already standing up. My bad.”

I clench my fists trying to remain calm, but this asshole is starting to get to me.

“Jean, seriously, I think you don’t know…” Eren warns but gets cut off by Jean again.  
“Shut up Jaeger! Now where…” He starts. “Shit where… where has Napoleon gone? Ohhhh he’s right there, I thought he disappeared under the counter.”

 _Enough. That’s fucking enough._ Eren looks at me as it takes me less than a second to take off my apron and jump over the counter, right in front of Jean. He is about to laugh, not understanding the warning in my eyes, but I choke it in his throat as I place my hand around his neck and move him around like a ball jointed doll. I grab a chair, not caring that customers are staring at me, and I force him to sit. I bring my eyes down to his level, about an inch from his face.

“If you call me short again, I will break you. Do you understand?” I ask.

He simply nods, unable to let out a word. _All traces of that fucking idiotic smile left his face._ Marco comes to him and stares at me.

“I’m sorry.” He says. “He can be an ass sometimes.”  
“Well, tell him to shut the fuck up because I won’t let anyone talk to me like that in my own shop.” I say louder than needed so that everyone hears. 

I turn around and start making my way back to the counter.

“Sure, I understand. And I’m sorry.” Marco says with a smile. “We’ll have two regular black coffees with two sugar cubes.”

I turn around to stare at him. _You have to be fucking kidding me? You want to order anyways?_ Eren walks up to us and stops beside me as Marco takes a seat beside Jean.

“I’ll take care of it. I think you should start mic night if you don’t want people to leave.” He whispers in my ear.

 _He’s right. He knows I wouldn’t have served them and I’m not in a position to refuse customers._ I sigh and I walk up to the stage, start the laptop and turn on the speakers and sub. I grab one of the microphones and switch it on. I clear my throat.

“Ladies and gents, second edition of Music night is starting right now, feel free to use the instruments and let us hear your voices. Enjoy the evening and remember we close at midnight.”

The kick off of the evening made everyone relax a bit. I had never acted like this before, at least not in my shop. I take a deep breath and walk back to the counter. Right away, a girl gets up and walks towards the laptop.

***

The boy gets off the stage as a couple of people care to applaud his lame performance. I shake my head before glancing up again. My gaze now follows the mushroom to the stage. That’s the name that I came up with for him, considering his haircut, that’s all he looks like. He climbs the two little steps and places a hand on the keyboard. He lets his fingers glide on the keys but no sound comes out of the massive speakers that Eren installed. The instrument must still be turned off. The only people who sang tonight, used the mic and laptop. Armin quickly glances at me as he approaches the laptop that is beside the keyboard. I nod imperceptibly. Eren has been sitting there, drawing for the past 15 minutes. I was ordered not to move and so I have been staring at the stage for a while now. The blond steps back to the keyboard and presses a key to see if it works, this time, a little note echoes in the shop, making heads turn towards the stage. Satisfied with the sound, Armin nods to himself as he goes back to the laptop and sets up something. Once it’s done, apparently, he rushes to sit in front of the keyboard and grabs the microphone’s stand to bring it down to his sitting position. He starts pressing keys as a familiar melody comes out from the speakers too. I instantly know what song it is because I really love it. Not that I ever love anything but this song gives me some strong feelings. It makes me feel powerful and whenever it plays, I instinctively close my eyes to let the lyrics sync in.

“Don’t close your eyes” Eren says a bit louder so that I can hear him.

 **“Oh if there's one thing to be taught”** The blond sings and I’m surprised by how much his voice sounds like the actual singer, Gavin Degraw. Eren turns around and notices that it’s Armin. As soon as he does, he gets up and rushes to the stage to grab the guitar as the blond gets through another phrase. I’m more amused than jealous but a peak of possessiveness surges through me as he didn’t even care to tell me he’d be right back. It was stupid to think that way, but this brat made me do stupid things anyways, I couldn’t help it. I watched as the song kept going.

**“And friends can never be bought**  
**Doesn't matter how long it's been**  
**I know you'll always jump in**  
**'Cause we don't know how to quit”**

Eren mouths the lyrics and gives a mischievous look to Armin and they both smile because it is fairly obvious that these two were meant to be friends and that those previous lyrics apply to them. It makes me wonder if there’s such a thing as soul mate friends. _Shitty Brats._

Then, Eren’s voice echoes in the shop even though he doesn’t have a microphone in front of him. _That damn kid he has one hell of a voice._

**“Let's start a riot tonight**  
**A pack of lions tonight”**

Armin’s voice is almost completely hidden behind his but they keep playing and I’m surprised to hear people who start clapping and stomping their feet. Then, his gaze meets mine as they sing the next sentence.

**“In this world, he who stops, won't get anything he wants”**

The message is clear. He didn’t give up and got what he wanted. _Me._ I can’t help but grin as their voices keep rising.

**“Play like the top one percent**  
**Till nothings left to be spent**  
**Take it all, ours to take, celebrate because”**

Historia gets up, and makes her way up onto the stage. She grabs a microphone to hold it in front of Eren. I notice the faint smile he gives her as a thank you and it deeply annoys me.

**“We are the champions**  
**Setting it off again**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire”**

She bounces to the music, she sways her hips in a way that would drive a man crazy, if the man was, indeed, interested in women but she doesn’t know that. Even then, I grit my teeth and all traces of a smile leave my face. _That little bitch._

**“Running our own campaign**  
**Doing the whole shebang**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire”**

Before I even know it, I’m beside the stage and I grab a microphone. I climb on the now too tiny platform and grab a stand to set up Eren’s microphone on it. I snatch it from the blonde girl and she frowns at me. I reply with my famous death glare and move closer to Eren as I untangle my mic’s wire. _Eren is mine and suddenly all I want to do is claim him as my own. I want everyone to know even though I know what this would mean for him, even thought I know he isn’t ready to tell them._ Eren claps his hand against his guitar. Armin’s voice resonates in the background as Eren lets him sing the song on his own. After all, it’s his idea, it’s his song. 

**“Get up, stand up, throw your hands up**  
**Welcome to the other land of**  
**Dreamers brothers sisters others**  
**Yeah we on fire like that”**

_The next part is mine though, I don’t care if they sing in the back, I don’t care if I make a fool of myself, this part is mine._ I raise the microphone to my mouth and sing.

**“Oh the bond is deeper than skin**  
**The kind of club that we're in**  
**The kind of love that we give**  
**Oh ever since the dawn of mankind**  
**We all belong to a tribe**  
**It's good to know this one's mine”**

I haven’t realized that most people were now standing up and dancing to the beat in front of the little stage as they mouthed the lyrics with us and cheered loudly to me at the last sentence. A shiver went down my spine as I felt very powerful and loved at that moment. So much that I also didn’t notice that Armin and Eren had let me sing the last part alone until their voices joined me back in the melody.

**“Let's start a riot tonight**  
**A pack of lions tonight**  
**In this world, he who stops, won't get anything he wants”**

I turn to Eren and his bright green eyes meet mine. The message that my gray gaze contains is a simple one: _I also got what I wanted, shitty Brat._ He grins onto the next lyrics with Armin and me.

**“Play like the top one percent**  
**Till nothings left to be spent**  
**We don't care, we won't stop, call your mothers, call the cops”**

We, Eren and I look at each other and decide to remain silent for the next couple of words to let Armin’s voice shine through.

**“We are the champions**  
**Setting it off again**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire”**

Eren’s sultry voice comes back to life, joined by mine, which is nothing but raw and the crowd cheers again, getting even closer to the stage.

**“Running our own campaign**  
**Doing the whole shebang**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire”**

And suddenly I stop singing as the next few words come up, leaving them two to keep up the beat as I lift my hands in the air and clap them together. Surprisingly, not a single person ignores the silent order and everyone in the audience is suddenly clapping with me. Even Historia is standing at the back, glaring at me but clapping her hands for Eren. I clench my teeth but decide to ignore her, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Armin and Eren’s faces flush red as the crowd’s involvement brings so many feelings to them and me. It is rare to share a bond, publicly, with people you don’t even know, most of them you’ve never met. It feels… _Amazing…_ to be appreciated in such a strange way.

**“Get up, stand up, throw your hands up**  
**Welcome to the other land of”**

Suddenly an arm yanks me back, almost making me trip in all the wires. It’s Hanji, my idiotic neighbor and ex. I glare at her but can’t erase the grin from my face. She’s up on the stage, with Erwin, leaving little to no space to move. She dances as other people climb on the platform, including Mikasa, which I’m more than surprised to see here. I move closer to my brat. _Yes. My brat. He’s mine._ And I casually lean on him, trying not to affect his singing and playing. I cock my head up to see his face and all there is there is a huge grin and crimson red cheeks. _Perfect._ I slide my free hand in his back pocket and he smirks at me while the next lyrics start to flow out of his mouth.

**“Dreamers brothers sisters others**  
**Yeah we on fire like that”**

Armin continues alone as the people in the shop gather even closer to the stage. Almost everyone is turned towards him, even us. I hear a faint bell ring in the back as the door keeps opening to let more curious people in.

**“Ohh... (fire, fire)**  
**Ooooh... (fire, fire)**  
**And nothings gonna be the same”**

A couple more people climb up on the stage, serving as back vocals. The one I recognize to be Ymir and that boy Connie holds Sasha, standing beside Armin at the keyboard.

**“Oh! We're the champions”**

Armin sings as loud as his lungs can allow. And then, with an agreeing look, Eren and I bring back the mics to our mouths to sing the next lyrics and are more than pleased when the whole surrounding crowd bounces and joins us to sing the lyrics loudly. Everyone shivers with excitement and I’m pretty sure anyone living within a mile can hear how awesome this moment is.

**“We are the champions**  
**Setting it off again**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire**  
**Running our own campaign**  
**Doing the whole shebang**  
**Oh we on fire**  
**We on fire”**

Everyone’s face is lit up with a spark and I’ve never felt anything so unifying in this life. I grin and look up to Eren who’s already looking down at me. He sets the guitar down against the keyboard and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. I expected only a hug because it wouldn’t look too suspicious to his friends but I’m surprised when I feel my feet lift up, leaving me on the tip of my toes as I only have a second to realize that his green eyes are shutting down and his lips are pressed against mine in a deep kiss that I’ll never pull away from.

**“The heart and soul**  
**Hey and nothing's going to be the same**  
**Hey the life …”**

Armin lets the rest fade away as the crowd sings it and ends up by cheering our three names one after the other, begging for more. Eren pulls away from my lips, still holding me tight, protectively. He bends forward and my heart skips a beat because my mind is certain that my back will hit the floor. Instead, my gaze meets green eyes that look at me with something special in them. He raises me back up and I realize this was us, saluting the crowd. _This boy can’t do anything the normal way, it seems. Then again, he’s not normal and I’d never want him to be._

I quickly glance over at his friends and see that most of them are sporting a huge grin. Except for Mikasa and Historia. Both of them are beyond angry but I expected that, so it didn’t matter. I look back up to Eren and grab his chin to bring his lips to mine once more. He pulls away with a smile, his eyes full of something I’ve never seen before. _Something that is directed to me, and me only._ I blush and turn my head, unable to stand the electricity between us. I’m about to jump down the stage to let other people sing when I realize that Erwin is now in front of us, staring at Eren with an empty look in his eyes. I cough, trying to make him move aside. He doesn’t.

“Oi! Doctor, move.” I mutter.

He blinks a couple of times and then his gaze lowers down to our laced fingers.

“Hello?” I say, snapping my fingers at him.

He blinks again and then slowly moves aside to let us down the stage. When I turn around, he’s gone. _Why would I care?_

Armin gets up in an attempt to come and talk to us but Sasha forces him to sit back in front of the keyboard as she whispers something in his ear. Armin’s smile grows wide as Connie browses the songs in my laptop. When he doesn’t find what he’s looking for, he stares at me. Silently asking if he can buy it on itunes. I wave nonchalantly to him. _I couldn’t care less about money right now. For all I know, all I would ever need are the bright eyes staring into mine at this exact moment. And suddenly I was certain that I wanted more. Way more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N)So? Any thoughts on what happened in this chapter? Like? Dislike? Worries? I was wondering if you liked those song thingys…. Because I have a couple of other I’d like to do but if it’s too much or plainly annoying, I won’t do it. (Doesn’t mean it would be a Music night, btw *wink wink*)
> 
> Also it has been mentioned that "There's too much swearing" ... I don't know, to me it's pretty toned down compared to some other fics I've read, but I guess I'd like feedback on that? 
> 
> Like I said, next chapter will have some references to the previous fic so you might be a bit lost if you didn’t read it. (that’s why this one is a “sequel”). Hum, anything you’d like to read about? More of certain people? Less of others? I know where the base of the story is going but I have more around it, which is why there is space for those kind of things. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated. See you next Monday ;) In the meantime you can follow me on instagram or tumblr: hikarimitsuko


	8. Let it blind me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): This chapter picks up exactly where we left. Eren and Levi are “dancing” in the crowd. Reminder: Wonderland was something that was mentioned when they had their first time together in a previous chapter, in case you’re wondering about it in this chapter. And wow, sorry if I sound really surprised but I just noticed that my fics together have a total hit of 2k and I’m just wondering why…lol I never expected so many people to read them, especially since I write them for me in first place. Thanks? I guess XD. Anyways, I’ll be at Anime North on the 23rd of May as Levi if you guys wanna come see me… I mean Corporal Levi. Follow me on insta or tumblr for more info on that and maybe a meetup: hikarimitsuko. 
> 
> I track the tags #butsinceweregoingtodiehere and #butsinceweregoingtolivehere on tumblr.
> 
> PS: The next chapter is Halloween, I’ll be taking suggestions for Levi and Eren’s costumes (comment). If nothing tempts me enough, I’ll turn this into a masquerade theme (because holy f*ck Levi with a masquerade mask).
> 
> Songs in this chapter.  
> Christina Perri ft. Ed Sheeran – Be my forever (you’ll see by who sings, how fkn perfect this is for them)  
> Vance Joy – The mess is mine  
> Of monsters and men – Yellow light (THE MOST IMPORTANT SONG)

I assumed the evening couldn’t be better than it already was. Until Sasha and Connie started singing “Be my forever” to each other. At least I guessed that was the song’s name since it was a recurring lyric in it. I didn’t really care honestly because all I wanted was to stay there, in his arms, until he wouldn’t let me be.

I press my head against his chest, trying to hear his heartbeat over the loud music and the crowd of people still bouncing and singing. I can’t hear the sound I’m desperately longing for, but it’s alright. Just his lungs moving to a steady rhythm is already enough for me. _It’s more than I deserve anyway._ I raise my chin to look at him. He bounces from one leg to the other for the both of us as I detail all of his features. Not that I haven’t done that already when he was asleep, but I would never grow tired of it and I was sure of that. And it scared me. It scared me so much. He didn’t know that I lost my family 6 years ago. He didn’t know it was my fault that my best friend and his sister died, and when he would, he wouldn’t want me. _I wouldn’t want myself either. As much as I want to stay away from him, I just can’t help it. Not that I have tried to stay away either and I don’t want to. I think that’s what keeps my mind from letting go completely with him. I’m just scared of the moment I’ll have to tell him about my past._  
I grew from it, alone. A shadow of what I once was. A dangerous street kid who had a whole cartel of people to serve him and do things I wasn’t proud of. The only thing I find impressive, is that I never actually killed anyone. But I did beat up some people who deserved a lot worse than what I did to them. And those people, they came after me, a lot of them did. But I had faithful friends, I was respected. I knew, back then, that people would make sure to shield me from them because I was their King. Unfortunately, I was too careless. My childhood friends, the ones that grew up in the streets with me, the ones who I considered family, were always by my side. One day, my shield wasn’t there anymore, I had been dethroned by some new thug who made people call him “Heritage”. I didn’t know his real name, I never have. I never even saw the men, he was always hooded when I did. Because even after he stole everything from me, my business, my home, my day to day life, it wasn’t enough. He had to kill them. Farlan and Isabel, he killed them exactly where I had left them an hour earlier on that day. Which meant he had been lurking and waiting for me to leave. It was all so simple. I made it easy for him to just go ahead and kill the only family I had. The only people that mattered.

I searched for him. I hired people to find him, to give me his identity. They couldn’t, the man was a mask and outside of it he didn’t exist. It took a year for me to finally have him in a corner alone. I was about to kill him, I had my gun against his temple but he raised a hand. The idiot that I was had a doubt and so I waited to hear what he had to say. That’s when he moved his coat to open it. And my hand twitched on the gun nervously as he raised his hand again to calm me down. I didn’t calm down. Not until his coat was fully open and I saw a baby in his arms. A little girl with wide blue eyes that was staring at my gun. And I knew I couldn’t.

I turned around and ran. I ran until I didn’t know how to breathe, how to speak. I fell apart in an alley and I broke. I cried and yelled until I was nothing else but empty clouded eyes that stared at the wall. I got robbed and beat up as I was sitting and waiting for death to take me. I didn’t care. I didn’t have anything to care for anymore. I was letting myself go.

Then, one day, an old lady named Maria sat with me. She had long hair that went down to the middle of her back. She could’ve been mistaken for a hippie and I knew better than to pay any attention to her. Until she dropped a bag in front of me. I didn’t move as she waited for me to do so. Eventually she opened the bag. She brought me food, food that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want. And she forced me to eat it. 

“Eat kid. You have to eat otherwise you’ll run out of fuel.” She said.  
“I don’t want to eat.” I muttered. “I want to die but I’m too proud to take my own life.”  
“Then let me give you a choice.”

I raised my gaze up to hers, wondering why the fuck she was even bothering with me. She nodded and continued.

“I will put a knife through your heart if you can repeat these little words to me: I.LOST.HOPE.”

I stared at her. Considering saying the words. It would be really easy, they were just letters assembled into a sentence. She looked serious enough to put a knife through my heart, especially since she had one in her hand that was busy cutting slices of an apple. I don’t remember much. I remember that after several minutes of thinking, I couldn’t repeat those words to her, because somehow, as much as their deaths hurt, I had hope for one thing. I had hope for vengeance and the peace of mind it would bring me. One day, I would avenge them and it might not be now because I couldn’t take a father from a child. But all children grow up. And all fathers leave.  
At least mine did. After killing my mom for letting me live. He had wanted her to get an abortion but she held on to me with her life for three years. Enduring getting beat up every now and then and shielding me with the little strength she had left. He agreed not to touch me, as long as she was being an obedient wife. At least that’s what I read in her journal and I remember my nails dug into my skin as I did. I burned the thing. It hurt too much to know that her pain was still in this world in the form of words. That one day when I was just a toddler who wouldn’t shut up, I cried too much. I don’t even remember why. I pushed him over the edge. I just remember that I cried and then him rushing to her before blood splat on my face. Another death that was my fault. Of course I was too young at the time to remember it clearly but I remember him walking away, unable to stab me for a 3rd time. 

And I would have to tell Eren eventually, because he would ask about the scars once he noticed them and I was never the type to lie. I was sure he was going to walk away after that. I was half the men I was before, I was tamed, I was calmer and today I was the happiest I had ever been. I was scared I was going to lose that and I was positive that I would.

“Are you alright?” He asks, tangling his fingers in my hair to make me look at him.

I take a deep breath and push back the feelings that I let surfaced without knowing. I angle my head just enough so that I can claim his lips. My soul doesn’t need more than that to heal. And I guess that is why I cling to him so easily. Don’t get me wrong, I loved to be alone, it made the pain somewhat more bearable, but I knew as soon as I saw him, that he could be as good to me as he was to the man that I was in the dreams. It’s like I already felt love for him before even meeting him. It’s like I had always longed for this, for his tanned skin against mine, for his arms circling my waist. The feeling is strange because I never felt it before, but for once in my life I know it is right and I would never walk away from something that makes me feel something else than numb. _I love him and that is absurd, because it only just started. Whatever “it” is. But I do love him, I’m sure of it and that scares me even more._ So I claim his lips again and again and again until the evening is over. And for the first time since I own the shop, I lock the door without cleaning anything.

“Aren’t you going to…” Eren starts before I cut him off.  
“Tch. Not when I have you.”

He stares at me for a moment and a smile grows wide on his face.

“I’m not going anywhere, you know?”  
“You said that before.” I say, not even realizing why these words came out of my mouth.

 _Why the hell would I say that?_ He looks at me with a question in his eyes. And I wish I could explain why I said it but I can’t. It’s probably something I would’ve wanted to say to Farlan and Eren is close enough to looking like him that I substituted my thoughts with what I really wanted to say. _I have no idea._

“I’m sorry, I was thinking out loud and I don’t even know why I thought that, it’s not like we have ever been together or anything so I…”  
“Well to me we have.” He shots back in an alarmed tone. “What was the last week to you?”

My eyes shoot up to his and I stop walking. I never thought he’d actually really want that from me. I stare at him dumbfounded. Even if it wasn’t only physical, I never thought he’d want a relationship out of this. My stomach turns from the overwhelming amount of contradicting feelings. I feel bad for hurting him so easily with my words, again. I feel bad that he doesn’t know about my past. I feel bad that I am too selfish to walk away from him before he sees who I really am. But most of all, I am on cloud nine because he likes me so much more than I expected him to. _The bundle of imperfect things that I am is loved. Well, of course he wouldn’t put it that way. I’d never even dream for him to fall in love with me. This would be too much of a commitment and I wouldn’t even believe him if he said he did._ He raises his hands, silently repeating his question.

“It was just what you said, a relationship.” I say. “At least to me it was, but I wasn’t going to bring that up.”  
“Why not?” He asks.  
“Oh come on, I’m much older than you. Do you really see that happening? I thought you would never agree to something like this, something exclusive.”  
“What am I, a whore?” He laughs which makes me chuckle too. “Yes, I genuinely thought you’d ask. I don’t care about your fucking age, do you want me to tattoo it on my forearm or something?”  
“You’re such an idiot…”

He smirks.

“So…” He says as he starts walking again. “Are you going to officially ask?”  
“What? What are we, 5 year olds?” I say. “You just said yourself that that’s what it was to you, what else do you need? Me on my knees?”  
“Well as much as this is tempting, I only meant that I’d like to hear the words from you.” He says.

He brings his head down, hiding his chin and cheeks in his coat and stares at his feet. I look down and then back at him, unable to decide if I want to do this, because he is serious. _The hell with it, I already know his answer, it’s no big deal. If the Brat needs that, I’ll give it to him._

“Eren.”  
“Yeah?” He says, turning to me again.

I stop him by tugging on his coat. If I’m going to ask this he’s going to look at me, which he does.

“Do you want to be with me? And only me.” I ask, the corner of my lips quirked up.  
“Yes, I do.” He smiles. “Wow, that was so much more formal than what I expected you to say.”

I roll my eyes so hard that he probably hears the sound of it.

“Eren, that is exactly how you kill a romantic moment. AND, you can stop expecting things from me. If you want this to work we’re going to have to play the boxer game a lot because you obviously don’t know me very well.”  
“I can’t say I’m disappointed by that thought. Although now I’m curious to know more.”

I turn my head away, pretending I heard something but he sees right through me.

“I know you’re not ready.” He says, pulling me in. “I won’t push you. I have things that I’d rather not talk about right now either.”

And just these words, make me worried that he ever had to suffer. Because I wouldn’t let that happen now. I would be there. I would be the shield that I should have been back then. I pull on his coat and he leans against the wall as he pulls me on the tip of my toes again, in a kiss that would beat any cold night. In the split second where I meet his eyes, flickering under the old street light, I see pain and I don’t want it there. Not now, not ever, not anymore. _I won’t let it._ I step back as snow starts to fall on us. He pulls the hood of his coat up and then turns to me. He pulls the green scarf out of his coat and wraps it around me. The fabric is soft against my skin and I must look ridiculous, but I really don’t care.

“So, how much do you charge?” I ask, breaking the silence as we start walking again.

He looks at me from the side.

“The scarf? It’s yours, I’m giving it to you.” He says.  
“Tch. You don’t have to.” 

I can feel myself blushing. 

“I meant for your services.” I add.  
“It’s a gift, take it. And I’m sorry but you got me lost.”

I wanted to protest again, but his scent lingered on the scarf and I knew I couldn’t give it back now. I wanted to have it. It was his and I wanted everything that was him. 

“Well little whore, how much do you fucking charge?” I say, raising an eyebrow.

He stops walking and I halt a step ahead. I turn around and he’s staring at me blankly. It only takes a split second for his mood to shift and he grabs my arm to push my back against the wall, a playful glare in his eyes. He pins me there with his hips and looks down at me as his hands move down to my hips. He claws his nails deep, right above the band of my boxers and I moan, unable to control myself as the blood rushes down there. With my obvious satisfaction, he grinds a bit against me and I’m thankful that the streets are desert because the sound that comes out of my mouth is really far from general audience. He brings his mouth near my ear, the same way he had back at the bar.

“You couldn’t afford me.” He whispers, tugging on my earlobe with his teeth.

Right now all I want is for him to take me. _Here. Now. I don’t give a shit._ Seemingly reading my mind. He adds:

“Not here. You’re coming to my place.” He says.

I frown, losing the momentum.

“But the guy, Marco…and we’re right on the corner of my apartment.” I protest.  
“What if I want your scent everywhere too?” He asks, tugging a little on my scarf. “Are you going to refuse that to me?”

I blush, realizing that he must have noticed that I smelled it.

“Fine.” I say, rolling my eyes as my cheeks turn pink. “But you better keep that mood you had going on here.”  
“Marco will just have to watch.” He says and my eyes shoot up at him.  
“I’m kidding.” He adds. “He’s always at Jean’s place lately, so no worries, I’ll put a chair under the knob.”  
“Reassuring.” I mutter.  
“I swear we’re going to be alone. Don’t worry.”

I nod and start walking in the direction from where we just came. A second later he quickly passes beside me as he jogs backwards. 

“Race me, old man!”  
“You fucking…”

He’s gone, already running. And I can’t lose him because I don’t know where he lives, so I run. And surprisingly it takes me less than 30 seconds to be next to him and I’m not even pushing hard. Eren though, is exhausted. It makes me wonder how his body can be so hot. _Apparently I’ll have to make him do “cardio” with me, a lot of “cardio”._

***

We walk in the dark corridor, trying to make as little noise as possible as we make our way to Eren’s door on the far left. He slides his key in and pushes the handle.

“Don’t you want to knock first, maybe?” I ask, trying to remove any image of the horse face’s butt of my head.  
“They are staying at Jean’s, he lives alone so obviously that’s a better place for them.” He says as he pushes the door open and lets me in.

The room is small with two beds and two desks that mirror each other. The difference is that it’s obvious which side is Marco’s side. It is accented in lime green and shades of whites. It looks calm and zen compared to the other side where a dark green unmade bed thrones in the middle of a wall of posters and drawings. It might’ve looked a bit like a childish décor compared to its neighbor, but as I walk closer and sit on the bed to look at the wall, I realize that it is way more than that. There are a couple of photos of Mikasa and some new ones of Armin in a photobooth where he is tousling Eren’s hair. But the other posters are breathtaking. Sketches and drawings that look beyond amazing. Landscapes, people, feelings. It’s so powerful and it hit me right there.

“How come you never showed me those?” I ask.

He drops his coat at the door and jumps on the bed beside me. He pulls me back and forces me to lay down beside him as we both stare at the wall.

“Because they don’t matter.” He says. “The ones I showed you are the ones that matters because they have the people I care about in it.”

I nod, satisfied by the fact that he showed me the ones he deemed worthy of his talent, the ones of me and his friends. To me, though, these drawings were as amazing, if not more, than the ones I’ve seen before. I look up again and point at one of the drawings that shows a women, or more precisely some type of weirdly strange women with a very wide smile and long teeth. 

“Who’s that?” I ask.  
“A creature that I see at night. In my nightmares.”

And in a split second I feel like it reminds me of something.

“I want to go there someday.” Eren says, pointing at a photo of what seems to be Bora Bora and by the same token, chasing my thoughts further away.

“And you’ll go.” I say truthfully.  
“Levi, do you have any idea how much this costs?” He laughs. “I can’t afford it and you can’t afford it.”  
“I’ll find a way.” I say, turning my face to him.

He stares at me and his eyes meets mine. That light that I love is shining even brighter at the moment. He grins and a second later his lips are on mine and he’s pinning me on the bed. I gasp, turning my head towards the door.

“Wait, is it locked?”

And I won’t get an answer, because he is already stripping me and I let my hands do the same to him. His hands travel up and down my chest and stop at the little crease under my heart. Then, his other hand find its way to the crease above my heart. I stiffen and he notices. _He’s going to ask now. He’s going to want to know what those are._ He looks at me and angles his head, a faint smile on his lips.  
He brings his head down and leaves a trail of kisses all over the tiny creases that stretched with me as I grew up. He looks back at me and claims my lips again. He was telling the truth when he said he wouldn’t push me into telling him. Perhaps he even noticed the tiny scars the other times but didn’t bring it up. _The kid was perfection in every way. He was my savior, my second chance at a better life and I wouldn’t waste it._ Suddenly I felt like telling him everything, I felt like not holding back anymore even if it meant that I was going to say the three words, but his tongue slid in my mouth and I forgot what was on my mind.

***

I wake up as the sun filters through the dark green and white curtains. I raise myself on an elbow and glance around. The brat’s not there, but I hear music. I scan the room and realize it is coming out of the ear buds that are plugged in the laptop that sits near my feet. _He must have went to the bathroom or something._ I remember going there last night and earning a couple of disapproving looks because I was probably too old to be there. _If only they knew._  
I pick up one ear bud and place it in my ear. I recognize the song immediately. It’s _Vance Joy – The mess is mine”_. I love the song because I am such a mess myself and I really wouldn’t mind having his mess being mine either. I place the second one in my ear and I open up itunes to start browsing through his music. We seem to have similar taste for that. There’s a lot of indie in there but he seems to listen to pretty much anything, like me. I browse until I see a song that I might have heard but am not sure I did. So I click the file and the title appears on top. _Of Monsters and Men – Yellow light”._ I sit back, my back resting against the wall.

I’m startled a couple of seconds later when Eren walks in with two coffees. Noticing the ear buds, he just waves and hands me a coffee. He sits beside me and pulls the cover over us and I feel like I’m stuck in an igloo or something. _To be honest, I don’t care as long as it’s with him._ He takes one ear bud from my ear and puts it in his. Then he presses a key and starts the song again as he cuddles close to me, leaning his head on mine. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with my heart in that moment but it has an irregular beating that makes me feel giddy. I let a smile grow on my face. _I’m content. I’ve never felt so good in this life. Just listening to music and sitting like that with someone I love and who, likes me too._

I had never heard the song, it’s probably the group’s name that I know well. I wouldn’t know because I have way too many songs in my laptop to remember them all. He seems to have the same problem too.

“I will lead you through this wonderland.” Eren sings as he turns to look at me.  
“Perv.” I mouth and he laughs.

I take a long sip of coffee as Eren starts browsing the list for other songs that he probably wants me to listen to. I should get going because I have to get changed before I open the shop, which is all in about 45 minutes, but I can’t resolve to get myself up and away from him.

“The light is blinding my eyes” I repeat after the lyrics, staring into his eyes.

He doesn’t know what I’m referring to but it means so much that those lyrics would happen to be exactly what I feel. _I love him and the light he shines on me. Let it blind me, let it save me from the shadows of who I once was._

“Do you want me to fix the curtains?” He asks with too much concern in his voice. As if he had to make a good impression.

I can’t help but start to laugh. I tousle his hair.

“No Brat, don’t you dare move away from me.”

He smiles and leans on me again.

“You know, those last lyrics makes me laugh… ”As the soft walls eat us alive” … What is that even supposed to mean? There should be limits to what poetry can allow to be vague.”  
“Well, if you consider us right now, we might as well be trapped in soft walls that are eating us alive.” I say as I gesture to the bed cover.

He laughs and finds another song to put on. I take off my ear bud, noticing the time.

“Brat, I really don’t want to go, but the tea shop…”  
“Oh my god, Levi. You’re going to be late.” He shouts as he gets up to throw me my clothes.

I grin.

“Wow, you’re quick to get me out of your bed.” I tease.  
“Don’t be dumb.” He says, bending down to kiss me as I button up my shirt. “I’ll come over after school.”  
“I know you will.” I smile.

***

The whole time that I was walking, I couldn’t keep the wide grin off my face. I shake my head a couple of times but nothing can take his bright green eyes off of my mind today. Except the men sitting against my apartment door, who seems unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): So, thoughts on this chapter? Anything you particularly liked/disliked? And also you can comment your costume suggestions (read the author note at the top) ;). BTW, I will start posting a little teaser every week on my tumblr (for the following Mondays). I did it this week and people seemed to like it. I also feel like adding the mood song to each chapter (the song I listen to as I write). Thoughts?
> 
> Oh and…I think I pretty much got this layed down to be around 35chapters.


	9. Black cravat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Surprise update! YAY! Which means you'll still be getting a chapter on monday. I was writing and realized that this would be way too long to all be posted on monday, so I cut the chapter in half. I'm sorry in advance for the start of this chapter... (Just as a warning, you might not want to read if you suffered abuse).
> 
> PS: Not alot of comments on here and tumblr about the costumes...nothing that sparked my interest enough. So Masquerade it is.

“Erwin?” I say, nudging at his side with my foot.

He’s not answering so I grab him by the shoulders and shake him.

“ERWIN?” I shout.

He jumps, startled, which makes me do the same.

“What the fuck?” I mutter.

He blinks a couple of times and when he realizes where he is and who’s in front of him, he quickly gets up and wipes his hands on his ass to remove any dirt that would’ve stuck to his pants.

“Levi.” He nods.

I simply stare at him, waiting for some explanation or goodbye.

“Can…I speak with you?” He says, his eyes weirdly searching mine.

I shake my head.

“I don’t have time for this shit, but whatever. Come in I guess.”

I was angry. Not only because he had been blocking my entry way, but also something deeper that made me hate the man for no particular reason. It was probably the fact that he seemed so perfect and in control while I was a total mess most of the time. _In my head that is._ I pick up the remote and gesture to the sound system linked to itunes. It automatically starts playing the next song on my playlist: Bastille – Bad Blood. I lower the volume and drop the remote onto the couch.

“So, what’s up Doc?”  
“Are you serious?” He chuckles.

I glance over my shoulder with a smirk as I walk towards my room while taking off my shirt. A moment later, I hear a small shaky breath behind me so I turn around. He is there. _Right there._ He doesn’t even give me the time to say a word, he pushes me against the wall and forces his lips onto mine. I push him away, barely having the time to protest that he’s already pinning me back on the wall with his disgusting mouth and it takes me less than a second to have my shirt wrapped around his neck, ready to snap it if he doesn’t pull away. _Good for him, he gets the hint. And good for me, old habits die hard._ I’m pleased with myself for still being able to kick some ass if need be.

“What the fuck was that for?” I shout, throwing my shirt at him. “What is wrong with you?”  
“You don’t remember.” He says matter of factly as he brings his head down.

I stare at him, trying to figure out what he means and I press two fingers against my temple. I close my eyes and sigh.

“Listen, I don’t know what you think I should remember…” I pause. “But I only just met you and whatever this was, it can’t happen again. Not only because I’m not interested, but I have a boyfriend.”

The feeling in my stomach as I say the word for the first time is more than endearing. _I wanna say it again._ I want to shout it but now isn’t the time. I tap my foot, waiting for an answer, or preferably for him to leave, but I doubt it would be so easy. And of course it isn’t.

“I thought a kiss would make you remember.” He says to himself more than to me.

I cross my arms.

“Dude, get the fuck out, okay? You’re creeping me out with your shit.” I snap.

He slightly raises his head, making me feel so small but I wouldn’t let that show. It wouldn’t be the first time that some bigass tree would try and scare me off. I start taping my foot again. One more sign for him that it’s time to leave. Which, _thank god_ , he does.

After he closes the door, I don’t give myself time to think about any of it, I just rush to shower and get ready and then head off to the tea shop. I meet a customer that turns away from the door.

“Wait! Sorry I’m late.” I say as she turns back to me. It’s Ymir, the girl that follows Historia around.  
“It’s alright as long as you have a coffee for me.”  
“It’ll only take a couple of minutes, if you want to wait.” I say as I unlock the door and let her in front of me.

I press all the buttons before even removing my coat. Then I move away from the counter to hang it. My fingers are hesitant on the scarf and I choose to keep it on, shyly smelling it as I turn around.

I serve Ymir and then when she leaves, I sit down with a book. My mind cannot focus enough though and I close it almost as soon as I open it. The only thing on my mind is Eren. I will be telling him about Erwin’s attempt later. I don’t want any lies between us. _I hate lies._ Lies never stay lies, they get out eventually and without them, there isn’t any useless drama afterwards. Not that there wouldn’t be any with this. I was sure the kid would be pounding on Hanji’s door the moment after I tell him. I didn’t like the thought of him fighting Erwin since he was basically a wall, but the thought of him acting territorial with for me was appealing. I smirk and try re-opening the book. This time, I’m distracted by the bell of the door. I raise my gaze just to see Erwin rushing towards me again. I stand up, motioning my head from one side to the other but he doesn’t stop. He walks right past me to the kitchen door and catches my wrist in the process to pull me behind him. I follow, since I can’t find a way to make him loosen his grip, no matter how much I try. He sharply turns to me and shoves me against the wooden counter. _Fuck!_ Instinctively, I look around to try and see what could be used as a weapon. I don’t pay too much attention to it though, the man might be a bit weird but he’d never hurt me. _Would he?_

And that’s when I get my answer. Because as my hands are gripping the counter with my back leaning over it, pushing as far away as possible from him, I realize that his eyes have something in them, something I have only seen back in the days when I lived with those kind of people. My throat tightens and I know why. I have a feeling of what’s to come so I quickly turn around to get the knife that is at the other end of the counter. I’m not fast enough and I just gave him the perfect way to keep me in my place. _I’m such an idiot._ I try jumping but he pushes my shoulders down. He presses his hips against mine and the feeling I have on my behind is more than disgusting. He is turned on by this and I know he intends on doing something about it. I move again, trying to run away and making it as less sexual as possible, but it doesn’t work. Instead, he pins me harder against the counter, making my hip bones crack in the process. It doesn’t break, but it hurts enough to make me see black dots. He pushes his hands on my back, forcing me to bend over. My eyes become teary as I realize what’s going to happen. I try to get away once more but he smacks my head on the counter by pulling down on Eren’s scarf. Leaving me dizzy and unable to fight for a moment. I cry out:

“Why?”

He bends over me, brushing my earlobe with his lips. I can’t help but gag at the touch.

“Because whatever it takes, I won’t let him have you. I will force you to remember. I will force you to remember who’s Heichou and who’s Danchou.”

The word spark a fire inside of me. _Only Eren would ever be allowed to call me that. I don’t know how he knew that or who is the Danchou he mentions, and I frankly don’t give a fuck, but I am going to get out of this. I am going to get out of this and I will make him pay for what he just tried to do._

“But I remember.” I say, trying to get into his game.  
“Is that so, Levi?” He asks, half believing what I’m saying.

As a response I roll my hips sensually. Just enough to make him gasp at the unexpected cooperation of my body. Just enough to give me time to jump on the counter and kick him between the legs. Then I slide at the other end to grab the knife. I stand up straight and point it at him menacingly.

“Get the fuck out.”  
“Levi, I-…I-…”  
“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” I shout, not even worried that there might be people on the other side. 

He painfully walks to the door and before he pushes it, he turns around.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters.  
“I don’t give a flying fuck about your apologies, you don’t know who you’re messing with. I’m going to say this one last time. GET.THE.FUCK.OUT.”

He does.

***

“You seem worried.” Eren says as he sits on my bed.  
“Not particularly.” I start. “But there’s something I need to tell you. Something that happened today.”  
“Now you’re making me worried.” He says, angling his head.  
“Well…”  
“Shit…So I am supposed to be worried…”  
“Will you let me fucking talk.” I snap as I turn around to sit on the bed with him.

He frowns and turns his head away.

“Eren.” I place my hands over his. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I need to find the words and I’m scared of how you’ll react.”

He sharply turns his head back to me.

“Did you cheat?”  
“NO!” I shout. “Oh my god no. Why would you say something like that?”

He shrugs.

“I don’t know, I’m just used to people leaving…so I figured…”  
“You didn’t figure anything, dumbass. I’d never do that to anyone especially not to you. I-…”

I blush and trail off, hoping he won’t ask for what I was about to say. It almost slipped from my mouth and I would’ve been angry if it did. I wasn’t going to tell him under those circumstances.

“What is it then?” He asks.  
“Erwin.”

He frowns.

“Erwin?” He says.  
“Yes, Erwin. Hanji’s boyfriend, fuckfriend, roommate, I have no idea what the fuck they are. My neighbor, Erwin.”  
“What about him?”

I tell him everything. Not leaving even one detail aside, especially since he was scared I’d cheat on him. I didn’t want him to ever doubt that I was faithful to him. He looks at me with angry eyes as I finish explaining what happened in the kitchen of the Tea shop.

“I feel like it ruined what we did there, like it spoiled my memory of you there and got replaced with his and how scared I was.”

He glares at me, fists clenched on his thighs. He knows I have more to say so I keep going.

“I know how to take care of myself, Eren. I have during so many years. I know how to defend myself, how to get out. Still, it doesn’t mean I was less scared of what was about to happen. I’m not scared of him now, I’ll keep a close eye on him and I’ll be ready for anything. It just sucks that I’m fucking up our evening with this shitty story.”  
“I will kill him.” Eren says.

My fears all confirmed in these 4 little words.

“Don’t. You’ll regret it if you do something.”  
“You don’t know what regret is.” He says.  
“I DO!” I shout a bit louder than needed. “If I say that, it’s because I speak of experience.”

His gaze meets mine.

“You killed someone?” He says.  
“No.” I reply right away. “But close enough.”  
“And you regret it?”  
“No.” I pause. “But I regret the consequences of it.”  
“I don’t understand you speaking in code, Levi. I’m going to kick his ass.”

He gets up and runs to the door before I even have time to stop him. He pounds on Hanji’s door. It opens at the same time as I join Eren, trying to pull him back into my apartment. He rolls his shoulders, removing my hands from them.

“Where is he?” He says.  
“Who?” Hanji asks, glancing at me.  
“Erwin, the piece of shit. ERWIN!” Eren shouts.  
“He got called at the hospital. Do you want to come in?” She says.  
“Not its fi-…” I start to say but Eren cuts me off.  
“Tell him, that I’ll make him pay for what he did. Tell him that I’ll find him wherever he goes.”

Hanji looks at me, frowning. She rarely does. She usually has a daydreaming look but right now she seems concerned.

“It’s nothing.” I mutter.  
“Nothing?” Eren shouts. “He tried to… He tried to… FUCK!”

He turns around and slams the door of my apartment as he walks back in.

“What did he do?” Hanji asks.  
“He made a move on me. And when I refused, he didn’t stop.” I pause. “And I’m sorry if it fucks up your relationship or whatever you two are.”

She gapes at me.

“He ra*ed you?”

I sharply turn my head to look around.

“Shut the fuck up, don’t say that.”  
“But that’s what he did.” She says with anger in her eyes, anger that I have never seen, even when we broke up.  
“He didn’t fucking do that. I got away before he did.”  
“But he tried!” She says. “Your boyfriend’s right, he deserves severe punishment for that.”  
“I know okay? I fucking know. I can handle myself thank you!” I snap.

She gestures to my door, knowing me too well to attempt arguing with me.

“Go see him, you need him as much as he needs you right now.”

I nod and turn around. I walk back in the apartment and I’m surprised that he isn’t sitting on the couch. The door of the bedroom is open. I walk there and see him laying on the bed with his forearm over his eyes. His cheeks are shining with tears and I wish, at that moment, that I was good at lying. That I wouldn’t have told him. That I wouldn’t see him hurt like that. Perhaps it was time… time for him to understand just how strong I was. Just how much I was able to take care of myself. I walk to my chest of drawers and pull one open. One that contains only memories that I can’t bring myself to throw away. I pick up the black piece of cloth that has been neatly folded in this drawer for the past couple of years. I turn around and walk to him. He removes his arm from his eyes when he feels my weight shifting on the bed. When he notices how serious I am, he sits up to gaze at me.

“What is it?”  
“I’m going to tell you everything.” I mutter, handing him the black cloth.  
“What’s that?” He asks.  
“It’s a cravat. Something I used to wear every day up to 6 years ago.”  
“Why don’t you wear it anymore?” He turns it in his hand to inspect it.  
“Because I’m not this person anymore and I really hope you’ll understand that once you’ll know everything. I know this is probably going to be the end of us when you finally have a bigger picture on who I am.”

He presses his hand on mine, placing the cravat between our hands.

“Whatever this is, whatever this means, it doesn’t matter. I see who you are now and it’s the only important thing. Of course I want to know you better and that includes knowing your past, whatever it was. It also works the other way around, I will tell you when I am ready. Now go ahead and don’t worry about what I might think because my opinion won’t change. I promise.”

A weight that I didn’t know I had over my head and on my shoulders, just lifts, leaving me free to speak. _Perhaps he wouldn’t run, but his opinion would change._ At least it gave me enough hope to start talking.

When I was finally done, he stared at me blankly and I was surprised when he slid next to me on his knees to hug me. I didn’t need it. I didn’t need pity or whatever it was he was feeling, but I wouldn’t pull away. Not when I saw in his eyes that he was just genuinely happy that I trusted him enough to tell him all that.

“I-…” He starts.

Instinctively, I place my thumb on his lips as I grab his chin.

“No. Don’t say it. Not like that.” I mutter.

He blushes, confirming what I thought he was going to say. My heartbeat races into my chest and I can barely maintain a straight face.

“What about this?” He asks, pointing at the black piece of cloth that lays on the bed beside us.  
“Just throw it away. I don’t need it any more. It holds awful memories and I have new ones to take its place.”

He smiles.

***

“Are you ready?” He asks from the other side of the bathroom door.  
“Yeah, just a sec.” I pause in front of the mirror to look at myself. I’m quite happy with my choice of costume for tonight’s masquerade party. I spent the morning decorating the tea shop with some help of Hanji and Eren. I left it closed today. The flyers already mentioned how we would open around 7pm on Halloween. I just hope that I won’t be losing customers because of this. At least I received my alcohol permit yesterday and I placed a rush order to have some for tonight. It arrived early this morning. Eren had just brought his stuff here to get ready with me after we were done setting up the place. He had been at the apartment for a couple of days in a row, he didn’t want me to bump into Erwin. _Probably as much as I didn’t want him to bump into him._ Either way, I managed to push what happened at the back of my head and I wasn’t planning on letting it ruin my evening. Eren was getting ready in the room. I didn’t dare to look at him yet. I wanted to be surprised. We hadn’t really talked about what we would wear, so I hoped I wouldn’t look too ridiculous beside him.

I open the door and face his back. He turns around and I suck in a breath. He gasps and we both stare at each other, unable to say a word.  
He’s wearing black pants, a white button-up shirt and a black suit vest. Of course, he didn’t forget the white belt and that makes me want to ignore the party to just shove him next door onto the bed.

“You look… like a god.” He says, gaping at me.

I look down at myself, at my black army uniform, one that I had bought for a wedding that I was invited to, two years ago. I am wearing mid-calf black boots and a black belt around my waist, which, if it would’ve been green, would’ve looked like I could be called Heichou for valid reasons. I shake my hands, making the ruffles of my white shirt move in a funny way around my wrists. I turn to the mirror and glance one last time at the white cravat that I’ve been trying to put on correctly for the past 15 minutes. I had lost the correct way to do it, but I managed to make it look presentable.

“You’re not bad yourself.” I whisper playfully.

The words hold way more than that. I’m sure he heard, in my tone, that all I want to do is rip it all off of him.

“I have something for you.” He says, grabbing a box from the table as I follow him in the kitchen.

It has a black bow on it with a simple card on which I can read “Heichou” and I feel shitty for not getting anything for him. _Then again, I didn’t expect to receive a gift for Halloween except for maybe a lollipop and I’m not referring to the candy._

I tentatively open the box under his constant stare. He’s nervous. The box falls at my feet as I pick up what’s inside of it.

“Eren…It’s…”  
“Do you like it?” He asks. “Cause I won’t let you wear this one.”

He takes the cheap white masquerade mask that’s waiting for me on the table and breaks it in half. _I honestly couldn’t care less because the one I am holding in my hands, is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen._ The velvet that surrounds the contour and the transparent lines of what seems to be dyed plastic shoots everywhere around it. It looks like shattered glass that holds up just by the tips. It is dark gray with rhinestone accents everywhere on it. It’s spectacular, like nothing I’ve ever seen and suddenly I’m worried.

“Eren, how much did this cost? I can’t accept this.” I try to put it in his hands but he won’t let me so I place it on the table.  
“It reminded me of us, of you. It’s shattered glass, because you still stand up after all you endured, and you are stronger and prettier than you’ve ever been. Also because of the frame we broke the night of our first time. It means a lot to me that our past and future will merge into what I hope to be something of long term. It means that no matter if you break again, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces. It means that I want to break more frames too.” He says with a smirk. “Please wear it for me.”

I stare into his eyes, not wanting to give in but he knows how to make my knees weak. All those words. _That damn Brat knows exactly what to say and do._ He has that face, one that I learned I couldn’t resist to.

“Fine.” I mutter. “But I will pay you back each cents of this.”  
“And I’ll shove it back in your pocket or hide it in our bedroom.”

I grin, not because of what he’s trying to imply, that I don’t have to pay him back, but because of the last part. He raises an eyebrow and eventually both of them. His face turns red.

“I’m sorry.” He squeaks.  
“Shut up.” I say right before claiming his lips.

I pull away, bringing the mask closer to my face.

“Will you?” I ask.

He nods, still blushing. I turn around and let him tie the little satin cord at the back of my head. When I turn around, Eren gives me his mask. I gesture for him to turn around. When the cord behind his head is tied, I circle his waist with my arms and raise myself up, closer to his ear. 

“Thank you isn’t even close to what I’d like to say to you.” I whisper, hoping he gets the hint of what I mean.

He places a hand over mine, leaning his back onto me.

“It’s also our bedroom as long as you’ll want it to be.” I add, a bit nervous about whatever he will answer to that.

He doesn’t reply though. He turns around and I gasp when I see his mask. It is almost identical to mine, except for the shattered glass part. His has little spikes all around it, like roses thorns.

“What’s the meaning of yours?” I ask, pulling him closer to me.  
“That people shouldn’t get too close.” He says.  
“And yet you let me be this close.” I whisper against his lips.  
“I can’t stay away from you. If you think the first time I’ve seen you was on the day that you asked me if we met before, you’re wrong. I’ve seen you many times before that. It took everything for me to stay away for as long as I have. I gave in, that’s all. Hopefully I don’t fuck you up because I was too selfish to walk away.”

I lean my head back and laugh loudly, ignoring the first part where he said he’d basically been stalking me.

“Fuck me up, Brat? Are you kidding?” I say between my giggles. “I couldn’t be broken further than I already am unless you’d leave me. I’m the selfish one here.”

His eyes meet mine and in that moment I know that the words aren’t needed. _Words are just words, they mean nothing. But this, the way he looks at me now… This is what I’ve been alive for so long for. This is where my shitty life led. This was my destination, this exact moment where I felt like I was the only person alive in this world. It’s the first time that I feel like I deserve to be happy, I deserve to live as long as it’s with him by my side._

He picks me up and my legs find the familiar crease around his waist. Slowly, sensually, he pushes me against the door. It’s all in slow motion. _Everything in that moment is perfect and I don’t care about the party. I don’t want to go._ Eren pulls his face away.

“We’ll miss the ball, we have to go.”

I pull at the back of his neck, not wanting to move unless it’s for the couch or any other flat surface. Eren giggles.

“L-Levi”. He pauses to take a breath between two kisses. “I don’t care what it takes, I’ll carry you there like that if I have to.”

I disapprove in a growl.

“Our bed will still be there, after the party.” He says tentatively.

I unwrap my legs from around his waist and he smiles.

“Let’s go.” I mutter, trying to make my pants less tight with my hands.  
“Wait.” He says, rushing to pin me against the wall as he lifts my hands above my head.

We make out for 10 minutes and when he finally pulls away. I can’t help but comb his unruly hair with my fingers.

“You’re evil, you know?” I mutter, wrapping the green scarf around my neck.  
“And why is that?” He asks.  
“Letting me sport a boner on my way to the tea shop. What if we run into trick or treaters on the way?”  
“The cold will take care of the both of us.” Eren gestures between his legs where there’s an obvious bulge.  
“Brat, I’d fuck you in the snow if I had to right now.”

He chuckles. Then he walks closer to me and combs my hair in an unruly manner as he slides his tongue inside my mouth. I sigh exasperated.

“You’re not helping, idiot.”  
“I know.” He says as he opens the door and walks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) I hope you liked it, I had so much fun writing it. Right now all I want to do is draw Eren and Levi's masks. Or full costumes. What about you guys? How do you imagine them? I'm so curious. As you might have figured. Erwin remembers now... he's the first one...but not the last one, you'll see. Much drama to come. Next chapter will be light in a way though. Some drama for Halloween but mostly, and to your pleasure I assume, smut. ;)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! (I'll be posting teasers on tumblr remember....) hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com


	10. The King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry in advance if there are some mistakes in this one, I'll make sure to go through it again this week. I didn't have much time to do the corrections so hopefully there aren't that many. I read it like 7times to be sure it was readable lol. Anyways, some Eren POV in this, did you miss it? ;)
> 
> Songs in this chapter (not really important, it's just for the mood basically).  
> Deadmau5 - Moar ghosts and stuff  
> The yeah yeah yeahs - Heads will roll  
> The Fray - Never say never 
> 
> By the way...you can see my retarded ass attempting to lipsync Never say never as No Name Levi. The vid has a couple of views so I guess it doesn't suck TOO much but I hate it XD.... Enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajcJc9bTnZ0

We’re lucky enough not to run into anyone as we make our way to the Tea shop. The cold does take care of us by the time we get there. When we arrive, there’s already a line of people waiting. Nobody I know, of course. Eren, though, does wave at a couple. A tall guy with a blond girl who seems awfully pissed off.

“Stay here until I tell you it’s ready.” I tell Eren as I unlock the door and step inside.

He nods and starts talking with the guy while he guards the door. I walk in and move right away to the laptop and speakers to set up everything. Once I’m done, I make sure that all the tables are hidden under the Halloween decor, which is basically constituted of creepy masks, gargoyles and cherub statues. Tombstones are scattered everywhere at the bottom of the walls, making the place seem a lot smaller than it actually is. A lot creepier too. I tug on the branches that are hanging from the ceiling to make sure they won’t fall. I push back a fake spider web as I move closer to the counter to unlock my new bar which is now filled with basic alcoholic beverages. I fold the green scarf and place it safely under the register. When everything seems to be ready, I move to the hidden power bar that sits near the counter, under the throne I bought for myself, and I step on the red button.

Orange and black string lights illuminate the room from the ceiling, along with the three fake chandeliers that I had installed for the occasion. The fog machine starts to gather a heavy white cloud around my feet. I move closer to the stage and step on another power bar that turns on the dancing lights. They won’t be showing until music plays because they are synced with my itunes playlist. A cool trick that Eren showed me. A long orange string light follows the stage and the counter on the floor. I didn’t want people to trip because of the fog. It was a good idea, not only because it was safer, but also because now that I was seeing it, the atmosphere was eerie, leaking gold and Victorian era. It was Halloween with the Levi twist, Halloween with class.

The door opens and I turn to it, ready to push back people who’d try to enter but it’s Armin. We agreed that he’d be the DJ tonight, he was the one who picked the songs for the playlist and he was going to take care of everything to let me have a bit of fun, aside from serving people.

“Hey Levi!”  
“Hey mushroom.” I smirk. “Nice costume.”

He is wearing almost the same outfit as Eren except for his belt, which is black and he has a pocket watch too. The mask he has is gold and simple with red velvet dots on it. What makes the costume, though, is the top hat covered with gears and springs details. Two feathers, one gold, and one red, bounce as he moves his head to show it to me. A thin black scarf is wrapped around the base of the hat, letting a pretty bow fall on the back. He raises his head back up. I pull on his bow tie and release it.

“So much details, yet you put a fake bow tie?”

He pulls his tongue at me and turns around to go stand in front of the laptop.

“Your costume’s better than any of ours anyways so don’t be too critical with my lame sewing talents.”  
“You made this?” I ask, surprised.  
“Just the hat.” He says.  
“Well it’s a wicked hat.”  
“Thanks.” He mumbles. “I’m ready when you are.”

I nod and walk to the door. Armin uses that as a signal and the speakers start shooting a creepy music as the crowd, which is now three times bigger, makes its way in. I move back behind my counter, waiting for Eren to join me there. Armin chose Moar ghosts and stuff to start the evening. I hate the song because the beat gets weird after a point but I agree that the beginning is a good party starter. Eventually, the song changes to Heads will roll and Eren still isn’t here. I’m starting to be worried because I can’t see his brown hair anywhere and he’s not exactly short. That’s when I feel a hand gripping my ass. I smile and glance behind me. Unfortunately it’s not Eren, it’s not even someone who’s wearing a costume. It’s Erwin. I grab the knife that I’ve been keeping under the counter since the other day. He notices and smirks. I barely have time to say a word that Erwin gets shoved against the kitchen door. I sharply turn to the crowd of people to see the reactions, nobody hears us except for the two people still waiting on their beers. I raise my index to them and then run to push open the kitchen door as Eren still holds Erwin’s shirt tightly.

They both fall inside the room. Eren tries to punch Erwin but he stops him by grabbing his whole fist into his hand. Then he raises a finger and moves it from one side to the other.

“No, no, no, Jaeger.”  
“What the fuck do you want?” I ask, folding my arms as both of them get back up.  
“You.” He says.

Eren growls and kicks Erwin’s leg, resulting in Eren hurting himself instead of hurting the wall in front of him.

“What?” Eren shouts. “You can be an envious giant all you want, but Levi is mine and if you don’t stop harassing us, I’ll call the cops.”  
“I have no interest in you.” Erwin says. “It’s his ass that I want.”

His gaze moves back to me and Eren loses control of himself, he punches the man so many times that he has red knuckles. They are almost bleeding. Erwin is still standing up though, dizzy and scratched, but still standing. He gives a hard punch in Eren’s stomach, making him bend down and cough. I run to them and grab Eren’s shoulder, forcing him to step back. I rub his back and whisper into his ears:

“Thank you for being there for me, bright eyes. Now I’m going to have to kick his ass for hurting you.”  
“OH HELL NO.” Someone screams behind us.

The three of us turn our heads towards the door. Hanji walks in, dressed in a long black trench coat and something that looks more like goggles than a mask.

“You’re not talking to him.” Hanji says to me. “I’ll be talking to him, he won’t be bothering you again.”

Eren snorts.

“Oh don’t underestimate her.” I warn him.  
“Then I want to watch.” Eren says.

Hanji shrugs and walks up to Erwin. I step back with Eren and force him to lean on the wooden counter. He’s still holding his stomach.

“Are you okay?” I ask, worried.  
“I’ll be fine.” He smiles. “You know, I wish we were alone with this counter right now.”

I chuckle.

“Brat, focus on your ribs for now, that’s what hurts, right?” I ask, staring at what he’s holding.

He removes his hand and stands up straight. He tries to stretch and winces a bit. Still, it doesn’t seem anywhere near broken so I let a sigh of relief escape my lungs. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in close.

Hanji, who still hasn’t said a word, walks up to us.

“He’ll be fine.” She says, turning back to Erwin.  
“I can take care of his medical condition.” The blond says sarcastically.

I glare at him and take a step in his direction but I get snatched right back where I was by Eren’s arms. He strokes my hair, not caring about making it look disheveled.

“What’s your deal?” Hanji asks to Erwin.  
“My deal? Just trying to make him remember. Everyone for that matter, but I’ll have better luck with him. If his mind doesn’t remember me, his body will.” He replies.

Eren tightens his grip around me while Hanji shows an expression of disgust towards the wall of muscles.

“You’re a pig.” She mutters. “What do you want him to remember?”  
“You’ll understand eventually.” He says.  
“How about you tell me now?” She asks in an nonnegotiable tone.

She steps closer to him, daring him to move with her gaze. The men was tall, but anyone who knew Hanji, knew that she was completely crazy and you don’t mess with someone who studies the scientific principles of pain. She knows exactly where to hit him to make him fall on his knees. Hell, she knows exactly where to hit him to kill him. I heard so much about it in the brief time we were together, I’ll never forget how annoying she was with it. Especially when she was forcing me to do something. I could’ve easily refused but the perspective of fighting a women was disgusting me. Probably because of my mom. So I cooperated, until we decided to split, which was a big relief on my part. To this day, she still has a thing for understanding everything in life. She studies everything, she can spend two hours staring at a plant every day to rate its progress on a scale of 1 to 10 for three weeks. She definitely wasn’t for me, and now I knew the lack of dick was one of the reasons. She was a great friend though and she was proving it right now. Not only by protecting me but by caring for Eren. I just hoped she wasn’t hurt by him betraying her.

“We have met before, we all have.” He says. “Levi knows me. Whether he remembers it or not. That’s all I’m going to say.”

I can feel Eren’s jaw clench at the same time as mine. I couldn’t help but think of the drawings and my dreams that I barely remember now. I was pretty sure he was thinking the same thing. Perhaps we were all connected in a way that nobody could figure out for now except for him, but I didn’t need to know about it. At least not now and certainly not from this asshole. The door of the kitchen fly open, startling all of us.

“Levi, people are wa-“ Mikasa pauses when she sees a droplet of blood on Eren’s mouth. “What the fuck is going on here?”

She storms in and walks right up to Eren. He grips me tighter, probably afraid she’ll push me away from him. Eren simply points his chin at Erwin and Hanji.

Hanji grabs two specific spots on Erwin’s throat. He doesn’t move.

“First.” She says while nonchalantly staring at the nails on her other hand. “You will move out of my apartment, I don’t need psychotic egotistical roommates, I’ve had too many of those.”

She glances at me and I glare at her. We tend to tease each other in a friendly way like that.

“Second.” She pushes Erwin against the wall, tightening her grip on his throat. “If, I hear, that you’ve been bothering Levi again or Eren for that matter, it will be a pleasure for me to study your cold corpse. Am I being clear?”

Erwin nods, not letting any trace of emotion filter through his impassive face. It makes me think he might not leave it at that. For now, though, Hanji let’s her grip fall to her thigh as Erwin walks out the door without a look for us. As soon as the door closes back, Hanji walks up to us with a huge grin spread wide on her face.

“Told ya.” She says, rubbing my head.

I take a step back, moving away from Eren.

“I know, shit glasses!”  
“Goggles, Levi. Steampunk goggles.” She shakes her head.  
“Whatever. Let’s go, I think we’re interrupting a brother and sister talk and I need to get back to the front to sell beer to some idiotic young adults.” I say, looking at Eren for confirmation. He nods.  
“Oh I’m staying.” Hanji announces.

I grab her arm and pull her away with me.

“No, you’re coming to help me.”  
“Can I make cocktails?” She asks, suddenly excited by the perspective.  
“Sure, whatever. You can even throw yourself on the counter for body shots if you fucking want, but get out of here.” I say as I push the door open, letting the music echo in the kitchen. I smile to Eren before walking out myself.

***

**Eren POV**

“What did he do to you?” Mikasa asks as soon as the door closes.

I roll my eyes.

“I hope you’re not implying that Levi did anything to me.”  
“Well…” She pauses, making me glare at her furiously. “At first I thought it was him but by the way he was wrapped around you, I went for the only other choice. What did the giant do to you?”  
“He just punched me in the stomach, it’s nothing. I’m okay.” I mutter.

She steps closer and tugs on my shirt, trying to pull it up and see. I stop her and step away from the counter.

“God dammit Mikasa, I said I’m fine.” I say while tucking my shirt in again.  
“What happened?” She asks, folding her arms. “What did you do now?”

I gape at her.

“Why…” I say. “Why does it always have to be me? Why am I always the bad guy in every situation. You’re just like dad honestly.”

She seems hurt but I’m not planning on leaving it at that.

“It didn’t occur to you that maybe I was protecting someone I love?”

The words are out. I regret them as soon as they are. Not because I don’t believe in what they mean, I definitely do. But I wanted to say it to him, not to her. Another burst of anger fills me and I breathe heavily as I clench my fists and dig my nails in my hands.

“I might not be good enough for this family, but I found someone who thinks I’m good enough. Someone who thinks I’m worth it all.” I add.

She shakes her head and looks down between us.

“Listen, Eren.” She says. “You may think what you want, but know that I am not like dad. I care for you. That’s why I get involved. I want to be there for you, but all you do is push me away!”  
“Because YOU don’t listen. You never do.” I shout. “What if I told you I wanted to study arts?”

She sighs.

“You won’t make enough money to live on your own if you do that and the jobs are nonexistent. I want what’s best for you.”  
“See? You don’t listen. That’s what I WANT to do. And you don’t care, all you care about is money. I will work sidelines if I have to, but I would be happy having a contract for what I love to do here and there. He understands that.” I declare, gesturing at the door.  
“I don’t approve of him. He’s not the one who’ll have to help you get by and he’s too old for you. It’s not love, it’s infatuation and when he’ll break up, you’ll be devastated for thinking it was love.”

My nails dig holes into my skin. I feel the blood accumulating in my palms.

“I swear, you don’t want to go there Mikasa. Don’t try to take him away or push him away. I will never forgive you if you do that. We won’t break up, I know he wants me as much as I want him and I’m not only talking physically. We are perfect for each other, don’t you try and take that away from me.”

She stares at me for a moment and then nods.

“I still don’t approve of him.” She mutters.  
“You don’t have to, you’re not the one sucking his dick.”

She gags, and punches my shoulder.

“Don’t ever tell me anything like that again, fucktard.”  
“But I’m the fucktard with a hot boyfriend. What do you have?”  
“Someone in mind.” She smirks and shyly raises her gaze at me.  
“And am I going to approve of him?” I tease.  
“Of her.”

My eyebrows shoot up.

“You’re... You’re…”  
“A lesbian, Eren, come on, say it.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “What tipped you off? The fact that I’m wearing a typical Prince outfit and am waiting for my damsel in distress?”  
“Any girl can dress like a guy, every day or just for events like that, it doesn’t mean anything you know?” I say.

I haven’t even noticed before how royal her outfit looked. All black with stitches and other red accents. She even had fake medals on her chest and instead of the gold lines of ropes that usually follow the shoulders of fairy tale’s Prince’s jackets, they were red. Her hair was definitely shorter of an inch or even a bit more. She was wearing a plain red mask on which she probably drew the black swirls that I was seeing.

“Are you shy to call yourself gay too? Tch.” She asks.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.  
“Probably for the same reason you didn’t tell me.”

I nod. For once we understand each other

“And actually, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual…” I start. “But for him I’m all in, if you know what I mean.”  
“Ewe, okay. I’m leaving.”

She turns around and walks to the door, holding it for me. As I pass by her, I whisper:

“By the way, I plan on having my King bend over in our bedroom tonight. Just thought I’d share the juicy details.”  
“Oh my fucking god Eren, shut up.”

She walks away and shakes her head. I step behind the counter and wrap my arm around Levi’s waist.

“Make yourself useful, Brat.” He says, gesturing to the next customers.

I kiss the top of his forehead, right above the mask and then give him a little slap on the butt. One that, the customers couldn’t have noticed. His head slightly turns to me. A smirk creeps its way on his face.

“What?” I mouth to Levi as I serve a beer to a red head.

He yanks my arm down and brushes his lips against my ear.

“If you don’t stop, I’ll fuck you right here, right now. I don’t fucking care about them.” He says as he circles the room with his gaze.

My cheeks flush red and I’ll make sure to stay distant with him for the rest of the night. If I can even do that. As much as the idea turns me on, I don’t want just anyone seeing my naked ass. The fact the he put the thought in my mind makes me shiver and I can’t wait for the evening to be over. I can’t wait for him to take me back to our room. I can’t believe he actually said he likes the thought of it being our room. Perhaps things are getting more serious than I ever expected. I think I’m as surprised as he is. Of course that’s all I wanted since the start but I never thought that this man would be inclined to deal with the little shit that I am. I’ve never been good enough for anyone, not even my own family. I've always been the one who can’t find his place, the one who’s not reasonable, the one who’s being bent and shaped by everyone else but himself into a mold where he doesn’t fit. It’s the first time that I can be me, just me. I wonder if he’ll put up with me for much longer. I’m bound to annoy him at some point. I’m hot-headed and I pick fights for stupid things. I space out sometimes too like when I listen to music or draw, perhaps he’s going to think this is weird.

He pulls my arm lower, interrupting my train of thoughts and kisses me. When he opens his eyes again, he stares deep into mine and smiles. The view is captivating and I can’t help but smile back, even though on the inside I’ve never been more scared of losing someone in my entire life, not even mom. The thought fills my chest with a pain that’s been asleep for a long time. It’s recalling how much it hurt to lose her and how it would be to lose him. Without thinking, I circle his waist with my arms and pull him close to me. My heartbeat races and I know he can probably feel it banging against his cheek but I don’t care. I don’t want to say the words too fast, I don’t want to scare him off, but my heart says it better than words could. After a moment, he pulls away, as irritated as I am because a customer wants to order a beer. He serves him and then puts a little sign on the counter. “Back in 15.”

I was expecting him to bring me back to the kitchen but instead he grabs my wrist and leads me to the throne. I thought he’d sit on it but he shoves me onto it and then jumps on me, sitting sideways. He lets one of his legs balance over my knee while the other one is leaning on the armrest of the golden and red throne. He rests one elbow on the other armrest and with his other arm he pulls at my neck. I let him do whatever he wants. Like I do most of the time. Instead of reaching for my lips, he moves to my ear.

“If you think 15 minutes in a kitchen is enough, you are so wrong.” He says and I can feel the smile on his lips.  
“Oh, Heichou. I’m not sure I’m up for it, you know…” I tease.

He bites my earlobe and tugs on it.

“Are you sure?” He asks with the same tone of voice that drives me insane. And of course my body won’t corroborate the lie. Levi pulls back and laughs when he feels my erection under him. I blush and pull my tongue at him, which doesn’t stop him from laughing again. He ends up leaning on me and stares at the costumes, commenting some of them with sarcastic remarks and some others with an admiring tone. Eventually, when it’s been about 15 minutes, he gets up but tells me to stay there, so I do. Berthold grabs a beer and sits next to me.

“Hey Jaeger!” He says while pointing his beer at me. “Been a while.”  
“Yeah, what’s up?” I reply.  
“Nothing much, really. Just bored as hell.”  
“Wait, did Annie leave already? I thought she was wearing a short black dress, why aren’t you all over her?”

He sighs.

“We haven’t been together in a while. We were just…you know… fuck buddies.”

Now I knew Berthold since high school and those words sounded weird in his mouth. It wasn’t like him at all. Seeing that I don’t know what to answer, he continues.

“I didn’t want to lose her completely, I guess.” He mutters, bringing his head down. “She’s been hanging out a lot with your sister and I’m pretty sure I lost her now. It’s okay though, I’ll get over it.”

Oh, so Annie’s the one that Mikasa had in mind? The thought makes me gag for some reason. Probably the images that I don’t want in my head. Plus Annie always has a pissed off face. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be with someone like that, someone who always looks angry at you. Suddenly, I burst out laughing and Berthold looks at me weirdly.

“It wasn’t meant to be funny.” He says sharply.  
“I-I know.” I laugh. “It’s not about that, I just remembered something. I’m sorry, bad timing.”

I tap his back.

“Hang in there.” I say.

He nods and walks away. I get right back up and walk behind the counter to the person who always looks angry at me. The person who has this pissed off face just like Annie. I smile to him and he smiles back. Annie doesn’t smile. I have the best of everything in one person. One person who seems to be the only one caring about what I have to say. One person who understands me beyond skin, blood, bones. I rush to him and pick him up, placing his toes on my feet. He smiles as I push him against the counter and kiss him with a new hunger burning inside of me. When it finally fades away, he raises himself on the counter, sitting nonchalantly there with legs parted on each side of me. I glance around and a couple of people are looking at us but I frankly don’t care at the moment. I bring my gaze back to his and he angles his head with a playful smirk. I know he wouldn’t be shy about doing anything right here or in the kitchen while there is people everywhere, which is why I take two steps back and let him jump down to the floor, determined to wait as long as I can.

***

It’s almost midnight and the place is almost empty, leaving us only with the fog and a couple of dancing shadows. Levi had stopped serving alcohol 15 minutes ago and we were teasing each other since then. To a point where I just walked away and sat on his throne. I could use any distraction from my too tight pants honestly. I’m looking at Sasha and Connie, who are dancing clumsily but in such a loving way and I kind of envy them for that. I doubt Levi will ever be the cheesy romantic guy. Then again, I wouldn’t know. I do intend on finding out though. An offering hand props right in front of me. I look up and see Levi. I stare at him dumbfounded.

“I’m asking you for a dance, you idiot.” He says when I’m obviously not moving.

I quickly grab his hand and get up. He leads me to the middle of the room and glances at Armin. He nods, changing the song to The Fray – Never say never. The song choice is probably one of Levi’s pick. For some reason it makes me really happy. Perhaps he is as scared of losing me as I am of losing him. I don’t know why I feel this way, why I’m so sure I’ll lose him, as if it happened before. I have this feeling of my heart breaking and shattering into pieces but I never experienced it. I look at Levi and he just grabs my hands and places them correctly on him. Then, he starts dancing, steps that I do not know but I manage to follow awkwardly. When I finally get the hang of it, I surprise him by grabbing his waist and leaning over him. His eyes widen for a split second, afraid I’d let him go, but I would never do that. When I stand up again, I pull him close to me, ignoring the formal dance. We twirl around slowly and at some point, Levi looks up to me. He has something funny in his eyes, something I haven’t really seen before. His mouth opens and all I can see is the “I” that his lips move to form. Then the trace of an “L” which is cut by Armin’s voice. Instinctively I turn my head and I glare at him. If Levi didn’t pull me back I would’ve went and hit Armin. 

“Well everyone, the evening is almost over so I’m going to leave you on the next song. Hopefully you enjoyed your evening and let’s give a round of applause to our host Levi.”

The few people left are clapping their hands hard as the last song starts to play. I remain tangled into Levi’s arms and I don’t dare look at him again. He was about to say it and that made my heart weak. Weak because I wasn’t ready to hear the words from him, I would’ve never expected him to say those to me. I tighten my grip around him.

***

As soon as he unlocks the door, I shove him onto the wall of the corridor. I pick him up and cup his ass with my palms. I’d rip the clothes off if I didn’t like how they looked on him so much. Hanji’s door creaks open and she pops her head in the corridor, looking for where the noise came from.

“Oi!” She says with a smirk, turning back into her apartment and slowly closing the door. “You boys be safe, okay?”

Levi doesn’t stop, he bites my lower lip and sucks it in before pushing my tongue with his. I moan, unable to wait any longer.

“Door.” He mutters, placing the key into one of my palm.

It takes me a while to open it, which only makes my pants tighter by the minute. When I finally manage to unlock it, I move in, slam it shut right away and run to the kitchen island. I almost throw Levi onto it, knowing by now, that he does like a bit of roughness. He smiles as he rushes to remove the top of his uniform. I do the same with my vest and shirt and throw them as far as possible. I’m about to remove my mask but he stops me.

“Let’s keep them on, at least for a while.” Levi says.

I grin. I didn’t expect him to like his gift so much that he wouldn’t want to take it off. He moves down to my belt and unbuckles it with a carnal glare in his eyes. I take off my pants and then move to his. Before I take them off, he fetches for something into his pocket. When he hands me the bottle I just squeeze it lightly onto my fingers as he takes care of his underwear. A second later, I got one finger into him. I move slowly and then a bit faster. I bring my mouth down and he gasps, searching for a grip in my hair. Instead of pushing me further, he tilts his hips up slowly. His eyes roll at the back of his head as I start sucking at the full length of his cock. After a while of this and three fingers in, I start hitting his prostate on purpose. He arches himself, pushing his length deeper into my mouth. I can feel it twitch and become harder. He’s about to come so I pull away and wipe my mouth. He glares at me angrily.

“Why.the.fuck.did.you.stop?” He says.  
“Cause it won’t be that easy tonight. I plan on making you beg for it.” I lick my lips as I remove my mask and place it beside us.  
“Who said I wouldn’t have continued after?”  
“Oh, did you just grant me two rides to Wonderland?” I ask.  
“Brat, any amount of fucking rides, as long as I can take it but stop this fucking talking and fuck me like you mean it.” He says, removing his mask and puting it beside mine.

The challenge in his tone was going to make it harder for me to hold it in but I would still try and make him beg for it.

“Then, let’s move to our bedroom, my King.”

He grins as I wrap his legs around my waist, letting my dick rest between his butt cheeks as I walk to the bed. I slowly drop him onto it and his legs part in front of me, ready to be filled. I shake my head and make a circle with my finger. Getting the hint, he quickly turns around on all four and pushes against me. I growl, unable to wait any longer. I push against his entrance with my cock and when the head’s in, I give him a hard thrust, hitting the prostate on the first shot. He arches himself so much that his back now rests against my chest and he’s circling my neck with his arms, exposing a perfect neck to my mouth.

“I won’t hit your prostate like that.” I whisper.  
“I don’t care. Kiss my neck, my back, my arms. Make it all last.”

Surprised, I thrust slowly into him and obey. This was a hundred times better than having him beg me. It held much more hidden things. I let my hands travel on his body, exploring the muscles, the creases, the few beauty marks. I kiss the muscles of his arms and detail every creases before moving to the other one. After that, I breathe slowly into his undercut and trace a line of kisses between his ear and the lowest part of his neck. He shivers, which drives me even closer to the edge. A while later, he pulls away and playfully shoves me on my back as he straddles me. He pulls my arms around him and we both move in sync. He pants next to my ear and nudges his head into my neck. He seems fragile at this moment and all I want to do is make sweet love to him. I don’t want to be rough tonight, I want him to understand how I feel, I don’t want to have to tell him out loud just yet. Time flies and he’s now under me, his muscles become tight from holding the build up for so long. His hands grip the bed sheets tightly and he slightly arches himself. My breath is shaky and fast and my heart beat is plummeting outside of my chest. I grab his length and start throbbing fast as I make two small thrusts and then a final one, which I know will be just enough for the both of us. As expected, we both reach our peaks at approximately the same time. He gasps.

“E-ERENNNNN!” He screams as his body slowly becomes limp.

I fall on top of him.

“I have no words for how much we fit together.” I whisper with a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He props himself up on his elbows, looking at me with fatigue and worry in his gaze.

“Why would you lose me?” He asks, his breathing slowing down.

I lift my head from his chest to have a better look at his eyes.

“Just, in general.” I say. “I don’t want to lose you. I feel like it’s too good to last.”  
“Don’t fool yourself kid, I’m not leaving your sweet ass alone. You couldn’t even keep me away if you wanted to.”

He smiles and combs my unruly hair.

“Plus, I kind of like you.” He adds.

My heart skips a beat. And I hide my face in his stomach.

“I like you a lot too.” I mumble.

When I raise my head again, he’s smirking at me. I crawl up on him and claim his lips softly. He places his arms around me and eventually I let myself fall beside him. I feel sleepy but I have to wait before falling asleep because, usually, evenings like that are always followed by a shower because my boyfriend’s a clean freak. I hear a faint snort and look up to his face. His eyes are closed.

“Levi, aren't you going in the shower?” I ask.

No answer. I smile and cuddle closer, pull the blankets up on us and tighten my grip around his waist. Erwin’s out of our lives, at least he should be. I have him all to myself and he almost said the words to me tonight. I don’t think I could be more happy. Things are doing well and I think that’s what’s stressing me the most. When things go too well, life has a tendency of sending you a grim reminder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...all is well in this perfect world...until the next chapter. I can tell you that there will be a lot of arguing and drama coming. Next chapter will probably have another Eren/Levi POV. Anything you'd like to see that you haven't seen so far? Characters you'd like more of? Stuff you're tired of? 
> 
> Follow me on insta or tumblr if you want. I track the tags #butsinceweregoingtodiehere #butsinceweregoingtolivehere
> 
> PS: As you may have noticed, I dropped the "italic thinking" ...So if you liked that, let me know and I'll do it again :)


	11. Protective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi everyone. Thanks to the many new readers of this week. Got a couple more hits than usual. I am sorry in advance for what is in this chapter, but it is necessary for what’s to come. Thanks to all those of you who stick with me for this story. I already have another fic that I'm writing but I didn't start posting it yet. I'm sure you'll love that ereri fic once I post it, for now let's focus on this one. ;)
> 
> PS: Sorry for the possible typos and shitty alignments and all, I finished writing this at 1am so I'll re-read it and fix it during the week if needed. ♥

I’m about to slide my key in the lock when the door opens. Jean turns his head right before bumping into me. I take a step back as his gaze follows me beside the door.  
“Jaeger?” He smirks. “The hell are you doing here? I thought you were living with the hobbit now.”  
“Fuck you, gelding.” I reply.  
“I believe what you mean to say is stallion, you can confirm that with Marco.”  
I peek my head through the door and Marco growls as he hides his face under his pillow. I turn my head back to Jean.  
“Are you leaving now?” I ask. “I gotta Febreeze the room to take off the smell of hay but I won’t do it if you’re coming back.”  
“Oh hell yes I’m coming back.”  
I eye Marco and he nods.  
“Well, I have to study for a test so you two better be quiet.” I say to Marco.  
“Is it the one with Mr. Pixis?” Marco asks. “I took it this morning, don’t stress yourself, if you listened in class, you’ll pass.”  
“Yes it’s this one but I’d still rather study so please don’t fuck beside me.”  
“No promises.” Jean says as he walks away, most probably to the bathroom.  
I roll my eyes as I shut the door behind me and throw my bag on the bed. I fire up my laptop and sit with my back resting against the wall. I pop an ear bud into my ear and wait for my dropbox to sync.  
“What do you like about him?” I ask Marco.  
He takes a moment to think and I can’t help but smirk.  
“Can’t find a good reason, eh?” I tease.  
My laptop screen slams halfway closed as I’m hit by Marco’s pillow. I throw it back to him a bit more roughly than he had.  
“Shut up, Eren. He’s a good guy, just…not with you.”  
“And why’s that?” I ask, genuinely intrigued.  
“Cause you’re both hot-headed.” He starts. “You know, in a way, you’re kind of the same person.”  
I scoff; not even trying to hide my disgust as my dropbox finally pops the familiar message that everything’s been synced.  
“Don’t compare me to Kirschtein.”  
“You’re comparing us?” Jean says as he closes the door behind him.  
Marco rolls his eyes at him.  
“I’m not comparing you. I was just telling Eren that you guys don’t get along because you are too similar.”  
“Fuck no.” Jean says and for once I agree with him.  
“Plus, he can’t make you scream like I do.” He adds, climbing on top of Marco, who’s giggling shyly.  
I shake my head and shield the view with my hand.  
“Too much information and you were supposed to shut the fuck up while I study, horse face. Put on a movie or something.”  
Jean sits back on the bed and eyes me. I drop my hand and shrug.  
“What?” I ask.  
“Are you in a bad mood because his cock can’t reach your prostate?”  
I gape at him, not even hearing whatever Marco is trying to tell me to calm me down. I can’t believe he just said that. Why the fuck would he even say that? I didn’t try to pick a fight with him, I didn’t say a fucking word and he throws me this shit? He might have said it as a joke but I sure as hell didn’t take it as one and felt a sudden need to protect Levi. It’s probably obvious by now that he crossed the only line that I wouldn’t let him cross. He could say whatever he wanted about Levi’s height or age because I knew that Levi would eventually take care of his mouth and shut him up. But my sex life was none of his business and so was Levi’s perfect body. He didn’t know how actually divine it was (Both sex and his body). He also surely didn’t know that the size had nothing to do with the height. If anything, maybe Jean was jealous because HE couldn’t reach. The thought almost made me grin but I was too angry to even attempt brushing things off that easily. Either way, I wasn’t going to let this one go. I slowly place my laptop beside me and move closer to the edge of the bed. Leaning towards Jean with a warning glare.  
“I’m not sure I heard you right.” I say with clenched teeth.  
Marco tugs on Jean’s shirt but Jean shoves Marco’s hand away as he leans his head towards me. His nose is about three inches away from mine and I stare into his eyes, daring him to repeat what he said.  
“You’re pissed because lucky charm can’t reach the pot of gold?” He smirks, as if this was the best line he could come up with.  
“You’re dead.” I mutter.  
“Try me, Jaeger.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows at me.  
Without hesitation, I shove him onto Marco’s bed and straddle him. I hit his jaw first, missing his nose as Marco pulls on my arm to stop me. I manage to free myself and hit Jean’s jaw again. His grin disappears and he raises himself up in a sitting position, almost making me fall on my back. I wrap my legs around him tightly and hold on as he tries to get away. He stands up but I hold on even tighter. In a desperate move, he throws himself onto my bed, onto me. I let go as the air leaves my lungs under his weight. He tries to get back up but I wrap my legs around his waist and twist, forcing him to fall onto the bed. I climb back on top of him and hit him once more before he grabs a chunk of my hair and bangs my head against the concrete wall. I see black dots and I feel hands pulling at my feet as a fist hits one of my eyes. I close them, prepared for the next hit but instead, I get pulled down from the bed and fall in a sitting position onto the floor. I let my head lay against my mattress as I feel something hot glide down my face. I tentatively open my eyes but close them right back as the ceiling twirls in front of me. A hand pulls my head straight and then two hands are on my cheeks.  
“Eren? You hear me?” Marco’s voice says from afar.  
“Eren?” He says again, slightly moving my head.  
I nod, internally begging him to shut up. I let myself doze off as his voice tries to call my name again.  
About half an hour later, I’m lying on my bed and staring at Marco, who’s holding a wet towel on my forehead.  
“Are you okay?” He asks.  
“Mhm.” I mutter.  
“Jean left, I punched him.” He says.  
My eyes widen.  
“You didn’t have to do that, Marco.” I whisper.  
“Yes I did, there’s a limit to being an asshole. I’ll let him think things through for tonight.”  
Suddenly I feel bad. My outburst might have cost them their relationships and I wouldn’t want that. I could’ve just ignored the comment and brushed it off but when it came to Levi and me, I was overly protective of what we have.  
“Don’t worry.” He whispers, reading my mind. “We’re fine, he just needed someone to step in and that someone was me.”  
“I’m sorry.” I say.  
“Don’t be sorry Eren. I understand why you reacted that way; you love him.”  
I turn my face towards the wall, trying to hide the blush in my cheeks.  
“Is it that obvious?” I mumble shyly.  
“To me yes, but I’m perceptive for these sort of things. Can’t help it, I’m a typical romantic guy.” He laughs.  
“Please don’t tell anyone.” I say, turning my gaze back to his.  
“I won’t, it’s for his ears only.”  
He gets up and opens the door. He glances at me over his shoulder.  
“Your exam is in an hour, I left you some gauze and alcohol. Take your time to get ready.”  
He walks out and pops his head through the door once more.  
“Oh and… I would’ve invited you to the bonfire tonight but I’m guessing you’d rather hang out at the coffee shop, right?”  
I nod.  
“If you change your mind, just text me.” He says before closing the door.  
I slowly roll off the bed and stand weakly on my feet. I walk to the end of the bed and lean in front of the mirror on the wall. My face looks worse than how I feel. I have a really big gash at the top of my forehead and the contour of my eye is slowly turning blue. I sigh and walk back to the bed, pick up the alcohol swabs and run them over the gash with clenched teeth. When I’m done I put a simple gauze and tape over it. Nothing I can do for my eye though so I keep the wet towel on it for the following 15 minutes before I walk out to my death. I mean, to my exam.  
***  
LEVI POV  
“You’re hired.” I mutter with a faint smile.  
The blond guy looks at my hand blankly.  
“Usually, people just shake your hand when you hold it out to them, but I guess you might not be one of those people.” I scoff.  
“I-I…I never thought you’d hire me right away, Sir, I’m only surprised.” He says as he lunges to grab my hand and shakes it way too much for my taste.  
“Enough.” I say, removing my hand from his grip.  
I grab an apron and throw it to him. The kid was, indeed, a good guy. He was so nervous that I almost felt bad for him. It was just a simple barista job but I assumed right away that he needed it more than he would ever tell. The way his fingers couldn’t stay still and his leg kept randomly bouncing 3 or 4 times in a row during the interview... I didn’t hire him because I had pity, but I did hire him because he looked like he didn’t want to screw it up. I trusted him to be careful with his job since it seemed so valuable to him, and therefore he wouldn’t disappoint me.  
“You start right now, come on.”  
This time, he doesn’t hesitate; he follows me around for the rest of the afternoon as I show him how the stuff works and how to serve customers. He’s on his third order alone and he’s, I have to admit, doing great.  
“Thomas!” I bark. “Get those fucking crumbs off the counter.”  
“Sir, yes Sir.” He says, almost saluting.  
“Hey, idiot, you’re not in military school, just make sure you pick up after your mess. I like it clean here and I intend on it to stay clean. Clear?”  
“Yes Sir.” Thomas says.  
“Levi will be just fine.” I laugh. “Now, I’m going in the back to finish the next batch for tonight and tomorrow morning, you stay here and if Eren walks in, you tell me.”  
“Eren?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.  
“My boyfriend, Eren. Eren Jaeger?” I say, forgetting that he’s probably never seen him.  
“Oh, yes I know him, we have literature together.”  
“Great, good for you.” I roll my eyes. “Now, if he comes in, you send him to me.”  
“Yes Si-Levi.” He stutters.  
***  
EREN POV  
I walk in the tea shop, surprised to see that Levi isn’t there. Instead, I find the guy from my literature class. Thomas, I think.  
“Hey, hum…Thomas.” I say, trying to hide the question from my tone.  
He nods and smiles.  
“Hi Eren, Levi’s in the kitchen.”  
“So…” I start, leaning against the counter. “Are you…working here?”  
“It appears I am.” He says, looking down at his apron.  
“When did you start?” I ask.  
“About 2hours ago, officially.” He laughs shyly.  
I let my lips form a small “o” as I shrug and wave at him to make my way towards the kitchen. I push the door, not bothering to knock. He knows the only person who comes here is me. And now Thomas, apparently, which makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Perhaps it was the wooden counter that I considered like a private item of mine. I shake my head and walk in. Levi’s near the big mixers in the corner of the room. He’s dropping flour in it, making a cloud rise up in the air. I lean against the counter and look at him as he prepares his famous muffins. His hips bounce as his feet move from one mixer to the other, placing different ingredients in all of them. Eventually he turns around and when he notices me, he drops the flour bag on the floor, letting a huge cloud raise up in his face. Suddenly, he’s all covered in white. I can’t help but laugh as he blinks.  
“You fucking little shit, you did this on purpose.” He says, trying to hide that the corner of his lip is quirking up.  
“I might have.” I lie because it really wasn’t planned.  
“Well, I’m done here. And apparently now I have to go take a shower.” He says wiping his face with a towel and removing the excess of flour from his face. He abruptly stops wiping his cheek when his eyes move up to my forehead. It takes him less than a second to cover the distance between us. He grabs my chin and roughly jerks me down to his eye level.  
“What the fuck is this?” He asks pointing at the bandage.  
I shrug, trying to get back up but he now holds me by the back of my neck forcing me to stay like that.  
“I got into a fight with Jean. Same old routine.” I say with a smirk.  
“This isn’t funny at all, Eren. Show me.” He orders.  
I shake my head. As soon as I do, he grabs the tape and pulls hard on it, ripping the bandage off my skin.  
“OW!! FUCK, LEVI!”  
He glares at me and I shut up instantly as his eyes move back up to my forehead. He places his thumb near the wound, not in it but near enough. He presses on my skin a little and I wince.  
“This isn’t just a small fight, you might have a concussion.” He says, now tangling his hand into my messy hair.  
“Probably, I passed out after.” I say. “But Marco took care of me.”  
A flicker of anger passes in his steel gaze.  
“He what?” He asks, barely containing his rage.  
“I meant a towel and alcohol swabs, Levi. Calm down.”  
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down. This didn’t come from a punch, don’t lie to me.” He says, yanking my face closer to his as he glares into my eyes.  
I take his hand off my neck and shove it away as I take a step back and sigh exasperatedly. I tell him everything that happened, not leaving any details aside. He seems relieved that I managed to hit the fucker and that Marco basically took my side.  
“Even if you were the first one to hit him, he’s the one who started it with his shitty comments.” Levi says.  
“But listen, Eren.” He adds, not letting me speak. “I don’t ever want you to put yourself in danger because of words like that. Like you said, what happens in our bedroom is only ours, it’s our private life. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what he says about it, you just let it go. Okay?”  
“I’ll never let him diminish you.” Eren says, shaking his head.  
“I’m a grown men, Eren. I’m old, even. I can take care of myself. I knew a lot of people like Jean in the past, you think I’d still be here if I didn’t just shake it off sometimes?”  
“That’s you. I’m not one to drop it. Especially not with Jean.”  
“Eren.” Levi says, jumping to sit on the counter and pulling my hoodie to him. “Do you really need vengeance for simple words? Let it go, he’s not worth it and I don’t want you hurt. It’s hurting me to see you hurt, so please. Don’t you think I lost enough people already?”  
Oh the manipulative asshole, he was playing the card of his past to keep me from fighting with Jean. It was evil, and genius because he knew I couldn’t disagree with him now.  
“It’s not like he’d kill me, Levi.” I shrug.  
“What if he hit your head harder? It’s a fucking concrete wall, Eren.”  
“He wouldn’t have banged my head against it in first place if I wasn’t punching him to no end.” I retort.  
“Still. Promise me you won’t do that again, not even if it’s about me.” He says.  
I sigh and roll my eyes.  
“Fine. I promise.”  
Levi smiles, wrapping his arms around my waist.  
“I think I might need a shower now, especially since we’re going out.” He says.  
“We are?” I ask, surprised.  
The only response I get is him jumping down the counter and removing his apron. He grabs my wrist and pulls me out of the kitchen.  
“Thomas, I’m heading out. You’re in charge and you have to close. Also make sure you stop the mixers in about 10 minutes and place the dough in the muffin molds for tomorrow morning.”  
“B-But, Levi…” Thomas stutters.  
“You can do it, kid.” Levi says cheerfully as he scribbles his cell phone number on a napkin and shoves it into Thomas’ hand.  
The blond smiles nervously and nods. I follow, not saying a word, wondering where we are going. Obviously we’re heading to his apartment first since he needs a shower. I have a feeling we’ll be there a while and I’m not disappointed by the thought.  
***  
Levi POV  
I stop the running water and wrap Eren in a towel before doing the same for myself. He’s still panting and there’s no greater satisfaction for me than to know I can provide and control his pleasure to my liking. I smile to myself as I walk to the bedroom and open one of my drawers, which is now full with Eren’s clothes. I pick a teal button up shirt with folded sleeves; one that I think looks stunning on him. I throw it to him and then throw him his black hoodie. His jeans are on the floor and he’s about to pick them up but instead, I throw him another pair.  
“Don’t forget the belt.” I say as I pick up a black button up and a pair of dark jeans for me.  
“How could I?” Eren smirks.  
He steps up and wiggles in his pants as I finish buttoning up my shirt.  
“So, where are we going?” Eren asks.  
“Anything you’d like to do?”  
He takes a moment to think.  
“Perhaps go to the movies?” He suggests.  
“Oh no, wait! There’s a bonfire tonight, do you wanna go?” He adds with a beaming smile.  
How could I even say no to that?  
“Who’s going to be there?” I ask.  
“I don’t really know, it’s Marco who told me.”  
I stiffen, leaning against the wall. This means Jean will be there, but I don’t want to talk about it again. Eren seemed annoyed with me when all I was really trying to do was keeping him from getting hurt and by the same token, from hurting me.  
“Sure then, let’s go.”  
He smiles as he takes out his phone and sends a text to god knows who. A moment later the phone buzzes and Eren looks up to me.  
“It’s right on the shore of the Sina River. Close to the Trost museum.”  
“Are we even allowed to be there?” I ask.  
“Do we care?” He says with a cocky smile.  
I roll my eyes and smirk. I won’t tell the brat that I intend on talking to Jean tonight, but my mood lifts up a bit now that I know we’ll be isolated and that I can say and do whatever I want to the horse face. Whatever else I want too, which might include laying Eren on the dirty cold ground just to have an excuse to warm him up after.  
“Fine, okay.” I smile and wrap my arms around his waist. He kisses my forehead as I breathe him in.  
***  
Eren POV  
The first person I see as we finally start to see the light that filters through the trees is Armin. His shadow moves towards us. I let go of Levi’s hand to give a special handshake to Armin. He chuckles as he messes up, still unused to what we agreed on being our handshake. Yeah, it’s probably lame and childish or even maybe of the douche bag category, but I don’t care.  
“Glad you could come.” Armin says before turning to Levi. “And you too. Who’s taking care of the shop?”  
“I hired someone.” Levi replies simply, his eyes looking around the bonfire.  
I lace my fingers with his and pull him forward next to the fire. We sit on the log that lays there on the ground, partially occupied by Annie and Berthold.  
“Eren!” Mikasa screams with a wide grin as she makes her way to us.  
She bends down to kiss my forehead and then she glances at Levi once and then twice. She straightens herself up.  
“What the hell is this?” She asks, pointing at Levi.  
“Hum…rude?” Armin interjects as he walks up to us with two plastic cups.  
“Shut up Arlert.” Mikasa warns. “I meant the scarf. Why the fuck is he wearing mom’s scarf?”  
I feel Levi stiffen beside me. I haven’t told him that my mom knitted two identical scarfs for me and Mikasa. Hers was red and mine was green. I loved that scarf, which is why I gave it to him. I wanted him to have something of mine, something that is worth something to me, not a lame t-shirt with cheap cologne sprayed on it. He glances at me.  
“I gave it to him.” I say, expecting the outburst that’ll come.  
“YOU WHAT?” She screams, making heads turn our way.  
Jean laughs loudly and walks away, probably to throw up or go piss, I don’t give a fuck.  
“Babe, I think you should calm down.” Annie says, grabbing Mikasa’s hand.  
“Don’t you babe me. Stay out of it.” She turns to Levi and glares at him.  
That’s my queue. I get up and step in front of him. I can feel that he stood up behind me. He’s trying to walk away but I keep him there with my hands.  
“Eren, let me go, you guys need to talk. I’ll be right back.” Levi says.  
He places a hand on my shoulder and quickly presses his head on my back in a reassuring way. I let him go but still shield him from Mikasa.  
“You’re walking away because you’re scared, midget?” Mikasa shouts.  
I glare at her and then turn my head to look at Levi’s back. He stopped walking. He rolls his head, stretching his neck and takes a deep breath. Then, he starts walking again. He shrugs it off, just like he said. The people around the fire were all silent, looking at the show that Mikasa was making.  
“Don’t you ever call him that again.” I warn.  
“Or what? You obviously don’t care about hurting my feelings so what are you going to do Eren?” She says.  
I scoff and shrug, sitting back on my log nonchalantly.  
“Do you even hear yourself talk? It’s so selfish of you.” I start. “Mom gave us those scarves because she loved us, it meant a lot to her and it means a lot to me. Literally this is the most precious thing I have and I wanted both of the most important things in my life to stay together so that I wouldn’t lose them. Is that so hard to get?”  
Armin steps between Mikasa and I.  
“It’s nothing against you, Mikasa.” Armin says. “You should stop thinking about it for tonight, before you say other words that you will regret.”  
“Thanks Armin.” I mutter, making my beer swirl into my cup.  
“Everyone has different ways to love.” He says as Mikasa walks away angrily. “She thinks that you don’t care about the scarf and about your mom’s love or whatever the symbolic is, when in fact it’s all the opposite. You cherish it so much that you’re willing to put your own love and memories into it and share it with someone else.”  
“Why does everyone keeps saying that?”  
“Saying what?” Levi smiles as he walks back to us.  
My whole face flushes red and Armin leans closer to my ear.  
“You couldn’t be more obvious.” He chuckles before turning away and walking back to Connie and Sasha.  
I sigh and roll my eyes.  
“Nothing.” I say to Levi.  
He raises a brow, suspecting the lie but letting it go. He sits beside me and when I take his hand, I remove it right away, feeling that its wet.  
“Ewe” I say.  
“Oh my god, Eren. You’d think that at 34 I can actually piss correctly in the woods like a grown man.” He laughs and I join him. “It’s blood, I tripped.”  
“Are you okay?” I ask, kneeling in from of him and sheltering his hand into mine.  
He chuckles.  
“I’m perfectly fine.” He says, rubbing my head with his other hand.  
I sit back beside him and take a long sip of my beer. I grimace as the now hot beverage goes down my throat. I turn the cup upside down, emptying the liquid beside the log. I throw the cup in the fire and it burns almost immediately, leaving a lingering burning plastic smell. I glance at Levi. He’s looking at the stars. I follow his gaze.  
The sky is clear like it hasn’t been in a while. The occasional burst of smoke that the wind pushes our way forces us to close our eyes until we can stare at the sparkling sky again.  
“Call it reckless bravery, but I think I could actually kill for you.” Levi says.  
I turn to him, surprised that he’d say that. Especially why now?  
“But you’re not that man anymore. You’re Levi, just Levi.”  
“I only meant that I could. I would do it if someone hurt you.”  
“It’s not going to happen.” I smile. “I’m not leaving you. Leave the past aside, it won’t repeat itself, I promise. Here’s an idea; why don’t you be you and I’ll be me? Because that’s all we need quite frankly.”  
“You’re right, it’s not like I care about anyone else.” Levi says as his gaze meets mine.  
For a split second, I’m sure he’s going to say it again and I want him to, but he doesn’t. Instead, he leans down and kisses me softly before turning his face back up to the sky. A faint smile illuminates his face as the corner of his eyes shines more than usual. I wrap my arm around his waist.  
“They are here.” I say, placing my hand against his chest.  
He shakes his head and gestures to the sky with his chin.  
“They are there; they are free to fly wherever they want with their wings.” He says.  
“Blue and white wings, just like the night and stars.” I say, tightening my grip around him.  
He nods and leans his head on my shoulder.  
“Your mom’s with them too.” He says.  
“Nah, my mom’s knitting scarves somewhere in a corner, blue and white ones for those brave souls who fly with their wings to protect us.”  
“Brat.” Levi laughs. “You’re almost making me want to die and join them.”  
I laugh half-heartedly.  
“Don’t you ever die on me, Ackerman.” I warn.  
“Same for you, Jaeger. One life stand, remember?”  
I smile and inhale the scent of his hair before turning my head back to the sky.  
***  
Levi POV  
I trace Eren’s jaw with my thumb, being careful enough not to wake him up. He’s the one who wanted to watch Avengers, yet he fell asleep 10 minutes after we put it on. I watched it all, it was almost over and I didn’t want to wake the brat so I just laid there under him, his back and head resting partially on my chest as the rest of his body is lying limply on the couch.  
A couple of minutes later we’re both startled by a knock at my door. It’s probably 1 am, who the fuck could that be? I crawl out from under Eren, trying to move him as little as possible since he’s not completely awake. I walk to the door, stopping by the kitchen island to grab a knife. I look through the fish eye. It’s Marco. Shit. I know why he’s probably here but it’s not like I can just ignore his knocks, it’ll wake Eren either way. Apparently I’ll have to face the music right away. I sigh and open the door. As soon as I do, Marco’s face tenses up. I blink instinctively, thinking he’ll hit me as soon as he has the chance. Instead, he walks in and yells Eren’s name. The familiar brown hair props up from the couch.  
“WHa-?” Eren growls as he scratches his eyes.  
Marco kneels in front of him while I stay away from them, my arms crossed to hide my nervousness.  
“I take back what I said, this asshole isn’t good for you and I’m bringing you back to the dorm.”  
He grabs Eren’s arm and forces him to stand up. Eren looks at me quizzically before shoving Marco’s hand away.  
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Eren asks to Marco.  
“That guy.” Marco says, pointing at me. “He beat up Jean. He gave him a black eye and even made a huge gash on his forehead. A copy paste of what you have. He’s crazy, now come.”  
“Wait.” Eren says to Marco and turns to me. “Is this true? Did you do this?”  
I simply nod, not wanting to lie to him. He gapes at me in response.  
“When?” Eren asks.  
“The bonfire.” Marco says.  
I see Eren’s eyes widen as he puts the puzzle together.  
“You mean… that while I was defending you, basically turning my back on my sister and telling everyone that I lo-…” He trails off obviously disgusted by what he was about to say. “You’re telling me you went and did exactly what you forbid me to do? You went to get a vengeance that I didn’t need? Without even asking me? You made the decision of hurting Jean the same way he hurt me. To serve what purpose? Tell me, Levi. Beside your fucking ego? What was the reason? Tell me. TELL ME!”  
I unfold my arms, not knowing what to say. I frankly didn’t expect he’d react that badly to it. I take a step towards him but he takes a step back, bumping into Marco. I stand there searching for what to say.  
“Because words aren’t the same thing as physical violence.” I say, trying to shove back down the memories of my mother being murdered under my 3 years old eyes. “Because as long as I’m alive, nobody will be allowed to hurt you without facing the consequences.” I say.  
“But you just did hurt me.” Eren says.  
His words are blades that slaughters my limbs. I feel dizzy.  
“But I lo-.”I start, but Eren cuts me off as Marco walks away and closes the door behind him to leave us some privacy.  
“Don’t.” He says, raising his hand. “Those words don’t mean anything unless they come from your heart, not as an excuse for vengeance or from not wanting to lose me. Because… I need air right now, I have to think.”  
“Eren.” I plead, unable to face the definitive tone he just used on me.  
“No. Levi. I shrugged it off, like you wanted me to. I decided today that I would put everything with Jean behind me. I decided to try and be better for me, for Mikasa, but especially for you. But you lied and couldn’t even keep your own word of advice. You hurt Jean to protect me, now you know how I felt when I tried to protect you, except that I’m not guilty of lying to you about it.” Eren says and the words spark something inside me.  
He walks to the door and slowly closes it behind him.  
“Bye Levi.” He murmurs shakily.  
As soon as I’m alone, my head starts spinning and I grip and pull at my hair from every way. I crouch and then kneel from the pain that I feel, not only in my chest but in my skull. A pounding ache that seems to amplify every second, pulling a growl out of my throat, eventually followed by a scream. The last time I screamed like that was when mom died and dad stabbed me. The memories twirl in my head and the pain gets unbearable. I fall to the ground as I’m about to lose conscience. The only thing I remember is Eren, dressed as the people from his drawings, some kind of uniform, and he’s walking away and I call after him but he doesn’t listen. "Now you know how I felt, except for the fact that I wasn't guilty." Then a scream, an animal scream. A terrifying primal scream. I close my eyes and let the darkness suck me in an abyss of emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): AHHHHH I’m sorry, don’t kill me! Little explanation: Ok...so you are guessing what’s happening to Levi? Erwin remembered after something powerful happened. Mostly all snk characters in one room singing a song of victory in unison and then Levi and Eren kissing and whatever. That’s what made Erwin remember. For Levi though, something harsher needed to happen. I figured the only thing that would make him remember, would be to lose Eren again. At least he thinks he lost him because they have both overreacted so don’t worry about that (He didn’t lose him...Eren only needed some time to think and breathe and he’ll realize, considering Levi’s past, that it was something normal for him to react this way). The important thing was that Levi got scared out of his mind of losing him, which would cause the memories to flow back in. Next chapter will be about how he deals with those.
> 
> PS: Next weekend 23-24 of may is Anime North and I’ll be there cosplaying as Levi for Saturday (2-3 versions of him) and then Sunday I’ll be suzuya Juzo from Tokyo Ghoul. ANYWAYS, I’m driving to Toronto, so I’ll be back around 2 am on that Monday, which means I might be posting on Tuesday if I’m too dead. I will try *pinkie swear* to post on Monday if I’m able to ok?
> 
> Have a good week guys and don’t forget to check my tumblr for teasers. Hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com  
> I track: #butsinceweregoingtolivehere #butsinceweregoingtodiehere and #swgtlh (Thanks Miss4eyes ;))


	12. Addictive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hey everyone!! How was your weekend? I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, as most of you know I was at Anime North this weekend. Some of you might have seen me as Levi on saturday and Juzo on sunday. Anyways I came back home during sunday to monday night and monday was hell so that's why you didn't get the chapter yesterday. Also this one is a bit shorter but it'll be worth it for the next one, which will be very long. So I hope you'll enjoy that one and if you happen to want to see photos of this weekend at AN, you can check my facebook page or my tumblr which has the link to it in the post with Levi holding ferrets (yes ferrets...snk ferrets....snk fucking ferrets!!!)...
> 
> The song at the start of the chapter is Imagine Dragons - Dream
> 
> There might be ALOT of mistakes but I'm extremely tired from the weekend so I'll go through the chapter again this week to correct it. I'm sorry if this is barely readable or anything I read it a couple of times but I honestly can't see crap right now...

**“We all are living in a dream,**  
**But life ain’t what it seems**  
**Oh everything’s a mess**  
**And all these sorrows I have seen**  
**They lead me to believe  
** **That everything’s a mess**

**But I wanna dream**  
**I wanna dream  
** **Leave me to dream**

**In the eyes  
** **Of a teenage crystallized”**

I gradually open my eyes as I realize that the sound is music coming out of the living room speakers. I must have fell on the remote. But wait, how did I fall in first place? I blink a couple of times and raise myself back onto my knees. Instantly I feel a sharp pain in my head and it all comes back to me again. The first time, the pain was so intense that I probably passed out and fell. I remember screaming from how much it hurt. From how much remembering all the deaths broke my heart. Especially one. Especially Eren and now it was all flowing in again and there was no stopping it. I close my eyes and fall on all fours, eventually grabbing a fist of my shirt and pulling to try and make the pain stop. Blood everywhere, headless bodies, open limbs, empty eyes, my mom’s body, Kenny showing me how to fight and then abandoning me, my shitty life in the underground but also Farlan’s smile, Isabel’s smirk, Hanji’s experiments, Mikasa’s extremely similar talents as mine and then my friends dying, soldiers dying on my orders, my squad getting shred to pieces by Annie in her titan form. I start coughing but I can’t open my eyes, I’m wailing and I can’t stop it. I can’t fathom the thought of me being nothing else than who I was before. It may be another life but everything is the same, I led a different but fairly similar shitty life and apparently so as everyone else. So many deaths, always because of me, no matter who and where I am. I am the only human being who doesn’t deserve to live any life because I bring nothing good to anyone. I don’t deserve second chances because I screw them up again. And as I keep on seeing dead people pass behind my eyelids in flashes, making me dizzy, eventually they fade into a dungeon and everything slows down in my head.

“What is it that you want exactly?” I ask.  
“I’ll kill them all. I want to slay every titans that crosses my path.”

That. That was when I knew that we were so different yet so much alike. That’s when I knew that I felt something for him. Of course I denied it and I was currently re-living it which was giving me a break from seeing all the atrocities of my previous life. I denied it for a long period of time. Levi Ackerman, feeling something for a Brat, for a guy? But of course something had already happened with Erwin back then and even though the kiss didn’t mean a thing to me and I didn’t have any feelings towards this asshole, I knew that the thought of a guy wouldn’t displease me as much as I would admit. I knew that Eren was a prey that I wanted to catch and so I was mean, I was rude, I was pushing him away. I couldn’t bear the thought of people knowing that I was like that. I couldn’t bear the thought of actually liking such an idiot, such a young person too. It was wrong. I was wrong. As I was about to die beside him, I knew back then that nothing else mattered and that I regretted so many things in my past that I needed to act before the inevitable death would occur. I kissed him. It was a desperate kiss, one like I never give to anyone before. One that I had been longing to give to Petra for a while but that I decided to keep since that day in the dungeon, secretly hoping that one day I’d give it to him, even if it was wrong, even if I was a bad person for even thinking about this. There was no pushing him away at this point, not when we were sure of dying in the next couple of minutes. He was, indeed, surprised, but what was even more surprising is that he didn’t pull away, he responded to it. He felt the same thing or at least he felt something and on my death bed, that’s the only thing I could’ve wished for; someone who loved me for who I am. The fact that this someone was Eren only made my death that much more bearable. Of course we didn’t die that day and every day that followed were the best days of my life. I was granted another chance again and for once, there was something I could hold on to. I tried pushing him away because I was scared of losing him the same way I lost everyone I cared about but there was just no way it was going to work. I simply couldn’t stay away. It was too perfect to last though. Of course I had to screw it all up. I had to overreact. I had to push Eren away when I wouldn’t listen to him about what happened with Jean. I had to believe so hard that he would do this to me, that nobody would ever love me the way I thought he would, that it was impossible. I never actually believed that he loved me. Who would? I always thought he’d change his mind but I was happy to have him for the time he’d have me even if it would break me apart. But I’m the one who destroyed it all, like I always do. I let Erwin fuck me. Why? For vengeance? To try and feel something? To forget that I was right? That Eren would cheat on me or find someone better eventually to just throw me away that easily. To forget that I had to breathe and keep on living. I was stupid. So stupid. I saw it in his eyes, that moment where is heart shattered to pieces when he saw Erwin and I together. I couldn’t believe what I had just done and Eren couldn’t either because he went rogue. He was going to kill himself or more let someone kill him before he killed someone. I ran, I ran until my lungs were about to give up. I threw myself in the mess that Eren made outside, the mess he made because of me. He lost his will to live and took mine with him when I inadvertently killed him. He smiled to me, telling me to live, that he’d be in my heart. I regretted everything that happened and so did he. It only took a smile to know that this was all just a misunderstanding that just cost us the most beautiful thing we both ever had in our lives. That’s when I knew, as Eren was letting out his last breath that I would take my last one with him. It didn’t hurt when I pushed the sword into my stomach. Not as much as it would to live without him.

I pull on my shirt as I recall the way Eren left earlier. He said the same words. Is this why I remember? Or simply because he left and I was starting to feel like I couldn’t live without him again? Was I always supposed to remember? What about him? Does he remember? I open my eyes and sit back on my heels as I realize that Erwin knows. He knew. That’s why he tried to make me remember, he wanted to have another shot. He didn’t understand that the life, the time, the place would never matter, I’d always want Eren. Perhaps we were even together before we were soldiers but never remembered. I’d never know. I let the tears stream down my face as I consider fetching Erwin’s card to try and figure out how this is possible but the asshole still tried to rape me to make me remember. He tried to take me away from Eren. I wouldn’t talk to him. But what about Eren? I push my fingers through my hair and fall back on all fours, unable to stop the sobbing that comes out of my mouth. It hurts, everything hurts. My heart is breaking again because I can’t tell Eren. I don’t want to lie to him but I can’t tell him or he’ll leave me again. History always repeats itself, at least that’s what they say. “They” say a lot of things too… So again, I’ll keep my mouth shut until he remembers on his own and then he’ll leave me anyways. I pull my hair and growl not knowing what to do because god knows I want to tell him but I can’t lose him. He’s all I have now and I can’t lose him again, I just can’t.

***

**Eren POV**

**“When you vanish me, I'm buried in the snow,**  
**But something tells me I'm not alone,**  
**But lovers hold on to everything,  
** **And lovers hold on to anything**

**I chase your love around a figure 8,**  
**I need you more than I can take,**  
**You promise forever and a day,  
** **And then you take it all away”**

I’ve been playing league of legends for the past 2 hours and my sad playlist just keep reminding me how much of an ass I was for walking away without giving him a chance to talk. But he did, he did talk and said that he willingly lied to me. To protect me, indeed, but it’s not like Jean tried to hit me that hard, he just wanted me to let go of him, it was a desperate move. If I would ever need vengeance, I’d make it on my own. I didn’t need Levi for that and I surely didn’t want another dad to make decisions for me. I was angry, very angry and I still am. I quickly open up facebook as I hum along the “Figure 8” lyrics. Levi hasn’t posted anything in a while. I was hoping I’d see a blinking notification on the top but there’s nothing. I log in to tumblr and browse through the “gif” tag to try and make myself laugh but it doesn’t work. I can’t stop thinking about it. Perhaps he didn’t care that much and he thinks I’ll just let this go eventually. I won’t. I mean, it’s not like I want us to break up but I need him to understand that he can’t act like that with me. If we’re going to make this work on the long term, which I hope, I want him to trust me. I want him to believe in me the way he does in every other way.

*knock knock*

I sit up straight, removing the one ear bud that’s in my left ear to get up. I walk to the door and open it without looking in the fisheye. Which, could be considered irresponsible considering it’s the middle of the night but at this point I don’t really care. I bring my gaze down a bit when I notice that it’s Historia. I’m tempted to roll my eyes but she smiles in a way that can’t make you hate her. I gesture for her to come in, which she does. She sits at the end of my bed and I sit at a reasonable distance from her.

“So?” I ask.  
“I came to make sure you’re okay.” She says.  
“About what?” I ask, worried that she might know what happened. But how would she?  
“Just… Mikasa seemed really angry at the bonfire and I saw that Levi left shortly after.”  
“He came back after, it’s nothing.” I lie.

Cause it wasn’t nothing. He went to kick Jean’s ass while I was sitting there basically yelling to everyone that I was in love with him. I was angry and I didn’t realize I was frowning until Historia talked.

“You’re angry at him or at Mikasa?” She asks.  
“Both.” I say simply.  
“Can I ask why?” She says.  
“No.”

I hope my lack of speech will be enough for her to leave. Enough for her to understand that I’m not in the mood and that I don’t need to talk to anyone. 

“Look, Historia…” I start.

She doesn’t let me finish though, it takes less than a second for her to be straddling me and pining me on the bed. Her lips are on mine and I turn my head away but she forces her lips back there again. She shoves her tongue into my mouth and suddenly I feel something in my stomach. Not butterflies, just a hunger that wasn’t there before. She sits up straight as she realizes that I have the most obvious boner right now and I can’t help but blush as I try to push her off of me.

“I knew it.” She says with a huge smile while she’s pinning my arms back on the bed.

She kisses me again and then slowly lets her hand trail down to my pants. My thoughts travel away and find Levi. It’s Levi’s hands and suddenly I imagine him with someone else than me. I couldn’t tolerate it. I don’t want anyone else. I want him. My body might act on its own but I don’t want anyone else. I might be mad but it’s temporary. I slowly push on Historia’s shoulder and grab her under the arms to lift her up and away from me.

“I’m sorry Historia if I ever led you to believe that this could work but I am not interested. I never was.” I say as I sit beside her.  
“I know.” She says, panting. “I was just…hoping.”

She brings her gaze down to the floor.

“Look, I’m sure if you look around you, there is certainly someone longing for you. Actually I know for a fact that there is and it’s not me.” I say.  
“You’re talking about Ymir.” She says matter-of-factly.

I raise my eyebrows.

“You knew?”  
“I always knew. As much as I like her, I always had this vain hope that I would end up with you so…”  
“Well now you know so what are you going to do?” I ask.  
“I don’t know. I don’t want to use her as a default prize.”  
“Indeed. And I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay, it’s my fault for holding on to something I knew wouldn’t happen.” She whispers.  
“It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just that way.” I say, placing my hand over hers.  
“What about you and Levi, what are you going to do?”  
“I don’t know.” I mutter.  
“Well…don’t let him go. You’re a good guy and you’re happy with him so don’t screw it up.” She says as she gets up to leave.  
“Right.” I mumble. “Sorry again.”  
“It’s okay, I needed to be sure in order to move on.”

She closes the door behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts. What the hell just happened? She didn’t want to know how I was doing, she wanted to use the distraction to make a move on me. I guess everyone is a bit of a selfish asshole from time to time. But was this what Levi was? No… he did believe that he was doing the right thing. I sigh heavily, letting myself fall on my back. I stare at the ceiling and then at the drawings on my wall. After a while I pull out my phone and start typing.

Me: You awake?  
Mushroom Arlert: Now I am. -_- What’s up?  
Me: Can I have your advice on something?  
Mushroom Arlert: Considering the hour, I’d safely reply that “No, drugs aren’t good for you and you shouldn’t even “try” it.”  
Me: XD…Dumbass. It’s not my style and you know it. I had a question about something that happened with Levi.  
Mushroom Arlert: Go ahead?  
Me: Well…basically he kicked Jean’s ass for what he did to me. He did the same thing to him that Jean did to me.  
Mushroom Arlert: Gahhh, protective! That’s so cute. ^_^ But…Yeah maybe it was a bit harsh, so what’s the big deal about?  
Me: The big deal? Armin, he hurt Jean on my behalf without asking me and without even telling me after. It’s Marco who came to tell me. He brought me back to the dorm because he didn’t want me to stay with Levi.  
Mushroom Arlert: Wait…you’re saying that Levi made sure that you would never be bothered again by Jean, that he made sure you were safe and you are angry because he cares that much? I don’t get it.  
Me: ARMIN! He lied!!!  
Mushroom Arlert: From what I hear, he didn’t lie. He didn’t say a thing. I might not approve of his ways but considering what you told me about how his past was, isn’t it normal that he reacted this way? Isn’t it clearly something he would do? Something you should’ve known he’d do? Because if it was me, I would’ve guessed he’d do something like that to Jean.  
Me: Well I’m sorry FUNGUS! I’m not as perceptive as you are.  
Mushroom Arlert: Shut it Jaeger, you know I’m right.  
Me: What should I do?  
Mushroom Arlert: You’re still texting me? Go see him you moron! Apologize and he will most probably do the same. Now I’m going back to my pillow and if you text me again I’ll strangle you (Even if it means Levi will strangle me.) ;)  
Me: Thank you Armin.  
Mushroom Arlert: *strangles you* 

I get up right away and put my sneakers on. It’s true that Levi’s past was hard on him. He lost everyone he cared about and the way he delt with things back then was not so conventional. What else could I expect from him? We’d have to talk about this to make it clear what we want and don’t want but I overeacted and now I feel guilty about it. He was trying to help me, there’s no denying it. Deep down inside, I know it’s because he loves me, or at least I hope he does. I shove my ear buds back into my ears and run out the door, not caring one bit that it’s raining outside.

***

**Levi POV**

I’m on my third tea cup and still nothing helps the pain of all this go away. How am I supposed to live with such a burden on my shoulders, how was I even doing it before? How was I doing it when I was Corporal Levi? I was another man, I was bitter, I was rude. Not quite the same as I am now but fairly similar. I’m a bit more “sociable” now, probably because of Eren, but bring me back to 6 years ago and I was the same guy. I still have a short temper and a sharp tongue but never as much as before. How am I supposed to join the two men together? How am I supposed to keep on living and acting normally. I want to tell Eren but the list of pros and cons is pretty much the same and I can’t decide whether I want to tell him or not. I’m mainly trying to figure out how I could have done this to him. It might have looked, in my previous life, like I didn’t care about a whole lot of things. Like I cared only for me and didn’t have any feelings towards anything and anyone else. It basically looked like I didn’t give a fuck. But I did, I cared so much for everyone and everything and inside it killed me. That’s why I was pushing people away. It was so much easier to be rude and alone than nice and then losing everything. I learned that in my previous life. Kenny helped me to see how bad people were, how some of them didn’t deserve to live. He got me to believe that I was better than them and I thought so for a long time. I thought I was untouchable and I wanted to give back to people who needed it. I wanted to be a good man but one that was feared and respected. Until one day I lost Isabel and Farlan, that’s when everything changed. What was the point? Why would I need anything or anyone else, since they all end up dying on me anyways? So I gave up. I lived to kill the titans, those terryfing monsters that I can’t believe I managed to forget. I lived to try and reach the freedom that I never had a chance to have. I was fighting for myself and for humanity. I wasn’t a person, I was a soldier and that’s all I did and all that mattered. Eventually I met Petra and I started feeling things for her but I’d never say it out loud to her because I knew that my mission was the only important thing, it had to be if I wanted everyone to stay alive, including her. Especially her. And I failed, miserably. But by that time I had already changed a bit. Not on the outside, but on the inside, I knew that I couldn’t stay away from Eren, at least not for long. It was something so much stronger than I’d ever experienced. It was addictive. HE was addictive. I had found my reason to live back then. Until he died because of me. Until he ran away to his death because I had been the most awful person on this earth to him. It broke me apart to know that he was looking up to me so much before and that in the blink of an eye, I was nothing more than an unfaithful bastard. I want to tell him, that’s what I should do. That’s what I will do because it’s the right thing to do. I hate lies and so I will tell him. I made my decision. The thing is, I hope I’ll be able to when the time comes. If it ever comes. For all I know he walked away forever.

I try to take another sip of coffee but the cup is empty so I get up and walk to the sink. I rinse it and turn it around to place it later in the dishwasher. I take off my shirt as I start walking towards our bedroom. The thought stings in my heart.

*Knock knock*

I swiftly turn around, wondering who the hell could be knocking at this time. Who else than Eren? As I realize it’s probably him, I run to the door and open it right away. The view is better than anything else I’ve ever seen. Eren is wearing a white button up shirt with rolled up sleeves and it’s all wet. Actually, he is all wet. He leans on the door frame with an arm as he wipes his face with the other one, removing the rain droplets that were menacing of falling from the tip of his hair.

“I’m sorry.” He says, panting. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

Surprised, I take a step back.

“Oi! Brat, you didn’t do anything. I’m the one who’s sorry.”  
“I know you didn’t intentionally lie to me. I know you were trying to help and protect me. I know you did it because you love me. A-And… A-And, I don’t want you to say it to me right now because this isn’t the right time but I know you do and it’s all that matters, it’s all that ever will.”

I gape at him, not knowing what to say. I should be rushing to tell him everything that I remember but my brain is stuck on the words that just came out of his mouth. So he knows. Does that mean he loves me too? I mean…if that’s what it was in our previous life, then maybe it’s the same in this one. And suddenly the butterflies are back and I’m angry at myself for not being able to say a word.

“Can I come in?” He asks after a while of me saying nothing.  
“Of course you can, idiot!” I mumble with a smirk.

We stare at each other for a moment and I try to control my gaze and not let it fall on his abs but it’s really hard. Instead, I focus on his bright green eyes that I was scared of not seeing again.

“C-Can…I hug you…you know? It’s kind of awkward.”  
“Is that so? Come here and kiss the fuck out of me you ass!”

A second later, he’s wrapping his arms around me a picking me up to push me against the wall, forcing me to wrap my legs around him. He kisses me harshly and deeply and barely even gives me time to breathe in between them. He's demanding, the little shit. Not that I mind, actually i'm pretty sure I'm as rough as he is because he doesn't know that I just re-lived his death. Eventually, he tries to pull away but I force my tongue into his mouth and wiggle out of his hold. As I fall back to my feet I grab the neck of his shirt to bring his face down at the same time. He gladly follows my move. That's when I rip open his button-up shirt and my thoughts about telling him that I remember are shoved at the back of my head. 

"I missed you." Eren murmurs against my lips.  
"It's only been a couple of hours." I mumble. "But I missed you more, way more. I missed you like I didn't see you in a thousand years. I missed you Brat, I missed your scent, your touch, your fucking beautiful eyes. Don't ever leave me again."

I bite his bottom lip and he pulls away, smirking. He stares into my eyes, waiting for my next move. I smile before grabbing his shirt and pulling it down so roughly that Eren falls on his knees.

"Mmm Heichou." He moans.  
"Yes Brat, the one and only."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Thoughts? Don't worry the action isn't over....its a tiny tiny break... I hope I didn't screw this up.


	13. Begin again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi guys, this chapter is all smutt, it was supposed to be only half of it but I got carried away. XD lol…bite me okay? Tch…. Anyways, I might update this week IF I have some time, otherwise it’ll go to next Monday. I’ll see what I can do. Hopefully you like this one. (I feel giddy now…)
> 
> The song in this chapter (well there are two but the other one is mentioned in it).... the one that isn't is Purity Ring - Begin again

“You know Eren, I have to admit that I like you on your knees.” I smirk.  
“I like me on my knees too.” He replies, angling his head and biting his bottom lip.

I start walking around him, randomly touching his skin to different places as I try to remove any memories of him biting his lip from my head. I wanted the present, I wanted now. It was kind of like a first time since I was now remembering everything and I didn’t want to screw it up. I wanted him to remember eventually because I couldn’t lie to him and I was hoping that acting the way Corporal Levi would have in the past, would maybe make him remember, even if it would mean I’d lose him in the end. I was realizing now that I didn’t want him to be in the dark about this. And as much as my mouth wouldn’t let me tell him with words in fear of losing him, I was now hoping that my attitude and body would trigger something in him. I keep walking around and eventually go back in front of him and cross my arms, looking at him with a superior glare.

“Wow, that look.” Eren says with a shiver.

For a moment there I think he remembers but he doesn’t he just thinks its hot because it’s something new to him. I glared at him before, of course, but never in such a profound way, never in such a menacing way. 

“Say Eren, how much would you say you want this?” I ask, placing a hand between my thigh on the bulge of my pants.

He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he licks his lips. I glare down at him and in one swift movement I gently kick the side of his body. Nothing hurtful, just to startle him a little. It works because he raises his gaze to me an frowns. I’m standing there, thinking I might have crossed a line but his eyes widen and he grins at me playfully. Cheeky little shit.

“I suggest you erase that cocky smile off your face or I’ll have to find a way to punish you, soldier.”  
“Mmm, soldier eh? And here I was thinking that role play was for old people…oh wait, you’re old.”

I shoot him an angry glare right before kicking his chest a bit harder to make him fall on his back. As he falls I take a step towards him and put a knee on the floor, almost straddling him but not quite. Just enough so that he knows where I’m hovering, just enough to torture him. I bend down to his ear and whisper:

“There’s no age for role play.”  
“Y-yes sir.” Eren says as his hands slowly make their way to my hips.

I slap his hands off and get right back up. He tries to sit but I gently place my foot on his chest as I move my index finger from left to right.

“Who told you you could touch me?” I ask.  
“I didn’t think I needed permission.” He says. “It won’t happen again unless you ask for it.”  
“Good boy.” I say, satisfied that he’s starting to get into it.  
“Until you beg me to touch you.” He adds with a cocky smile.

To make it even worse he bites his bottom lip and I can’t take the restraining part of my pants anymore so I undo the button and pull the zipper down slowly. Eren licks his lips but I shake my head.

“I said no.”  
“Could we at least move to the bedroom? The living room floor isn’t exactly comfortable.” He says.

I sigh.

“If you complain again, I’ll just jerk myself off in front of you and leave you there, untouched and suffering from the obvious desire that is plastered all over you.” I say. “Plus, it wouldn’t be worse than doing it in a stable.”  
“What?” He asks, narrowing his eyebrows.  
“Tch. Nevermind. Now get back on your knees.”

He instantly moves back to his previous position and doesn’t say a word. He stares straight in front of him, almost ignoring me to stare at the kitchen counter instead.

“Oh you want to play a game of your own I see.” I smirk. “Well Brat...I can play games too.”

I wiggle my hips just enough for my pants to slide down. Eren’s eyes tremble, trying to stay focused on whatever he’s looking at. I step out of the pants and right in front of his eyes. The little tent shape in my boxers should be enough to do the trick but the little shit brings his gaze up to my eyes and grins.

“I swear Eren, you need to stop pushing my limits, you don’t know me the way you think you do.” I warn with a carnal glare.  
“I know you very well, Heichou. You think I don’t, but I do.” He says.

His words surprise me. Does that mean he knows? Is he also trying to tell me that he knows? As I am contemplating the idea of asking something specific that he would know only if he remembered, he uses my obvious distraction to get up.

“What are y-“ I start to say right before Eren picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me like a child.

I’m angry, VERY angry. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s to be reminded that I am short.

“I’m tired of your game. I don’t want to wait for you to beg me because it’ll take forever. I want you now, in our bed.”  
“Let me go.” I say as a very clear and simple warning.

Of course he doesn’t listen and as soon as he crosses the doorframe of the bedroom, I grab the door and hit his arm with it. He instantly let’s go of me and I let myself slide in front of him.

“OW!” He says. “What was that for?”  
“I told you to let go of me, didn’t I?” I say.  
“Yeah but only because I can’t wait anymore, I want you now.”

A ping of guilt makes its way in my heart. It’s so familiar. I’ve lived with those in my previous life, I learned to discard them, to hide them. Now it’s different, I’m a different men. I can’t be just Corporal Levi, the men who was hard on himself and on others to hide the fact that he was broken on the inside. I always cared, I just never showed it before. Today, I still have compassion, I still have feelings and I even show some of them. I may still be an asshole to some people, but I never was just that. I cared, I loved, I fought, I suffered, just like all of them. I was just better at hiding it. The short-tempered guy I thought I was in my previous life might still be there, but when it comes to Eren, I can’t be like that, or at least not JUST like that.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble against his chest as I lace my arms around him.  
“It’s okay old man, I kind of liked you being bossy with me, you should keep going.” He smiles. “Just don’t be too rough, okay?”

I nod, not really sure I still want to play that game but he did say he liked it and it’s tempting to be Corporal Levi again, the strong men who used to be respected by thousands of people, not the pissed off guy from the Tea shop who used to sell drugs.

“Alright Brat, when did I ever tell you that you could stop kneeling?”

Eren smirks and goes back on his knees.

“Good boy.” I smirk and start tapping my foot on the ground. “Now, tell me what you want.”

His gaze instantly falls between my legs, making my dick twitch. I breathe slowly, trying to calm myself down. The brat is mentally stripping me and it takes everything for me not to jump on him right now.

“Really?” I purr. “Then this shall be the last thing you’ll get.”  
“That’s not fair.” He says with a pout.

Those lips. All I see now is those lips around my length and I can’t ask him to wait if I can’t even wait myself.

“Ok, Brat. Just for this time.”

Eren smirks. He knows he won this round. I slide my boxers down, letting my cock spring free, already leaking pre-cum droplets. Eren doesn’t even wait for me to say a thing, he’s already crawling to me and his nails claw at my hips as his tongue follows my length from the base to the top. I shiver but try to keep a strong façade up. Unfortunately I fail as soon as he takes me into his mouth. He sucks on me in a way he never has before and the tip of my dick brushing at the back of his throat isn’t helping me to take things slow. Eventually, after a series of moans and groans provoked by an alternating fast and slow rhythm, I Just grab one of his shoulders as he pushes me deeper inside his mouth. 

“Fuck. E-Eren. Oh my god, stop!”

In a split second I see a smirk appear on his face but he keeps going. I want to pull away but I can’t. This is divine.

“Eren… Please, please stop, I can’t hold it anymore.” I plead.

He pulls away and smiles.

“Told you I’d make you beg.” Eren says as he stands back up.  
“Tch.” I say, panting. “I didn’t beg to touch you, I begged you to stop touching me.”  
“Ow, that hurts.” He says, placing a hand over his heart with a cocky smile.  
“You know what I meant, idiot.”  
“So, corporal short-temper, what shall I do now?”

I glare at him.

“This isn’t a joke, don’t call me Corporal like its funny.” I say.  
“I was just trying to tease you.” He says, frowning.  
“I know, I’m sorry. I just mean that if we do role-play, I want you to be serious about it. You like it, right?”

He nods.

“Then let’s be real with it.” I add.  
“Ok Heichou!” He says placing his hand sideways on his forehead and saluting to me.  
“No, you got that wrong, let me show you.”

I place his hands in the familiar survey corps salute, which he still doesn’t remember apparently. The view of him, shirtless, wearing only a pair of jeans with a white belt and saluting to me like he used to, is too much to take in.

“Perfect!” I say. “Now, take your pants off and lay on the bed.”

He listens to my order but as usual, has to add his little twist. He slowly brings his hands down to the belt buckle and tugs on it playfully. He slowly throws his head back, exposing the skin of his neck to me as he bites his bottom lip. He moans and then glances back at me.

“Ready to beg yet?”  
“Fuck. Eren.” I whisper, unable to control myself any longer. “Take those off and get on the god damn bed.”  
“Yes Sir.”

He finally detaches the belt and button of his pants. He takes an awful amount of time with the zipper, gazing at me the whole time. He has that cheeky smirk on his face, one that he didn’t dare to use so much with me in our previous lives. It makes me want to kick him in the face as much as it makes me want to fuck him to no end. When his pants finally slide down, he takes a step towards the bed and then crawls on it on all fours with a carnal glare in his eyes. He lifts a finger to me and gestures for me to join him. In less than a second, my boxers fly off me and he flirtatiously removes his, under my constant stare. I climb on the bed and crawl on top of him as my tongue travels up from his stomach to this fucking cocky smile of his. Even through the kisses, I can feel the smirk on his lips.

“Behave, you dumbass.” I say as I pull my head away to look at him.  
“Or what?” He asks, giving me a quick peck before resting his head back on the bed.  
“Or I’ll kick your ass.” I sigh. “If I’m going to be your Corporal, you have to act like a soldier, like a subordinate.”  
Eren yawns.  
“Can we just fuck already Corporal?”  
I smirk, unable to contain the chuckle that makes it way out of my mouth.  
“Oh I’ll fuck you for sure, but I will tease the fuck out of you since you’re an impatient little shit.” I smile.  
“Two can play this game.” He says, biting his bottom lip and giving a quick slap on my butt.  
“You didn’t.” I say, gaping at him.  
“Oh yes I did.” He replies with the cheekiest smile.

I sit back on my heels and glare at him. I grab his hips and roughly flip him around. Eren is startled as his head falls back onto the bed.

“Woah, you weren’t kidding.” He says. “I like it.”

I make my way up to his ear, making sure my dick rests between his butt cheeks.

“Of course you like it. You’ll like it so much that you’ll be begging me to stop. This will be your punishment and I swear it will be one.”  
“Pffft. I doubt that. As far as I know I have way more stamina than you, old men.”

It’s beyond my control, I slap his butt cheek. Not hard, but just enough to sting in an arousing way.

“I’ll have to teach you to hold your tongue.”  
“Oh I’d rather have it between your thighs.” Eren replies.

He has the response to every fucking thing I say. Perhaps it’s time to show him just how bad this could be for him. I stand up and open up one of my drawers under Eren’s curious gaze. I come back to him, taking a hell of a lot longer than needed so he can appreciate the view. I climb back up on the bed and grab him by the underarm to push him close to the head of the bed as he rests on his back. Without any explanation, I grab his wrists and secure them to the headboard with one of my cravats. Eren smirks and gazes into my eyes. The teal green orbs make me question my own capacity to resist him but I will just for the sake of the old days, just because he might remember me if I keep going down this road. I have to admit I kind of like being like this again. If I hadn’t did something so bad to him in our previous life, I could actually enjoy the old Levi. It feels like I had lost a piece of me before and just found it again to create the perfect balance of kinky, loveable and hateable human being.

“So, I’m stuck now, what are you going to do Corporal Levi?” Eren says mischievously. 

I dig my nails into the skin of his hips and thrust forward between his legs, basically just rubbing myself against him for a couple of seconds. Eren’s expression changes to one of pure hunger and I’m starting to see the craving in his eyes. He pulls on his restraint and groans. The cheeky look on his face is gone and replaced by a lustful glare. He raises his hips, slowly grinding against me.

“Oh, this will be fun.” I whisper.  
“Should I be worried?” Eren asks.

Of course not…but I’m not going to tell him that. I grin from ear to ear, probably a terrifying view, but that’s kind of the point. I take one of the pillows and remove the cover from it. I start tying it around Eren’s head, blindfolding him. I sit back on my heels between his legs and wave to see if he sees me. He doesn’t move. I take a second to steady my breathing bend down on his chest to slightly bite his nipple. He jumps at the touch but then faintly arches himself up. I sit back again, hovering my palms over his body so he can probably feel that I’m moving but doesn’t know where exactly I’ll settle for. I end up kissing his stomach all around his navel and then start traveling down but sit back as soon as I’m close to his dick. He growls.

“Okay, I’ve been punished enough Corporal. N-Now please do me a favor and touch me.”  
“Not just yet my Brat, I’m not done playing.”  
“L-Levi.”  
“Eren. Let’s do something else. If you can guess where my hands are 5 times in a row, I will put my mouth to good use elsewhere.”  
“What if I miss?” He asks.  
“If you miss I won’t be granting you any access near my mouth, and might as well not give you access to anything of mine.”  
“Wow, that’s fucking cruel.” He says with a half-laugh.  
“I am cruel. You should know by now.” I reply.  
“You’d never make me say that seriously about you. Plus, how the fuck am I supposed to GUESS where your hands are hovering?”

My heart skips a beat but I won’t let it distract me.

“Breathe slowly, focus, be perceptive. I’m starting now.”

Eren inhales and exhales deeply as I pick my first target. I place my hand just above his knee and wait.

“My knee.” He says, pretty sure of himself.  
“Now 2.” I say.

I shift beside him on the bed.

“Shoulder.”  
“Now 3.”

He grins and is so sure of himself that I feel like I should make him wonder a bit more. I get off the bed making sure I don’t make any sound. I walk to his other side and place my hand right above his stomach.

“Abs.” He says.  
“Yes you little shit, how do you even know? Now 4.”

He smirks as I make my way to the other side of the bed again.

“My tigh… No… wait…wait.”  
“Be thankful that I want this cock inside my mouth as much as you do. Try again, idiot.”  
“My hip bone.”  
“Right. And now 5. Better get this right Eren.”

He nods but grins from ear to ear.

“My dick.” He almost shouts triumphantly.  
“BIP, wrong, you lose.” I murmur against his lips.  
“Wha-“ He starts but I press my lips on his before he finishes. 

I pull away a minute later when his lips are all swollen from the biting and licking.

“I thought you wouldn’t be using your mouth on me if I lost?”  
“You didn’t lose, I was at your dick. I just felt like torturing you some more so I moved when you said it.”  
“You ass.” He smirks. “How about you take off my blindfold so I can see you down there.”  
“Mmmm….”   
“Oh come on, Levi, gimme a chance here.”  
“Alright, alright…guess I’m too much of a good guy.”

I sit beside him as I undo the lose knot and let the blindfold fall off his face. A good guy indeed, but that’s not going to make him remember any time soon. At this point I’m not even sure I want to keep doing this, I won’t force things. I will tell him when I have the courage to. For now, I will be me, all of me. Eren’s gaze moves back to me as soon as the blindfold is gone.

“God you’re fucking gorgeous, how are you even real?” He says and suddenly all I want to do is cover up.

He’s making me feel things that I never thought I could feel in this life but that I faintly remember from the previous one. This is way more than being attached, I have no doubt that it’s love anymore but why would he even bother with me. Even if it’s destiny, look at him. Why does he keep falling for me? If anything I’ll screw it up once again.

“Y-You…hum. I’m going to free your hands too.” I say, bending down over him.

Eren’s gaze follows me up there but I’m too shy to look. Yes, definitely blushing and shy. Why now? His hands don’t fall to his side as my cravat falls beside his head, they find my ribs and travel up under my arms to quickly pick me up and make me sit on him. As I’m about to make a comment, he grabs my forearms and pulls me down to lay on him. I can feel the slight brushing of his dick on my thigh and I am so hard right now that it actually hurts.

He places one hand at the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss, not even bothering to close his eyes. He looks at me like he sees right through me. I feel naked and fragile and… more alive than I ever felt, in this life or the other. As I pull away, his gaze locks with mine and there’s a touch of pink spreading on his cheeks, probably mirroring my own.

“I really really like you, Levi.”

And as my face turns crimson red, all I can do is nestle my face into Eren’s neck, making him chuckle a bit. He doesn’t say a word for a while, after all, he said himself that he knows how I feel but I still need to say something.

“You don’t ha-“ He starts but I cut him off.  
“I really fucking like you kid, like a whole fucking lot.”

The only response I get as we just basically told each other that it’s love, because it’s obvious that “like” wasn’t the word on our minds, at least it wasn’t the one in mine, is a sigh of relief. I already told him I liked him before, so why does he seem so relieved? Did he think I’d let him go after what happened with Jean? I was always going to chase him until he’d honestly just tell me to fuck off. I was never going to stop fighting to get him back if I had to. I smile, feeling like I’m on cloud 9. Eren turns his head my way and kisses the top of my head.

“Speaking of fucking, I think your brain might be sending indirect messages that you need to get down from the high.” He says, wiggling under me, just enough for my dick to feel like it’s going to fall off from the pressure.  
“OW.” I mumble.  
“Same here, so I’ll ask once more. Heichou, please make love to me.”

I pull back startled by the words. I search his eyes. It’s always been “fucking”… Technically, it’s just words, but making love is different, making love isn’t just fucking. I don’t know if he said this on purpose. He probably did, considering his face is redder than a tomato, but I won’t let him feel bad for saying it this way because frankly it’s all I want.

“I will make love to you as long as you’ll have me.”

His eyes dart to me and a smile makes its way on his face and he pulls me in for another kiss. He doesn’t seem like he wants to let go and is almost crushing my ribs.

“E-Eren, I can’t…b-breathe.”  
“Oh my god, sorry. I just… I got a bit excited.”

I chuckle.

“Don’t ever apologize for such things, I love-“

Oh my god, what have I done? I hide my face back into his neck. I can feel and hear Eren’s heart hammering against my chest.

“It’s okay Levi, me too.”

I tighten my grip around him. As if I was scared he’d suddenly disappear or something. My heart seemed like it stopped beating but it’s actually the opposite, it beats so fast that it hurts. I couldn’t have enough air in my lungs anymore, I feel like I’d need oxygene straight out of a tank.

“You okay?” Eren asks after a while as I breathe heavily down his neck.

I nod and pull away just to press my lips hard against his. I tangle my fingers in his hair and start grinding against him, not caring one bit about how weirdly unattractive that might look. I wouldn’t have time to think about it anyways seeing as Eren joins my motion in the same way as our kisses become a bit more heated. I let myself glide down between Eren’s legs as I leave a trail of kisses on my path. I lick my way down and make a point of kissing the inner part of both his thighs before I move back to the middle and open my mouth to take Eren in. As soon as I start moving up and down, Eren arches his back. I won’t be able to do this for long, Eren is too hard and I can already feel him shivering under me. I carefully grind my teeth up before I gasp for air.

“You’re a god, you know that, right?” Eren says.  
“Tch. Enough of those compliments, idiot. My head won’t fit through the door.”

Eren giggles before gesturing for me to climb back up to his face. I kiss his face off until he pushes me away.

“I need air. I nee-… Oh my god, your hair.” Eren says before exploding in laughter.

I tentatively touch it and realize that my hair is so disheveled that I probably look like a mess right now. I fall back on him and fist his hair making it look even more messy than it usually looks.

“Here, we’re a pair now.” I sit back between his legs and somehow Eren’s already got a bottle of lub in his hand.  
I’m about to take it from him but he stops me. Instead he pours some on his own hands and starts working on himself instead. He’s got two fingers in when I start stroking myself because I can’t bear to see him so ready to take me and not do anything.

“I’m ready.” He says after a while.

I grab his legs right away and rush between his legs. I press against his entrance and slowly go in. Eren gasps and grabs the pillows behind him. I thrust slowly until he starts arching is back again. I take a steady pace and grab his dick, stroking him at the same time.

“NO, Levi, wait, I can’t.”

It takes exactly 10 seconds for him to come all over my hand and yell into one of the pillows. I grin when he looks back up to me.

“Why did you do that, I was good to go a while?” He says.  
“Told you I’d make you beg me to stop.” I smirk.  
“You mean…”  
“Oh yes, this isn’t ending any time soon.”  
“You’re an ass.”  
“I believe you mean I’m IN your ass.”  
“Ah.ah.AAA-“

I thrust inside of him again, slowly. Of course the Brat is so young he’s ready for another round already. His cock slowly gets back to hard and I make the time pass by playing with his nipples, which only turns him on more. Eventually, he stops me and then sits up, forcing me out of him. I growl, angry that he’d do such a thing when I am already so hard. He pushes me on my back though and then carefully sits on me. He’s straddling me and when he starts moving I almost come right away.

“Slow- Slow down Eren.” I say.  
“If you want this all night, you’ll have it all night.” He replies as his dick bounces up and down with him.

I’m about to take care of it but he grabs himself instead, either protecting it from me or ready to stroke himself soon enough.

I can feel the build up almost reaching its peak when Eren suddenly stops.

“Oi! Brat, what the hell?”  
“Missionary” is the only word he says.

I quickly roll on top of him. It’s not the most pleasurable or comfortable position of all, but I get why he wants it. I’m supposed to make love to him and so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll be as close to him as possible and kiss him softly, we both need this to be sweet. It only takes a couple of thrusts until I feel Eren’s length becoming harder than ever on my stomach. He’s holding his breath and suddenly I feel nails clawing at my back. His head locks onto my shoulder and I feel all is muscles tightening under and around me. I am so close I can barely handle it but he needs to come first. I feel his dick jerk up and I know it’s happening so I move a bit faster, a bit deeper.

“Nngh. NNGH. L-LEVIIII.” He says as he comes undone.

I follow him shortly after when I feel like my whole body becomes numb with something that I can’t exactly describe. Definitely, this time wasn’t like the other times. Perhaps it’s my body that remembers him, that missed him but I think it’s mainly because he asked me to make love to him and somehow this turns me on so much more. I let myself fall on top of him as I try to steady my heartbeat and breathing. Eren’s heart bangs against my ear and his fingers find their way into the strands of my hair. After a while, I roll on the side, not even bothered by us being covered in body fluids. I let my head relax against his chest as I trace circles on his stomach. He gets up walks out of the room, I’m too lazy to ask why. When he comes back, he hands me a wet towel so I use it to remove the drying cum from my stomach and hands. He climbs back in bed beside me and places an earbud in my ear as I place my head on his chest again. Cuddling naked with music after we made love, that’s probably the cheesiest thing since sliced cheese. Ok that’s a lame comparison but never mind, I was in such an euphoric moment that nothing could bring me down this cloud I was floating in. Except perhaps sleep which seemed to be coming my way until Eren pressed play on his phone. I didn’t really listen to the lyrics until Eren started whispering them out loud.

“You be the moon I'll be the earth  
And when we burst  
Start over o darling  
Begin again  
Begin again  
Begin again

My moon o my moon  
Not even into  
Another eternity  
Will you stop your lovely orbiting  
I had held it a world away”

It just felt so unreal and I kept listening to him sing until right before the end I raised myself up to kiss his lips softly.

“So I’m the moon and you’re the earth?” I say.  
“And we begin again under your dark reign and my never-ending light.”  
“Is that so…” I murmur. “Does that mean we’re opposites?”  
“Not opposites, we complete each other.” He says after a while. “One can’t live without the other.”

I suck in a breath.

“Do you mean that?” I ask.  
“Of course I mean it.” He says with a smirk as he tightens his grips around me. “I really like you and I don’t plan on letting you get away any time soon.”  
“I’d never walk away from you.” I say, bringing my head down, resulting on his lips being pressed on my forehead.

Suddenly another beat plays in our ears and I’m surprised by the change of style.

“What the hell is that?” I ask.  
“Fluorescent adolescent.” He replies.  
“What?” I frown.

He turns his phone towards me. Arctic Monkeys – Fluorescent Adolescent. He wasn’t kidding, it’s the name of the song. I can’t contain my laughter anymore. I’m so far gone I have to roll on my back to hold my stomach in an attempt to stop laughing. It doesn’t work.

“What’s so funny?” Eren asks.  
“Just…I do hope this song has nothing to do with us cause I’m far from a slag and I do hope you don’t look into books for sex tips. I can teach you all you need to know.” I say barely containing my giggles.  
“I just like the beat. I’m self taught for the sex part but you don’t seem like you hated it so I assume I wasn’t too bad at it.”  
“Too bad? You’re unreal. If you think for one second that you’re bad at this, let me get that thought out of your fucking mind because you fuck like a god damn porn star.” I say, gaping at him right before I pull him on top of me. “Come on, I’m bottom, let’s do this.”  
“Levi, I’m exhausted.” He smirks.  
“Might as well pull an all-nighter especially since you said I could get it all night.”  
“You pervert.”  
“You can talk, fluorescent adolescent!”

He chuckles and starts grinding on me as he becomes hard again.

“And that’s how stamina works.” He says. “Perhaps I could find you blue pills.”  
“Tch. Don’t push your luck. I won’t be bottom if you keep on making me want to slap your ass.” I scoff. “Plus, I was hard before you this time so don’t brag about your slow skills.”

His mouth forms an offended “O” and I angle my head.

“Are we going to discuss until the sun comes out or are you actually going to show me your self-taught talents?”  
“Oh you’re on, ancient fuck!”  
“Ancient fuck? My my, what the heck is that?” I can’t keep my laughter anymore, not after all of this. I can’t. 

That is until he pins me hard with his hips on the bed.

“So you want to fuck me into the mattress… I see.”  
“Shut up.” He says with a warning in his eyes and a smirk on his lips.

The sudden change of mood makes my dick twitch under him. He goes down right away, without even bothering for a kiss or for any other parts of me. He shoves my length into his mouth. So deep that I couldn’t even believe his mouth was that deep. I moan and moan and moan until I can’t remember my own name. 

***

Two orgasms later, I can’t feel my legs and can barely even stand up when I feel an urging need to go to the bathroom. I do my thing and then when I stand back up I glance in the mirror to find someone radiating with love. Someone who I never met before, a new person. The just fucked hair suits him so well and I smirk at him.

“You are one lucky bastard, you know that?”

Oh yes, I know…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Giddy Giddy Giddy… My cute babies lol… Did you like it? Next chapter is the next morning and Eren has something to tell Levi. Something that happened in his dorm… you forgot right? You dirty pervs, you’re just here for the smutt XD… Just kidding, anyways leave me feedback, I love feedback, I breathe feedback, I live for your feedback because that’s what makes me keep on posting this here, otherwise I’d just keep it to myself lol. See ya Monday!
> 
> PS: As usual I'll go over the chapter again because I worked so much on it today that I might not have seen mistakes and such...


	14. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Yo!!! How are you guys? I hope you’ll like this one, some guilt, some confessions, some fluff, some luv, some awwww… Enjoy! 
> 
> PS: Do not be worried my friends, next week will start to have some action (and some of Eren’s past)

**Levi POV**

I wake up to the smell of coffee and for once I have to say it seems so heavenly and welcome compared to the usual tea I take every morning. I blink a couple of times and stretch my arm beside me. The warmth of Eren is gone but that’s probably why it smells like coffee. I glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand which is killing my eyes with its dramatically big red numbers. 07:42. Damn, I should already be at the tea shop. Did I ask Thomas to come in today? Did I even care about Thomas when I left? He must think I’m a pretty lame boss. I’d have to make this better if I don’t want to lose him and the little freedom that he provides me. I sit up straight, completely sore from last night. This is the best way to wake up, knowing that you’ve fucked and been fucked out of your mind until you could barely feel your muscles any more. I painfully get up, grab some black pants and a black long sleeve shirt and make my way to the bathroom. I hop in the shower as soon as I see the reflexion of my much less glamorous and “radiating” face. The hot water trails down my back and it makes my body feel good and relaxed. For some reason, as I let the water drip down, my brain decides that I’ve been awake long enough and that I can handle what I tried to forget. I am more stressed than ever because all the memories I was supposed to share with Eren are still locked inside my head and I still have no idea how to tell him.

“Morning, hot boyfriend.” Eren says, making me jump and almost slip.  
“Morning.” I mutter as I turn my head from him back to the wall.

It’s not that I’m angry at him or that I am pissed off that he scared me -- well maybe a little -- but mostly because I can’t face those beautiful endearing green orbs without feeling guilty now. I should’ve told him and I should’ve told him before we had such an amazing night together. Now, I find myself not wanting to tell him but that would be unfair. He nudges my shoulder with something cold so I glance there.

“Coffee.” He says with a smile, taking the cup too far away to my liking. “I’ll leave it on the counter.”

He turns around and walks out. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. How can I not make this awkward? How am I going to get out of this? Out of this with his hand still in mine? I sigh.

\---

Fifteen minutes later, I’m out of there and making my way to the kitchen where Eren seems to be cooking something. I put my cup down on the kitchen island and keep walking until my chest softly brushes against Eren’s back. I lace my arms around him and nudge him between the shoulder blades with my nose. He places a hand on mine, still holding a spatula with the other one and flipping a pancake. He glances behind him.

“You’re in a much better mood when you had coffee.” Eren says, chuckling.  
“Thanks.” I say, too lazy to argue with my usual sarcastic tone.  
“Are you okay?” He asks, turning around to be able to lock his gaze with mine.  
“I… kind of want to talk about something.” I murmur.

He pulls me close and looks away. After a while, he brings his head down and inhales whatever scent my hair has that he seem to like so much. Then, he whispers:

“Me too.”

My eyes dart to him as I pull my head back. This is certainly bad. This is it, he’s breaking up. It wasn’t an irrational fear, it’s happening.

“Oh my god Levi, No. No don’t think that.” He says as he realizes that my face is probably cracking and even letting my eyes tear up.

He presses me back to him, almost crushing my bones.

“It’s just…something happened, something I didn’t want to happen. I’ll tell you everything but you first.” He says.

And suddenly I don’t want to tell him, not before knowing what happened.

“Brat, it can wait. What you have to say seems important and it makes me nervous so tell me already.”  
“Alright. You might want to sit down.” He says with a fake smile.

This looks like guilt. It has everything that looks like guilt. I let him tug my shirt to lead me to the couch and I sit down. As soon as I do, I press my palms against my eyes.

“Shoot.” I say.  
“Gosh…Levi, can you stop acting like I’m going to leave you or like I cheat-“ He cuts the word in way that says it all and grabs my wrist.

I lift my gaze, scared of what kind of expression I’ll find on his face. It is guilt. And an apologetic smile. Now I might not be the one to judge on cheating since I did it to him, but I just can’t act like this is nothing. I roughly pull my wrist in, forcing his hand off. I glare at him.

“Tell me everything.” I mutter, trying to keep my voice from cracking.  
“Nothing happened Levi. Nothing that matters.” He brings his head down, visibly hurt that I don’t want him to touch me, but what else did he expect?  
“That’s what they all say: It didn’t matter babe, it was only once.” I scoff.  
“Are you going to let me fucking talk before assuming that I am an asshole?” Eren says with an angry glare. One that I haven’t seen since the night where he fought with Erwin.  
“Fine.” I say, looking in front of me at the dark screen of the TV. “Go ahead.”

By the time he finishes explaining to me that she made the move, and that she kissed him first. I don’t know if I’m angry at her or at him. I don’t have any right to be angry at him because he stopped himself. I didn’t. He might have done it out of desperation, just like I had, or simply not to hurt her feelings but whatever it was, the thing is he kissed her back and even if he was angry, it’s not something I can oh so easily forget. How could I not be worried about him hating me once he remembers if I can’t even seem to move passed a kiss and a boner that lead nowhere?

“You know, it’s Historia and Armin’s fault if I came back here.” He murmurs. “I was too angry at you to see things clearly and they are the ones who helped me realize that I was screwing up the best thing I ever had, that I was putting our relationship on the edge because I didn’t quite understand why you did it, but they did, they made me see why.”   
“And why would that be?” I ask, trying not to sigh.

He scoots a bit closer to me and I lazily stay there, knowing full well what he’s doing. He brings his lips close to my ear as his fingers tentatively try to intertwine with mine.

“Because you love me.”

I turn to him, teary eyed but I don’t give a fuck. It’s not like I can hide the fact anymore, I just can’t say it. And I won’t pretend I am not hurt because I am, even if it’s not his fault, even if it wasn’t wanted, even if it meant nothing. The fact is, someone else’s lips touched what’s mine and I hate those lips. I hate her. Perhaps it’s jealousy or the part of me that knows I’ll lose him when he’ll remember. Either way, our eyes lock and he can’t stand it for long, he blushes and brings his head down. I let a heavy and shaky breath out of my mouth and grab his chin. I lift it up and gaze into his eyes again, noticing the touch of pink on his cheeks. I simply nod and a grin forms on his face as a tear drops down from the corner of his eye.

“I’m so sorry Levi. So so sorry. I’d never do that to you.” Eren promises.  
“But you just did.” I reply. 

Why the fuck am I doing this? Why do I push him away? Why do I try to make him hurt more over something that is so little compared to all I’ve done. It’s easier. That’s why. That’s what corporal Levi would do. I’m not him. I’m not JUST him. I won’t do this to Eren. No.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” Eren starts sobbing and slowly attempts to get up and walk away.

I grab his wrist and force him back on the couch before turning my gaze to his hopeful face.

“I forgive you.”  
“You-You do?” Eren asks, holding his breath.  
“I do.”

It doesn’t take a second before his arms are wrapped around me and he’s sitting sideways on my lap eating my face off with kisses. I can’t help but chuckle when he gets down to my neck. Then he looks back to me.

“I swear I didn’t mean-“  
“Enough. I said I forgive you, so it’s in the past. Not another word on this. Clear?”  
“Yes sir!” He says, saluting the right way this time.

I glare playfully at him.

“Heichou?” He says half worried, half excited.

I flip him back on the couch and climb on top of him. Fuck the Tea shop. Fuck the pancakes. I’m marking my territory right this very moment and no one will stop me.

***

**EREN POV**

I slide my key in the lock and open the door. I fall face first into my bed, considering maybe ditching my first class to trade it for much needed sleep. I’m slowly zoning out when I hear the door open. It’s Jean, followed by Marco. Jean stops in his steps, making Marco bump on his back.

“Wha-?” Marco angles his head beside Jean. “Oh…Jaeger.”

I turn around lazily on my bed.

“Since when do you call me Jaeger? That’s Jean’s thing.” I say.

When Jean hears his name in my mouth, he nods to me, exposing the bandage on his forehead and then turns around to leave.

“Wait.” I say.

But he doesn’t listen, he walks away, leaving me alone with Marco.

“He doesn’t have to leave.” I say. “We’re all adults, we can try and work things out.”  
“Of course he doesn’t have to leave.” Marco sighs. “But you do.”  
“Fine, I’ll be out of your hair for the night.”  
“I didn’t mean for the night.” Marco says, bringing his head down.

I gape at him.

“A-are you kicking me out?” I ask, now sitting on the edge of the bed.  
“Are you still dating the psycho?”

I dig my nails into my palms, trying to remain calm.

“He is not a psycho. And yes, I am with him.”  
“Then yes, I am kicking you out.”  
“You can’t do that.” I laugh. “My dad pays for this place as much as yours.”  
“I don’t care about your dad.” He says, now looking straight into my eyes. “If I have to file a complaint about an abusive roommate in order for you to get out of here, I will, so I suggest you just get out right away. It’ll save the trouble and I won’t feel an urge to punch you every second of the day.”

*knock knock*

Both our heads turn to the door. Marco gets up, probably expecting Jean. Instead, we find a blond bob staring back at us.

“Wow you guys look like someone killed your dog.” Armin says.  
“Someone almost killed someone.” Marco says.  
“Oh come the fuck on Marco… Jean did the same thing to me first. How is this fair?” I say, glaring at him.  
“Jean didn’t mean to.” He replies.  
“You know what dude? Fuck you.” I say, getting up and shoving my sketchpads into my bag.

I throw it over my shoulder and meet Armin at the door. Before I close it, I glance back at Marco who’s still sitting there, looking back at us.

“Don’t bother talking to me again.” I say.  
“I wasn’t planning to.”

\---

“If you could stop asking, it would probably help.” I reply.  
“I’m serious. I can’t offer you shelter, Eren, we’re already 4 in my dorm room and your titanesque figure can’t exactly fit in my tiny bed.” Armin says.  
“Ah.ah. Very funny, mush!”  
“At least have the decency to call me mushroom, I don’t like being referred to as a drug you lazy bug!”  
“It’s lady bug.” I argue.  
“I was trying to stay polite you ass!”

Somehow, even knowing I have nowhere to live and can’t go back to get the rest of my things, and certainly can’t tell my dad I’m not living there anymore, I manage to laugh. Thanks to mush, my newly found drug.

“How did I never meet you before?” I ask. “It feels like you belong in my life as the funny sidekick or something.”  
“Pfff. One. I’m not funny. Two. I’m not a sidekick. Three. I have 30 times the size of your brain so if anything we’d be equals, dumbass.”  
“Equal dumbasses? Alright.”  
“Shut up, Eren. Be serious. Where are you going to live?” Armin asks worriedly.

I take a second to think. Armin doesn’t know me all that well yet, he does know pretty much everything about me and my family and even Levi and I, but he doesn’t know all of my friends so well yet.

“I’ll call Annie, she always had a spare room. I used it a while ago when I was too drunk to get back to the dorm.” I lie.  
“You and Annie?” He asks.

I gasp, choking on my own saliva.

“Gosh, Armin, NO.” I sigh and the only response I get is a loud laugh.  
“Told you you were funny.” I add.  
“Come on big idiot, we’re going to miss the philosophy class.” Armin says.  
“That would be so sad.” I mutter.

He grabs one of the straps of my backpack and pulls me forward with him.

“You’re a child, you know that?” Armin says.  
“I’m an individual who finds no interest in what usually interests the masses. I find no interest in anything public related, I am a selfish little shit who wants to study art and just be happy. It’s not my fault if I have a given talent in engineering shit and am somehow forced to save people’s ass from bridges and walls collapsing on them. Doesn’t mean I want to. All I want is a break from this shitty life. A break from missing mom, a break from feeling like shit because my dad basically abandoned us. A break from Mikasa who somehow acts like a mother. I need a break from everything. I need Levi.

“So he’s a distraction?” Armin asks.

I promptly shake my head.

“No. He’s way more than that.”  
“You-“ Armin starts.  
“Yeah, I love him.” I finish, hiding my grin into my coat.

\---  
(The next morning…)

“Eren!”  
“EREN!”

I slowly open my eyes, not wanting to wake up from that beautiful dream. I was on a beautiful beach with Levi but somehow it ended when he kept yelling my name. I groan right before I get slapped awake. I sit up straight, startled and looking around until my focus settles on Levi’s crouched figure in front of me.

***

**Levi POV**

“Oi, Brat. Tell me you didn’t sleep on this park bench in this cold as fuck weather?”

The first thing he does, after pushing the obviously just bought sleeping bag away from him, is pull me in, close to him and his hug is tight, it’s bone crushing so I do the same. He nestles his face into my hair and then into my neck, into the green scarf. I didn’t realize how much I dreaded the answer. Whatever happened, it looks like he slept here.

“Marco kicked me out.” He says after a while.

I pull away from him with a full on glare.

“And the first thing you thought when you left school was to go sleep on a park bench?”  
“No, I went to the movies until they kicked me out too.”

I shake my head dubiously.

“First of all, why didn’t you go straight to the Tea shop to get a proper meal with me? And second of all, why the fuck didn’t you come home?”  
“Well, I didn’t know if Thomas was there or you so I decided to go to the movies instead. And… I didn’t want to bother you since I never actually took the lead in going to your place, you always asked me to come over or dragged me there, I didn’t think I was allowed to just walk in. I figured you need your space from time to time and you didn’t answer my text.”  
“What?” I say angrily as I take my phone out, fetch the text and turn it to him. “You mean this shit that only says: Going to study at Armin’s?”  
“Fine okay… I lied.” He shouts, suddenly tearing up. “I need to find a fucking job and an apartment and I can’t tell my dad about this.”  
“All this is incredibly stupid, Eren.” I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Listen and listen carefully. You will no longer lie to me. Alright? Especially if it’s important things like being forced to sleep on a fucking bench. Also, the Tea shop is as much of a home as my place is to you. I will make sure Thomas knows that you are welcome there at any time, even in the back. Alright?”

He simply nods and then I see a thought cross his mind.

“Hire me.” He blurts out.  
“I wasn’t done talking, idiot. And no.” I laugh.  
“Levi, please. I need a job, I need a place. Or perhaps you want my dad to take me away when he finds out?”

My fists clench on my thighs and my heart slams against my chest. No one is taking Eren away from me. No one.

“I need to be independent if I want to stand up to him whenever he realizes that I’m no longer living there. He rarely calls but when he will, he’ll know and Mikasa won’t lie to him.”

I exhale loudly. I’ve already been considering getting more employees for the Tea shop but it was to have more freedom with Eren. It was to be able to actually enjoy life for once. How am I supposed to do that if he works there too? Or perhaps we could work the same shifts, that could be interesting, illegal because we’re in a relationship and I’d be his boss, but…interesting. I let a creepy smile crawl on my face.

“Hire me, I won’t even ask to be paid, I swear.” Eren says.

I sigh.

“Fine…”

He has a shit eating grin that spreads from ear to ear and he grabs my arms to pull me roughly to him. I smirk but pull back, remembering I was not done talking. The brat has a tendency to interrupt my train of thoughts.

“BUT, I will be paying you. I don’t do things half-assed.”  
“Oh, that I know.” He says with lust in his eyes, sending a tingling sensation down between my legs.  
“Will you just let me fucking talk, Brat?”

He chuckles and nods.

“I will hire you under one condition and one condition only, that is beside the fact that I’m paying you, obviously.”

He stares at me, wondering what I’m going be asking for.

“You’ll, leave your dorm but not for an apartment. It’ll cost you less money. You can come live with me.”

He brushes my offer off with his hand.

“Oh, it doesn’t cost me a thing with the dorm.” He says. “I told you, my dad pays for it.”

I stare at him dumbfounded.

“I think you’re missing the point…” I add with a smirk.

He frowns.

“What do you…” He starts but then stops himself as his eyes widen in realization. “Did...Did you just ask me to move in with you?”  
“Well…I didn’t use those words, but essentially, that’s what it is.” I say, nervously.

Less than a second later, his lips are pressed on mine, in a kiss that heat up my whole body. When our lips finally separate, all swollen, he seizes my shoulders to look into my eyes, trying to find a lie or a joke where there aren’t any.

“O-of course I’ll move in with you, Levi. I…” He says.

He’s about to say the words. I’m not prepared. I don’t know if I can say it back. He knows how I feel, yet I am not ready. I start panicking but then he opens his mouth and different words come out, to my biggest relief.

“I wanna live with you.” He says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Things are getting better aren’t they? So who else will remember?... Next chapter will be about moving and maybe…people remembering… I wouldn’t know ;)………… BUT… It’s the last one before major changes that will affect the whole entire story until the end of the fanfic. Hopefully you’ll like it. Oh and by the way, I track #butsinceweregoingtolivehere #butsinceweregoingtodiehere and #swgtlh on tumblr. I also post teasers every week.
> 
> One last thing: I’m getting married in 25 days…so the stress and stuff to prepare and getting ready is really REALLY intense right now so if the chapters aren’t posted on Mondays or are late or whatever, I’ll try to say so on tumblr, because I really couldn’t tell how the next 3 weeks are going to be lol… Right now it’s pretty much stressing as fuck but I still manage to write, so if I happen to post late, check my tumblr and it’ll be written there.
> 
> <3 Thanks for reading me every week (the ones who do) ◕ ‿ ◕


	15. Burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): GUYS! Thanks to whoever shared the fics, I got like 150 hits more in a week, which is big compared to the usual like 40-50. Anyways I hope this means you like it. I am sorry for the feels in this chapter. *Hugs Eren* …

LEVI POV

Of course Eren makes a mess when he shoves what’s left of his slice of pizza into his mouth. His chin is covered with sauce and I might love the guy but there is no way I’m going to lick this off his face…it’s not like if it was wip cream or something. The thought makes me blush a bit. I pick up the towel that lays on the floor beside me and wipe his chin.

“You two are so freaking cute!” Hanji squeals as Eren mumbles something in my hand.  
“Shut up Hanji, and you too filthy Brat!” I say.  
“Anybody wants the last slice?” Armin asks from the other side of the coffee table.

Eren raises his hand right away and I can’t help but roll my eyes. This kid eats like he’s starved for years. I place the towel back on the table and unfold my legs to stand up. Why aren’t we eating at the kitchen island or even at the kitchen table? Ask Hanji. She decided that we should sit on cushions around the table. I didn’t even protest because I’ve learned through the years that its useless with her. Armin raises himself up and picks up the trash from the table, leaving only the couple of plastic cups there that are either not emptied yet or brand new. I walk the couple of steps that separate us from the kitchen island and he sets the boxes beside me.

“You’re good for him.” He says.

I freeze, not sure if he’s talking to me and also not knowing what to reply to that even though it sends a tingling feeling in my heart. I see, from the corner of my eye, that he slightly turns his head to me.

“I mean, you’re good for him so don’t second guess yourself. He might not realize how you are, but I see it. I see that you are unsure. I see that you don’t believe you deserve him. I don’t know why and it’s not my place to ask… but I want you to keep this in your mind: You are the best thing that ever happened to him.” Armin adds.  
“I-“ I start but stop when Eren’s arms circle my hips.

Both Armin and I jump when we realize he’s heard this. My face turns crimson red right away but thank god he can’t see me from the front. He brings his chin down on my shoulder.

“Armin is right. You are.” Eren says. “I wasn’t really the luckiest person before I met you.”

I lean my head against Eren’s as Armin nods and walks away.

“What do you mean?” I dare to ask, anxious that I might finally get to know a bit about his past, that he seemed so determined to hide.  
It couldn’t be worse than mine anyways. He unwraps his arms from around me and laces his fingers with mine to walk to our bedroom. From the corner of my eye, I see Hanji who’s about to make a comment but Armin stops her and distracts her by opening one of Eren’s boxes and emptying it. The door closes behind me and I make my way to the bed to sit on the black sheets.

“It’s hard to say.” Eren mutters.  
“You don’t have to.” I reply as he crawls to the pillows and sits, leaning his back against the headboard.

He taps the spot between his legs and I obey. I lean my back on him and let him hold me as his heart and breathing makes his chest move in ways that I don’t like. What the hell does he have to say about his past that could make him so nervous?

“Remember when I told you my mom died when I was 9?” He asks, not actually waiting for me to nod. “Well…she was sick. Too sick and dad couldn’t save her even though he tried. She did get some medical treatments that were experimental but it didn’t cure her. She had a heart malformation, which I have too. But for some reason, it never did anything to me so far.”

I gasp and attempt turning around but he holds me there. My heart slams against my chest. My Brat is sick, he always was and apparently always will be. I need to hear him say it’ll all be okay. I cannot lose him again. Not again. I close my eyes and try to focus on what he says as he continues.

“I'm fine, don't worry about me. Anyhow, the foolish 9 year old child I was, believed that daddy could find a cure, that daddy would save mom. But one day, when one of the many doctors we had tried was there, I saw him through the door, touching my mother in ways he shouldn’t have.”

I clench my fists and slam them against my thighs. Humans are disgusting. They really are. It’s a genuine surprise to see that people like Eren still exist. People like Armin and Hanji and the few people around us who are good people. Even Jean is a good person compared to these types of guys. I know, deep down inside that Jean isn’t a bad person, but he hurt what is mine and he had to pay for it. Now that it’s done, I have nothing against the kid. After all, that’s what they are, kids. Kids shouldn’t have to see things like that. Kids shouldn’t have to go through such awful things. I know firsthand how damaging it is and I’m sad that he didn’t get to live a peaceful life like the one I thought he might have lived. It seems like in any life, we’ll always end up on similar paths. At least we managed to find each other again and that is the one thing I am grateful for.

“So… Instead of walking away to tell dad.” He starts and I can hear the lump moving in his throat so I tighten my hold on his arms. “I walked in and I took one of the syringes that was there in case of emergency. It was labeled as a more complicated name for adrenaline. I did not know what it was but I didn’t care at that moment. I was 9 so what would I know except that my mother was being abused by a bearded bastard who looked like a fucking ape. I ran to him, and he was startled. He fell on his back and I stabbed his neck with the needle. I pressed all the liquid in. I did not know that the guy had heart problems too and that a single dose of adrenaline could kill him. That’s what dad explained to me afterwards. I stood up from the body as it convulsed and I didn’t feel any pain, any regret, I was glad I did it. I was a monster for doing it but he was a monster for what he did to my mom for god knows how long. Mikasa walked in on me holding the needle and that’s when we agreed on the lie that would cover up the truth that nobody would ever know. He was trying to kill mom. That’s what we said. The fact that I was 9 turned out to be in my favor. They did investigate and find several proofs that could’ve led to illegal things he did and everything turned out to be plausible, to our biggest relief. Mom died within the next few weeks from a stroke and I felt like the whole entire world had to pay. I started to get into vandalism, random fights, failing school. Everything was spiraling downwards because I was angry I lost her but also I had killed a human being and no matter who that was and how much he deserved it, it changed me. I considered myself a monster for doing that. Eventually, dad had enough and placed me in some sort of boot camp. It did help but my time there was less than fun. I got bullied, I got kicked, I got beaten up, I had to do disgusting things…but in the end it did help. I would never be grateful for dad to send me there but I understand how he had no other choices, I was out of control. Shortly after I was done with my 5th year of boot camp, I came back home and went to high school. I was reserved but Mikasa always tried to help me make friends. She cared for me. She knew what was on my shoulders and we shared the secret and the burden together. It helped. I was grateful for that, at least, even though the fighting never actually stopped. I was hot-headed and I will always be. High school is where I met some of my friends, including Historia, who I talked a lot about my dad with. She has a distant father too and he isn’t really a good one either. We just understood each other well so that helped. When I was about 16, I started seeing things in my head… and it was harassing me, taking control of my thoughts, so I tried many things to get rid of it. I even went to see a shrink but it didn’t do a thing except make me feel like a failure once again. Eventually, I realized that whenever this happened, I was doodling on paper so I tried drawing whatever I saw and was surprised to see that I was, first of all, able to draw and then that I was able to draw exactly what was in my head. Every. Single. Details. For the rest, you pretty much know everything like how I hate studying engineering and such but whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore because for once in my life I can say I’m happy. I really, truly am. Thanks to you. You’re my life now.”

He sighs and tightens his grip around me. I lean my head against his, not knowing what to say. I stare in front of me and try to find words that could seem appropriate right now but there aren’t any except those 3. Those 3 that I can’t get out because I’m still lying to him. I have my opportunity now though and I will try. I untangle myself from him and turn around to sit with my legs parted on each side of him. I hug him tight, pressing his head on my shoulder.

“It’s fine, levi. No need for a pity hug or whatever. It’s in the past now but I wanted you to know everything about me.”  
“I’m glad you told me, but it’s not just a hug. I’m holding you, I’m holding on TO you and yes you need it so stop it already.”

He sighs.

“Yes…I need it.” He says as his arms lock behind my back like he never wants to let go.  
“If…there is one person who understands what you’ve been through, it’s me. I might not have killed someone myself…but. I’ll always be there for you. Forever. I swear.” I start.

Eren smiles, I can feel it on my skin as a couple of tears follow.

“And about these drawings, did you think that it might be because of something you already lived? That you have these visions because it makes you remember something?” I say in a breath, trying to keep my heart from jumping out of my mouth.

“Mhm.” He says simply. “I did think of that but no matter how much I try to remember anything related to it, nothing comes to my mind. All I know is that the first time I walked by your shop and saw you, I immediately associated you with the drawing I made a while ago and kept drawing the same face over and over again in different settings. It meant something, I was sure of it. I was too scared to come in so I followed you during a couple of days to try and see from where I knew you but the fact was…I didn’t know you. When Mikasa suggested we go in because I kept passing by this Tea shop without ever stopping, I jumped on the occasion to see you closer. When you asked if we met before, I knew something was up. I knew this had some sort of meaning and I already knew I had a thing for you by that time. I just didn’t know what it was and I certainly didn’t know how strong it was.”  
“Eren…” I murmur.  
“That first day in your Tea shop, is when I realized there was no getting away from you. That’s when I realized it wasn’t simply because of some drawings and a little crush. The chemistry between us was tangible and undeniable. That’s why I came back. That’s why I kept trying to talk to you. I didn’t know what I wanted exactly… until you called me Brat.”  
“It rang a bell?” I ask, my heart slamming against my chest.  
“Kind of? I don’t know actually… but it turned me the fuck on. So much that I had to hide a boner.”

I pull back a bit, looking into his eyes.

“You had a boner in the middle of my Tea shop?” I grin.  
“Wouldn’t be the first time.” He smirks, pressing his hands down on my hips.

I gasp and arch my back.

“Brat, we have people over, we can’t.” I whisper.  
“I could always gag you if you think you can’t control your screams.”   
“Tch. That’s my thing. Since when do you want to tie me up and gag me?” I ask as I brush a hair strand out of his face.  
“Since always… I’m not any different from you, you know.” He says before planting a kiss on the crease of my neck and sending a shiver down my back.  
“Fuck. Alright. D-Do what you want.” I say.  
“You sure?” He asks.

I glare at him.

“It’s an order.”  
“See, that’s my Heichou!” He smirks.

***

ARMIN POV

“Is that his mom?” Hanji asks as she turns the photo frame towards me.

I simply nod. He didn’t tell me much about her, besides what happened with the doctor. I’m still amazed that he trusted me so easily with such an important information. I’m glad he did though. I value him as a friend and I am so glad we bumped into each other’s life. I didn’t have a lot of friends before and his friends just accepted me as one of their own, making my life a lot less boring all of a sudden. Jean’s been texting me a lot lately but I didn’t tell Eren yet. How will I tell him? Anyways it doesn’t mean anything, he’s just being friendly, wanting to hang out and stuff so long as Eren isn’t there. Funny thing is Marco’s barely ever there when we hang out. I wonder if they got into a fight or something.

“Oh what are those?” Hanji asks, holding up a bag of 200 Copics markers.  
“Art supplies, those are markers to draw.” I reply before taking it away from her and placing it on a random shelf.  
“Yay, sketchbooks!” She says, lifting them up and trying to flip through the pages.

I slam the books shut and glare at her.

“What?” She asks with a smirk. “It’s just art.”  
“For artists, it’s like a journal. You do not look unless they give permission.” I say.  
“Come on, just a peek.” She says, making her fingers walk towards the papers.  
“I said no.”

I pick them up and place them under the Copics bag. After that, I proceed to go to the bathroom and try not to let my ears trail behind as I pass in front of Levi’s bedroom door. They are probably just talking, yet, I do not want to know anything about what’s happening on the other side of that door.

I come back and find Hanji sitting at the table with a serious expression. Even concerned I would say. And panting… What? Why?

“Armin, you have to see this.” She says to me, urging me to sit down beside her. Her and the god damn sketchbooks.  
“I told you not to look!” I say angrily.  
“It’s for scientific purposes, Arlert.” She smiles, intrigued by the paper in front of her.  
“Science my ass, you’re just too curious for your own good. Gimme that.” I say, trying to snatch it away but fail miserably when she stops me with a single arm.

The lady is strong, to say the least and I’m not that weak to begin with. I don’t bother fighting her off. Eren’ll be pissed when he sees this. I blink a couple of times, remembering something.

“Wait…how do you know my last name? I never told it to you?” I stutter.  
“Look at this one.” She says, ignoring me and turning a sheet my way. A drawing of Levi dressed as a soldier, wearing a cravat and holding swords. “Doesn’t this look familiar to you?”

I take a moment to think. It kind of does but…then again Levi was wearing a cravat at the Halloween party. Maybe it inspired Eren or something.

“Read the date.” Hanji says, reading my mind.

My eyes widen as I do.

“W-What? Eren would’ve been 16 when he drew this?” I gape at her and at the drawing alternatively. “T-That’s impossible.”  
“And look at this.” She says, turning another sheet towards me. 

It’s her… with two giant human figures and she has one of those grins that only insane people have. Kind of like the one she has right now.

“How?” I ask, unable to find any other words to say.  
“And finally, look at this one.”

She turns one last sheet towards me and all the air rushes out of my lungs. It’s me. A younger version of me with the same haircut and a concerned expression, but also determination in my eyes. I’m doing some sort of salute or whatever this gesture means.

“The… d-date. We didn’t even know each other back then. I had never even seen him before…How?” I ask.  
“Wow…I thought this would do the trick since I only had to look at mine before it flashed.”  
“What?” I ask.  
“Nevermind.”  
“No. Gimme those freaking sketchbooks. I need to see.”

She lets me take them. I flip the pages and am completely baffled when I realize that everyone is in there. Every single person I know is in there. I abruptly stop at a page where I see Jean, who’s flying in the air, swiveling his swords. My eyes close and the blood pumping through my head makes it feel like I’m going to die.

“H-Hanji. H-Help. It…hurts.”  
“Good boy! See? I knew I’d find the way for you too. I wonder if your reaction will be different, since it only took me about a minute or two to remember it all. Sadly, you were in the bathroom so I can’t document how I physically appeared to be as I remembered.”  
“Hurt!” I try to say.  
“Describe it to me.” She says.

Damn crazy lady, my head is ripping in half and she doesn’t give a hell about calling an ambulance or anything. I squeal right before I pass out. Everything is blurry and I get tons of flashes in front of my eyes. It hurts, it hurts and it gets less blurry by the second. Eventually time slows down and I see Eren inside a titan’s body. A titan. A titan……I remember. Eren. Eren is dead.

“EREN!” I scream as I open my eyes and sit up straight.

Hanji stares at me with a huge grin. I don’t feel like laughing at all. The door of the bedroom slams open and Eren appears, disheveled with concern in his eyes.

“What? Armin, what’s wrong?”

I look back at Hanji and realize that I screamed his name out loud. I’m about to answer but Hanji cuts me off.

“Nothing, we were just kidding around. But you know, we’re out of chips and pepsi, could you be a sweetheart and go buy some more?”  
“Hanji…” Eren says. “We just ate and I was…kind of busy.”

Levi appears with a similar hairstyle right behind Eren. If I wasn’t so freaked out, I’d laugh.

“So you want to get rid of us before the evening?” Hanji pouts. “I’m sorry but I’m staying until we watch that movie we talked about.”

Eren sighs and turns to Levi. Levi nods, eyeing Hanji with a suspicious look.

“Fine…” Eren mumbles. “I’ll go.”

***

Levi POV

“Oi! Brat! Wait…” I say, making my way to him before he closes the door.  
“Need anything?” He asks me.

I shake my head.

“You’ll need those.” I say, placing a copy of my keys in his palm. “It’s official now, you’re home.”

His eyes shine and he wraps his arms around me before he leaves. When I hear the outside door closing, I turn to the two idiots that are sitting at the coffee table.

“What the fuck is going on here?”  
“I’m sure you have a pretty good idea…” Hanji scoffs.  
“What would that be?” I ask.  
“Corporal?” Armin says.

I turn my head to him, giving away the fact that I remember.

“Tch. You’re too brilliant for your own good, Arlert.”  
“Those are memories?” Armin asks to no one in particular.

I nod and fold my arms and Hanji simply nods and places a hand on Armin’s arm. I let relief fill me as I realize that I’m no longer alone remembering, since I had no intention of speaking to Erwin about it.

“Does Eren…?” Armin starts.

I simply shake my head.

“And it has to stay like that for a while.” I say with a warning in my eyes.

Hanji turns to me with compassion plastered all over her face.

“Oi! Shit glasses, I don’t need any pity.”  
“It’s not pity, I’m just sad it ended like that.” She says as she gets up and walks to me.

She stops in front of me and our gazes meet.

“I’ve missed you.” She says, hugging me over my folded arms.  
“I-…yeah me too shit glasses…me too.” I say.  
“Why can’t we tell Eren?” Armin asks, making Hanji turn around to stare at him with wide eyes.  
“Oh.” He says, looking distantly out the window. “I see. I forgot.”  
“I will tell him, but he’s not ready to hear it. I tried to trigger it about an hour ago and it didn’t work so let’s not push it.” I say.

Was I trying to convince them? Or myself? I don’t know but I did try to see if he remembers anything. I did try to trigger it by evoking memories and things that sounded like a Déjà vu.

“I’ll keep trying.” I add to reassure them and prove to them that I’m not an ass and won’t keep lying to him.  
“Are you scared?” Armin asks.  
“Tch.” I say and can’t help but nod.

Hanji hugs me again.

“Enough.” I say, stepping away. “I don’t want you to act any different than you would normally. If you don’t feel like you can do it, you’re gonna have to leave.”  
“It’s fine.” Hanji says.  
“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” Armin adds. “But just for the record, I don’t think he would be able to stay angry with you for long so don’t dread the moment too much.”  
“Who knows?” I shrug.

Silence fills the air and we all get lost in our thoughts. Eventually I walk back to the table and help them to fix Eren’s sketchbook to put them back on a shelf. It’s only 5 minutes later that we hear someone fiddle with the lock. I smirk. It’ll take him some getting used to. As he walks back in, it takes everything for me not to run into his arms. When he left, I was scared they were going to tell him. Thankfully they don’t and they are even somewhat able to look normal. I just hope they won’t mess up their memories or tell him something that never happened in this life.

He smiles weakly and for a moment I think it’s because of everything he’s carrying (because he came back with way more than what we wanted. He brought chips, ready to bake tacos, salsa, nachos, guacamole, gummy bears, and even beer. I tend to forget that he’s 21. He looks so young for his age. He probably always had and always will have a baby face but that’s okay, I know what lies underneath the clothes and it’s a handsome, handsome man. And all of this…is mine. I smile and walk up to him.

“Can never do anything normal?” I smirk.  
“That’s why you lo-like me.” He says, glancing over my shoulder to see if they heard.

They didn’t. He doesn’t understand that I don’t care if they know or if anyone knows as a matter of fact. Because I do love him, I just can’t say it. Not before he knows everything. I wish I could, I almost say it sometimes, but I couldn’t live with myself if he ended up thinking that I lied to him about everything, including those 3 words that are the truest ones I’d ever say.

“That’s exactly why.” I smile.  
“Levi, I have to tell you something.”

My face falls apart.

“Why do you always think of the worst case scenario… Stop it already.” He says, exasperated. “I only wanted to tell you that I saw Erwin at the convenience store. He ignored me and I ignored him. But I thought you should know he’s back so you have to be careful when you go anywhere alone. And…perhaps telling Thomas would be a good idea.”

I get lost in my thoughts, wondering why he came back but also why he didn’t react this time. Could he be aware that I remembered who I was? And if yes, how?

“Levi?” Eren says.

I snap back to reality.

“Mhm. Yes?”  
“I asked if you want me to cook a little side dish in…maybe an hour?” Eren says.  
“As long as you don’t burn it like the pancakes, it’s fine.” I smirk.  
“Hey! That was your fault.” He starts and ends with a whisper. “You were the one who wanted to fuck me out of my skin. How was I supposed to resist?”  
“Yeah. Excuses.”  
“Very good ones.” He says.  
“I have to agree.”

I give him a quick peck before I walk back to the table. Armin is staring at his phone with a blank expression.

“What’s going on?” I ask to Hanji.  
“He received a weird text message.” She replies with a shrug.

Eren sits behind me, sliding his legs on each side of my hips and forcing me to lean on him, which I gladly do.  
“I have to go.” Armin says suddenly. “I-I forgot I have to meet someone.”  
“Oh?” Eren says. “When are we going to hear more about him?”  
“Him?” Armin asks. “I don’t recall ever saying I was gay, how did you know?”  
“I-“ Eren pauses and frowns, deeply concerned. “I don’t know. It’s like I knew you were. I’m sorry for assuming, that was rude.”

I glance at Hanji. Eren is getting back bits and pieces here and there, so why doesn’t it trigger anything? I have no idea, but the more time it takes, the best it is for me.

***

ARMIN POV

“Jean, what’s going on?” I ask, meeting him outside of his place as he asked in the text message, saying it was urgent.

He’s shivering and when he notices me, he runs and picks me up. It’s getting dark outside and we’re just at the beginning of December. The lamp posts start to flicker and light up one by one and I still have no idea why my feet are floating in the air and am stuck in a bone-crushing hug.

“Please.” Jean whispers against my ear. “Please say you remember.”

I push him and jump to my feet. I barely even thought of how I would react when I’d see him again and would have to pretend to act normal as I’d see him holding Marco’s hand. But I don’t have to, it seems. I grab his face and look into his eyes.

“Oh my god Jean! You remember too? Why didn’t you say something?” I ask.  
“Because I just remembered today, about two hours ago.” He says, trying to pull me close again.  
“Wait, we can’t do this.” I say half-heartedly.  
“We broke up yesterday.” He says, bringing his gaze down to the ground.  
“W-What? Why?”  
“He was tired of me getting into fights and acting like an ass instead of like “the leader I was supposed to be”” He sighs. “I just want to be me…you know? So we both agreed that this was going nowhere. He’s too much of a good guy and I’m not good enough.”

I seize his shoulders and shake him lightly.

“Hey! Listen to me.” I say, my eyes searching his. “You are good enough. At least you are for me.”

It takes nothing more for me to be picked up again and locked in a long heated kiss.

“I missed you and I didn’t even realize that that’s what it was…the pain I felt every day.” Jean says.  
“Sappy.” I mutter against his lips.  
“Dare to say that again, blondie!”  
“My lips are too busy.”  
“Right.”

***

LEVI POV

“Can you not?” I say to Eren as he attempts to steal my twins from my car in the game of Life.  
“They are blue plastic pieces.” Eren yawns.  
“They are my twins so stop this if you don’t want to be ejected from the car.” I warn.  
“It’s not me, it’s pink, it’s a girl. You’re cheating on me” He says with a grin.  
“Ah.ah. Very funny. It’s just you in a maid dress. Get over it.” I say.  
“Wow, you guys are kinky.” Hanji says, as she loses a bunch of money to pay some taxes.  
“You have no idea.” Eren says.  
“Gosh! Eren, don’t say that. She will want to know.”  
“I don’t mind sharing.” 

I blink at him and Hanji starts to laugh loudly.

“I’m not a piece of ass that you can toss around.” I mutter.  
“I meant sharing details, not you. Pfff, you’re mine and nobody touches you.” Eren says.  
“About those details.” Hanji starts.  
“Shut up!” Eren and I say in sync. It has no bite to it though and we all start laughing.

I roll on my back and lay there, a bit dizzy from the second rum and coke I just had.

“Oh, I love this song!” Hanji says.  
“Do you, now?” I say sarcastically.

I hear a cup flip on the table and I sigh. Even more when I hear a second one.

“I got my ticket for the long way ‘round…” Hanji starts singing as she taps the cup in the familiar beat of the music. 

Eren tries to follow but messes up a couple of times. He ends up doing something quite similar to her and starts joining her with the lyrics. This heavenly voice I’d never grow tired of. One day, I’ll have to ask him to sing for me. Only for me. A particular part of this song flashes in my head and I sit up straight to grab a cup. I start tapping right away, guessing they didn’t think I would know how to do this, but I do. I’m obsessed with these sort of things that require practice and focus. I start singing as I look over at Eren. 

“I've got my ticket for the long way 'round  
The one with the prettiest of views  
It's got mountains, it's got rivers  
It's got sights to give you shivers  
But it sure WILL be prettier with you”

I stop singing after that and let Hanji finish the song with Eren. As the next song starts, Eren crawls back to me leans his head on my shoulder.

“Shall we put that movie now?” Hanji says, taking place on the couch.

I nod and get up. I set up the DVD player and give the remote to Hanji as I sit back on the couch, waiting for Eren to come cuddle against me. I wrap an arm around him as he does and then let my eyes close slowly until I finally drift away, glad that I’m no longer alone to deal with the past. Not that I would mind to do that forever, because I would do anything for Eren. Anything. Sooner or later, he will know too and I just hope he will still love me then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Good to know, the two next chapters are a turning point of the story so you can’t miss them. Prepare your box of tissues.
> 
> PS: That was the cup song, obviously ;)
> 
> PSS: I track #swgtlh #butsinceweregoingtolivehere #butsinceweregoingtodiehere on tumblr.


	16. Pawns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) This chapter is the turning point of this story, it’ll affect it all up until the very end. It is short, I’m sorry that it is but it was hard to write because I hate writing those things, it hurts me. Hopefully it doesn’t suck too much. Also sorry for the multiple POV but it is MUCH needed. Just as a reminder, remember the prequel (first fic’s) name and how it ended…and now remember the name of this fic that you’re currently reading…

**ERWIN POV**

I have been waiting for the past two hours and I’m just about to leave the bar when someone sits on the stool beside mine. I glance at the man beside me.  
“Looks like it is going to rain soon.” I mutter before taking a sip of my beer.  
The stranger simply nods, hiding his face in his hood.  
“Sure does.” He says before he holds out a hand to me.

***  
**HANJI POV**

I’ve been looking everywhere, every places where he could have been, every single place I knew he used to go to but I still couldn’t find Erwin. I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him that Levi remembers and that he still wants Eren. As predictable as it was, I knew he had to hear it in order to move on because his heart probably broke for a second time and that can only hurt.

I was Levi’s best friend, first of all, or so I thought I was, and Erwin wouldn’t hurt him, I knew that much. I just needed to be sure he wouldn’t get in the way of his happiness either, even if that meant I’d have to look out for him in a difficult way, which was to push him away. 

Eventually, when I decide to start heading back home, I see a familiar figure coming out of a bar. The man, who I am pretty sure is Erwin, glances down at his phone. My eyes widen and a smile grows on my face. I keep walking towards him when my phone buzzes. I take it out and swipe my finger on the screen.

“I’m sorry for everything. Can we meet somewhere?”

I smile, glad that he at least knows he’s been stupid, and pick up the pace to cross the road.

“I’m right in front of you, dummy.” I shout to him.

His gaze meets mine and a nervous smile creeps up on his face. He glances behind him and then back at me.

“Did you follow me here?” He asks.

I flick my finger on his nose and laugh.

“Of course not. I happened to be in the area, but I was, indeed, looking for you. We do need to talk. Let’s head this way and find ourselves some coffee.”

I glance beside me, realizing my mistake.

“Not Levi’s Tea shop, of course.”

He simply nods and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“So, I’m going to be blunt.” I pause. “You’re going to leave town.”

He stops walking and turns to me with an incredulous gaze that soon changes into an uncontrollable laughter.

“Wow, that’s one hell of a creepy laugh you got there. You’ve changed.” I say matter of factly and quite frankly a bit spooked.  
“You’re kidding, right?” Erwin says, his massive eyebrows so high on his forehead that it could almost be mistaken for hair.  
“Actually, I’m afraid I am serious. There’s this place that my parents owned a bit down south of here and it’s really pretty and I already checked, there’s an hospital which is in GREAT need of doctors there, so perhaps you could apply?”

He gapes at me and I see the cloud of air floating in front of his mouth as he exhales.

“S-Since when do you decide what I do with my life? As if I’d do what you say.”  
“You would if it was for the greater good. You would if you realized how much you hurt Levi and could do it again by staying here. You would because you love him. Right?” I say, knowing full well how manipulative I was… but then again, Erwin was the worst of them all. He knew how people worked and what to say to make them bend to his will. In fact, he probably knew what I was trying to do but I knew he wouldn’t say no because I was right. He takes a moment to think of what I just said and suddenly his mood seems to change and he ends up nodding.

“We can discuss this later this week.” He mutters.  
“See, I knew that deep down you were a good guy.” I say, pinching his cheek and earning a warning glare.

I laugh loudly and make my way to the coffee stand that is always near the frozen pond during winter time.

***

**LEVI POV**

I had the day off today, thanks to Eren who decided to cover my shift even though we were both exhausted from last night and moving. Thomas was supposed to have the night shift and it was already close to 7. I was wondering where Eren went but knowing him, he was probably planning something extravagant again. It seemed like he always had to show me how much he cared by bringing big things or buying huge meals when all I really needed was for him to kiss me good night every night and to wake up next to me every morning.

I smirk at myself as I set up the table, placing the food on the plate, knowing he’ll be here soon enough.

Soon enough turns out to be: not picking up his phone, not answering his texts and now 3hours late. Something’s up, I’m sure of it. That’s when my phone finally rings. I pick it up.

***

**HANJI POV**

I make my way back home with Erwin’s phone number crumpled in my pocket. I’m freezing and my toes are about to fall off but I still manage to keep a quick pace. Eventually, I see Levi’s sign with the blinking –i- that keeps shutting down. I’m close, super close. Breathe Hanji, send good vibes to your feet, they won’t fall off. Interesting how the blood drains back from your extremities when you’re cold to make sure that your heart always has a steady flow. December isn’t usually that cold. Tonight is freezing, completely freezing. Even my breath almost blurs my vision from all the fog it makes on my glasses.

“H-Hanji.” I hear someone whisper.  
I stop in my tracks and smirk.  
“God?” I ask as I childishly look at the sky. “About time, I wanted to discuss the whole resurrection thingy.”  
“Han…” The voice trails off and I realize it’s coming from the alley beside me.  
I turn my head towards there and glance over the piles of plastic bags, wondering if I should go in or not. I hesitate a moment but then…Oh yeah, why not, it’ll be an experience to share and it’s not like I can’t defend myself. I grin and take a step in the alley and then two. I keep going and it doesn’t take long before I see a figure lying on the floor. I stop abruptly, not wanting to touch any evidence in case this was a murder or anything like that. I’m about to fetch my phone from my pocket but stop myself. It’s only when the face turns to me and the pleading green eyes beg me to help him that I start panicking. I fall to my knees beside the limp body.

“Oh my god! Eren! EREN! Stay with me Eren, it’s an order, stay with me.”

I take in his injuries, realizing it’s a lot worse than what I actually saw from afar. There’s blood on his shirt and I don’t dare move him in case I’d hurt him more. The bleeding his heavy and doesn’t stop so I just take off my coat and press it hard against where the wound seem to be on his chest. His eyes are clouded and I can see that he’s about to close them.

“EREN YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT, stay awake! STAY AWAKE FOR LEVI!” I shout at this point and still no one comes.

I pick up my phone and swipe my fingers over 9-1-1. I talk to a lady at the call center and she tells me what to do. I listen to every step and when it comes to examining his legs, I see tons of blood stains on them. Little cuts and bruises that almost ripped his pants completely. What the hell happened to you? I think to myself because Eren is dozing off again. The lady finally let’s me go as I hear the ambulance getting closer. Eren’s eyes are now closed and my coat is completely soaked in blood. A paramedic walks past me and I blink quickly, chasing the tears away. Another paramedic comes and they push me aside so that they can do their job. I stare at them as they take Eren away and one commands the other to give him sterilized tools and a mask. They end up seated inside the ambulance and one of them jumps back out to get to the front and drive. Eren is pale and his body is limp. The guy keeps his hand over Eren’s wrist, checking for his pulse and cursing every now and then.

“We have to go. NOW!” He shouts as he’s about to close the door.

I throw my foot between the doors.

“Excuse me, I’m going with him. I’m……his mother-in-law.”

The guy eyes me suspiciously but then decides to let me in anyway because there really is no time to waste.

“Can I help?” I ask.  
“Just hold his hand, he needs it.” He replies.

I do what he says until we get to the hospital. It seems like Eren’s face just grows paler by the minute. The guys shakes his head but I don’t dare to ask why he does it. I stare down at Eren’s hand and just trace circles with my thumb.

When we finally arrive, I’m not granted any access to the reanimation room so right away I run back outside and pick up my phone. I got a text from Levi.

“Have you seen Eren?”

I press the call button and my heart slams in my chest as I hear his voice.

“Oi! Hanji…so you…”  
“Wait, Levi. Shut up.”  
“O-Okay.” He says.

***

**LEVI POV**

“Sit down okay?” Hanji says.

Suddenly my legs feel weak and I do as she says. He’s late…she tells me to sit down…something happened. Suddenly I’m agitated and my legs bounce on their own.

“I’m on the couch, spit it out already.” I beg.  
“Eren…Eren…Something happened to Eren.” She says with a lump in her throat that tells me how bad this is. “I happened to walk by an alley near your Tea shop and I found him… He… got stabbed, babe. He got beaten up and… we’re at the hospital, he’s in the reanimation room. I think it’s over…I think he’s…”

I cut the line. Never again will I hear these words. Never again. The hospital is at the other end of town and a fucking taxi won’t bring me there quick enough. I think of some of Eren’s friends or even Mikasa but none of them would be here fast enough. Mikasa would go straight there for sure and not bother about me. Armin? No Armin doesn’t have a car. I scroll down on my phone. Erwin. It’s only because it’s a matter of life and death. I press the call button and wait.

“Levi?” He says.  
“Don’t ask questions, give me a ride to St-Sina’s Hospital. I really need to go now and hurry the fuck up.”  
“Be there in 5.” He says without any hesitation.

Perhaps he wasn’t that bad of a guy after all. Maybe he just didn’t know how to act when it came to love. Either way I didn’t have time to think about it because the love of my life was currently fighting for his life and most probably being transferred to surgery right this moment.

As expected, Erwin’s at my door 5 minutes later, honking. I skip the steps and get in the car.

“GO!” I shout as I close the door.  
He listens and doesn’t say a word but keeps glancing at me.  
“Eren got attacked…He…He…”  
“He’ll be fine.” Erwin says with a smile.

I glance at him. Maybe he actually was sorry about what he did.

“He has to be.” I add. “I can’t lose him again.”

He nods and the rest of the ride is silent. When we arrive, I run to the reanimation room and push away anyone who tries to stop me.

“Eren!” I shout. “EREN!”

Of course there isn’t any answer but a nurse comes right at me.

“Sir you can’t be here.” She says.

I glare at her in a way I never have. Not me, not Corporal Levi but simply a man who would kill anyone who would dare to stand between him and the boy that is his.

“I strongly suggest you don’t try to make me leave, lady. Tell me where Eren Jaeger is, right NOW.” I say sharply.  
“I-I…He’s in the corner right there but are-are you family, sir?” She asks, stuttering and hiding behind her note pad.  
“I’m his husband.” I say, lying because boyfriend might not be enough for them to let me get that close.  
“Oh, I’m sorry Mr Jaeger. Please go ahead but prepare yourself mentally.”

I shiver at the name, not hating it, not hating it at all… I follow her and I’m so angry right now that I don’t know if the sight of him will even affect me but then I turn the corner and realize that I was so wrong. Eren’s covered in tubes and nurses are prepping him for the surgery room. His chest has a huge and deep gash in it and his legs are now covered in deep scratches like he had been whipped several times. I bring my hand to my mouth, suppressing a gag. Tears stream down my face and the nurse slowly rubs my back. Eventually the two nurses that were prepping him leave to get some other supplies and I step beside him and lean against his ear.

“Brat. My brat, don’t leave me.” I pause and push the lump down my throat. “Eren Jaeger you have to stay, for me, for Mikasa, for Armin, for everyone but most of all for me. You’re all my life. You’re all I have. You’re all that matters.” 

I squeeze his hand and bring my lips even closer.

“I fucking love you so don’t you dare leave before I get a chance to say it to you.”

Suddenly, a machine starts buzzing and an alarm goes off. It takes less than a second for me to be pressed against the wall, away from Eren, as four nurses move like bees around him. The alarm beeps faster and faster until finally there is just a steady beep, the one that no one ever wants to hear in their lives. I fall to my knees as I hear one of them shout:

“CLEAR!”

Before a loud noise echoes in my ear, one like I’ve never heard and I press my palms against my eyes, suddenly wanting nothing else but to kill the person who did this to him. As soon as Eren will be ok, I will find this person and kill them… But if Eren leaves, then I’ll just have to leave too, because I don’t want a life without the kid and that I am sure of. Two lives and he was the best thing I ever had in both of them and I’m not ready to let go. I just won’t, so I kneel there and join my hands.

“If, there is a god. If there’s something or someone that controls whatever lame souls and pawns we are, please. I am begging you. Please, don’t take Eren away from me again.” I bend down to the floor and bang my fists on it to try and stop hearing the loud continuous beep that echoes everywhere in the room. I’m crying so hard that my eyes hurt. I’m heaving continuously, unable to inhale properly and I can’t take the pain. My chest feels like it’s been ripped open… until I hear two little beeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I’m sorry.
> 
> PS: If you guys are convincing enough, I might update this week instead of waiting for Monday.


	17. Oh Negative

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Extra early update because of the cliffhanger. I wasn't going to post it but there were actually a few who asked for it so here it is. And you should have another update next monday as usual but next week will be crazy (I'm getting married on the 4th) and so don't be surprised if I'm late in posting or don't post on the exact days lol. I'm already close to being bridezilla XD........ereri helps ;) Hey by the way I love comments and feedbacks so feel free to leave me some! ^_^
> 
> Song of this chapter: Cinematic Orchestra - To build a home

I sit back on my heels as I hear two more beeps. My eyes widen and I stare at the monitor. Thin spikes move up and down the straight line. He’s…He’s alive. I’m on my feet in less than a second and rushing beside the bed.  
“Sir, move, we have to take him to surgery right now.” A nurse shouts at me as she slowly transfers the plugs and tubes to a portable machine.  
“He’s alive?” I ask, my hands falling on each side of me as I stare at Eren’s face.  
“Indeed he is. He’s a fighter but we need to help him. Now please leave so we can do our job.”  
I nod but before she starts pushing the bed forward, I bend down, ignoring the blood on Eren’s mouth and press my lips onto his. He’s so cold already and I miss the heated kisses we shared.  
“You keep fighting.” I whisper to Eren before stepping back and letting them leave, keeping my eyes on the door as it closes behind them.

***

As I step out the doors of the reanimation room, I find myself under an attack of questions from Hanji and Armin. I just stare blankly in front of me and keep walking until I collapse on a chair loudly and cross my arms. I stare in front of me for a while until Armin grabs my shoulder and shakes it violently. Erwin is sitting not too far on my right and just waiting for me to answer their questions as he flips a magazine.  
“Please, Levi. Answer me, is he alive?” Armin asks probably for the 10th time already.  
I manage a nod and then open up my mouth just to close it again.  
“Ok let’s let him breathe for a bit.” Hanji says, tugging on Armin’s arm.  
“He…His heart stopped.” I blurt out, letting the tears stream freely down my face.  
The heart that wasn’t strong enough for his mother, the defect that she and Eren shared, didn’t kill him but it almost did. Or perhaps it was only because of the immense loss of blood. “They used the defibrillators. He’s alive for now but he needed surgery.”  
Suddenly, all heads turn to a nurse who’s running our way and my heart stops. I swear to god it just stops beating.  
“We need a lot of blood and we’re almost out of it. His blood type is O-. By any chances, are any of you compatible?”  
Instantly, I raise my hand as my heart starts beating again but way too fast. I stand up and start walking. She isn’t waiting for me.  
“Confirming you’re blood type O-?” She asks as she throws me a green set of surgical pants and shirt.  
“Yes.” I say.  
“Get in this room, change and then meet me at the entrance at the end of the corridor to the surgery room. I’ll grant you access.”  
I nod and rush inside the tiny locker room, not caring one bit about my own clothes falling on the dirty floor. I get out and right away get shoved back onto the wall. An arm pressed hard against my throat.  
“M-Mik-kasa, s-stop.” I manage to say but it doesn’t stop her. Armin does.  
“Let him go, he has to go give blood!” Armin says and Mikasa only glances at him before shoving me back against the wall.  
She glares at me and presses harder. My face slowly turns red and I can’t quite take in any air. Armin tries to get her off me but she is strong, she is as strong as me. Armin might be very muscular and lean, he is no match for either of us, just like he used to be. Mikasa too is the same as she was, it seems and then I see something in her eyes. Oh… that’s a cadet right there, it’s not a pissed off sister, or at least not only that. I choke, when suddenly my neck feels the relief of cold air as Mikasa falls to her side, Hanji staring at her with her fist still in the air.  
“Nobody hurts Levi, Am I clear?” She says to Mikasa with a smile that hides a very very big warning. “What’s wrong with you?”  
Mikasa scoffs and wipes her bloody mouth with her shirt.  
“He killed him.” She says…and I know what she’s about to say too, because I’ve seen this look before, she remembers. “He killed him twice.”  
She turns her gaze to me and all I read there is pure hatred and I have to say that I hate her just as much for what she did to Eren. For how she selfishly decided to go on with her own little vendetta and get Eren killed the first time. Like she was about to do again. But I knew better. I wouldn’t say this to her because it would be a waste of time and saliva and Eren needs me. I readjust my clothes, looking to make sure they aren’t dirty and hoping they won’t ask if I kept them sterile. I, of all people, know the importance of sterile environnements but right now he just needs my blood. Then I attempt walking to the surgery room but Mikasa grabs my ankle and holds me into place.  
“I have never hated someone so much in my entire life. You don’t deserve him. You never did and never will no matter how much you try. As long as he’s with you, he’ll get hurt and it’ll always be your fault. It’s quite pathetic, actually, how everyone dies around you no matter which life you’re living. I pity you Levi, for being the loneliest man in the world, for being the one who’ll never own anything for too long before it gets taken away.” She pauses and smiles to me. “Know this, I will take him from you.”  
My heart clenches and I can’t quite say what I would want to say. I know my priorities right now and my fragile ego isn’t one of them. But it still hurts on the inside. I’ll have time to cry later and think about what she said because she is right on certain things but one thing is for sure, Eren is mine.  
“You try that.” I mutter. “Meanwhile, I’ll go save your brother.”  
I put the emphasis on the last word because I know she hated it back then and I know she still does. Then I lean down closer to her face and add:  
“And I’ll kill the bastard who did this.”  
I give a small kick with my foot before she let’s go and I walk, not even looking back because all I need is ahead of me behind those doors and I’ll make sure this mouth doesn’t take its last breath anytime soon, not while I’m alive.

***

I end up giving the equivalent of a bag and a half of blood, which is whole fucking lot. Which is why I am now lying in a hospital bed to recover slowly. I’m on my third orange juice box and I barely even got the chance to see Eren as we were connected by a series of wire tubes that pumped the blood out of me and into him. His breathing was steady and I had closed my eyes, letting the little beeps of the monitor calm me down. He was still here.  
I sit up straight and fall right back on the bed. Too soon, Levi. I press the little red button and wait for the nurse to come to me. She does but she’s not the same one as earlier and this one has a concerned look on her face. My eyes follow her from the door to the end of my bed.  
“Mr Jaeger?” She asks.  
It takes me a moment to realize why she calls me that. I simply nod.  
“Your…husband…is out of surgery now.”  
I smile but it fades as soon as her eyes start avoiding mine. My heart slams against my chest, making me feel light-headed.  
She takes her sweet time to tell me what’s happening and all I feel like doing is kicking her face repeatedly…until she finally speaks and I wish she didn’t.  
“He’s in a coma.” She pauses, when she sees my face fall apart and my eyes become completely empty. “He’s alive. We managed to reconstitute the artery that was touched. It wasn’t a main one, thank god, but it is still a miracle he survived this, especially with his heart condition. No major organs were touched either. Basically he got lucky that it was only a small artery. One of his ribs is lightly cracked but it should heal fast enough if he’s careful. It’s not broken. It’ll take some time to heal for everything but he should be able to walk within a week or so and slowly get back to regular life activities. That is…in the situation where he wouldn’t be in a coma. Now about that… He might wake up today, or tomorrow or next week…or…”  
“Don’t say it.” I say, my teeth gritting together.  
“But he might suffer from amnesia or dementia when he wakes up so you’ll have to be careful with him if this happens. Now all you can do is pray.”  
I scoff. All I can do now is find the bastard and kill him.

***

It’s been three days and I’ve been searching through the few contacts I kept from back when I was in the streets to try and see if anyone saw something or knew if those kinds of things were happening a lot lately but I had a series of vague answers or no answers at all. I couldn’t expect anything else, quite frankly. 

The nurses kicked me out because I was being unreasonable. I would’ve honestly killed the two of them if Hanji didn’t stop me. She promised she’d stay with Eren and make sure Mikasa would never be alone with him. I knew that when he’d wake up, she’d tell him right away. She’d use any occasion she’d have to destroy our relationship and I knew that. In fact, I wasn’t completely reassured about Hanji’s promise but now that Eren was, indeed, alive, I needed to try and find the bastard who stabbed and tortured him.  
This morning was my first morning back at the Tea shop. Thomas filled in whenever I wasn’t there and he didn’t have classes to attend. The rest of the time, the Tea shop was closed and my accounts were suffering really hard but there was no money in the world more important than Eren.  
The place is exceptionally calm but that’s probably due to the fact that it was closed randomly for the past few days so I might have lost a lot of customers. I’m sitting at the keyboard, my phone resting on my lap as I wait for a call from an informer, who’ll probably just ditch me like everyone else. I let my fingers touch the keys and the only customer sitting at the corner table raises his head and then goes back to reading. I let my hands move slowly on the keys. It’s been about 15 years since I last played and it was a rock group so nothing like what I was playing now. The fact that it’s just me and the man in the corner makes me more comfortable and so I start humming as the melody keeps going out of the speakers. Eventually I close my eyes and start singing. 

**There is a house built out of stone**  
**Wooden floors, walls and window sills**  
**Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust**  
**This is a place where I don't feel alone**  
**This is a place where I feel at home.**  
My voice shakes because we only just started our life together and it was already falling apart. But this time I won’t let it. I’ll act before it’s too late. I’ll protect what’s mine even if I have to die doing it.  
**And I built a home**  
**for you**  
**for me**

**Until it disappeared**  
**from me**  
**from you**

**And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust........**  
My eyes still closed, I breathe slowly. He has to wake up. He has to wake up for me and for himself because I won’t let us become a tragedy. Not again. I sigh, trying to keep my voice steady and clear.  
**Out in the garden where we planted the seeds**  
**There is a tree as old as me**  
**Branches were sewn by the color of green**  
**Ground had arose and passed its knees**

**By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top**  
**I climbed the tree to see the world**  
**When the gusts came around to blow me down**  
**Held on as tightly as you held onto me**  
**Held on as tightly as you held onto me......**

**And I built a home**  
**for you**  
**for me**

**Until it disappeared**  
“Nice song.” A voice says and I hit the wrong key and stop everything as my eyes open and my gaze meets Erwin’s.  
“UH...Thanks.” I pause. “I don’t want to talk about this.”  
“I’m not here to talk about anything else than you and Eren. As of the past, let’s leave it there. Shall we?” He asks with a smile, a genuine one.  
I’m not sure what to say because he did try to rape me but I knew he was a good man. He always was and so maybe perhaps he made a mistake in the heat of a moment. I simply nod, tired of thinking about this over and over again.  
“But if you ever try something on me again, I’ll kick your ass.”  
He chuckles and I smirk.  
“Perhaps you’d be happy to know that Eren woke up and so I came to pick you up. If you want to go, that is.”  
My eyes open wide and a smile creeps up on my face. I grin from ear to ear until my gaze falls on the customer.  
“You!” I shout to him. “Out. Now.”  
The guy frowns and hesitates but I take a step towards him and start glaring at him. He picks up the pace and leaves. I turn the sign to closed and lock the door behind me. Erwin nonchalantly walks to the driver’s side of his car and unlocks the door. I open mine and I take a brief moment to look up to the sky and mutter a “Thank you” to whoever believed that I needed him to be alive. That he deserved to be alive and that I deserved every inch of his skin after the shitty life I had. That I deserved to love and be loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Better, right? ;) See ya monday!
> 
> PS: Sorry for any typos or grammar or whatever im freaking exhausted ;_;


	18. Impatience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi!!! Omg I am surprised I even managed to finish writing this. I am so busy these days it's not even funny. I will try very very very very hard to post next monday but it might go to tuesday or wednesday because of my wedding being on saturday and me having little to no time for myself this week. I hope you like this...I told you some action was coming...

“Thanks.” I say as I’m about to close Erwin’s car door.  
“Hey Levi.”  
“Yeah?” I say, bending down again to look at him.  
“I’ll come by your place later to talk to you about something. I think I might have found the person.”

Right away I sit back beside him and close the door. Erwin reaches over me and opens it again.

“Now you go see Eren, we’ll talk later.”  
“Tell me right now, eyebrows.” I say, glaring angrily at him.  
“No. You go see Eren and I’ll tell you when you get back. I’m only a text away.”  
“Fuck you.” I say, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.

I don’t even turn around as I hear the window roll down.

“Yeah, love you too.” Erwin screams and if I wasn’t so angry I could’ve laughed.

I meet Armin and Jean in the lobby and we walk together to the elevators. Armin is holding Jean’s hand and I can’t help but look at it. The memories and the two realities clashing together are really hard to adjust to and right now I don’t want to think about it. All I want to do is see Eren but of course Jean feels the need to open up is horse mouth.

“I’m sorry Levi… for everything.” He says, staring at the wall in front of him as I do the same. “I never really got the chance to say it before…”  
“Shut up! I get it, you’re sorry. Now move on.”  
“Levi…” Armin mutters as his gaze meets mine.  
“What?” I snap. “I don’t have time for little talks. I just want to see Eren.”  
“Hanji wouldn’t let Mikasa tell him.” Armin says, pressing a hand on my arm as if he was reading straight into my mind.

I roughly move my arm away and lean against the elevator wall. He’s right but I just can’t deal with so many conflicting emotions right now. My anger towards Jean and Mikasa, the unsettling feeling about Erwin, the relief of having Eren back, the nervousness about almost losing him and the killer instinct surfacing to protect what is mine. All I need is air and Eren, not people. I sigh heavily, sign that the conversation is over. The doors open and I walk out and straight to Eren’s room. I barely have time to walk in that Jean brushes past me and runs to wrap his hands around the neck of the person that is with Mikasa. Annie…

He’s strangling her and all of us only stare at the scene dumbfounded. Armin runs to Jean and Hanji pulls Mikasa away before trying to shove Jean aside. I stare at them reliving all the lives that were lost because of Annie’s titan form and for a brief instant I want Jean to kill her but then my mind shifts and I remember that this isn’t who she is today. She is just a normal girl and even though she might have deserved to die before, she doesn’t now. I glance to my side and see Eren sitting up straight in bed and staring at them nervously with a bit of fear in his eyes. I gape a moment at him and then start glaring before I turn my head back to the bunch of jackasses in front of me.

“ENOUGH!” I shout, probably loud enough that everyone on the entire floor might have heard me.

They all stop and turn to me. Armin practically salutes which almost makes me laugh.

“Everyone, get the fuck out. Right now.” I order.

Mikasa sits back down as the rest of them makes their way out but I send one look to Hanji and she nods before she grabs Mikasa’s arm and pushes her forward outside the room. When they are out, I close the door. I stay there and press my forehead against it for a moment before turning around and walking back to the bed. I try to smile but right now my face is pretty much stuck in pissed off mode.

“Hi Eren.”

He doesn’t reply, he just stares at me, his green eyes invading mine.

“How are you?” I ask, not quite daring to touch him right away.

He brings his head down to look at his chest.

“It hurts.” He says, letting himself fall slowly back on the bed.

I move closer and make a gesture towards the pillows. Eren raises himself a little, letting me readjust them behind him. I use this as an excuse for getting closer, not stepping back when I’m done.

“Do you remember me?” I ask after a while of staring at each other.  
“Vaguely.” He replies before tangling his fingers with mine. “I know you’re important by how fast my heart beats and how much more it hurts.”

I abruptly remove my hand and step away.

“I-I should leave.” I mutter before walking to the door, sucking in the tears that threaten to fall down.  
“WAIT!” Eren shouts. “I didn’t mean for you to leave. It aches way more when you stand there and I can’t reach you. Please, come back.”

I nod and walk back to him, trying to hide a smile but failing miserably. I bring a chair close to the bed and sit as I let my fingers intertwine with his again.

“We’re together, aren’t we?” Eren asks with a smirk.  
“You remember?” I ask.  
“Just flashes here and there.” He says as he blushes. “Mostly bedroom stuff… and also being tangled in wires with you.”

My heart sinks. Does that mean that if he remembers everything from before the attack, he’ll remember everything from our previous life? Oh god I hope not. Suddenly, I’m way more nervous than I was. Perhaps I was going to lose him faster than I thought. I bet Mikasa will be happy to see it all unravel in front of her.

“Well…you kind of like to be tied up.” I smirk, trying to justify what he saw.

He hides his face with his free hand and blushes. He peeks at me with a grin and just details me up and down, making me feel so naked that I’m tempted to cover up.

“I can see why.” He whispers.  
“Oh god. Eren… Don’t you think it would be good to remember who you are before talking like that?” I smirk.  
“I know who I am. I mainly don’t remember people’s names and who they are to me. But with you it’s different, I feel the longing and I felt better as soon as I saw you enter the room. Le…Le…Le… Damn, I can’t remember your name.”  
“Lele definitely isn’t it, Brat.” I smile. “But it’s close enough to Levi.”  
“LEVI!” He shouts, startling me. “How could I forget?”  
“You’re something, you know that?” I say.  
“Yes, and that’s why you love me.” He says, turning his head to me and smiling from ear to ear.  
“I-I…ugh…” I stutter and end up blushing so hard that I basically have to bring my head down.  
“Oh I’m sorry.” He says, squeezing my hand. “We didn’t get to that point, yet, right?”

I shake my head, wanting to tell him that I do but still not able to do it because of what I’m hiding.

“It’s alright.” I add after a while. “It’s…it’s….it’ll come.”

He squeezes my hand again.

“Soon enough.” He says, gazing into my eyes and hypnotizing me with his green eyes. “So…are you going to kiss me already or what?”

I stand up and shake my head as I laugh.

“You’re the worst amnesic patient of the entire universe. Totally oblivious to your own safety. What if I was a stranger? What if I was crazy? What if I was the one who did this to you? What if you hated me for something I did before and don’t remember it now.”  
“My heart is telling me right now that I could never, ever hate you, no matter what happened.” He says.

My eyes widen and my lips part open as my jaw is about to fall off. I feel part of the burden lift from my shoulders. Maybe then….maybe it will be hard but he’ll learn to forget about it. He’ll learn to forgive me. I bend down and press my lips on his in a deep kiss that I would forever remember as the first kiss towards my freedom.

***

Eren had fallen asleep about an hour ago and I let the nurses know that Mr. Jaeger wouldn’t get any more visits while I wasn’t there. I was just stepping out into the cold air when I fetched my phone from my pocket. I didn’t know if 10pm was too late for Erwin but I still decided to try. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?”  
“Wow, it’s like you’ve been waiting for my call.” I say.  
“In fact I was.”

I frown, suddenly nervous.

“It’s important. I’m coming to your apartment, you’ll want to hear this.”  
“Sure. Meet you there.”

***

“Hi Levi, I just want to tell you I had to close the place at 7pm because I had a late exam to attend and since I couldn’t reach you, well… I’m sorry. I’ll take your shift again tomorrow early morning until dinner time, if that’s ok. If you don’t call back, I’ll just assume it is.”

I press end and start typing a quick message to Thomas, thanking him but also to say it’s okay for tomorrow. I will need to stop ditching the Tea shop if I want to be able to keep on living here. Tomorrow night I’ll have to make it. I press send and someone knocks at the door at the same time. I rush there and open the door. My eyes travel up to a pair of colossal eyebrows looking at me intently. I move to the side and gesture for him to come in before closing the door.

“Cleanfreak.”  
“Eyebrows.” I smirk. “Am I going to have to worry about you trying to fuck me against my will or…?”

He glares at me playfully.

“Definitely not, unless you’d want that but I know very well that you don’t.” He pauses. “In fact, you should…worry about your apartment. What happened here?”

He looks around and gestures to a pile of dishes and food on the coffee table and to the kitchen island which is filled with dishes and probably an old pair of socks or two. Actually, there are clothes scattered all over the kitchen and living room floor. I sigh before turning back to him.

“I haven’t really cleaned in 3 days, I was too worried to do anything but sleep and take care of the shop.” I let a smile grow on my face before adding. “Plus, I kind of live with a young adult who can’t seem to figure out where the closet and laundry bags are.”

Erwin hums before he walks to the couch and wipes it a bit as he sits. I take place beside him, no longer caring so much about how disgusting the place is because what he’s about to say is way more important.

“So… I called Mike.” He pauses. “The guy that sells Hanji some medical supplies for her experiments. I know he sells to other people in the streets also… And he knows you from the badass reputation you had…whatever that means. He accepted to share a certain level of information to me on the sole condition of me not reporting his behavior to the hospital.”

My eyes widen, suddenly a lot more grateful that Erwin walked back into my life.

“You’re not planning on exchanging those for sex, are you?” I ask half-serious.  
“Of course not.” He says, flicking my forehead with his finger. “Then again…”  
“ERWIN!” I shout, pleading him to fucking talk already.  
“Fine. Fine. Calm down.” He pauses. “I know who stabbed Eren.”

My heart starts slamming against my chest and I clench my fists as I cross my arms, trying to control my mouth and let him talk. He does take his fucking sweet time to tell me everything though and it makes me want to rip his face off. I’m impulsive when it comes to people I care about and right now, him being slow into revealing important things is just torturing me.

“Apparently, the guy is like a ghost. Some high roller hired him to kill Eren and the guy failed. His name, I think Mike said, is Heritage. He said it’s the guy you had trouble with, the one who made you hit rock-bottom once before.” 

He stares at me but I just gape at him unable to say a word. 

“Do you know who it is?” Erwin asks.

I laugh loudly. A laugh of such desperation that it gives me shivers.

“Of fucking course I know who it is.” I say gritting my teeth. “He’s the asshole who killed my only family. Where do I find him?”

I move closer to Erwin and grab his shoulders to shake them vigorously.

“WHERE THE FUCK DO I FIND HIM?”

Erwin puts his hand on my arm and stops me. 

“I will tell you…but we need a plan, you can’t just go rush there and kill the guy. He’ll disappear like he always does before you even have a chance. So right now, we have an advantage, let’s use it. I’ll help you.”  
“Tch.” I scoff. “Don’t make yourself guilty of helping me on murdering someone.”  
“I said I’ll help, but you need to calm down and think with your head.” He says as his gaze meets mine. “Now breathe.”

About half an hour later, we have a plan, we’ll do it on New Year’s eve because he won’t be expecting it. Actually I’ll do it but Erwin will help me with the details like hiding the body afterwards. I could shred it to pieces with my old sword but I’m pretty sure it’d leave a mess and I was never the type to make one even when fighting. 

“So in the mean time, we’re going to try and get a glimpse on his habits. I’ll follow him tomorrow while you work the night shift. Then, the next day you’ll be the one following him and we’ll just go this way until we can see some sort of pattern, okay?”  
“Yes Commander.” I smirk, suddenly excited by the thought of getting both vengeance at the same time. I was starting to let go as I started falling for Eren but needless to say how much I wanted to see the men die now.  
“Oh shut up, Levi.”

I get up and bring my cup of tea back to the kitchen island and just shove it among the pile of dishes. I sigh as Erwin gets up and starts walking towards the door.

“Well, I’m gonna let you clean now.” Erwin says.  
“Aren’t you going to at least offer to help?” I mutter.  
“No offense, but I think you’ll have to manage your boyfriend’s mess on your own. I didn’t sign up for this.”

He closes the door behind him and I start picking up the plates and putting them in the dishwasher. For once I feel like I’m actually in control of something in my life and it feels really good. Maybe for once it wouldn’t feel like there was always such an impending threat floating over my head. But what if... Erwin said that Heritage failed in killing Eren. Does it mean he'll try again. Oh god...

I pick up my phone and quickly swipe my thumbs on the screen as I search for the hospital phone number. I end up calling and reaching the receptionist.  
"Mr Eren Jaeger, room C-104 please."  
"Visiting hours are over, Sir and i'm afraid I can't transfer the call in the middle of the night."

I pull my phone away from my ear and stare at it, gaping. I place it back.

"Listen to me carefully." I say with a threat in my voice. "This is my husband's room. It is a private room and I'm going to talk to him whether u want it or not so don't make me go there, because I god damn will."  
"Private room C-104, you should have said so earlier, Sir." She replies with a condescending tone.  
"You're lucky we're not a couple hundred years ago or something." I reply, biting my tongue.  
"What was that Sir?"  
"Nothing, transfer my fucking call already!"

She does. The phone rings for a while. As I'm about to hang up, I hear a click and then some juggling with the phone. I hear a faint "Fuck", in the back and can't help but chuckle as I hear Eren finally pressing his ear against it.

"Hello?" He says, genuinely surprised to get a phone call.  
"Oi, Brat! It's..."  
"Levi!" He squeals. "I'm so glad you called, I'm so freaking bored here and they won't let me do anything on my own."  
"You poor soul... You just got out of surgery, god dammit, will you just rest?" I mutter.  
"Hey, I'm a cool kid, right? I probably own a tablet, right? You probably know where I live so can you go and check if I have one? Bring it to me, please?"

I laugh at his innocent voice. He really doesn't care that he's in that state or even in the hospital at all.

"Ok, idiot. First of all, you live here, with me. And no, you don't have a tablet but you have sketchpads and tons of pens so I can bring those to you tomorrow. Now, can I place a word?"  
"Wow, I live with you? So we're pretty serious, aren't we?"  
"I-I'd like to think we are, yes." I reply, suddenly nervous.

He doesn't answer for a while.

"Brat?"  
"I'm grinning so hard that it hurts."

Relief fills me and I smile, pressing my phone harder against my cheek as if it were Eren's lips kissing me good night.

"I just...I just wanted to say good night and make sure you were alright."  
"Well aren't you cute." He chuckles. "Good night Levi."  
"I'm not cute. I'm a grown ass man, you can't say I'm cute." I reply with a huge smile that I'm glad he can't see through the phone. "Besides, you're the young one. You're the one who has steel abs and the sexiest ass I've ever seen. We'll need do discuss about white belts if you forgot about that."  
"You're absolutely right. You're hot as fuck..............and cute." Eren says. "Although, I'm kind of intrigued by the white belts now."  
"I'll let you sleep on it then." I whisper.  
"Oh come on, that's so unfair." Eren says with a laugh.  
"And Eren...Just...if anything happens, you find a phone and call me okay? Promise me that. It doesn't matter if I have to steal a car, I'll be there in less than two minutes, I swear. Promise that you'll call if anything happens." I say, holding my breath.  
"Now you're scaring me." He says.  
"Don't be scared my beautiful Brat, just promise me you'll call if anything goes wrong. Okay? I won't sleep if you don't."

He takes a while to reply.

"I promise on my very life that I will." He pauses. "Now are you going to be able to sleep?"  
"I'd sleep better with you beside me but I'll manage." I say with a smile.  
"Cuddle a pillow, that's what I do."  
"I definitely will, Eren."  
"Sending you a massive kiss. Good night! See you tomorrow."  
"I'll be there. Good night. Sweet dreams and I'll keep my kiss for tomorrow."  
"Levi..." Eren protests.  
"Alright alright you demanding little shit. Sending you an even bigger kiss, you sap."  
"Let's skip the part where you pretend you don't fucking long for me to say those things."  
"1-0 Eren. Night."  
"Night."

I hang up and go straight to bed, holding my phone close to my chest since it's my only current link to Eren. I doze off, dreaming of him walking through that door with his jeans hanging loose around his waist as he walks towards me with a carnal glare. Yes I long for everything that is you, Brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Anybody caught on to what's going on here? ;) I'm curious. Also... Christmas is like two weeks away for them... Anything you'd like to happen on that day? (Not too long cause it's already a pretty booked day ....lol)
> 
> I track : #butsinceweregoingtodiehere #butsinceweregoingtolivehere #swgtlh #hikarimitsuko on tumblr if you wanna discuss or post anything. ;)
> 
> Oh and...next time I'll post something here, I'll be a waifuuu, this sounds so weird lol!


	19. Heritage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hey everyone!!! How are you? I'm sorry about the delay, I was totally out of it yesterday and even though I tried to write, it just wasn't coming because I was too tired. I'm free now and all I have to think about is going to cali soon (honeymoon) and then Otakuthon when I come back. I'll be Levi on saturday and sunday, YAY ^_^... I still haven't decided who to be on friday...Jean or Eren.... My cosplay of Jean generally gets more likes but people voted for Eren...so I just can't pick -_-...lolll Anyhow.....moving on to the important stuff...
> 
> I deleted the two next chapters and merged them in this one because it was pretty much useless to have 3. Therefore......................next chapter is christmas..........and you can get ready for fluff and smut because I wrote this 3 months ago. I freaking love this. But first...we need to get through this one. ;) Enjoy.

Yesterday was an extremely long day and I couldn’t bear to just sit there and wait. I ended up going to see Eren for a good part of the afternoon. He looked way better, way healthier and even his lips felt a bit more full when I kissed him. Indeed he had lost a lot of blood so I assume it’s normal that he glows a bit more now that he’s rested and almost healed. The nurses are surprised about how fast he heals. Eren told them it was always like that; that a simple paper cut would heal in less than an hour. I was the only one knowing why he healed fast. Well… just like I kept some of my strength from our previous life, he must have kept a part of his fast healing process but hopefully nothing else.

It was early morning and I finally had free time to go pick up where Erwin left yesterday. He came by to leave me a map of town that now has a red line on it with circles to each places where Heritage stopped. I’m hoping I can control myself and not jump on him as soon as I catch a glimpse of his hooded face. I lock the door and make my way out, turning left and walking slowly until I reach the street on which the red line is. Then I turn and start following the indications, glancing around as I do to try and spot him. I don’t.

It’s a quarter to 3 and still nothing. I pull my hood up, my ears now completely frozen even though the green scarf hangs loosely around the lower part of my head. I sigh heavily as I lean my back against the wall, pulling out my phone and swiping my thumbs on the tiny letters to form a little message for Erwin. “How are we supposed to find him? Any other hints? I spent the whole fucking day in the cold running after a ghost.” As I’m about to press send, a hooded figure passes right in front of me on the sidewalk. I glance once and then twice and then even a third time just to be sure. The height and size matches and the way he walks seems oddly familiar so I follow him from a good distance behind. He turns on a smaller, less crowded, street and then I pick up the map. It follows the line. I jog to the corner and peek around it. He’s still walking, following the red line but instead of turning on the street to the right, he keeps going so I follow him, hiding behind cars as I do. We finally merge onto another road and I follow him to a big gate, which leads to one of the few houses of the most wealthy people of town. He swipes a card there and the gate opens up. I gape at the scene, so Heritage is one of the most influent people of this place. Was he always there or did he steal all this from me back then? Would this have been my future? Living in dream houses with valets and maids? I’m not sure I would’ve liked that so much anyways because the simple life with Eren is all I will ever need. Eren… I clench my jaw and start shaking, ready to attack the guy in front of me as the gates reach their opened spot. My mind is reeling with a new burst of anger and I can’t quite control it. I take a step towards him but then a blond mop of hair appears. I step back and peek at them from the corner of the intersection. Heritage’s back is now towards me and the girl, I assume, is hidden by him. He removes his hood and there’s a pounding sound in my head as I see the black hair underneath it. I’m about to move to try and get a better angle when the girl in front of him bends down to pick up a paper that fell from her hands. She takes it and then stands up, facing me but not seeing me (thank god). It’s…it’s Historia. I clench my fist, suddenly tempted to just rampage everything but I keep what Erwin said at the back of my mind. “Think with your head.” I take a deep breath and watch closely as the guy turns towards her. Rod Reiss… Historia’s father. I know him from the few times I’ve seen him in town but I never thought it could be him. Then again, Heritage being his chosen name, I should’ve thought about it way before. That fucking asshole is even worse in this life than he was in the previous one. He is probably contemplating the same goal though. He waves at Historia and walks inside before the gates close. Historia crosses the street. I stand up and start running back from where I came, taking a small break to catch my breath and put my thoughts back into place. I shake my head and then start walking again, looking at the map to try and avoid Historia. It doesn’t work because a minute later I bump into her on the sidewalk.

“Levi?” She says with a humph as she takes a step back.  
“Historia…” I mutter.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Just came by to see one of my friends. I’m heading back actually.”  
“Oh, well…see you later and I’m sorry about what happened to Eren.” She says with a genuine smile.

She probably doesn’t know then. She doesn’t know just who did that to him and why. She doesn’t know it’s her dad. Or she’s a fucking good actress.

“He’s fine.” I say.  
“Good. I’m happy he is.”

I stare at her as she walks past me and is about to wave.

“Oi, Historia…” I pause. “Did you see someone trying to hide their face with a hood? I heard there’s one that is feared in the area and I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”  
“A hooded face?” She asks with a frown. “I don’t know, everyone pretty much wears a hood or hat these days with this weather. The only person I know who often wears a hood is my dad and that’s because he has an allergy to sunrays. Anyways, nothing to fear about him, he wouldn’t hurt a freaking bee even if I begged him to. I’ll be careful if I see anything weird. Thanks for sharing the info.”

I nod and wave at her. I start walking, pretending to go somewhere but stop a little further down the street. I sit on a cold bench from the sidewalk and pull my phone out. I notice a blinking message alert from Eren. I open it and notice my mistake. I didn’t send the text to Erwin, I sent it to Eren. I curse loudly at myself as I read his 3 replies.

“Who are you trying to find? What ghost?”  
“Levi, answer me.”  
“Levi, I swear to fucking god, if you’re trying to find the guy who did this to me, I will get up from this fucking bed and kill you myself.”

I gasp and press the call button right away. He answers and sighs.

“You better still be in that –fucking bed- of yours when I get there.” I say.  
“I was almost heading out to kick your ass. We need to talk.” He says with a non negotiable tone.  
“We do. I’ll see you soon, I’m going to go grab a bite first.”  
“Sure…” He says, not convinced at all.  
“Eren, I swear, I’m going to go grab something to eat and then come see you.”  
“Fine. Bye.” 

He hangs up, leaving my jaw hanging and my gaze staring at the red icon on the phone. He does have every right to be angry but he could at least let me fucking explain first. I shake my head before opening a new message and making sure I see Erwin’s name at the top this time.

“Found him. It’s Rod fucking Reiss. How are we even going to manage such a thing?”

I stare down at the dirty dark snow. How the hell are we going to pull this off. It got way more complicated. I thought I was dealing with a regular asshole but this is a whole other level of asshole. And Historia has no idea… She has no idea. I blink as I think of her eyes and for a moment there, I hold my breath, thinking she was the baby that saved Heritage’s life back then. The reason why I couldn’t kill him. But then I realize that the age wouldn’t match. Historia would’ve already been a teen. So did she have a sister? My phone buzzes with a text, interrupting my train of thoughts.

“Come give me the map, I’ll keep tracking him, we’ll figure it out.”  
“Be there in 5.” I reply.

***

After stopping by Erwin’s place, I make my way to the hospital but make sure to grab some McDonalds before I do. When I reach Eren’s room, I knock but get no answer so I slowly walk in. Right away he glares at me.

“A fucking happy meal? Are you serious?”

I laugh, unable to keep it under control. It was done on purpose, indeed, but his reaction was way funnier than expected.

“I don’t even know what you can eat so I picked something light.”  
“Since when are McNuggets considered light?” He says as he empties the box. “Wow…I got a Skylander…lucky me.”  
“Some child somewhere is dying to have this toy, be grateful.”  
“Ah.Ah. Very funny.” He says as he shoves some fries into his mouth.

I sit and empty my own box.

“Didn’t you mention the other day how fast food was disgusting and good for nothing but pigs?”  
“It’s ok once in a while but it does taste like animal food.”  
“Oink oink.” Eren says with a smirk.

We eat our food and then Eren wipes his hands on a napkin before turning to me with a serious expression that I was dreading.

“So…you’re going to explain to me what that’s about. No lying.”

I scoff, wiping my mouth.

“I can’t lie to you. And it’s nothing. Basically we found out that Heritage is the guy who stabbed you and I’m under the impression that he did it because I care about you. He always destroyed everything I cared about…”

He hums and stares at the floor, thinking about something.

“So you’re going to kill him.” He says, looking closely at my reaction. “I’m right, aren’t I? You wanted vengeance already and he just gave you the perfect reason to go after him. Right?”

I simply nod.

“Levi…don’t you think this could be a set up? That he is trying to make you fall and you’re going straight into his trap without thinking?”

I raise my gaze to meet his. The Brat is probably right, I didn’t think about that. I’ll have to discuss this with Erwin.

“Who was the text for?” Eren asks, startling me.  
“Erwin. He wants to help.”  
“W-What?” He pauses. “You talked to Erwin about this before you did with me?”

I sigh.

“I didn’t. He found out that Heritage stabbed you and told me, that’s when I decided to kill him. And that’s when Erwin told me he’d help.”

Eren shakes his head.

“You shouldn’t trust him.”  
“I do not fully trust him, but if he helps me get vengeance from the person who tried to take away the one and only important thing in my life, then I will fucking let him. Understood?”  
“Oh I understand plenty. I probably would do the same if it was me in your shoes… But tell me one thing.” Eren says as he stares into my eyes. “Will you be able to live with yourself after you killed someone?” He pauses. “Because I don’t need this. We can always run, we can always move… All I need is you and it should be the same on your part. I don’t want you to be broken for a current mood that will fade.”  
“A mood that will fade?” I snort. “EREN! He tried to kill you! I’ve never felt so alive of my entire life and I almost lost you. You expect me to live as if nothing happened even though I might lose you again? Even though he might try again? No one knows what he wants out of this, he needs to be stopped before it’s too late. You want me to live knowing you might end up in this bed again and never wake up?”  
“The same way you would live not knowing if I’d get hit by a car or end up in a plane crash.” He says, placing his hand on mine.  
“Eren, don’t be a jerk. Don’t guilt trip me on this. I need vengeance, yes, but I need you to be safe, I need to be sure of it.”  
“Will it bring back Farlan, will it bring back Isabel? Will it keep me from dying sooner or later?” He smiles. “You’re here to protect me and I know you’ll keep me safe. Stop worrying and you don’t need to do this. All it’ll do is break you and I don’t want that. I don’t want you to regret anything.”  
“I REGRET EVERYTHING, EREN!” I stand up, shouting. “I regret being an asshole to you, I regret not being able to protect you one too many times, I regret everything with Erwin and I regret killing you. I regret I made you suffer. I regret that you can’t remember any fucking thing from the past. I regret that I’m alone dealing with nightmares and knowing they aren’t nightmares. I regret not being able to shield you from the evil of this world before and again. I need closure. I need to kill him. I need to be sure that nothing else will get in the way of our god damn happiness because Eren you know how I feel about you and I couldn’t bear to lose you again because I’ll lose myself and this time I won’t be able to find my way back to you, not a third time. The odds can’t be that good with me. I will kill Heritage and make everything right.

He sighs and stares at me blankly as tears stream down my face.

“Killing me? It wasn’t your fault, you’re right here, he’s the one who tried to kill me, don’t blame yourself. And I won’t let you kill him. Whatever this nonsense is…I swear, I’ll never leave you. I’ll always be there, I’ll protect you the same way you’ll protect me. We can do this together. You don’t need to kill him. Please, promise me you won’t.”  
“I can’t promise that.” I say, glad that he didn’t understand everything from my outburst.  
“You said you owe me something, that you couldn’t protect me or whatever it was… I’m asking you one thing, one thing only. Promise me you won’t kill him.”

I sigh and gasp loudly as I suck back my tears. I wipe my cheek and smirk back at him.

“You manipulative little shit.”

He laughs.

“Promise me.”  
“I fucking promise and part of me hates you for making me do this.”  
“You’re lying, you could never hate me.”  
“You manipulative little shit.” I repeat.

***

“Here’s the map. Make sure that no one knows we’re doing this.”  
“What am I? Stupid?” Erwin says.  
“Shut up. Be careful with the infos and don’t ever text me when Eren is there.” I order.  
“And this is when?”  
“He’ll be back home tomorrow, his wounds are almost completely healed and the nurses are hitting on him so I pressed the Doctor to get him to leave sooner. Plus it’s Christmas soon and…I want to have him with me.”  
“I never thought you’d be the jealous type, Levi.” Erwin laughs. “Are you going to be able to lie to him? How am I supposed to talk to you?”  
“I’m not lying to him I’m just not saying anything.” I mutter.  
“That’s lying, Levi.”  
“OH SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!” I shout.  
“Fine, fine. Then, you text me when you’re free and I’ll call back.”  
“Alright, see you later.”

I walk out of Erwin’s door and make my way to the Tea shop for my last shift before Eren comes back home. A feeling of guilt fills my entire being but I can’t just leave it that way. Not now that I remember who I was. Not now that I know vengeance was part of who I was. Not now that I found back my reason to live and that it almost got taken away. Heritage deserves to die just like he did before. I promised I wouldn’t kill him…so I won’t. But I can very well create the perfect setting for him to die on his own. I’ll be favoring the odds and then I will finally say goodbye to all my regrets. Then I’ll be able to tell Eren everything about the past and just how much I loved him and always will. I will be able to tell him that my life isn’t worth living if he’s not in it and that whoever threatens him will suffer more than anyone ever has. I will prove to him just how much love can make me do. I’ll suffer a thousand years if I have to but I doubt that killing the man who did this to him will make me lose sleep. My nightmares are way worse than this could ever be. I am no angel and sooner or later Eren will figure it out. I might have had wings on my back, back then, a symbol of freedom and hope. I might have been humanity’s strongest…but I was never anything without Humanity’s last hope and I will never let that hope die because he’s my last hope too. He’s my light and no one will ever try to extinguish it without facing the consequences. Not as long as I am breathing, this I swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I hope it was worth the wait. A bit predictable I assume, but this chapter was very important because the tiny pieces of information hidden in there will be used further on...
> 
> So... tell me stuff about Heritage
> 
> And tell me stuff about Erwin
> 
> Theories? ;)


	20. Red string of fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi everyone. I'm not sure if this is my longest chapter so far, either way, enjoy it and enjoy it alot because.... We're are going down the road towards the end of the fic (I updated the # of chapters). I promise this fic has a happy ending but the next few chapters will be really hard to read (to write god damn poor me!)... SO...I hope you enjoy this one. I wrote it a long time ago (almost two weeks after starting the fic) and finished it today with whatever needed to be adjusted. I like this one a lot. It could've been longer. It could've contained much more...but eh... I could write for 30 hours non-stop of this...lol Feedback is always much much appreciated (makes me want to keep writing).
> 
> I track: #swgtlh #butsinceweregoingtolivehere on tumblr. (Hikarimitsuko's my blog name too).
> 
> PS: I pretty much went f*ck that with the bold and italic in this one...it was too long but I might do it during this week if I feel like it.
> 
> SONG: Ed Sheeran - Kiss me

Eren’s been back for a week and I’ve never been so happy to take care of someone else. That is until 10 minutes ago when he kept saying I was hiding something from him. I am, but that’s not the point. He gets up from the couch and I can hear his footsteps coming closer to me right before he slides his arms under mine to hug me from behind.

“I’m trying to cook, idiot.” I say, slightly turning my head to give him a peck on the cheek.  
“I know… But I also know you’re hiding something and I won’t keep bothering you until you tell me. I have a feeling it has something to do with Heritage.”

I stiffen at his words and right away he holds me even tighter, almost keeping me from breathing correctly. I remain silent, thinking it might be better to shut up than to try and deny whatever he says.

“I knew it. You’re still planning on killing him.” Eren says with a judging tone. “You fucking promised Levi.”

I drop the spatula and turn around, grabbing the hem of his shirt to pull him down.

“I know alright? I know I fucking promised. Doesn’t mean I won’t do at least something even if I don’t kill him. You think I’ll let him get away with it so easily? Drop it Eren. Drop the fucking thing.”  
“Me? Drop it?” He says, taking a step back. “You’re the one who should let it go. What if he’s mad after whatever you plan on doing? What if he tries to kill me again or worse, you?”  
“He won’t…” I start but then notice an absent look in Eren’s eyes.

They close and his legs give up. I leap right in front of him and catch him right before his head hits the floor.

“Eren!” I say. “Eren, look at me. Eren are you okay?”  
“Ugh?” He says as his eyes flutter open.  
“You fainted…are you okay?”

He nods and I hold him tight to my chest after that. He nestles his head into the crease of my neck. I don’t know why he keeps fainting. In the past two days, it happened three times and each times it was when we were arguing over some stupid thing. He is stressed, no doubt about that and the cause of it is me. He needs to believe me. I won’t kill heritage. At least not directly.

“I’m sorry.” He says.  
“Stop apologizing for things you didn’t do. I promised I wouldn’t kill him so I won’t.” I say, pressing my hand to his chest where the scar is. The new scar almost matching mine that never belonged there.  
“Thank you.” Eren whispers. “I really don’t want to lose you.”  
“Same here Brat, same here.”

***

Later that night, I’m talking with Armin on Facebook messenger and he is starting to get on my nerves

Armin Arlert: But is he okay?  
Levi Ackerman: I told you already, he’s sleeping. He’s fine.  
Armin Arlert: Alright, alright. Jean says Hello and Mikasa says she wants you to die. (Her words, not mine.)  
Levi Ackerman: I love you all too...dumbasses.  
Armin Arlert: Hey what did I ever do to you?

I glance around to make sure Eren isn’t there and I type:

Levi Ackerman: The sex talk we had in our previous life…about you and Jean… It came back to me. Therefore, you deserve your spot in dumbass-land with the others for leaving such awful memories impregnated in my brain.  
Armin Arlert: Ahah. Very funny. I am mortified, thanks Levi.  
Levi Ackerman: Always a pleasure. Bye now.

I basically let myself fall on the sofa, glancing at my phone every 5 minutes or so. The insomnia has been worse these past few days. Not only can I not sleep, but whenever I do, I get these terrible nightmares of our past lives or Eren getting stabbed by Heritage and calling my name for help. Desperately crying it out as he dies. I’d rather not sleep at this point. The guilt of not telling Eren that Erwin and I are planning an accident for Heritage while lying to him is getting to my mood. I’m irritable and the Brat didn’t do anything wrong so I feel even worse. The burden of keeping the secret about our previous lives has become a heavy one and I feel exhausted both mentally and physically for checking my manners and words to make sure nothing slips. My eyes close and I slowly fall asleep. A somewhat peaceful sleep.

***

I wake up, still on the couch but covered with a comforter. I turn to my left, my muscles aching and my bones cracking. I may not be that old, but sleeping on a fucking couch is way too shitty for me. I slide my legs off before quickly sitting up straight. There’s a note and a pen on the table. I slide it closer and start reading it as I wrap my arms back into the comforter.

“Merry Christmas Levi!  
I didn’t want to wake you but I did steal a kiss. I went to see Mikasa and Armin, I’ll see you later tonight but if I can’t make it back on time, we’ll celebrate tomorrow. I bought mistletoe to hang in the apartment so you might want to place it. Or carry it with you, even. Xoxo Eren”

My heart stings as I read the note. He forgot. Then again… nobody ever remembers except Hanji. I’m surprised she hasn’t broke down my door yet. I glance at the time. 10am. Ugh… Perhaps I really needed to sleep. I do feel rested but I also feel pained and hurt to know that I might very well be spending Christmas and my freaking Birthday alone again. I thought this year would probably be different but I guess I’ll end up in the neighbors apartment again, watching shitty movies. I sigh and pick up my phone. I swipe my thumbs on it quickly.

“Merry Christmas, Brat! Xoxo”

I cup my face with my hands and take a deep breath as I get up to sit back at the computer. There’s a lingering smell of coffee so I turn around and see that there is some left. I pour myself some into a cup before sitting back at the laptop. I open Facebook, not expecting much, but there’s a little notification at the top. One person. I click on it, hoping it’s a message from Eren, and it directs me to my timeline, where Armin posted a photo of himself, Jean, Mikasa and Annie doing the ugliest selfie on earth. Jean has his two index fingers up Armin’s nose (who seems to be protesting quite intensely) as Mikasa just raises a finger at me while Annie simply stares at the screen blankly. Jean though, simply looks like a horse. The label reads: “Merry Christmas Shorty!” I smirk and like the photo before commenting: “Merry Christmas, jackasses…and you will pay for your words, Arlert.”

I log off before pressing the remote to start the DVD player, I have no idea what’s in it, but whatever it is, it’ll do. I fall asleep almost 15 minutes later to wake up only during late afternoon. I wake up startled and covered in drool I sit and push the comforter away from me, suddenly feeling way too hot and sticky. The music from the DVD menu keeps playing on repeat and I’m tempted to throw the remote at it. I just end up pressing the off button after managing to find it. I sigh and glance at my phone. No new messages, no missed calls, no Hanji at the door. Now, I’m not one to cry for not getting any attention but I expected at least a “Happy Birthday” from Eren and I didn’t even get that. It’s fine, it really is, I’m just annoyed and I shouldn’t be. It never bothered me before so why now? Maybe I was growing to like having someone care about me and it hurt not having it on the day you’re supposed to. I groan as I stretch and get up, slowly making my way to the bathroom as I send a quick text to Eren.

“I’m going to shower and then I’m find a nice place to eat at. So text me if you happen to want to drop by.”

My tone was a bit harsh…for what reason? Because he forgot my birthday?...Yeah, maybe. But even to that, I don’t get an answer. People really just don’t give a shit today, don’t they? I groan as I take off my clothes and throw them in the laundry basket before stepping into the shower. I take my time, enjoying the feeling of hot water trailing down my back and soothing my tense muscles. I spill shampoo everywhere and almost fall on my ass twice. I sigh again, this is a shitty day. I grab the soap and start scrubbing myself all over, pausing at my cock as I’m considering getting myself a birthday present, it’s better than nothing. I give it a few strokes but stop myself. No. No way am I jerking myself off on my birthday. The Brat will be back for the night so we’ll make out. He’ll be more than willing since we haven’t done anything since the attack. Or he won’t. Either way, I’m not doing this alone. I let the water wash out the soap when I hear a racket from the other side of the door. I stop everything and pay attention. I hear stomping feet and a familiar giggle. I turn the shower off and step out, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist, not caring that I’m dripping water all over the floor. I open the door quickly.

“Hello?” I say, trying to stand as straight and menacing as possible.

As much as possible while I’m stark naked under a fucking towel. I’d probably slip on the floor if I even attempted to punch someone. No answer comes back to me and there’s no trace that anyone’s been here. I sigh and make my way to my room. I turn to the drawers and pick up a few item of clothing before sitting on the bed to put my socks on. That’s when I see it, a black box sitting right there on the bed with a dark bow and a small envelope.

I stare at it, suddenly blushing. Has this been here all day? Oh…I see. That’s where the noise came from, there was someone here just a moment ago. Either this is for Eren… or… this is for me. I stand up to step inside my boxers and trousers, always looking at the box. There’s no identification or anything. I pick up the envelope and open it. It contains nothing but a simple white card that I turn around in my hand.

 

“Wrap yourself in this.

At 7h59, you’ll hear 3 knocks at your door.

Put the blindfold on and let them guide you.

Trust me.”

 

As much as I was wondering who this was coming from before opening it, now I know it is from Eren. I smile as I glance at the time on the nightstand. It’s still a bit early and so I decide to go take another quick shower before opening the box. Not that I am not curious or that I like to torture myself, but I have a feeling I’ll have an urge to put this on as soon as I open it. I also happen to need to calm my nerves, suddenly. Whatever is in that box, it came from him and just that is enough to send my mind reeling in twenty different places and if it is what I expect it to be, I’ll certainly want to look good in it.

***

I’m done combing my hair and separating it neatly in two equal parts when my phone buzzes. It’s a text from Eren. My smile fades as I read it.

“Won’t be able to make it back after all. I’ll make it up to you, promise. Xoxo Eren.”

I stare at my phone for a couple of minutes, unable to wrap myself around this. If he was with Mikasa and Armin, then why did he send this box? Or perhaps it’s not from him. My heart clenches, realizing this might not be what I expected. I quickly text him back and then rush to the bed, where the box is still sitting unopened. I pull on the dark bow and the top of the box follows, revealing a gray suit, a black button up shirt…and a black cravat. My black cravat. This certainly didn’t come from Eren, otherwise he never would’ve picked this. I’m suddenly considering not doing anything that the card said, but part of me is so curious that I obey anyways. If anything it might be a setup for the both of us and that thought is what I hold on to as I tie the cravat around my neck, pushing away the memories that it brings in me and focusing on the time.

The clock above my door shows 7:58. My heartbeat is slowly accelerating. 7:59.

*Knock.Knock.Knock*

As I was told, I put the blindfold over my eyes, not even trying to look at who enters the room.

“Hi.” I say, simply.

The person doesn’t reply but secures the blindfold to make sure that I can’t see. It seems to be someone taller than me by the way they hold my shoulder as they get me out of the apartment. We reach the front door and the cold air sends a shiver down my spine.

“I’ll go back for a coat” I announce, attempting to remove the blindfold and start over, but the person doesn’t let me.

Instead, they push me forward and hold me under my arms as I slowly go down the stairs, feeling my way on each step. We’re on the street now. We turn on the left. I try to make myself a mental image of where we are going, but the person seems to realize my plan and after turning right and left and right again makes me turn several times on myself. So much that I feel a bit dizzy after. I let an angry sigh rush out of my lungs. I can practically hear the smile creep up on the person’s face. This person knows me but I don’t have time to investigate because we keep going.

After a 10 minute walk, I get jerked back to a halt.

“Oi! Don’t mind me at all, just jerk me around, I really like it.” I say sarcastically.

The person quickly removes the blindfold and I turn around sharply to see who it is. Unfortunately, the person is wearing a dark green hoodie and their face is hidden. As soon as my eyes are on them, they run away. While, at the same time, my phone buzzes. I take it out and stare at the words that Eren wrote.

“We’ll make new memories.”

I smile, not really understanding what the fuck is going on. I’m about to reply to him but I glance up to make sure I’m not in the middle of the street. I’m not. In fact, I realize as I turn around, that I’m right in front of my Tea shop. I frown. I’m not sure what to make of this. I look around, trying to find a familiar face, but the streets are desert. I look back at the door and something in me tells me to try pulling on it. So I do. And it opens. I never, ever forget to lock it. Either I got robbed or someone’s in there. The little setup tells me it’s probably the latter. My heart pounds against my chest, hoping that it’s him. I walk inside the dark building, seeing barely anything but the shadows of stacked tables, except for one, his table. A smile starts to creep up on my face but it doesn’t have the time as I am startled by millions of flickering lights that enlightens the room all at once. I blink a couple of times as I shade my eyes with a hand, my vision adjusting to its new environment. I notice all the strings of fairy lights that are hanging from the ceiling and the walls. Some of them also wrapped around the counter, others just circling the room on the floor, leaving me standing in the middle of a fairytale, alone. But I knew it wouldn’t be for long. I was only waiting for him to come out of wherever he was hiding. Meanwhile, I try to compose myself and not to grin from ear to ear. This is…beautiful, magical and I sure as hell don’t know how to react to such a gesture, whatever it is, whatever it means.

The speakers close to the stage let out a little beep that surprises me, before a melody starts coming out from it. I never heard the song before but I know right away that I will love it. It had to be special to him. I already know I love the slow beat and the guitar, which makes me wonder why he isn’t up on that stage playing it himself. But I understand right away, as he comes out of the kitchen and lays nonchalantly against the door frame. His lips starts moving and he takes a couple of step towards me.

“Settle down with me, Cover me up” He sings, coming closer and then grabbing my waist to pull me to him. “Cuddle me in”

I smile and point an accusing finger at him, he smirks and keeps singing as he suddenly places his hand between my shoulder blades and leans forward as his other hand holds me back at the waist. “Lie down with me, And hold me in your arms” I wrap my arms around his neck before he pulls me back up in front of him to press a hand on my heart.

“And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet” He cups my cheeks with his hand as his gaze meets mine. He’s all smiles as his lips move and all I can do is stare and let my heart explode in my chest because I have a feeling I know what this is about. Why else would he be doing all this?

“And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.” He sings a bit louder as he looks at me intently. This isn’t just some lyrics, he’s saying it to me. He’s singing it to me. My face turns crimson red and I bring my palms to it as I try to hide how nervous and happy I am at this moment.

“Kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved” He continues as he grabs my hands and starts to make me twirl just to quickly jerk me back to him as he sings the next lyrics and I feel a lump down my throat. One that contains tears of happiness, the words that are menacing to spill out as he sings them to me, so openly, so genuine, so real. “This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love.”

Indeed we fucking are. I am beyond done for this kid. I always was, always will be. I stare into his eyes

“Settle down with me, And I'll be your safety, You'll be my baby. I was made to keep your body warm, But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms”

He hugs me tight before starting to walk away from me and towards the stage.

“Oh no. My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck, I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet” He slightly turns his head around as he sings the rest. “And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now”

“Kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love” He sits on a stool and picks up the guitar. He pinches a string to try it as keeps going. “We're falling in love”

His fingers travel on the guitar as he starts playing a little solo that echoes everywhere in the shop and sends a shiver down my spine and into my soul. I smile as tears start pooling at the corner of my eyes and I try to blink them away but they are resolved to stay there. I just keep smiling to him. As the solo reaches an end, he lets the music take over and drops the guitar beside him. He stands up and looks at me. His eyes become red and I see tears tracing a path down his cheeks. Tears of joy. Tears that contain everything we endured to get to this point today, where I finally get to hear him say it out loud. This day where I’ll have to say it back to him. I push the lump down my throat, refusing to think about this now.

“Yeah I've been feeling everything, From hate to love, From love to lust, From lust to truth, I guess that's how I know you” I smile because this describes us in a nutshell. We’re so perfectly imperfect and I couldn’t ask for anything else in this life or any other. Just this man standing in front of me. Loving me all. Everything that I am, no matter what. I gasp, letting a small sob out of my mouth, smiling from ear to ear as he jumps off the stage sideways just to slide on his feet until he’s right in front of me, as his voice continues to amaze me in every way.

“So I hold you close to help you give it up” He grabs my waist and pulls me close once more. At this point I’m not even trying to hide my smile and tears anymore because I can’t believe I thought he’d forgotten about today. He never did. He’s giving me the best gift I could ever hope for and I blink to make sure this is real. “So kiss me like you wanna be loved” I obey and give him a quick peck, trying not to affect the song too much. “…wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, We're falling in love”. Yes. I am so in love. It isn’t even a word strong enough for how I feel. The bond of the previous life plus this one is more than love. It’s ethereal, it’s infinite, it’s a chaste kiss on my lips before he keeps singing: “Kiss me like you wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, You wanna be loved, This feels like falling in love, Falling in love, I’m falling in love”

As the sound fades away, leaving only a little scratching noise in the speakers from the attached mic on his shirt collar, I get on the tip of my toes and press my lips on his, harder than needed, rougher than needed, deeper than needed. I’m kissing him like I want to be loved. I’m kissing him the way I love him. Hard, rough, deep and so totally unconditionally. 

“Wow.” He says as he pulls his lips away and slowly opens his eyes to meet my gaze.  
“You didn’t have to.” I say, blushing and hiding my face into his neck before sobbing the rest of my words away. “This is too much. Can’t you do anything normal?”  
“You wouldn’t love me otherwise. You deserve the sky, the moon, the stars, I’d give you everything. I don’t know what it is, Levi, but this feels so deep. Deeper than everything I ever felt in my entire life. I literally feel like you are a part of me, an undeniable and extremely hot part of me. A caring human being who’s had too much shit to deal with in his life and still manages to love me just the way I am. I love you, Levi.”  
“And I…” I start, raising my gaze back to his, but he stops me by placing his index on my mouth.  
“I know you do. I also know you’re not ready and I know you will tell me when you are. I don’t want to pressure you and this is my birthday gift to you. Well kind of because there is something else, but that’s not the point. I love you since day one and I thought it was so sudden, so weird, so improbable, so impossible. Yet here I am today, holding you in my arms and swearing to you that I’ll never let go because doing so would be like dying from the inside.”

Tears stream down his face and mine. I am such a mess right now and I don’t even know what to say or do.

“I do too.” I say with a smirk as I wipe the tears of our faces.

I guess I can get away with it without saying the actual words. I refuse to say them before he knows. I can’t afford for him to think I lied. Especially not on this. There’s nothing more true than my love for him and I only have a week left before I can tell him everything. That’s when I’ll tell him. That’s when I’ll be completely free to live the life I always wanted with him.

“Ok…it’s going to sound sappy but I waited so freaking long for this, let me say it again. I love you Levi!” He laughs. “Ok ok I’m done now.”  
“How did you manage all this?” I ask as he brings me to the table and makes me sit.  
“In a word? Hanji.” He pauses and then turns around towards the kitchen door.

Hanji is there. She smiles and waves as she wipes tears from her cheeks. I smile back to her because she is such an awesome friend, she always was. She always stuck by my side too and I never appreciated her enough, even back when we were together. She deserved someone like Eren, someone who’d capture all the stars in the sky if you asked them. I look back to Eren as Hanji disappears in the kitchen, probably leaving by the back door.

“You cooked?” I ask.

He nods.

“Armin helped…cause you don’t want food poisoning, I assume.” He smirks.  
“I’d rather not, indeed.” I laugh.

We make it to dessert with occasional pecks and permanent smiles. My eyes glowing from admiration as I realize, once again, just how fucking lucky I am to have this guy all to myself.

“So…” He starts. “I had a gift idea but… you might not want that. If you don’t I have a plan B.”

I raise an eyebrow as I take a sip of my tea.

“Well…since we…have matching scars now… I thought we could cover them up.” He says.  
“Let me guess, tattoo?” I say, not fond of the idea of having a needle penetrating my skin repeatedly, especially if said needle isn’t clean.  
“Yeah…Well, I had this idea about this design.” He pauses and gets a sheet from under his plate. “It’s…wings. I was thinking we could each get one.”

I don’t reply and just look at the drawing. He nervously sets it down on the table and starts playing with the hair at the bottom of his neck.

“It’s cheesy right? Ok…nevermind. Plan B it is.” He laughs, his cheeks turning pink.  
“Eren.” I say, making him stop to look at me. “Did you draw this? The design…is it from you?”

He nods.

“Then I want it.” I say with a smile.  
“You want it when?” He asks, twiddling his thumbs.  
“Don’t tell me you made an appointment for tonight? I’d really rather be sure that the place is clean beforehand.”  
“Not tonight.” He pauses as relief fills me. “Tomorrow, in fact.”

My eyes widen and I playfully facepalm myself.

“Of course, tomorrow it is then. I’m trusting you on the choice of salon though.” I sigh. “Better be able to eat from the fucking floor there.”  
“I checked, don’t worry.” He laughs.  
“And…what was plan B?” I ask, trying to hide how curious I am.  
“You’ll have to wait ‘til we get home.” He smirks.  
“Interesting.” I say, downing my tea and standing up.

I step beside the table and blow the candle. I walk to the back and turn the breaker off before coming back up front and passing by Eren, grabbing his arm on the way. He closes the door and I lock it, not letting go of his arm.

“What are you doing?” He asks.  
“Going to see plan B.” I smirk as I start to walk at a fast pace.

***

When I get home, I burst inside and look around to try and spot what this freaking plan B is. I make my way to the bedroom as I throw the vest of my suit over a chair. I push the door and gasp when I see all the candle lights, rose petals and……fucking toys and by that I don’t mean fisher price.

I turn around and glance at Eren who’s grinning from ear to ear holding his phone. I frown.

“Just thanking Hanji.” He says, placing his phone on the table.

I’d rather not think of her imagining us in here but I am so glad she accepted to play a part in this. I am so ready to rip off his clothes but before I do I still manage to control myself enough to ask.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

He laughs.

“I wouldn’t have prepared all of this if I wasn’t.”

I walk closer to the bed and look at the couple of toys spread there. A vibrator, a butt plug, a crop, a blindfold, weird-shit-handcuffs, sweet edible massage oil, stimulating cream, something with a remote and a couple of other things. I turn to him, my jaw slightly hanging.

“Kinky little bastard.”

He shrugs as he walks closer to me and slides his hands around my waist. He brings his head down to kiss me, slightly parting my mouth open and exploring my mouth with his tongue. I join it with mine and soon enough I find myself getting hard already. How could I not with all this setup and that hot guy, who, didn’t forget to wear a freaking white belt, knowing what it does to me.

“Kinky.” I whisper, biting his lip.

He grins and a bit more roughly starts to make me walk backwards until my back hits the wall. I gasp as some air leaves my lungs. He’s panting from the too many kisses we exchanges, leaving little to no time to catch a breath in between. He unbuttons my shirt as I do the same to his. He undoes my cravat and transfers it to his neck, letting it hang there. I bite my lip. Definitely making new memories tonight. This cravat just went from the worst thing I owned to the best, and all that in just about 3 hours.

His abs brushing against mine, his toned body pressing me against the wall, I decide to let go of his clothes and just focus on undressing myself because I need him now. He gets the hint and does the same as our lips barely even part.

“Who tops?” I murmur against him.  
“Your birthday, you’re the boss.”  
“You top?” I ask, a bit shy.  
“Really?” He asks, surprised.

I nod. He knows I like to top. He knows I like it rough. He also knows I like it when he does it. He has a certain thing about him when he makes love to me. A certain glow and he seems to gain pleasure from taking me apart. I guess he likes it when my walls fall down and I’m left to only a mess of emotions in front of him. Not that I ever cried after sex, but I’m a bit more cuddly and shit. What can I say, I love the kid and he’s a sex god. I like to think I am too and by how he looks whenever I’m done with him, I guess I’m not too bad. 

He leans in and starts biting my earlobe, making me forget everything I was thinking and replacing it with lewd thoughts.

His cock now free from his boxers is too close to mine. The friction he brings as he grinds his hips against me is close to bringing me over the edge. I really wouldn’t need much right now. I have never, ever, ever, in this life or another been that turned on.

“Brat, take it slow.” I whisper.  
“Can’t keep up?” He smirks.  
“To be honest, I can’t”.

His mouth forms a playful –oh- as he slowly walks me back to the bed and forces me to lay down on my back.

“Tied?” He asks.  
“Whatever you planned… I’ll do whatever you planned. Don’t tell me ahead of time though.” I beg.  
“Oh…so blindfold then.” He moves to the end to the bed and comes back with the blindfold. He places it over my head and suddenly I can’t see a thing, which makes me even more aroused. He can’t touch me now because if he does I won’t be able to hold it in. I feel him grabbing my wrists one after the other and securing them with leathery straps that seemed to be built for that. God knows where they are tied but when I pull on my restraints, nothing moves. I grin, waiting patiently for his next move. I spread my legs open, lifting one knee up and letting my other leg fall on the bed. He isn’t close anymore so where is he.

I jump, startled by the pinching feeling of a crop hitting my stomach. I’m surprised but even more pleased by the feeling. It doesn’t hurt…people might think it does but it really doesn’t. Unless you hit really really hard with it, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a good way to play with other sensations. To bring the orgasm to a whole new level. Not that I ever tried it before but I read a lot on it. I guess I always wanted to try. I don’t even want to know how he knew. Perhaps he didn’t and it’s just a very very very sexy coincidence. Another sharp sting on my thigh makes me arch myself and my cock twitches slightly.

“E-Eren…” I breathe.  
“Happy Birthday, Heichou!”

I can hear his smirk as he says it. I also hear him move closer to the end of the bed. I guess the crop part is over, sadly. He bought them, we’ll use them again. I hear a pop and him sliding between my legs. A cold mixture makes me jumps slightly at the touch of Eren’s fingers.

“Stimulating cream.” He announces with a growl.  
“A-Alright.” I stutter.

A second later, his finger makes its way inside of me, making sure the cream stays everywhere like glue. As he moves around he hits my prostate, sending a shot through me that makes me curl my fingers into the bed sheets above my head. And now, to make it worse, he put some cream on there, making me feel numb, hot and cold all at once. FUCK.

“FUCK!” I shout.  
“Working, I see.”  
“Damn right it works.”  
“Butt plug.” He announces.

I’m waiting for the touch when instead I feel heated kisses travel up my member. The hand he used for the cream suddenly travels up and down it. His thumb wipes the pre-cum off the tip before I feel his lips pressed there.

“Oh my god.” I mouth.

He takes me all inside his mouth as his other hand makes its way to my entrance with the butt plug. The pressure is intense at first but as I get used to it, he presses it more and more and more until it’s completely inside. He keeps sucking on me and the amount of self control I have right now is pretty fucking unreal.

“OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.” I say, not caring one bit about how desperate and lame I sound.  
“Eren is fine.” He says.  
“Cocky little shit.” I say, nudging him with my leg and by the same token making the butt plug move. 

Bad idea Levi, bad idea. I moan and as soon as I do I hear a noise and turn quiet again. The vibrator. Oh god, is he putting it inside himself? No. He isn’t. He presses it between my balls and entrance at the soft spot. I arch myself as he presses it there, harder and harder to make me feel the vibration everywhere inside out. To help, he even brings his head back between my legs and starts sucking again. This is way too fucking much.

“Ahh… E-Eren. Stop. STOP. I’m… I’m going to…EREN!”

He stops a second before it’s too late, leaving me panting and cursing.

“Ok then. Let me massage your feet.”

I raise my head even though I can’t see him and gape at him.

“Do you have some fucking weird foot fetish or something?” I ask. “Cause that would fuck up everything.”  
“Will you calm down?” He laughs. “I don’t have any foot fetish but it seems pretty clear right now that you’re too ready to get fucked out of your mind and I don’t intend on this lasting only 5 minutes for what I have planned. Therefore, let me massage your damn feet just because it’s the thing that probably won’t turn you on.”  
“Tch. Fine.” I say, bringing my head back onto the pillow.

He was wrong, so wrong. The way he made my toes curl by how he relieved tension that I didn’t even know was there, was amazing. Not so much of a turn on but it made me feel so much more free that I felt even more aroused now. Like there was more space for heat and pleasure.

“You have to be kidding me.” He laughs.  
“Oi…not my fault if you’re trying to kill me here.”  
“That’s because I want your money.”  
“Ahah. Very funny. You should’ve picked Erwin, he has more money.” I grin.  
“The only one I want is you, no matter where, no matter how.”

My smile fades as my heart fills once more with this feeling of blissfulness that I never actually experienced before. Not like that. I let a smile grow back on my face.

“Thanks… For choosing me.” I mutter.  
“No. Thanks to you for putting up with me day after day and know this, Levi, I’d always choose you. I always will choose you. Because I love you.”

His movements on my feet stop and I’m now calmed down and even half-hard.

“Get back here.” I order.

He obeys and straddles my lap, bringing me back to steel hard in less than a second.

“Come closer.” I say.

He bends down and presses his lips on mine. He lays on top of me like that for a moment before he slides off me and between my legs.

“I think you rested enough. It’s your birthday after all.”

He slowly pulls out the butt plug and I wince at the empty feeling. It doesn’t stay empty for long though because after another pop, I feel his member slowly glide into me. I’m already stretched and he starts thrusting almost right after he’s in. I pull on my restraints, focusing on the pressure of the blood accumulating there instead of down between my legs to try and last as long as possible but he doesn’t make it easy.

“I love you, Heichou, and even though you’re the boss today, I’d really like it if you screamed my name.” Eren whispers between breaths.  
“T-That’s not gonna be a p-problem at all if you k-keep this up.” I warn.

He ends up pulling away, teasing me until I actually felt pain from not coming. We shifted positions a few times until I was finally done with fooling around and asked him to untie me and remove the blindfold. He did and I could finally let my hands travel on his back, his butt cheeks, his firm muscles, especially his abs. I stroked myself a few times but decided against it because I really didn’t need the extra stimulation. I was pretty sure that we had been at this for at least 40 minutes when Eren started to breathe a bit more heavily. He was holding it too.

“Enough Eren. That’s enough. Take me apart now, I’m begging you.”

His gaze meets mine and we both smile as his thrusts become harder, deeper, faster. My breathing accelerates as every now and then he hits the soft spot inside of me, making me roll my eyes out of pleasure. I can feel his muscles tense up as he raises my legs to his shoulders. The next thrust hits exactly the right spot, my prostate. He knows. He saw my face as it did. He grins and pushes the same exact angle as he did before. He does it over and over and over again and grabs my cock to stroke it. I curl my fingers into the bed sheets, pulling them up and trying to grip and something hard but I can’t hold it anymore. My back arches and I scream his name repeatedly as he lets himself go too. I shoot on my stomach, still making noises I wasn’t aware I could make and Eren comes inside of me as a guttural growl escapes his mouth. He slows down and eventually stops moving completely. We stay like that, panting for a few seconds before Eren falls on top of me, leaving me empty and covered with his and my cum. Quite frankly, I didn’t care. The word filthy didn’t have the same signification to me anymore. I lay there with him still resting on top of me and just bring my hand up to his hair, tangling my fingers into it and attempting to massage his neck. Eventually I hear him snoring. I can’t contain the laugh that comes out of my mouth. It doesn’t even wake him up. I slide from under him and head for the shower. I turn it on, ready to make it quick. I step in and right away feel hands circling my waist.

“Merry Christmas.” Eren whispers against my ear.  
“Merry Christmas to you, my all.”

***  
 **EREN POV**

“Levi, we’re going to be late.” I sigh, exhasperated. “Are you scared?”

He puts his hand on my shoulder, startling me.

“No, idiot, but I had a present for you too.” He says, handing me a little white box. “Open it.”

I look at it and try to measure the weight of it. I’m too lazy and curious to attempt trying to find out what it is so I take off the lid. I frown.

“What is it?” I ask.

Levi picks it up and starts wrapping it around my wrist a couple of times before securing it there.

“It’s a red string of fate. It is said to be a string that is connected between two people and when it is, they are destined to be lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. It may stretch or tangle, but never break.” He smiles. “It’s not the actual one, since it’s technically something you can’t see but when I saw the old lady that was making those, I immediately wanted to buy you one so that whenever you feel like we’re tangled in a fight or something like that, you’ll think of me as I am now.”  
“L-Levi.” I stutter. “T-This means so much.”

I press a hand to my mouth and let the tears fall. This is much more than I would’ve ever asked for. I do know he loves me. He has his reasons for not saying it yet but this is basically just like it. My heart feels so heavy and big and full of love and I can’t quite take the feeling in. I love him too much. Too much for this soul, too much for this body. It transcends everything. I just love him too much. More tears fall down and I open my arms, just waiting for him to find his place. He closes the distance between us and tugs on my belt to pull me even closer.

“I want you to know how serious I am about you, okay?” He whispers in my neck.  
“I love you, Levi.”  
“I do too my Brat.”

He kisses my neck and then pulls away.

“Now wipe your tears away. You wouldn’t want the tattoo guy to think you cried because you were scared. I know you aren’t, right?”  
“Right.” I nod.  
“We are late now, though.”  
“Let’s go, soul mate.” I say, finding the word as close as possible to the truth.

He laces his fingers with mine and smiles as we close the door and head to the tattoo shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Did you like it? *Hide from the corner of the wall and peeks inside the room*
> 
> Preview: Next chapter, Eren remembers and someone dies.
> 
> PS: Definition of the string of fate was taken from wikipedia and other websites. I didn't know how to put it in words and it helped a lot lol.


	21. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): HELLO!!! Surprise update (I'll explain why in the notes at the end because I don't want to spoil you).
> 
> I promise this fic has a happy end. I SWEAR!
> 
> Mood song: Deadmau5 - Raise your weapon (strongly suggested to listen to it while you read because I wrote this whole chapter listening to it)
> 
> Song in the chapter: Ellie Goulding - I know you care
> 
> PS: Sorry for any typos or whatever... I'm really really tired today and this chapter was very hard to write so I will try and go back to do any corrections that need to be done.

**LEVI POV**

The tattoo hurt like a bitch. I never would have thought it’d hurt that much. It was a given, but still. I’m only glad that Eren spent the last few days taking care of his and mine. He opted for the white wing and I ended up with a gradient black and blue one. It seemed only fitting considering I was from the streets and basically a mess before he ran into my life. Same goes for the previous one. Indeed, the darkest one had to be mine, but I didn’t really see it that way. To me, Eren had to have the one that was lighter because he’s my light in the darkness. But it also meant so much more than that. He insisted on getting the blue one, stating how he always screws everything up. He has no idea how much of the opposite it is. He has no idea that this symbol means way more than he thinks. Even though his amnesia didn’t last for long, he still hasn’t recovered the memories from the past.

“I still think I should’ve had the blue one.” He says as he puts some sort of healing cream on my chest.

I sigh, exasperated.

“Look, there’s no meaning to it. No dark, no light. It’s just two wings. They represent so much more than what you keep arguing with me about. They go along. They go together, yes like light and darkness, but also like love and freedom. If you wanted the blue one, you should’ve decided there. Are you unhappy you got the other one?”  
“NO! I didn’t mean…I didn’t mean for you to regret it…Damn I’m so stupid.” He sits back on his heels, kneeling between my legs on the floor and away from the couch.

I lean forward and press my lips on his forehead as he stubbornly keeps his eyes on the floor. I press my thumb between his brows.

“Enough with the frown. I do not regret the tattoo. I regret that you didn’t pick what you wanted.”  
“I did!” He shouts. “I wanted the lighter one… it’s just…I feel like you took the blue one because you think it means that you’re bad and to me you aren’t.”

I stare at him a moment before grabbing his shoulder and forcing him up to look at me. 

“None of us are bad, Eren. I am strong for people who need me to be and you give hope to people who need it. We are both different and we complete each other in a way that no one will ever understand. It has nothing to do with being good or bad. This symbol you drew means so much more than that. It’s our freedom… of being in love, of being together, of living the life we want, the way we want. It’s a symbol that means you’re my other half. It’s a symbol that is just as valid as the red string of fate. So stop, Eren.” I say, grabbing him under the arms and lifting him up to my lap before wrapping my arms around his waist. “Because those wings…they mean so much. SO much more than you think. So much more than you know. They…”

My voice breaks and I hide my face into the crease of Eren’s neck, trying to blink away the tears as all the deaths flash once again before my eyes, including his.

“Levi… I’m sorry.” Eren says, holding me tight and rubbing my back. “I didn’t think you liked them that much. I thought you did it only for me and I was feeling bad about it. Now I know how you feel. That it wasn’t only because it was something I drew. You saw it the same way as the red string of fate and I understand why you didn’t care for which color as long as you had a half of the wings on you.”

I nod into his chest and keep blinking, trying to let the atrocious memories fade. They do, thanks to Eren’s words but I still feel like shit and now all I can think about is how he looked in the hospital when his heart stopped. I’ll never let this happen again. Ever. Heritage will die, the same way I would’ve killed all the titans back then. Back then… New tears fall down. Back then, I would’ve ran away with Eren to save him. Because the titans needed to be eradicated, so they would’ve ended up killing him. I would have been in charge of killing him because –Levi has no heart, Levi doesn’t care-. I would’ve killed anyone else who was a titan shifter without blinking for all the deaths they caused, but not Eren. Oh not Eren. If only we had the chance… But we did get a second chance in this life and again it almost got taken away by my fault. It was always my fault no matter when and where.

“I promise this to you, Eren.” I murmur. “I’ll protect and care for you until the day I die.”

And beyond. He chuckles and I cock my head up to him, frowning. Why is he laughing about something so serious?

“That was close… very close. Almost got me there.” He says.  
“Close?” I ask, still a bit lost.

He chuckles again and cups my cheek with his hand as his gaze full of love glides from my lips to my eyes.

“For a moment there I thought you were going to say you loved me. That you’d protect and love me until the day you die.”

I smile and pull him closer.

“That too.” I whisper.

***

It’s finally the 31st, Eren’s spending New Year’s eve with Mikasa, at least until midnight. It’s 8pm and I’m leaning against the wall of my Tea shop, beside the sign “Closed for the holidays”, waiting for Erwin. A massive figure emerges from the corner and I know instantly that it’s him. I pull my black hood up and make sure that my skin is covered everywhere by different black layers. Erwin does the same. We start walking and eventually turn into an alley just to start to jog as our backpacks loudly bump against our backs. We turn left, and right, and left, and right and on and on. At some point Erwin pulls out our map and checks where we are. We’re on the right track, two more turns and we’ll be where Heritage should be. 

Erwin points his chin at the wall, where a ladder goes up to the roof. I jump to the third bar and start climbing as quickly as possible. When I get to the roof, I look around and then wave my hand to Erwin. All clear so far. As soon as Erwin reaches the top, we start running again, jumping from roof to roof. It’s been a while since I’ve done shit like that but I find Erwin to seem pretty used to it for a Doctor. It’s not like he used 3DMGear recently. Neither did I but I was always strong. I glance at his body, landing perfectly each time. Not in a way a Doctor would do. Did he really keep those skills from the past?

Panting, I stop on the rooftop that is supposed to be above where Heritage should be. It’s New Year’s eve, therefore he will be joining his family soon. But they don’t know… Historia doesn’t know… she will never see her father again. I’ll make sure of it. Erwin silently drops his backpack to the ground and I do the same. I peek at the bottom and see him, sitting on an old car that I seems to be used as a stage. It’s a shitty and filthy place but what else did I expect? I open my bag and empty it. It contains a gas that Hanji created by mistake about 4 months ago by crossing two types of plants and peroxide. It smells nothing and if you breathe it for more than a minute, you die. Her hamsters may now rest in peace, knowing they helped science…or at least they will help me to kill Heritage. One minute is all you need. At least that’s what she explained before trying to incinerate the plants. I told her I’d take care of the gas and she agreed to give it to me, knowing very well that I wasn’t planning on destroying it. Indeed, I never did throw it away, always planning to keep it safe until the day I’d need it. This day has come. 

The gas is totally invisible and therefore when I throw the glass bottle beside the car, nobody hears it when it shatters. It’s a small enough quantity that it shouldn’t be affecting anyone else than Heritage. People don’t get near him, they aren’t allowed. After a minute, he gets up and starts walking, refusing his bodyguard’s help as he starts to zigzag dizzily. No one notices, they are too absorbed with their little talks and his bodyguard just pulls out a cigarette as he sits on the car, so the plan should be a success. He turns the corner of the other dark alley. Erwin grabs my arm and shakes his head. I shove his hand away and glare at him silently. Of course I won’t go, I’m not stupid.

“ACKERMAN!” I hear someone scream.

My eyes widen and I stand up straight, glancing at Erwin’s eyes, warning me to stay away.

“I know you’re here. C-Come find me.”

Erwin shakes his head once more. Heritage had to keep walking in order for the plan to work. He had to get hit by a car as he’d burst into the street and if he wasn’t going to go there, it would get much more complicated to set up an accident. I shove Erwin’s arm away again as I see that Heritage is looking at the rooftops and basically just stopped walking to lean against a pile of trash bags.

“AH, there you are.” He says, pointing at me as his hood falls off his face, revealing a creepy smile.

I turn to Erwin and nod.

“Take care of Eren.” I say before letting myself fall from the roof just to grab at the bars of another ladder.  
“Levi!” He says through gritted teeth as I disappear.

I go down as quickly as possible and jump to my feet in front of him. I stand straight, tall, brave, proud.

“We meet again.” I mutter.  
“It’s been a while…” He says, trying to hold himself up. “I see you haven’t forgotten about me. I haven’t forgotten about you either. If there is one person in this hell hole who can provoke me, it’s you.”

I clench my fists but stare at him nonchalantly as if whatever he said didn’t matter at all. I smirk at him before he continues.

“It’s never been anything personnal.” He sighs. “I have nothing against you. If anything, I admire you for everything you’re able to accomplish on your own with that short stature of yours.”  
“Watch it.” I warn, glaring at him.  
“Ah I forgot you don’t like it when people mention your height. My bad.” He grins as his back loudly hits the wall. “What I meant to say was…my motives have always been clear. I want to rule this place. This entire city, I want it to be mine. If it takes corruption, killing, dealing or whatever else to get it, I’ll do it. It only has to pay well enough. Therefore, one of us has to die because as long as the other lives, there’ll be no place for the other. Right?

I burst out laughing, not able to hold it in anymore, not caring if people see me anymore.

“You actually believe that I want this life back?” I choke, laughing too hard. I try to compose myself again and somewhat manage to go back to being serious as I glare at him. “I don’t give a flying fuck about this life. All I care about is my new life and you made the worst mistake you ever could by trying to interfere with it.”

I sigh.

“Whoever was this little girl in your hand, that saved your life back then, she won’t see her father again.” I say menacingly.

Heritage’s smile grows wide on his face.

“Ah, that baby?... Funny you talk about her, Levi. I wonder if she survived after I left her under a house’s porch.”  
“You what?” I say with a tone that could cut through glass.  
“You see…” He continues. “I knew that you were following me. I had to improvise and so I stole the baby from a distracted mom. Can you imagine her face when she noticed that her baby wasn’t in the stroller anymore? Ah, it must have been priceless to see.”

My jaw drops just to close back with a loud noise as my teeth grit together. I clench my fists and slowly start to pull out the two exacto knives I kept in my back pockets in case something happened.

Once again, I sigh as my eyes turn red by the pain of knowing that a little baby’s probable death is my fault. I could never stop hating myself, not after all the people who died because of me. The poison should’ve already killed him. Perhaps it wasn’t as effective as it was when Hanji created it. Maybe it became ineffective.

“I made a promise to someone.” I whisper, making the knifes twirl in my hands. ”I won’t kill you. At least not with my own hands, but you will walk down this fucking street even if it takes all night.”  
“This alley falls on one of the mains, where there’s heavy traffic.” Heritage says with a smirk.  
“Precisely.” I mutter.  
“Levi?”

The familiar voice makes me jump. I turn my head to look over my shoulder, dreading the moment where I know I’ll meet those green eyes.

“Levi, what are you doing?” He says as he walks up to me. “I… Oh my god.”

He stops beside me and I turn to him as his gaze goes from Heritage and then back to me a couple of times. His eyes widen in realization.

“You promised.” He sobs. “You fucking promised.”

I take a step towards him and try to grab his shoulders but he steps back and tears start to stream down on his cheeks.

“I trusted you.” He gasps. “I-I wanted to surprise you so I followed you. I was pissed that you were with Erwin but I thought you guys would go have a drink or something. I trusted you with him but then I saw you climb up a rooftop and I knew something was off. I couldn’t believe the thought at the back of my mind so I searched for you. But there you are, this is where I find you. I…can’t believe you’d betray me like that. You broke your promise.”

I sigh and try to hold in the tears. Heritage won’t get to see me cry.

“Eren I wasn’t going to kill him.” I say a bit louder to cover his voice.  
“Then what are those for?” He says pointing at my hands with a look of disgust.  
“It was just to scare him away.” I lie.  
“And you still have the audacity to lie to me.” Eren says, deeply hurt and my heart starts to break as he steps away from me.

I see something shine at the corner of my eye and notice a bit too late the gun that is pointed at Eren. Everything slows down as I hear Eren scream. For a second I think it was too late when I jumped, but then I feel it and I realize I made it on time. The side of my ribcage feels like it exploded. I can feel hot liquid gliding from it and I can already see dots in my eyes. I see Erwin jump down to join us but not fast enough to stop me. If I fall, Heritage will fall with me. I get back up quickly, shaking on my legs. Unconsciously, I take a fighting stance as my hands grip the exacto blades tighter. They are small but they’ll do the job. I push them out to the maximum and then jump right in front of Heritage as I spin on myself, hitting him with both knives at the same time and so strongly and deeply that he immediately falls to the ground and loses so much blood that he only has time for two words.

“Damn you.”

As he dies, I fall on my knees, hearing Erwin and Eren talk behind me. I fall on my side and close my eyes as I hear Eren say:

“Corporal!”

\------------------------------

**EREN POV**

As Levi twirls in front of me, spilling Heritage’s blood all over the ground, my mind suddenly stops focusing on the fact that Levi got shot for me and instead travels to another place. My head hurts so much but then I see it, the green cape, that used to twirl in the sky as it seemed to fly around, protecting us all with these long blades that I know too well. The wings on the back of Humanity’s Strongest. I grip my chest, where the tattoo is and I let out a loud whining sound. Then I see it all. It takes less than 10 seconds and I’ve seen all the deaths, what Levi did to me, what I did to him, how we died for stupid reasons, how much of a monster I was. Then I realize he knew. He must have known all this time. I raise my gaze.

“Commander!” I shout, hoping he won’t look back.

Erwin turns to me. I gasp, trying to keep my lungs from shutting down completely. I bring my attention back to Levi who just fell on his knees.

“Corporal!” I whisper.

Levi slightly turns his head, my heart shatters to pieces and that’s when I know it’s over.

\-----------------------------

**LEVI POV**

I blink, my eyes refusing to stay open because of the bright light above my head. I’m alone, all alone in this Hospital bed. I move my hands, trying to be careful not to remove the tubes that are plugged everywhere on me. I raise my shirt or whatever is this blue thing I’m wearing and look at the bandage on my left. It’s pretty big but at least it’s not covered in blood. I ignore the pain, I’ve seen worse before. The monitors beep regularly beside me but all I want to see in this room right now is Eren. He doesn’t come. No one comes, in fact. Even Hanji, which probably hurts me even more, doesn’t come to see me. Not in 3 days. No one cares, not even the men I love.

***

It’s three days later, after my begging to go home, that they finally let me go. Yes I got shot but at least it was superficial. It came in on the front and out in the back, leaving little to no damage to any organs, so I would only have to be careful for the hole to close correctly and make sure the stitches don’t rip. They make me sign a discharge and force me into signing another one that says I’ll come back every two days for a checkup until it’s healed. I sign everything, I really don’t give a crap. All I want to do is go home right now.

***

I unlock the door and push it open, tempted to smile but not really knowing how to react when I’ll see him. Why hasn’t he come to see me?

It doesn’t last long, though. When I see him, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and grabbing a box from the table, we just stare at each other for a moment.

“W-What are you doing?” I ask, not even trying to hide the panic in my tone.

He sighs.

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to talk.” He says. “I’m leaving.”  
“You what?” I scoff. “You’re leaving? You’re…moving out? Are…Are you fucking kidding me?”

I don’t give him any opportunity to reply before I fire back, angrier than I have ever been.

“You didn’t even come to the FUCKING hospital to see if I was okay?” I say, tears now streaming down my face. “You didn’t even care to come see how I was? What the fuck Eren? What have I done to you that is so bad? I was only protecting you and I think I did a pretty good fucking job at it!”

He chuckles but it’s a creepy and dark one…not one I want to hear coming from him.

“You think I didn’t go? Of course I fucking went. But when they said you were all clear, I knew I had to get back here and get away… CORPORAL.”

My eyes widen at the name echoing in my ears.

“Eren…”

I didn’t mean for my voice to sound so desperate. I didn’t mean to give away the fact that I already knew what he had seen. I didn’t want him to remember, not yet. I would’ve preferred to tell him. To try and trigger it myself in a place where he couldn’t be running away like he was about to.

“This… Those weren’t dreams. They weren’t even drawings. They were memories of the past.” He looks into my eyes, searching for an escape from this but I don’t have any to offer, he knows that if there’s one thing I wouldn’t do, it’s lie to him. At least not willingly. If he’d ever come to ask, I would’ve answered the same way I was about to. That it was true. And he saw that in my eyes, the pain, the guilt, the broken part of me from the past life surfacing to join the broken part of me of this life. “And you knew. You knew all along.”  
“I did, but Eren…”  
“Don’t” He says, raising his hand to me. “Don’t come anywhere near me.”

The first crack echoes in my ears. Indeed, it’s all in my head but I can feel it in my chest. He stands up and walks to the door and I rush to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I refuse to let him go. Not like that.

“Let me explain.” I plead.  
“There’s nothing to explain, it’s pretty clear.” He says, pointing a finger at his head. “Plus, I never got the chance to explain myself.”  
“Don’t be unfair, Eren, let me just talk and then…”  
“Unfair?” He shouts, staring at me dumbfounded. “You have to be kidding me, Levi. Tell me you’re kidding.”

I look down but still hold on to him with all the strength I’ve got. I can’t let him leave but the words just won’t come out.

“Tell me you love me then.” He begs. “Tell me I’m your reason to breathe, tell me the things you said before, tell me the things that Heichou used to tell me.”  
“I-I…can’t. Not like that. I want to tell you, but I can’t, not while you’re about to leave me.”  
“They were the words that would’ve made the difference.” He mutters.

He raises my chin with his hand, but even if I want to scream the words at him because I would mean every single one of them, I don’t want to say it because he asked for it. I wanted to tell him when I was ready to say them and now that everything was out, I was, but I couldn’t say it because I got asked to. I couldn’t say it knowing that he’d most probably be gone right after. All along, something held me back and it was the fact that I was lying to him. I was holding back because of this, I didn’t want him to think, when this day would come, that I was lying when I said those words to him. And now I can’t tell him. Not as a goodbye. I can’t.

“You can’t even look at me in the eye, Levi.” He says in a tone that is even more than disappointed.

He’s giving up. He’s letting me go. He’s letting us go. My eyes shoot up to him and tears stream down my face. The lump in my throat keeps me from talking. I can’t. In reality, there’s no excuses for everything I’ve done. I had so little trust in him that I clung to a vengeance that didn’t need to be. Even if I was protecting him, I broke a promise. Indirectly, indeed, but I did. I lied. Indirectly, indeed, but I did. Just like in our previous life, I wanted vengeance. I wanted to do the same thing to Heritage that I thought he did to me. I wanted him to suffer as much as I had and even more. Even in the past, I’d be lying to say I didn’t want that when I saw Eren kissing Jean. I wanted him to see me kiss Erwin. I wanted his heart to break the same way mine had just broke. It didn’t have to go that far, but I pushed it that far and I don’t even know why because I never loved Erwin. I was an empty shell back then. I needed to hold on to something and I couldn’t find anything so I did that. I regretted it as soon as it started but I couldn’t stop. I felt betrayed, I felt worthless and there was Erwin, glorifying me since the dawn of fucking days. I never did trust the boy enough. I never did value his opinion enough even though I said I did. I really believed that I did. I ruined us once and it got us killed. Of all the people in the world, we were lucky enough to have a second chance. A second life. I just wish we never remembered. Because I was ruining it again, maybe not the same way, but I was ruining it again.

“Don’t cry.” He says with a smile as he wipes my cheek with his thumb. “I know that you care.”

Then, he forces my hands to let go of him. I take a step forward again but he grabs my shoulders.

“I can’t do this anymore, Levi.” He starts and I can hear the crack in his voice, he will break as soon as he leaves and I’m scared he’s going to want to end his life again.

“I won’t.” He mutters, reading my thoughts. “I won’t do that again, don’t worry about me. It will heal some day.”

The second crack echoes in me. And the words sting way more than if he had said he wanted to die again. He was ready to move on this time. But I wasn’t and it wasn’t going to heal for me. I wouldn’t let it.

“I’ll make you forgive me, Eren. I swear I will.” I say, simply.

“You can’t make me do anything, Levi. There’s only so much love someone can give. We lived two lives and we lost each other in both of them, what do you think that means?”

His gaze meets mine and the light is gone. The light that was shining for me isn’t there anymore. I lost him. I.LOST.HOPE.

I don’t remember much after that except that he kissed my forehead before leaving. I didn’t hear the door close. All I remember is sitting on the couch and staring blankly at the wall until the pain was so strong that I passed out.

***

I needed to see him, that’s why I logged into facebook. The few photos I had in my phone weren’t enough of him to satisfy my craving for his eyes, his voice, his body, his lame jokes… It just wasn’t enough. As soon as the page loaded, I searched for his name, which came up after only one letter since I was barely ever looking at anything else than his page. A little spark of hope lit in me when I saw that he put “It’s complicated” as our relationship status…which was always better than no relationship at all. But then I saw the video he posted about an hour ago. “Ellie Goulding – I know you care”

“………..Yeah, I know you care  
I see it in the way you stare  
As if there was trouble ahead and you knew it  
I'll be saving myself from the ruin

And know it wasn't always wrong  
But I've never known a winter so cold……….”

“….Why can’t I dream?....”

I read the lyrics as the video played and the third and final crack echoed in my ears. The words stung as much as if he sang them to me. I felt awful. I didn’t want any of this. I wanted the us from before, the us from this life, the us from the previous life. I wanted the love, not the pain. And he knows I care. He knows why I didn’t mention our previous life before, why I kept pushing away the moment he would have to remember. And now he wanted to stay away because I ruined us by keeping it all hidden from him, by lying to him all along even if I didn’t believe that those were lies. By betraying his trust with Heritage, I knew I was crossing a line but I honestly thought it was for the best. I find myself wishing I would’ve gone to jail instead of finding myself innocent when they labeled it as self-defense. I deserved so much worse. I’m not sure how long I can keep doing this. I ruined us. He didn’t say the words, but the song did. He knew I loved him, but that wasn’t enough. He needed the words and I couldn’t give them to him. It was so easy and yet I couldn’t. I couldn’t say that I love him because I was too busy hating myself for what I had done to him. And now it was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I am so sorrryyyyyyyyyy! I need hugs after having to write this *cries* ...Please don't kill me! It needed to happen. I can swear to you that you will love the ending of this fic, like FREAKING love it, but we have to go through a couple more harsh chapters but it'll reveal everything that you have been kept in the dark from... Erwin... for example will have next chapter all to himself with Levi... (and by that... I do not mean eruri because I do not ship.) You will know if he is a good or bad guy. And if he's a good guy, you'll know who the bad guy is. And the bad guy will, of course, get his ass kicked very very hard.
> 
> I posted this chapter today because I knew you guys would be sad and pissed and whatever....so I will be posting a chapter on monday as well. After that, we'll slowly start to climb our way back up to the Happy End I mentioned, it'll be hard but all of this was needed. Other feels are to come, this isn't rock bottom yet, but please don't stop reading because I swear you won't expect what's to come for the ending. I am begging you to keep reading even if it's hard at times because I promise it'll be worth it. Now...do not be too worried, no one else will die, but things might surface from the past and Levi might lose it. You'll see, but like I said, Eren and Levi are my babies and I'll never let anything happen to them, they will pull through, I swear. Ok enough apologizing god dammit...lol ;_;
> 
>  
> 
> Comments would be much appreciated (no hate please... Do I really have to say that?)... You can bug me on instagram or tumblr to keep me writing all weekend. XD


	22. A cup of guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi! Keep your box of tissues nearby. I am sorry again (read the notes at the end please)
> 
> PS: As promised, I am submitting (in about 10 minutes), the first chapter of my new fic (which will be updated at random periods until I'm done with "But since we're going to live here"). It is called [Extra Pepperoni](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4383827/chapters/9951416).
> 
> Mood song of this chapter: Christina Perri - The Lonely

**LEVI POV**

I hear the door creak open but I don’t move. I don’t even open my eyes to check. It can’t be Heritage, so I obviously I won’t die. And if they are robbers, they can take whatever they fucking want besides the tea. I turn my face to my pillow, trying to choke myself for the 200th time.  
“Levi?” Hanji’s voice calls from the door frame.  
She must have seen me now because she’s walking towards the bed but I choose not to answer her. I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t want to talk to anyone. She sits beside me and rubs my back before pushing the strands of hair out of my face. I sigh.  
“Levi... you need to get up. How long have you been sleeping?” She sighs. “Did you even shower?”  
I shake my head.  
“Leave me alone, four eyes.”  
“Don’t be mad at me for the Hospital, my aunt Isle was sick and I wasn’t in town. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me.”

As reassuring as it is, it doesn’t make me feel better. I vaguely remember Isle from back when we were dating, she was a nice lady, I hope it’s nothing too bad but I honestly can’t find it in my heart to ask.   
“And you need to talk to someone, it’s time.” She adds.

I sigh, exasperated.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I lied, I hid things, I broke promises...and I didn’t tell him the three simple words that could have erased everything. Like I said, nothing to talk about, it’s over, he doesn’t want me anymore. He made that clear.”  
“Aww Levi... I’m sure he was hoping you’d fight more than that. Hell, I know you. You’re not one to let go so easily.”

I scoff and roll on my back, glaring at her.

“Do you honestly think that that’s what I want? When have I ever wanted that? I killed myself to be with him, what other proof do you need?” I sigh. “But like he said... it didn’t work out for us before and now, again, everything falls apart so we shouldn’t be together.”

She smiles.

“You don’t even believe your words.”  
“Because they aren’t my words, but he said it and therefore I shall respect the fact that he wants nothing to do with me. It’s my fault after all. I should never have lied. I never should’ve gone after Heritage either. I should’ve protected Eren if needed be, instead of breaking the only promise he ever begged me to do. I wonder if his reaction also had something to do with what I did with Erwin...you know... in the past, but I don’t think so.”  
“Well, first of all, we need to get you in the shower. After that, we’ll figure things out.”

***

When I emerge from the bedroom, my hair smelling a bit too much like soap and my clothes a bit too loose compared to what I usually wear, my nostrils detect the faint smell of tea. I look up to Hanji and she hands me a fuming cup. I take it and curl up on the couch, resting my chin on one of my knees.   
“So. First of all.” Hanji says. “I’m sure it has nothing to do with what happened in the past. Sure, it probably added to the whole deal, but I’m sure he is angry because you lied and broke his trust. Leave what’s in the past, in the past. He will slowly think things through and remember how you pushed Erwin away in this life.”  
“But I accepted to be his friend, which probably made it worse.” I say.  
“Well, you might be right on that but we’ll never know if you don’t talk.”

She shifts and places a pillow between us to rest her hands as is she was praying.

“You look ridiculous.” I say matter of factly.  
“Says the guy who hasn’t showered in days.”  
“Shut up.”  
She smirks at me but I really can’t pull my lips up anymore. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to smile ever again. As if I was ever able to smile before meeting the brat. I sigh.  
“Levi. Snap out of it.” She orders, pulling me back to here and now. “What do you plan on doing?”  
“Nothing.” I scoff. “I already told you that. I even told him that I would fight and he said I couldn’t make him love me. What else am I supposed to do.”  
“He said that out of anger.” She says.  
“NO, HANJI!” I snap. “The light is gone. He meant it. He’s fucking gone.”

Her eyes widen in shock. I really didn’t mean to yell at her but I’m not really myself since that day. Before she has the time to answer, someone knocks at the door, making both our heads turn that way.

“Were you expecting someone?” She asks.

I shake my head. Part of me knows it can’t be him but another one hopes more than anything that it is. It’s not. When Hanji opens the door, Erwin walks in and right away she glares at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Erwin says.  
“Right.” Hanji says sarcastically.  
“It’s fine.” I mutter.  
They both come back and sit on the couch. Hanji remains silent as Erwin starts talking about what happened that night and quite frankly I just don’t want to hear it.  
“I just came to see how you were doing. We should’ve been more careful. I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” He says.  
“It’s no one’s fault but mine. I screwed up my life, as always. I’m the only one to blame and here I am, alone again.”  
“You’re not alone.” Hanji says, placing her hand on mine.  
“You know what I mean.” I say, tears threatening to fall from the corner of my eyes.

She leans closer to me and gives me a hug, I’m tempted to push her away, not really able to stand the touch but then my body reacts in a different way and I curl my fingers into her shirt, grabbing at it as if my life depends on it. I hide my face in it and let the tears fall, not holding back anything, not even the whimper that escapes me, not caring about how ashamed I am of showing my feelings to them. I can’t hold it anymore. I am broken. Everyone knows, so they might as well see.

The evening goes by fast and after a glass of wine and a bunch of anecdotes, I feel a bit better. Hanji leaves around 9, a warning in her eyes and I’m about to ask Erwin to leave when he says:

“Are you going to go after him?”

And just like that the whole entire evening was erased. My shitty mood gloriously surfaces back up.

“No. He told me not to.”  
“Did he really say that?” Erwin asks.

No.

“No he didn’t... not with these exact words but...”  
“No buts. You’re giving up just like that?” He says, incredulous, as he leans forward.  
“It’s not my choice, but yes.”  
“I’m sorry.” He says with a smile that isn’t real enough to hide the fact he’s lying.  
“You aren’t.”

His smile turns into a wide grin and he leans back against the couch, his arms folded behind his neck, crossing his legs. He makes me want to throw up, suddenly.

“You’re right, Levi. I’m really not.”

I place my cup on the coffee table, knowing that this isn’t just some random talking. I have a gut feeling and it’s not a good one.

“You never tried to help, did you?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

He sits up straight facing me with a glare.

“Of course I helped!” He snaps, startling me. “I wanted Heritage to die for what he did to you. I knew what kind of men he was as soon as I met him.”

My eyebrows shoot up.

“You met him? How did you meet him?” I ask, now leaning inches away from him. “Tell me, in what circumstances did you meet him?”

Deep down inside, I was starting to figure out the answer to that but I couldn’t believe it. I lock my gaze to his and right away he leans forward and grabs my neck, forcing me into a kiss as his massive body falls on top of mine. I try to move but he strategically places his legs and arms so that I can’t. One of his hands is holding my chin in place, as he forces his tongue into my mouth. I bite it but it gives him an even bigger motivation. Tears start falling from my eyes as I realize how much of a fool I was. I was a pawn in this whole thing. In fact, Erwin was playing chess with my life all along, erasing a knight, using a bishop for his dark plans, placing pawns here and there but leaving the most important pawn out of the game: me. He had full control over me and I never even realized it. He probably never even left. He was probably lurking around, always waiting for the perfect time to come back, to act, to make me believe he’d be the same person I used to know. Perhaps he was too worried about humanity in our previous life and became nothing more than a selfish bastard in this one. Of course that’s what he was, because right this very moment, as his other hand glides down my stomach to the hem of my pants, he doesn’t care one bit about how I feel, about how I don’t want this, about how much I’m mad that Eren left me because of my poor life choices that were indirectly made because of Erwin. Eren…

My eyes widen in realization and the thought gives me the strength of 100 men. I push him so hard that he falls to the floor on his back, surprised. I jump on him and press my knee onto his throat until I hear a gasp. I grab the cup from the table and break it, keeping only the sharpest piece in my hand and bringing it inches away from his eye.

“You have 30 fucking seconds to tell me that you didn’t try to get Eren killed.” I say with a warning glare that says it all.

He chokes as he tries to reply so I loosen up my grip on his throat a bit but not enough for him to move.

“I did.” He smiles, raising his head in a daring way. “I wanted Heritage to kill him and he failed. I paid him 50 000$ to kill the fucking kid and he couldn’t even stab him correctly.”

I press my leg so hard on his throat that he coughs up blood. He wants to talk though so I let him once more, once more before I do something.

“But I don’t regret it.” He adds. “Because if he wasn’t at the Hospital, you wouldn’t have called me and that was even better for my plan. I knew I could figure out a way to kill him later if needed be. But I didn’t need to, did I? All I needed to do was to get Mikasa and Armin away for later that evening so I set up a little meetup with Jean. One day at the coffee shop, I talked with him for a while. He’s a good kid but one that gets easily bored. It was easy placing the thought of a party in his head and of course the horse face bought it. I set this up, knowing that Eren would decline and prefer surprising you instead. Mikasa would hesitate but Eren would reassure her and tell her to go and have fun. Then he’d go to your apartment and not finding you there, he’d try the Tea shop.”

He smiles and I can’t quite react.

“Why do you think I was late?” He asks. “I was waiting for this fucking idiot to catch up. And once he did, I knew he wouldn’t stop until he found you, because you were with me. He trusted you, but he sure as hell didn’t trust me. I guess the kid wasn’t such an idiot after all.”

I inhale and exhale loudly, my breathing accelerating as my eyes seem to want to pop out of my head.

“You planned EVERY THING?” I shout. “What kind of a twisted fuck does that? What kind of a human being does that?”

I raise my hand ready to hit his head with the sharp object but then I remember the promise I made. Oh Erwin deserves it, he really does, but I won’t ever do the same mistake again. I bring my hand down and get up, holding a hand out to Erwin. He grabs it and I almost fall as I lift him up. He laughs.

“You’re the exact reason why titans were eating us you piece of shit. Get the fuck out of my apartment…and get the fuck out and out of this City too.” I warn.  
“What if I don’t want to?” He says, taking a step toward me. “You won’t kill me now, I’m sure of it.”  
He takes another step and leans down to kiss me as his arms wrap around my waist, groping my ass. 

I can’t help it. A second later, the glass piece is stuck to his cheek and he steps back. I look at him. He’s still smirking a bit as the blood trails down on his cheek. He widens his smile, showing me how much more blood is pooling inside of his mouth. I clench my fists.

“I’m sorry Eren.” I say to myself and to whoever will listen.

I take a step forward and throw a punch at him hearing his jaw break at the same time as two of my fingers but I ignore the pain and keep hitting him. A carnal, primal and guttural growl escapes me and it echoes in the room as I keep repeating the noise, crying, yelling, shouting, and cursing. I keep hitting him; his eye, his ears, his jaw, his nose. A tooth flies out of his mouth and I keep hitting him until he falls to the floor on his back. He doesn’t look like he suffered too much damage but by how hard I hit him, I know he does hurt a whole fucking lot. I pull him back up to his knees just to serve him the strongest, loudest and most powerful round kick one could ever give. He falls on his side and right away I pick him up and drag him by the collar of his shirt out of the apartment, down the stairs, into the alley and then I throw him onto the pile of garbage bags.

“Where you belong, with trash.” I say, panting and wiping the blood and sweat from my face.

I take one last look at him before turning around and realizing he might not be breathing. I really hope he isn’t but just in case, I turn around and say loud enough for him to hear through his coma or whatever this shit is:

“I swear to god, if you don’t leave this fucking town...”

I leave it at that and head back, following the trail of blood and for once not caring how filthy it is. I get back inside the apartment, sitting on my couch, covered in blood, my gaze gliding from the shattered pieces of furniture and dishes to the one photo of me and Eren that still stands on the desk where the laptop is.

I burry my face in my hands and wrap myself up with my own arms, crying loudly and eventually falling to the ground among the shattered pieces of glass, considering the thought for a second but then pushing it away. I am Levi Ackerman. I may be shit, my life might suck, but I have a reason to live and I don’t intend on letting it get away so fucking easily.

***

**EREN POV**

I can feel the bunk bed shift a bit as Armin climbs up and sits beside me. I keep facing the wall, not wanting any interactions but he insists on rubbing my back in a comforting way.

“I brought you food.” He says. “You need to eat something.”

I shake my head lightly, just enough for him to get the hint. I’ve lost a lot of weight in the past few days. Whatever I try to eat, comes out as fast as it came in.

“I don’t care, Eren, I’ll force it in your mouth.” Armin says, trying to look menacing and failing miserably.

I sigh before I quickly roll to the other side, facing him.

“I can’t keep anything in, so please don’t force me to eat. Alright?” I mutter.

Armin sighs and nods, pushing away the blueberry muffin that suddenly gives me a bit more appetite. I reach for it and then drop my hand.

“It’s not that I’m not hungry, I just can’t eat.” I add.  
“Well maybe we should bring you to a doctor then?” He suggests.

I glare at him. We both know it’s not a doctor that I need. I’m making myself sick with all of this and I don’t plan on finding a solution to it if the solution means talking to Levi. I am still so angry at him, not for breaking his promise, not for lying to me… but simply for generally breaking my trust. I always defended him, no matter what he did, knowing deep down inside that he was a good man. He still is, but I can’t accept the fact that he didn’t trust me enough to at least include me in whatever he planned. Even if he had to be stubborn and was going to go against what I said. It really has nothing to do with the past. We both changed, indeed, but now I realize he’s changed a bit in the past few weeks too. He seemed a lot more stiff than before, a mix of the man I used to love and the one I love now. Loved.   
No…present, you still love him, dumbass.

“Distract me.” I order to Armin.

He squeaks, looking around at his roommates, still fast asleep. To be honest, I know I won’t be able to stay here for long, especially since we basically have to cuddle to sleep. It’s not my fault if he’s a fucking Lilliputian. But I can’t find it in me to move, not even from an inch and thank god, Armin let’s me abuse of their hospitality as long as I shut up when they’re asleep. I have no problem with that, I don’t feel like talking to anyone, I just want someone to get my mind off of things. Armin eyes me and I just close my eyes, which is enough of a motivation for him to start talking.

“Well, the funeral for Historia’s father was sad. He was loved. A lot of people came by and I gave her my sincerest condolences for you. She was sad you couldn’t make it but she understood when I told her you had a bad breakup.”

My eyes shoot open and I raise myself on my arm. This is the opposite of distracting me and what the fuck?

“You what?” I say through gritted teeth. “We didn’t breakup! And I am not offering condolences for this fucking asshole.”

Armin’s gaze is terrified.

“But…B-But… I assumed…” He squeaks.  
“Do not fucking assume.” I say, letting myself fall back on the bed. “We never labeled it as that and I still don’t know what to do. But you’re right, it’s pretty much what it is, I guess. I just don’t want everyone to know yet. I don’t need pity.”  
“I’m sorry.” He says.  
“It’s okay.” I sigh. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”  
“It’s alright, it takes more than that to scare me away from you, big idiot.”

I offer him a fake smile and just rub my face in the pillow, not wanting to talk anymore.

“You know, everyone thinks that Levi tricked Rod Reiss into fighting him. That he tricked him into an attack so that he could fire back and kill him.” He says with a worried tone. “I just thought you should know he might have a hard time dealing with stuff too.”  
“He should’ve thought about that before.” I mutter, not meaning one word of what I just said.

I roll back to the other side, sign that the conversation has ended. Armin stays there for a while before he decides to go back down and sit at his desk. I am now alone with my thoughts and they are dark. What if something happens to Levi? Will I ever be able to forgive myself? Of course not. But what can I do? I can’t just take him back like that. I don’t think I can ever love him the same way I did. I don’t even know why my heart feels so attached to him and yet I feel like it’s never been more broken. God I love him, why did he have to do this to us? I let tears glide down my cheeks and cry my way back to sleep for the 100th time this week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I'm sorry again.... I warned you though. It'll take time for it to heal but you can already see that Levi wants to fight to a certain point and Eren wonders if he is doing the right thing. (How he snaps at Armin because he said it was a breakup).
> 
> So anyone surprised that it was Erwin? I was considering changing the whole entire ending after someone *wink wink at you* thought it might be Mikasa....but...who did it isn't what matters. What matters is how they'll get back together because it will be hard... I can tell you that much. I hope that wasn't too predictable or at least if it was, I hope I made it interesting enough. 
> 
> SO... I am leaving for California next monday, for almost two weeks. WHICH MEANS. I'll be updating between next friday and sunday. One chapter at least, two if I can manage. I promise to try. In the meantime, you can checkout my other fic and let me know what you think about it, I'm still playing around with it to see if people would like it. It'll be a much lighter and funnier fic. [Extra Pepperoni](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4383827/chapters/9951416).
> 
> ANYWAYS, this leaves us with 5 chapters left. *Starts crying already* lolll...
> 
> Comments are always much appreciated! <3


	23. Hold me, Help me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hiii! Hope you’re all doing great! I’ve been sick this past few days because of my anemia (which makes me really tired and basically dead). THOUGH, as you can see, I still managed to do what I said I would do and I’m even posting in advance. What does this mean? That I’ll be submitting one more chapter this weekend before I leave for California for two weeks. Hopefully you can survive without updates for two Mondays (Especially since I’m kind of submitting them in advance LOL). So this chapter is for monday 27th of july (if you'd rather wait to read it)
> 
> This chapter right here is the exact reason why I mentioned timing in a couple of comments (and timing isn't done with them). ;_; 
> 
> If your tissues are ready, I’m letting you read this. I’d say enjoy, but you really won’t… (Sorry ;_;)
> 
> Eren’s song: Sia – Breathe me  
> Levi’s song: The Fray – Hold my hand

**LEVI POV**

“Levi! Oh my god!”

Hands grab my shoulders and my eyes flicker open.

“Er…” I sigh. “Hanji…”  
“What the fuck is going on?” She asks, glancing around. That’s when I realize I fell asleep on the floor, in the middle of what looks like world war 3. I have glass stuck to my arm which I brush off right away. I still have blood on my hands and Hanji looks at me intently.  
“What did he do?” She asks.

I take a deep breath.

“He tried to rape me, kidnap me or whatever the fuck it was. He tried to kill Eren. All of this…it was him. I wasn’t planning on doing anything besides maybe breaking his nose or something to scare him off but then he jumped on me and…”

My voice breaks and I swallow the lump in my throat.

“I think I killed him.” I add, staring at a blood spot on the floor.  
“Oh god.” She says. “Where’s the body?”  
“Trash.” I mutter.

She gets up and runs to the door but comes back to grab some towels and javel. About half an hour later she’s back with towels that are covered in blood. That’s how you know who your real friends are; the ones who, instead of running away, ask where the shovel is.

“Whatever you left in the trash, is no longer there.” She mutters, wiping her forehead with her shirt.

Fuck. The bastard is still alive. I am wondering if I should be relieved or worried but I can’t decide. At least, I think I scared him enough that he will leave us alone. Next time, if there is ever one, I will make sure that his legs can’t carry him any further than into a graveyard.

“He’s alive, so you don’t have to be worried. He can’t exactly file a complaint if he’s the one who attacked you.”  
“Whatever, I wouldn’t mind going to jail for that, I have nothing else to lose.” I say, standing up and heading for the bathroom to shower.  
“But…” Hanji starts but I slam the door to her face.

I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t. That’s just how I usually deal with things. I shut myself out.

“Listen, Levi…” Hanji starts. “Did you at least try to talk to him?”  
“Hanji.” I beg, letting myself fall on the floor in a fucking puddle of tears that I can’t contain anymore. I put a hand over my mouth covering whatever sound might try and filter through. She cannot know that I’m on the verge of just letting go of this god damn life.  
“Please.” I say. “S-Stop. I c-can’t face his rejection a-again. I just can’t.”

When have I become so weak? I know she would say it’s only human, but… I endured so much worse than that and yet I’ve never felt that broken before, as if my entire soul was shattering. I wipe my face with my shirt, trying to look somewhat decent. When I get up, I glance at myself in the mirror. No, definitely, I’m not coming out of this room. Not with eyes as red and puffy as they are. I frown at myself and shake my head. I grab the counter, tempted to just throw a punch into my reflection. You are so stupid. You are such a stubborn, egotistical, selfish asshole. And you lost everything. I shake my head again.

“Look.” She says through the door. “Don’t do anything stupid okay? I love you alright? I’m right next door so call me for anything and when I say anything, I mean it. I have ropes, chains, shovels and I can steal a car. Whatever you need, I am here for you, okay?”  
“I love you too, four eyes.” I mutter before turning my attention back to myself.

The words hurt. I can say them to her, but not to him. Well I could have if he didn’t leave me. I could have if he gave me some time to explain everything. I could have if he had not decided that he couldn’t wait anymore. The truth was that there was no excuse for everything I did even though I thought I was doing the right thing, I know now I should’ve never lied to him. Because, yes, he would have been mad if I told him, but he never would’ve left me. I fall back down on my knees, slowly trying to put the thought of moving into the shower inside my head but it might take a while. I hear the door of the apartment close. I let myself cry freely now, because I’m alone and because I don’t need to put up a strong façade with myself. I know I’m a mess and I know it goes further than just a heartbreak. I am falling into the darkness and it’s been a while since I’ve been there.

***

**EREN POV**

My phone’s been playing all kinds of music and I was skipping every single one of them that reminded me of Levi. My earphones had been in my ears for so long now that it was starting to hurt. Eventually a song I rarely listen to starts playing and right away I know I’m going to cry. It only takes about a minute into the song before tears glide down my cheeks as I stare at the white ceiling above me. 

“Hold me, wrap me up…” I mumble with the song, knowing there’s no one here but me and Armin and not caring one bit what Armin thinks of me right now.

I flip my phone around and open up Facebook. I search for the Youtube video of Breathe me and I paste it on my timeline. I don’t know how to talk to people. I don’t know how to act and this is how I’m telling the world how much I’m fucking aching for him. It’s clear now, in my head, that I regret doing what I did. But even if I were to take him back and even beg him to forgive me like I forgive him for what he did, I could never trust him the same way again. Because how would I know if he was telling the truth? It seemed so easy for him to go behind my back like this. Will I ever be able to trust him again if he at least tries to include me in whatever he does that seems somewhat unreasonable? I really don’t know.

“Eren!” 

The voice and tiny head that pops up beside me scares me to death and I sit up straight, hitting my head against the ceiling. My heart races to a hundred miles an hour as I let myself fall back on the bed with a groan.

“Why did you have to scare me like that?” I mutter, rubbing my forehead as my other hand removes my earphones.  
“I said that you were talking out loud…but you didn’t hear me so I…I’m sorry.” He says shyly.  
“It’s okay.”  
“Can I ask a favor?” Armin says.  
“Sure?”  
“Please go shower.” He says as he jumps off the bed and runs to the other corner of the room.

I grab the pillow and throw it right to his face. All I hear is a faint humph as it hits him. He laughs and I have to say his laugh is contagious. It’s been a while since I laughed, I still really don’t feel like it either but I just can’t help it. He looks like a terrorized puppy. I jump down to the floor and grab the few clothes I managed to keep clean and head towards the door with a shampoo bottle and some soap.

Armin stops me before I open the door.

“You’ll have to go to school, you know?”  
“Fuck school.” I mutter. Walking past him and out in the hallway.

I am done doing things I don’t want to do. I’ll major in arts, that’s what I’ll do. This engineering crap can just suck my balls for now.

***  
**LEVI POV**

I come out of the bathroom, my hair neatly separated in two equal halves and I’m surprised to find Hanji sitting on the couch and flipping through a magazine.

“I thought you left.” I say, a bit nervous that she might have heard me crying my face off.

She shakes her head.

“I was too scared that you’d hurt yourself.” She says. “So I silently cleaned this mess.”  
“Thanks.” I mutter as I realize that it almost looks as if nothing happened here.

She nods and then gets up to walk to me. She wraps her arms around me but I don’t move.

“You passed the test. I trust you to be careful and not do anything stupid. So don’t make me regret that.” She warns, glaring into my eyes.

I nod. She pulls away and walks up to the door, waving at me as she closes is behind her. I’m grateful that she didn’t mention anything about me crying. I couldn’t quite fight the tears if she happened to mention it, my barriers were pretty much all destroyed now.

I sit on the couch and flip a couple of pages of the shitty magazine she left here. What the fuck is this gossip shit? I let it fall beside me and rub my temples. I open my eyes and my gaze falls on the photo of Eren and I. I stand up and walk to the little desk. I sit and just stare at the photo for a while. Eventually, I open the laptop, needing, once again, to see more photos of him. I log in to Facebook and there it is, right as I open it, a video he posted 32 seconds ago. I click play and listen to every little words that the girl sings.

 **“Help, I have done it again**  
**I have been here many times before**  
**Hurt myself again today**  
**And the worst part is there's no one else to blame**

 **Be my friend**  
**Hold me, wrap me up**  
**Unfold me**  
**I am small and needy**  
**Warm me up**  
**And breathe me**

 **Ouch I have lost myself again**  
**Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,**  
**Yeah I think that I might break**  
**I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe"**

The song keeps playing but I lose it. I bring my hand to my mouth again, swallowing the whimpers that intertwines with my interrupted breathing. I’m not surprised he posted a song. To others it’s just a song. Even if they are slightly aware that we are no longer together, they don’t know just how much he and I hurt. But those words tell me just how much and that it’s my fault. I can’t help but comment under it.

“If you only knew how much I want to hold you and breathe you.”

I didn’t care if it was public. I didn’t care that people saw it. Which is why I’m not surprised to see an answer a few seconds later.

Mikasa Ackerman: “Then say the fucking words to him, you idiotic midget dumbass. (Yes I said it, try me!)”

I sigh, really not wanting to talk to her.

Levi Ackerman: “I believe Eren can answer on his own. I guess that’s why they say in-laws suck.”  
Mikasa Ackerman: “*shakes her head* Hey! I won’t be your in-law anymore if you don’t do something, you’re losing him. He’s losing himself. (Don’t you dare delete my comment Eren, you know I’m right.) I hate to admit it, but you were good for him. I don’t know what else you fucked up, but get your shit together you ass.”

I stare at the screen for a while, not knowing what to answer. The reason being I don’t need to answer. What I need is to talk to him. She said I was losing him. The thought makes my heart clench, my stomach is sick and my lungs refuse to do their job. I can’t feel my legs anymore. Ignoring the feeling, I get up and slam the door behind me as I start running towards Eren’s old dorm room. It’s early morning and the amount of cars in the street isn’t worrying me enough to make me stop. I slide and jump over some of the vehicles, earning honks and cursing as I go. Because right now I only have one goal. I only want to tell him how I feel. I won’t lose him again. I refuse to.

I walk through the doors and do not care one bit about shoving people aside until I have my eyes on the familiar door. I knock and then I hit it harder.

“Eren! Eren, it’s me, I need to talk to you. Open the door.”

There is no answer but I see a shadow when I bend down to look at the crease under the door.

“Eren, I know you’re there, open the fucking door.” I say, immediately regretting my words.

I have no right to talk to him like that if I want him to listen to me. I need to be the Levi he fell in love with in this life, not Corporal Levi.

“Eren…”

I trail off, realizing that I’ve been scratching the door for the past 3 minutes and that the shadow just won’t move to open the door. Perhaps I already lost him. I let my back slide against the door and sit there nonchalantly. I close my eyes and start humming. Eren always liked communicating through lyrics, it was easier for him and I realize it is easier for me too. Maybe, if I try hard enough, just maybe, he will come out so that I can say the words to him. So I use the song that I’ve been keeping sheltered and locked away. I wanted to make him listen to this song. He certainly heard it before, like everyone else, but the words meant so much more right now than they did before. Because they were holding even more meaning now. I needed him like the air that I breathe. I needed him just to stay alive. I need his positivity, his guiding words, his light, his hopeful smile, his eager eyes, I needed it all. I was so sorry for everything I did and everything I didn’t do too. I hated myself and I wanted him to know that I’d do anything to change and be a better man. I would do anything for him and perhaps he needed to hear it before I said the words. So I hummed, until I felt like singing. I let the lyrics flow out of my mouth with a shaky breath. I have trouble controlling my voice, fighting the tears and the lump down my throat as I voice out everything that I want him to know. Everything that I am willing to do to be with him, because I need him. At least if I did lose him, he’ll know just how much I did love him and always will.

 **“I found a picture in my basement**  
**My face a hundred years ago**  
**But I don't wanna do like he did**  
**So full of pride and all alone**

 **Escape is in my blood**  
**Fear is in my bones**  
**But I don't wanna walk that road**  
**Please, help me?**

 **Hold my hand,**  
**I can hear the ghost calling.**  
**Help me stand,**  
**Even if the sky is falling.**  
**And I want you to know,**  
**I can't do it alone.**  
**Hold my hand, my hand, my hand.**

 **This is the burden that I carry**  
**And it goes back a hundred years**  
**But all the shit I did,**  
**I am done with it**  
**You've got every right to leave**  
**But stay with me**

**Hold my hand…”**

I keep on singing the chorus and I look around to realize that some people are staring from across the corridor. I lower my gaze and close my eyes. I don’t fucking care about them. I keep on singing, focusing on my voice and the words that mean so much to me and hopefully will be enough for him to open the door.

 **“You're the reason why,**  
**We could write a different story**  
**Lift me up, lift me up**  
**I'm falling on my knees again, baby**

 **Hold my hand,**  
**I feel the ghost coming**  
**Help me stand,**  
**I can see the sky falling**

 **Hold my hand,**  
**I can hear the ghost calling.**  
**Help me stand,**  
**I can see the sky falling**  
**And I need you to know,**  
**I can't do this alone.**  
**Hold my hand, my hand, my hand**

 **Hold my hand, hold my hand**  
**I need you now**  
**Hold my hand, hold my hand**  
**I need you**  
**Hold my hand, hold my hand**  
**I can hear the ghost calling**  
**Hold my hand, hold my hand”**

“I…I love you Eren.”

I wait there, my eyes full of tears. I wrap my arms around my knees and just burry my face there for a while. The door doesn’t open and when I look under the door, the shadow is gone. I lost him.

***

**EREN POV**

When I walk back in the room, Armin jumps in front of me and speaks way too fast for me to even catch a word. 

“Look on Facebook! You need to go right now.” He urges me.

I sit in front of Armin’s laptop and log on. My phone’s light blinks also, so I take it and see that I have about 32 missed calls from Mikasa and 5 from Jean. Jean? Why the fuck would he call me.

The page loads up and Levi’s eyes glare at me through his profile pic as I read the tiny letters assembled into a comment that basically says he still wants me as much as I do. I gasp as tears start to fall down again. I re-read the conversation with Mikasa and then see he has stopped replying. He doesn’t like being pushed around, he won’t answer her. I wish he had though. I wish he would have said he was on his way or anything that sounded remotely like he was going to try to win me back. But I guess it was my fault, I pushed him away. I press “like” under his comment and then start typing.

Eren Jaeger: Then do it, Levi.

I press enter, not thinking twice about it and shut the laptop closed.

***

**LEVI POV**

As I unlock the door of the apartment, I can feel myself becoming another person. I can feel my barriers rise back up and right now, I want to throw this life away as far as I can manage to. I cannot live with the memory of his lips onto mine, I cannot live with the thought of his teal green eyes staring straight into my soul. And I can’t live with the thought of him saying the words to me while I can’t say it back. While I will never have a chance to say it back. He must have heard them through the door but it was too late, it wasn’t enough. I look at the photo of us and press it against my chest as I let one last tear glide down my cheek. I glance back down at it and then throw it across the room as far as possible. The frame explodes against the wall, leaving a hole there and a crumbled picture on the floor. I turn around to the laptop and consider the thought for a second before I let my feelings take over and just pick it up and pull on the wires roughly. This piece of crap is the reason why he came over here in first place. This piece of crap is my only remaining connection to him. This piece of crap is now flying across the room and lands beside the kitchen island. I run to it and start hammering at it with everything I find, the chair, my feet, a fucking frying pan… I only stop when I hear a knock on the door and then see Hanji walk in.

“W-What the hell?” She asks, running towards me to take the pan off my hands.  
“I am fucking done. I tried and he doesn’t want me back so here you go. Thanks for making me do this and wanting to die even more.”  
“Levi, don’t do that…” She starts but I cut her off.  
“I’m not fucking idiotic, I won’t kill myself but I am done with this life.” I say, shoving my hands inside my pockets. "Here are the fucking keys of this place and the coffee shop. Deal with it, I don’t want it. I’m done. Sell it all. Fuck this shit.”  
“Levi, calm down. We’ll figure it out together.” She says, pressing a hand on my arm.

I pull away in disgust. I’m done with this life and everyone in it.

“Don’t you dare tell me to fucking calm down.”

I walk past her and slam the door closed. I expected her to follow me but she doesn’t. Good. It’s better if she let’s go. I’m not good for anyone. I never was, so I’ll just go back to doing what I’m good at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): *hears a bunch of heart break at the same time* I’m sorry. My heart broke when I wrote it. I promise this is almost over. There will be some sad stuff too but we are done soon. It’ll be mostly Eren this time. I promise, it’ll get better soon and you will be so happy with how this will turn out, I swear. So I’ll “see you” again on probably Friday or Saturday with the last chapter until the 10th or 11th of august after my vacations.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> PS: Anybody knows why Jean called Eren?
> 
> PSS: Any of you read [Extra Pepperoni](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4383827/chapters/9951416) yet? ^_^


	24. True Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello everyone! As promised, here is the chapter for the 3rd of august. I'm leaving for California on monday early morning for two weeks so no updates for sure. I hope you will like this chapter. Sadly the pain isn't over but I swear the ending will make up for everything you're enduring. I promise.
> 
> Mood songs (I strongly suggest to listen to the lyrics of both of those songs because they are what I wrote to and they describe everything that Levi and Eren are and feel.
> 
> Levi: Zedd - True Colors  
> Eren: Zella Day - Sacrifice
> 
> PS: MULTIPLE POV, sorry, it was needed!

**LEVI POV**

I take a step forward and climb on the top of the old red car, not caring about the eyes on me, not caring about what they will say or do. I stand up tall and proud in front of this City’s worst bunch of criminals that I used to consider my friends.  
“As you all know, Heritage died to my hands so I am taking back my rightful place. If any of you assholes have a problem with that, I invite you to try and defy me.”  
I look around, daring anyone to take a step forward but no one does. Mike is among them and he walks up front, meeting my gaze. I glare at him and unfold my arms, ready to fight because I never would’ve expected that from him. And I shouldn’t have because he just raises his hand to shake mine. I smirk as I grab it and jump down the car, quickly giving him a pat on the back under a round of cheers and applause. I start to walk around and talk with everyone. A lot of them ask about my life, about what happened to me, but I tell them that this will not be discussed. My heart clenches at the thought, but I’m becoming more and more used to shoving every feeling down and deep inside of me. Feelings are for the weak. Who needs anything else but power. Who cares if I’m lonely? I’ll have money and any piece of ass I want by the end of the week if that’s what I desire. You know why? Because I just got my throne back and like hell if I’m leaving this place. I promise myself not to trust anyone anymore. I promise myself that I will get the respect I deserve once again and that I will act accordingly if one dares to be disloyal to me. After all, these hands already have blood on them, a lot of blood if you consider my two lives. I grin as I let myself get swallowed into the crowd of cowards who betrayed me once.

***

**EREN POV**

I gave in two days ago and tried texting him. I wrote to him many times in private on Facebook but he never answered. He didn’t answer his texts either. I wasn’t sure if I was anywhere near ready to talk to him face to face. I wouldn’t know what to say, to be honest. I stare at my phone but besides Jean’s voicemails, there’s nothing there. I’ve been ignoring him. Whatever shit he wants to talk about, I really can’t hear it, it can wait.

*knock knock*

Armin raises his head from his books and gets up to go see who it is. My eyes follow him to the door. I would be lying if I said didn’t want this person to be Levi, but I knew it wouldn’t be him. I knew I pushed him to an unreachable limit and that he would never come back to me. Even if I tried to talk to him many times since he commented under my video. I took too long, it was too late and I would have to get the thought inside my head that he moved on.

“Hi Thomas!” Armin says.

He turns around to the table and grabs a book that he places into Thomas’s hands.

“Thanks Armin.” Thomas says, raising his gaze and meeting mine. “I’m sorry for everything.”  
“No need, none of this is your fault.” I mutter. “Tell him I say Hi.”  
“Will be hard, I haven’t seen him in days and well…”

I raise my gaze up from my phone and look at him expectantly.

“Well what?” I ask.  
“Well the shop has been sold yesterday so I won’t have any other occasions to see him, I guess.”  
“HE WHAT?” I scream, jumping down to the floor.

Thomas takes a step back.

“Is this some sort of joke, because this isn’t fucking funny you guys…” I say, glaring at them.

None of them reply. They just stare at me blankly.

“Sorry.” I mutter. “He must have his reasons, I guess it’s none of my business after all.”

 

I am dying on the inside. The Tea shop was his entire life, it was his anchor and what saved him from his past life. It was his favorite place and now it was gone. Why would he even do something like that? Maybe he was scared that he’d be forced to see me again. Maybe he was scared I’d start being the same annoying brat I was at first and just sit at this table all day, drawing, staring at him, falling in love.  
I turn around and climb back up onto the bed, waiting for the door to close before I wipe my face. Armin follows and climbs up to sit beside me. He’s about to ask how I’m doing and I really don’t want to answer that because he knows when I’m lying. Instead, he shifts on the bed and wraps his arms around me, forcing me to sit. He rubs my back again.

“It’ll get better, give it time…” He says softly.  
“I don’t even think it’s possible to have enough time to heal from this.” I reply.

He pulls away and stares into my eyes.

“Then go see him. What are you waiting for?” He says. “You know just as much as I do, that you want to get him back so why are you being stubborn and sitting here all day waiting for absolutely nothing.”

Wow, that hurt. That hurt because it was true. But I don’t even have time to think about what Armin said that we both jump. The door slams open and Jean walks in with the most pissed off glare he’s ever had.

“What the fuck?” Armin says.

I stare at him. I never heard him swear before but I have to admit that the way he barged in was quite unusual.

“Jaeger, you ass! Why haven’t you been returning any of my calls?” Jean says as he starts to climb up.  
“NO!” Armin yells, pressing his feet on Jean’s shoulder. “It’s already barely holding Eren and I up so it certainly won’t hold the three of us there.”  
“The bed has seen worse.” Jean says.  
“Well fuck, thanks for the image, horse face!” I mutter.

Jean goes back down and grabs Armin to put him on the floor. I’m resolved on staying right where I am, browsing the internet until my eyes fall off but Jean decides to grab my ankle and pull me down. It is far from graceful but after struggling in his arms I stand up in front of him and push his shoulder roughly.

“LOOK, whatever you want to talk about, it can fucking wait!” I shout.  
“No, it can’t!” Jean yells.

I shut my mouth and glance at Armin. He is as clueless as I am. What the hell is going on?

“Levi came to your old dorm room.” Jean says.  
“And how would you know that?” Armin asks, crossing his arms.  
“Marco left some shit for me there. I swear I just went to get it and as I was about to walk out, the midget was knocking at the door so I stood there, paralyzed.”  
“You didn’t open the door, you fucktard?” I ask. “When was this?”  
“I couldn’t! Not while he was saying all this. And it was a couple of days ago, I tried to reach you but you wouldn’t fucking pick up your phone and between my shifts and school I couldn’t come here to beat your ass.” Jean answers.  
“W-What did he say?” I ask, grabbing a fist of my shirt.

My heart is hammering against my chest as Jean tells me everything that Levi said and the song he sang. I cut him off by running to grab my phone. I shove an earphone inside my ear and press play on the song. I listen to it twice as I fall on a chair while my eyes flood with tears. “Please, help me?” … That lyric particularly stings because I wasn’t there to hear it. I wasn’t there to help. He was there for me every time I needed him. I wasn’t.

“Oh Levi…” I cry out, not even trying to hide my face.

Armin reaches to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. Jean sits beside me.

“I couldn’t open the door to him. Everything seemed so private and I wasn’t the ears supposed to be listening to all this so I remained silent. I had to sit too because the words felt so real and powerful. It made me regret everything bad I ever said about the man. He… He said he loves you.”

My eyes widen.

“H-He said he loves me?” I ask, needing confirmation that I heard that right.

Jean nods and I’m on my feet. I run, not looking back, a smile creeping up on my face. I hope it’s not too late. He must have good reasons not to answer me so I’ll go see him. I’ll break the fucking door down if I have to.

***

I climb the set of stairs and start knocking loudly on Levi’s door. There is no answer, he doesn’t seem to be there. I knock again.

“Levi!” I shout. “Open the door please! I love you!”  
Still no answer. I try the door and to my biggest surprise, it opens. An even bigger surprise, is that there is nothing here. Nothing. The apartment is completely empty. I fall on my knees as I realize that it’s too late. He’s gone. He left.

I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around quickly.

“Lev…”

Of course not. It’s Hanji. She kneels down and wraps her arms around me and her body swallows my tears as I break down completely.

It’s only about an hour later, as I’m sitting on her couch, that I am able to form some sort of words.

“So…he left. He left me.” I say, staring at my linked hands.  
“He didn’t leave you.” Hanji says. “He left the pain.”

I look up to her.

“What do you mean?” I ask.  
“Well, he’s never been good to deal with emotions, especially when he felt like he lost himself.” She says. “He really couldn’t get over the fact that you didn’t want him anymore, but from what I see, there must be a misunderstanding there.”

I tell her everything that Jean told me and she nods after a while.

“So that’s why…” She says, staring blankly at the floor.  
“Why what?” I ask.

Will everyone fucking tell me what they know already? What the hell is going on?

“He came back here, angrier than I’ve ever seen him and I heard stuff breaking through the door so I walked in. He threw things across the room; frames, dishes, his laptop...”

She gets up and walks to the kitchen counter. She comes back with something and hands it to me. I take the crumbled paper and realize it’s the photo we took a while ago when we went to the mall. Tears pool at the corner of my eyes.

“I screwed up everything.” I mumble.  
“Oh honey, you didn’t screw up anything. It’s not too late. You just need to explain to him that you didn’t hear all those things. That you weren’t there and that you still had hope he’d show up and try again. You didn’t know he actually did.”  
“Easier said than done. For all I know, he could be in fucking Poland right now.” I mutter.  
“Why Poland?” She asks.  
“Arg…I have no idea, I just said that.”  
“I’m sure he didn’t leave, he is somewhere around.” She says.

She looks at me and I really can’t think of anything else to say.

“He just told me to sell everything. I sold the shop, as he ordered, because I couldn’t afford payment but I at least kept his belongings in a small unit that I’ve rented.” She sighs. “I’ll help you find him.”

I glance at her.

“What if we can’t find him?” I ask. “I can’t… imagine not being able to tell him how sorry I am.”  
“One thing at a time.” She says. “I’m sure Armin and Jean will be glad to help you find him, right?”  
I nod. “I guess.”  
“Well then, mission –Finding Shorty- is in progress.” She giggles.  
“I suggest you find another name if you want to live.”  
“Ah he’s a softy, don’t worry.” Hanji says.

***

**JEAN POV**

“There you are you fucking midget!” I say running to Levi but slowing down once I realize all the eyes meeting mine in this dark alley.

We’ve been searching for him for the past 2 days. Eren is more depressed than I’ve ever seen him. Levi wasn’t really hiding but he sure as hell wasn’t easy to find. Finally he’s in front of me. I’m not going to walk away without saying a word. I take another step forward but a tall blond guy steps between me and him. Levi waves him off and let’s me come closer.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask.  
“Enjoying life.” Levi replies.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I scoff. “As if you were happier here than with him.”

He glares at me but clearly avoids replying to the last part.

“Kirschtein, I curse a lot and even this seems like a lot of dirty words for your loud mouth.”  
“SHUT UP!” I clench my fists. “Shut up and listen to me.”

He raises his eyebrows, surprised. I can feel the guy behind me shift as the others just keep looking at the scene. Levi walks down his throne or whatever that is and meets me. I forgot how small he was. He gestures for me to follow him, which I do. We turn the corner into another dark alley and he looks back to me, folding his arms.

“I’m all ears.”  
“Why are you doing this to Eren?” I ask and I can see in his eyes that he didn’t expect such a question so I keep going.  
“Why are you not answering his calls, his messages, his comments? Why...why are you so fucking stubborn? Why do you keep ignoring him? I thought you loved him. That’s what you said, right?”

In less than a second I’m pinned to the wall and he’s pulling my shirt up, half-choking me.

“I never said that to anyone.” He replies calmly.  
“Yes you did. You said it in the corridor of the dorms. I was in that fucking room. It was me. Not Eren.”  
“AND YOU DIDN’T OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR?” He shouts.

I can see his fist coming before it hits me. I let it. It’s not like black eyes are a new thing for me and I swear to god that if I fucked this relationship up in my past life, I sure as hell am not going to give up in this one. Eren and Levi should be together and I’ll be damned if they don’t listen to what I say. Bunch of fucking morons.

“I didn’t open the door because I felt like I shouldn’t have heard that; it was for him.”  
“YES IT FUCKING WAS!”  
“Then, why don’t you go and tell him!” I ask.  
“Because it’s too late. I can’t go back. And if I do, I’ll end up hurting him again sooner or later. I am damaged and I should stay with the ones of my kind. Eren is too much of a good person to be with me.”

I snort.

“You’re the stupidest human being I’ve ever seen, daring to throw away such a perfect relationship because your fucking ego can’t shut up.”  
“It has nothing to do with my ego. I can’t hurt him again, I couldn’t live with myself, it is better if I stay far. He pushed me away and with good reasons... I shall respect what he wants.”  
“But it’s NOT what he wants, you asshole! He wants you back but you’re not replying to him.”  
“I don’t have a phone or laptop anymore. I’m not here anymore. I am broken. Can you not fucking understand that? It’s better for the both of us if this is over, okay?” He says.  
“You really think that?”  
“Of course not, idiot. But that’s how it has to be because it’s best for him. He’ll find someone good and live a good life.”

I shove his hand away and take a step back with a look of disgust before turning around and starting to walk away. I pause and glance behind me. He’s there, leaning against the wall.

“You are going to kill him again.” I mutter before disappearing.

***

**HANJI POV**

“Hello?”

I drop my phone on the floor and quickly pick it up again.

“H-Hello?” I giggle. “Sorry, who is this?”  
“It’s me four eyes.”  
“LEVI!” I shout. “Levi, where are you? Everyone is looking for you! Eren is...”  
“Shut up and listen.”

I stare at my phone in disbelief. He didn’t say that in a playful way, which never happened with me before. He was always so kind in his own way. What happened?

“Are you okay?” I ask.  
“Do you have the money from the shop?”  
“U-ugh... Yes. Of course. I put it in a safe. Why are you asking me this? Where are you calling me from?”

I glance at my phone screen, trying to see if there’s a name appearing but there’s nothing.

“Do not try to find me.” He says. “I want you to do me a favor.”  
“Yeah I’ve been doing a lot of those lately, Levi.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“What is it?” I ask.

He hesitates and I can hear his slow breathing on the other hand. I think I can hear a sob too but I’m not sure.

“You’ll take that money and go buy something for me. For Eren, in fact.”  
“Oh Levi, I knew you’d make the right decision.”  
“It’s my goodbye present.” He adds and my heart clenches. My eyes widen and I start shaking my head as if he could see me.  
“Why? Why the hell do you do that? He wants you back! Why are you doing this to him and worse, to yourself?” I fire back.  
“I will not discuss this. Are you going to help me or not?” He asks.

I grab the phone tight in my hand, ready to smash it against the wall. What an idiot.

“I’m not sure I will. I’ve been supportive of you since forever, Levi, but right now you’re acting like an asshole and I’m not sure I want to help you with anything.”  
“Forget it.” He says.

Fuck.

“Wait! LEVI! WAIT!” I shout, hoping he didn’t hang up.  
“WHAT?” He snaps.  
“I’LL HELP! I’ll help. Fine.” I mutter.  
“Alright. Here’s what you’ll do...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I'm sorry! Once again. (I've never said sorry that much in my entire life lol)... Anyways, I will be nice and give you a hint of what next chapter is about.
> 
> Basically...Eren is still searching Levi... Jean will tell Eren where Levi is. Eren will go see Levi... 
> 
> Theories on what Levi uses the money for? You will know at the end of next chapter. I'll be curious to read your theories by the way... There was a subtle mention of that earlier in the fic. ;)
> 
> Well, see you in two weeks. Follow me on instagram or tumblr if you want to see parts of my trip and also be updated with my cosplay stuff (Cause when I come back it is Otakuthon so you will be able to see me as Jean and Levi again ;)...) Username: hikarimitsuko
> 
> Comments are always appreciated <3 Love you all and thanks for keeping on reading this fic. I really don't want this to end ;_;


	25. Resurrection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hello again everyone! I’m bacccck! Yay ^_^ … Now let me just say how hard this was to write but I can confirm to you now that the sad part is over after this. I’m hoping this catches your feels as much as it caught mine. I literally had to pause to write it. Remember that I have the clear scene in my head since I’m the author and this is my OTP… I died XD… Anyhow, I strongly suggest, once again, that you listen to the mood songs, especially since those two, the lyrics apply so much to this chapter. (I quoted a bit of it also because it was just SO appropriate). Read the notes at the end please.
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Papa Roach – Scars  
> Mica Caldito – Reluctant Heroes (Aka Levi’s actual song)

**EREN POV**

It’s been a couple of days and everyone has been searching frantically for him. My friends have been of a great help. Even Mikasa said she’d tell me if she saw him. I guess she must have realized, by the way I Iook, that I’m passed a certain level of depression. If…this is really the end. If…this is really over, I need to hear him say it loud and clear. My heart clenches when I imagine those words on his lips but then I try to think of the opposite. What if he’s only waiting for me to find him? What if he wants me to fight for us like I always do? I’m a fighter, aren’t I? He knows that. He knows that we have both been stupid but that it won’t keep me from coming back. Unless…he tells me it’s over. I don’t know what will happen then.

*knock, knock*

I turn my gaze from the ceiling to Armin who’s sitting at the tiny desk. He gets up and walks to the door. I don’t care about who it is. I know it’s not going to be raven hair on the other side of that door.

“Hanji?” Armin says.

I sit up straight and turn around, crossing my fingers that she will say she found him. Finally. But the look in her eyes tells me otherwise. The redness in them too.

“Eren, dear. I…have something for you.” She sighs. “Actually I was instructed to give this to you.”

I jump down from the bed, not caring about the shock running through my spine as I land heavily on the floor. I walk up to her and realize that she is handing me a package. A chubby envelope.

“Come in.” Armin says to her.

I turn around, barely hearing them follow me. I sit at the desk and rip the top of the package open. A Folded paper falls from it and I look up to Hanji.

“He told me everything over the phone so it’s his words. I’m sorry Eren.”

Sorry? My eyes are tearing up already as I take in what this means. He doesn’t want me to fight. It’s over. I unfold the paper slowly, not really wanting to read those words, not wanting to know their meaning, not wanting to see the truth that unfolds before my shimmering green eyes.

****  
**Eren,**  
******I am deeply sorry for how this all turned out. I always thought we were good for each other but I see now that it was always you who were good to me. I’ve hurt you many** **times in our previous life (lives…I wouldn’t know), and now I’ve hurt you again in this one and god knows you were the most precious thing I owned. I would selfishly say** **that I never want this to end, but I have to be strong and brave, as I always was, and let you go. Please don’t cry. Please don’t make this harder than it already is. I’ve made** **choices that weren’t always the right ones and it led me to live dangerous lives. It led me to be not so good of a person, and yes I know that deep down inside, I am a good** **person. My weakness is that I care too much. (Isn’t that from a song? You of all people would know…). This time, I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Because I couldn’t bear** **to see you hurt again. I couldn’t bear the thought of being overprotective with you because of all that happened. I couldn’t live with myself if I dared to make you cry again** **after this. I love you, you know? I wish you’d heard it before. I wish I told you before, but I couldn’t get the words out as long as there was a lie between us. I wanted to be** **honest, I wanted you to know that those 3 words were the truest that ever came out of my mouth (or pen in this case). I’ll always love you but sadly I have to be strong…** **and brave. And I have to let you live the life you deserve; a good life with someone who deserves you. I hope that you can find love and peace some day and know this…** **you’ll always be the other end of my red string of fate. I love you.**  
**Levi**

**PS: There’s something in the package, that I hope will be a good start for your new life. Enjoy it and please do what you like. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be an artist, that you can’t travel, that you aren’t good enough. Because, Eren, you are everything.**

I blink away the tears and let them glide down my cheeks as I fold back the piece of paper. I don’t even want to see what’s in the package.

“You should really look inside.” Hanji says with tears in her eyes.

It hurts, it hurts seeing her…and now even Armin, so sad for me. For us. Why did we do this to each other. Is it always going to be that way in every lives? Are we going to kill each other every time? This is so painful that it’s beyond words and I can’t take much more in so how am I supposed to look at what else is waiting for me inside that god damn yellow envelope?

Hanji presses her fingers on mine and guides my hand towards the envelope. I pick it up and reluctantly bring my other hand inside it. The first thing that I pull out is … Oh my god. 

“What is it?” Armin asks.

I let out a loud cry as I press the two piece of hard paper against my heart. I can’t accept this, I definitely can’t accept this.

“Plane tickets.” Hanji stutters.  
“To Bora Bora in French Polynesia.” I add. “For…tonight.”

Armin gasps. He knows. Hell, everyone knows how much it costs to go there. A single person is 10 000$ and I have two tickets right there. He remembered the picture hanging on my wall. The place I wish I’d go some day. He remembered such tiny details about me.

“He wants you to bring a friend.” Hanji says, looking down at Armin.  
“I can’t accept this.” I say, placing them into Hanji’s palms.

She pushes them back into mine and closes my fists around them.

“Those are for you. It’s the money from the shop. That’s what he wants. And…there’s something else.” She says.

I stare at her blankly. As if this wasn’t too much already. I pull what’s left inside. It’s an account number. A…bank account number. There’s a post-it on it.

**You can study wherever you want now.**

I stand up and struggle to get away from the chair and from the gifts that lay there on the table. I trip over my own feet one too many times when my back finally hits the wall. I glide to the floor and start crying loudly, painfully. It hurts. It physically hurts way more than it does mentally. It’s probably the first time in this life where I don’t want to go on. I don’t want to live it. Not without him. I bring my knees to my chest and shake my head, not believing why this is happening. Not being able to find a good enough reason for him to do such a thing. Not when it’s clear for the both of us that we love each other. If anything, I won’t accept those gifts, I’ll give them back to him. I stand up and walk to Hanji who took a couple of steps towards me already.

“Give it all back.” I order. “Give it all back to him.”

She shakes her head and wipes her tears.

“I’ve had enough, Eren. If you want to give it back, go do it yourself. I feel like I’m collateral damage in this and I may be a good friend to the both of you, but it pains me too much to watch you two getting shred to pieces. I’m sorry but I can’t help you.”  
“How the hell am I supposed to give it back?” I ask. “I don’t even know where he is.”

The door closes. None of us heard that someone walked in but Jean is standing there.

“I know where he is.” He says.

 

***

**LEVI POV**

As much as I tried to be a leader, I somehow know, deep inside, that this part of me has been gone and away for a while. As much as I want to believe that I can live this life again and be mean and act like nothing matters, the truth is…I can’t. I can pretend just fine, but I don’t like it. I thought it would be easy, I thought it would feel good to get back to my old life without any obstacles to face. It doesn’t. Which is why I’ve been drinking some good old whiskey for the past hour or so. This little place we have in the maze of alleys is perfect for parties, for drug, for alcohol, for prostitutes but then again, that’s not my style. I know now that I like guys, only guys and it’s nothing hard to accept for me anymore but I believe they wouldn’t see it that way. They…my “friends”. Either way, there’s only one man I want and he’s gone now. I take another swig right from the bottle and shiver as the weird feeling goes down my throat, half burning it and half numbing it. It’s disgusting. I’d give anything for one of my teas or coffees right now but this too, is gone. I sigh, nodding at whatever people say when they walk past me.

“I sold some cocaine to a chick last week and she hasn’t fully paid yet, what should I do?” One asks me.

I turn to Mike and just gesture for him to take care of it. I don’t want to know what they’ll do to her. I don’t want to be here, in fact. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep pretending to be him. Not Heichou, Not Levi, but the murderer, the dealer, the cold-hearted bastard.

I’m dizzy now but it helps. It always helps. I take another sip. And another. Eventually I find myself sitting on a leather chair that Mike used to practice his knife throwing skills. A girl, I think, is sitting on my lap and rolling her hips on me, not caring one bit that I don’t return the affection. She grabs one of my hands and presses it on her hip as she glares at me playfully before whipping her hair back. That’s when I see it, the mop of brown hair staring at me from the other alley. I push the girl off me and stand up. I try…to stand up. Then I fall back on my chair, too dizzy but also not knowing what to do. Shit. I told him to stay away. I told him it was over. Fucking Kirschtein had to tell him, of course. Eren turns around to walk away and I’m relieved for a moment until he stops and shakes his head. He turns back and walks up to me. When he reaches the car, he points at me, with what I recognize to be the two tickets.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” He shouts.

The music fades, eyes slowly falls on him, silence fills the air.

“What else is new?” I say, focusing on the pain that I’m feeling for saying this. 

He needs to go away. That’s all I can do. I can’t…can’t hurt him again. But god do I want to just jump down and pull him into a tight embrace right now. I want to smell his hair, his neck, his shirt. I blink, hiding the fact that tears were about to fall.

“I came here to give you back the tickets and money, I don’t need that. What I need is you.” He says.  
“Tch. I’m not…”  
“Before you go and say you’re not gay, I’ll make sure you stop pretending to be who you are not.” Eren adds with an angry glare. “I love you. You love me. Yet, you choose to push me away.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and I try to ignore all the eyes on me, just waiting for the f word to pop out of their mouths.

“Look, we both made mistakes. We both are idiots. I forgive you, for everything. For before, for now, for the future…but please don’t do this.” He begs, teary eyed and I almost give in. Almost.  
“Kid, this is for the best. Alright?” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “Like you said, I’m an asshole, I’m a bad guy and I don’t want you to ever get dragged into this again so I’ll say this one more time, Eren. This is over. Go home. Now you may take the fucking plane tickets and go, or I should just rip them off right here in front of you. I suggest you go. It’ll be good for you and I KNOW that you want to.”  
“I want to. With you.” He cries.

My heart shatters even further as I know now that I have to put the last nail in the coffin. Be strong Levi.

“I do not want you, anymore, Eren. This is over.”

The words taste bad on my tongue. Because the real ones I’m yelling them inside my head ; I want you so much. Save me. It’s like a nightmare and it’s pain for me. And I’m dying right now. I’m dying too fast by the second as his eyes stop glittering for me and his fists clench against his thighs. I raised my walls back up successfully and he is giving up on us right in front of me. I wanted to scream for him to stop, that I regret everything that happened, that I didn’t believe anything that I just said but I have to be strong for him. He turns around and glances back at me.

“I loved you.” He mutters as he wipes his tears and walks away.

I sigh and turn my head back to the tiny crowd, trying to hide my shaking shoulders. I’m drunk and right now all I want is for one of them to try to kill me and take my spot. Please do it. Please end this.

“It’s okay.” A guy says. “You’re still Levi, you know. We’re your family, we’re here for you.”

A couple of nods and some agreeing in there. I bring my head down and wipe my face with my hands. A family… right. As much as I’m surprised that they accept me so easily, I know I do not belong here with them.

“Look, losers, give me a minute alone and I’ll be back to kick all your asses after.”

Some laughter. I smirk. The most fake smirk I ever managed to get out. I jump away from the car and leather chair and walk to the alley where Eren was standing a moment ago. Where Heritage died. I lean against the wall and press my forehead on the brick wall. I wait for the music to be loud enough again to let my loud sobs out. I pull at my shirt and softly punch the wall as tears freely stream down my face. I repeat the process something like 5 times before I finally fall to my knees. I hit the ground. I hit it hard enough for blood to come out of my knuckles. I press my palms against my eyes, hoping that this is only a nightmare. That I’m either dead or lying in his arms. Sadly it’s neither of those things. I turn around and let my back rub against the grainy wall. I press my head on my knees before looking up to the sky.

“What did I ever do to you? Why can’t I have a happy end too. Why is it always like this? Why do I hurt people, why am I so lethal to be around? Why make me suffer like this? Kill me and end it already.” I beg to whoever may or may not listen.

“We make our own happy ends, you know.” A voice says.

I turn my head towards it and I see a familiar shadow emerge from behind a large trash bin. Hanji.

“What you did to Eren, just now, is unforgiveable.” She says with such a serious look that you might as well not recognize her. “He doesn’t know I followed him here. I wanted to make sure he was okay. And you too. I only stayed because I needed to make sure that you weren’t the same bastard that I saw up there a moment ago. I would’ve killed you if you really were. I see now. This is all a façade. Levi and his façades. When are you going to stop hurting yourself?”

I scoff.

“Hurting myself? I don’t give a crap if I hurt myself as long as the brat never suffers again because of me.”  
“You are the most stubborn little fucking midget I’ve ever seen.” She says. “I really want to kill you and use your limbs for experiments right now. You’re turning me into a psychopath, moron.”  
“You always were a psychopath.” I smirk as I wipe a tear at the corner of my mouth.  
“Ahhh…” She smiles. “There you are.”

I nod. Not knowing what to do or say anymore. I’m such a fucking mess.

“So…” She starts. “What are you going to do?”  
“Nothing.” I mutter, looking back at my feet. “To be honest, I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

She kneels beside me and sits back on her heels as she moves a strand of hair out of my eyes. She cups my cheek and forces me to look into her eyes.

“You’re Levi. Levi Ackerman. The short asshole who once forced me to swallow all of my bread crumbs from the table. The idiot who believed that a Tea shop was all he needed in his life. The man who fell in love with the bright eyes of a wonderful human being. You are the one who laughed and cried and was ALIVE all the while he was with him. And now, that Levi, is going to make up for everything wrong he did. That Levi will fix his mistakes because he’s in love.” She says, staring into my eyes and waiting for an answer from me.

I’m tired of fighting against what I want but am I really allowed to be that selfish?

“You’re not selfish.” She says, reading my mind. “You have a right to claim your happiness. If anything you’re even more entitled to it than any of us. You and Eren suffered so much throughout these lives and yet you found each other again. You’re a proof that the universe finds balance in things. You need each other in order to be free from the pain. You understand each other, you guys are one distinct soul that got split in half. You are allowed to love and be loved, Levi.”

I smirk, unable to describe how I feel. Nervous, scared or maybe it’s panic. What have I done? I meet her gaze again and she believes in me. She thinks I’m a good person. Maybe I am. Maybe I deserve this. I shouldn’t destroy it all because of ifs and buts. I…love…him. The thought has never been clearer because I never actually believed that I was allowed to say it, to feel it in every fiber of my being but right now I am. But what if it’s too late. I was so mean. I stare at Hanji and search into her eyes for an hesitation or something that would say that I shouldn’t go. There’s nothing else in there than the certainty that I shouldn’t be here talking with her but chasing after Eren instead.

“This red string of fate better be fucking strong.” I whisper as my heartbeat accelerates.  
“It certainly is.” Hanji says.  
“What time is it?” I ask as I get up, trying to keep away the dizziness.  
“9pm, the plane is leaving soon and I had Armin pack things for Eren so they are going.”  
“Shit.”

She sighs and grabs my wrist, pulling me forward with her.

“Let’s get you home, you need to shower and sober up.” Hanji says.  
“I don’t have…”  
“No. This, here, isn’t your home but my place will do for now.”  
“For what? He’s leaving.” I mutter.  
“You’re leaving too.” She says.  
“I don’t have any money, remember?”  
“That’s why friends have credit cards.”  
“NO!” I shout.  
“Yes.”  
“Definitely not.”  
“Yes. We can argue all night or you can go shower and hop on the next flight to tell him how you really feel.”

I sigh.

“I’ll pay you back.”  
“No need, you saved my ass more than once in our previous life, consider it payback.”  
“Titan freak.”  
“Shorty patooty.” She giggles.  
“Fuck you.”  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hehe!! Are you guys happy with how this turned out?? Who cried? *raises hand*. Well…As you may understand, next chapter is the last one. But wait a minute, it’s written 25 of 27? Right?...Yeah that’s because 27 will be a kind of bonus but I can’t say much more about that right now ^_^ …
> 
> PS: Those who read my other fic, it’ll start to get updated sometime between this week and next week. I need to write down my plot since it’s only in my head right now and I don’t want to get lost XD
> 
> Comments are always appreciated. Love you all!


	26. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hey you, wonderful you! I’ll keep my author notes for the ending (like at the end of the end of the end…)… Hope you’ll like this chapter and that it’ll fill your heart with happiness after too much sadness!
> 
> Song in this chapter: Lifehouse – Hanging by a moment (I suggest listening to it before and during ;)… you’ll see why)…

**EREN POV**

The first thing I did this morning when we landed here and finally reached our tiny hut, was to close the curtains and jump right in bed. If I wasn’t in such a sour mood, I would’ve laughed because there were rose petals spread all over the place, lighted candles and the atmosphere was romantic. Armin was crimson red when he walked in. He carefully wiped it all off and threw it in the garbage. I remember him mentioning that there’s only one bed but at this point I really didn’t care. I was in paradise. Bora Bora, the place I always wanted to go to or at least some place like that, that seemed unreachable and where freedom seemed so attainable. Yet, it’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m still in bed. I can’t find it in me to get up and do the things I should be doing. I can’t find the strength to enjoy everything that’s been offered to me, because the one thing I want is gone forever and there is nothing that could change that now. I sigh and turn my face into the pillow, knowing very well that my brain won’t let me die so easily.

“Trying to choke yourself to death again?” Armin asks.

I turn my head to the side and see him dripping wet. I forgot that we have direct access to the ocean from those huts. I sit up straight and stretch. I wipe my eyes and try to rub the fatigue off my face but it’s not working. Again, I find myself just wanting to lay there and patiently wait for my last breath.

“Come on, we’re going to have dinner.” Armin says, throwing me his wet towel.

I glare at him and throw it back on the floor.

“We can eat here. Everything is already paid for. They’ll bring us food.” I mutter.  
“I don’t care. There’s this restaurant that I want to try and we have to take a boat to go there because it’s in those huge mountains there.” He says, pointing somewhere outside that I can’t see. “Plus, I made reservations already. »  
“Can’t we just eat here?” I ask.  
“No. You have to go. If you don’t want to, at least do it for me.” He begs. “I really want to go there. It is beautiful. It has a nice view of the sunset and it’s on the side of a cliff, so please, just this one time.”

I sigh and get up. I pull off my shirt, revealing tight muscles on a stomach that has been empty since the day before. I throw it to him and he squeaks, scared that my filthiness will be touching his face. I guess on some things, he is similar to Levi. The thought sends needles straight to my heart and I can’t help but grab my chest as I walk to the shower.

***

Armin sighs beside me as I’m staring at the waves hitting the rocks a bit further on my right. The noise it makes is pretty similar to how my heart feels; crumbled and shattered. It’s my turn to sigh and I let my chin rest on my hand as I slowly turn my head to glance at Armin. He looks bored but he’s too good of a person to tell me.

“I’m sorry.” I mutter. “We shouldn’t have come here.”

He sits a bit more straight and puts his hand on my forearm.

“Eren, don’t say that. You needed the time and the tickets were going to go to waste. It doesn’t matter who paid for them. I’m glad to be here with you. Let’s enjoy our time here even though I know it’s hard for you. Let me get you something to drink.”

Armin smiles. Genuinely smiles and for some reason it’s getting on my nerves. How can he smile so easily? Oh yeah… He still has Jean. I’m the one who lost everything. He stands up and walks to the bar. My eyes follow him there and I wait patiently. The fact is, I don’t want to have fun. I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to again. The only reason why I’m here is because Hanji and Armin forced me to go. When I came back from seeing Levi one last time, Armin already had my bags ready to leave. I didn’t have much of a choice, especially since Hanji basically threatened me to kidnap Armin and experiment on his brain if I didn’t comply. I think she was serious, which made it even worse. 

I turn my head, like many others as the music suddenly shifts and the Caribbean dancers crew that was mostly constituted of big feathery costumes, walks off stage. The new song flowing out the speakers isn’t anything from the islands. I know it because I love this song and have listened to it many times in the past. I’d call it a classic, but that’s just me. I stare at the stage and sit back on my chair, boringly playing with a button of my polo shirt. I glance back up and almost fall from my chair as Levi’s voice catches all my senses. 

**Desperate for changing, starving for truth**   
**I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you**

He’s wearing black slacks and a black button up. He’s overwhelmingly hot. It doesn’t take long for him to find me in the tiny crowd. His eyes lock with mine and I really don’t know what to do right now because I am so angry at him but so in love at the same time. I can’t quite decide what to listen to; my heart or my head… But then I remember this other song from The St-Johns “Maybe your head is not where your heart is”… Perhaps that’s true so I cross my arms and look at him, daring him to continue but leaving him no clue as to how I’m feeling right now. Quite frankly, I don’t even know myself. If he is here now, it means he took a plane almost right after us. It means he ran after me. I don’t even know if I’m happy that he did.

**I'm falling even more in love with you**   
**Letting go of all I've held on to**   
**I'm standing here until you make me move**   
**I'm hanging by a moment here with you**

My eyes widen and a light touch of pink travels up to my cheeks as I hear the words from his mouth for the first time. But still…they aren’t his. They are Lifehouse’s. He angles his head in a silent apology and I can’t help but let a small smile show on my face, no matter how much I want to hide it. No matter how much I want to stay angry at him for what he said, for what he did. But I can’t blame him. At least not only him. We were both really selfish and stupid and we both are responsible for destroying what should’ve been untouchable. Perhaps it’s not completely gone. Perhaps the fact that he is standing right there with a microphone, pouring, what I think is, his heart out to me, is enough to make me forget. Is enough to start over. But are we going to do it again? Will it ever happen again? That we push away our happiness in such a stupid way? It scares me.

**Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete**   
**I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now**

He jumps down the stage and starts walking slowly towards me. I’m sitting close to the cliff so he has a long way to go but he seems to take his time, he seems to want to reach a certain point of the song and I’m curious to know what that might be. Especially now that I can feel myself giving in. I can feel the tears threaten to fall as my eyes start to blur. I want him back, I really do. Who cares if it happens again? Somehow we always find our way back. Isn’t it how love works? Isn’t it what it is, being strong even when there’s nothing left? Fighting when the world is falling apart around you? Yes. And you know what? I’m Eren Jaeger and that’s what I do best. I fight.

**I'm falling even more in love with you**   
**Letting go of all I've held on to**   
**I'm standing here until you make me move**   
**I'm hanging by a moment here with you**   
**I'm living for the only thing I know**   
**I'm running and not quite sure where to go**   
**And I don't know what I'm diving into**   
**Just hanging by a moment here with you**

He’s makes his way up to my chair and is now standing right there, within arm’s reach. I could just raise a hand and touch his face but I decide to stand up instead, my arms still crossed in a protective way, as if I wasn’t going to let him in. But who am I kidding? That is only until he sings the next lyrics, staring deeply into my eyes.

**There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find**   
**There's nothing in the world that can change my mind**   
**There is nothing else**   
**There is nothing else**   
**There is nothing else**

He stops singing and the instrumentals keep playing in the back as he leans closer to me and my head screams for me to take a step back, to run away before he breaks my heart again, but my heart is what keeps me there and I’ll forever be thankful that it did, otherwise I wouldn’t have heard the 3 little words that Levi whispers in my ear.

“I love you.”

My arms fall to my side and tears appear at the corner of my eyes. Sad tears, happy tears, a bundle of fucking emotions of tears that I wasn’t letting out but that somehow managed to break a wall inside of me at this moment. I gasp, trying to talk but not being able to. Levi angles his head as his palm cups my cheek and his thumb wipes a tear from my lower lip. I know that people are staring at us. I know that the music has stopped now. I know that Armin stayed at the bar when he realized what was going on. Or perhaps he knew. That fucker, he certainly knew. That’s why he dragged me all the way up here. I know that Levi probably paid 10 000$ just to come here and sing this song to me, no matter if I would reject him or not. I know now that he loves me. I always did but I needed him to prove it. Not in such a grand way, but that was Levi; such a simple man, yet so deeply involved in everything he does for the people he cares about. I know I love him. I know I always will and that it doesn’t matter where we live or what life it is… I will always love him. I let a long whine escape from the smile on my face.

“Heichou, k-kiss m-me.” I cry out, no longer fighting my tears.

In less than a second, Levi is on the tip of his toes, still cupping my cheek with one hand and pulling my neck forward with the other one as he lets his fingers tangle up in my hair. The kiss tastes salty by my fault but it is still one of the most amazing feelings I ever got a chance to experience; thinking that you lost it all, that you didn’t matter, but then seeing that it was the total opposite in reality. This kiss, this deep embrace proved me wrong about myself and about Levi. This kiss made me realize that he loves me just as much as I love him. My eyes are red. Levi’s are a bit pink-ish from the threat of happy tears coming down but he holds them back, as he always does. I’m about to faint from all the overwhelming feelings when he finally pulls away from me just to hit my chest right back with his head as he gives me a bone-crushing hug. I feel wanted, I feel desired and for the first time ever, I feel loved; truly loved.

I hold him tight, not wanting this moment to ever end, even though I can feel him hide his face in my chest as people start to applaud. Levi is shy. Now I can say that I’ve seen it all. I grab his shoulders and pull him away from me so that I can stare into his eyes.

“You’re crazy.” I chuckle.  
“To fall for a Brat like you? Yes, I probably am.” He laughs.

I playfully hit his shoulder before pulling him back to my chest. His head moves a bit lower as his fingers trace a line along my wrist, tugging gently on the red string of fate bracelet that he bought me for Christmas. I can feel him smile against me as he realizes that I never took it off. I would’ve never moved on from this and I knew it. I never lost hope that we were strong enough to overcome everything. I press my lips into his hair as I inhale the scent I’ve missed so much. I close my eyes and let all the memories flow inside of me, the bad ones, the good ones. Right now, they all don’t matter because I have someone to share them with, through the good times, through the bad times, I’ll never let him get away again.

Armin walks up to me with a huge smile plastered on his face. I turn towards him and shoot him a glare that I can’t quite keep as menacing as I’d want to.

“You knew…You fucking knew.” I say, pointing an accusing finger at him.

He nods and shrugs.

“The text I received when we landed here… It was Hanji. They had it all planned, I only had to bring you here for dinner. I swear I didn’t know before the text.”  
“That’s why you were so insistent.” I laugh. “You’ll pay for this. All of you.”  
“Really?” Armin asks. “Cause you look really happy with the turn of events.”

I glance down at Levi and he raises his gaze up to meet mine.

“Happy is nowhere near what I’m feeling right now.” I say, right before leaning in for another kiss. I could never have enough. I will never have enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): It’s over, sadly. *cries*… But wait…wait…is that a bonus? Oh yeah, keep on reading, there's one last chapter!


	27. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): This is the end. *cries forever* Read the notes at the end when you’re done, I’ll be grateful if you do.
> 
> Song of this chapter and song that ends this fic in a way where it’ll never really end: Switchfoot – Always (to listen to during reading)

**LEVI POV**

Being nervous was never something that suited me. I never was stressed to a point where it would show. At least, not until I met the Brat. As I’m standing here, waiting for him, all I can focus on, are my cufflinks. I try to ignore Hanji who’s making all sorts of noises behind me. Armin, who’s holding two silver rings, keeps on glancing at me with a reassuring smile. _It’ll be okay._ That’s what he means. And I know… I know it will be but it’s just some kind of nervousness that can’t be explained. It’s not really that I’m afraid he won’t show up. Maybe a combination of all sorts of things like how much time it took us to get here. And by that I don’t mean those 3 years, I mean those lives where we never had a chance to live the way we were about to; free and together. I look around and meet some people’s gaze. Connie, who’s desperately trying to get Sasha to stop eating popcorn straight from her purse. Mike, who only stares at me blankly. Ymir and Historia, who are engaged since last week, to my biggest relief, I have to admit. Jean, who seems to have this never ending horse face, is laughing at Sasha. Annie who seems like she couldn’t care less about what’s going on, is sitting beside Berthold and Reiner who both seem like they’d rather be elsewhere. My heart starts to beat in a funny way and for a moment I feel like I’m on the verge of puking or fainting. I blink a couple of times and straighten up. I fix my suit’s jacket, inspecting the white material for any stains that shouldn’t be there. I fix my cravat and then move back to playing with my cufflinks.

“You look nervous.” Hanji whispers.  
“Tell me something I don’t know, four eyes.”  
“You’re perfect.” She says.

I smirk. I am nowhere near whatever perfect means but it does make me feel a bit better on the appearance part. I really don’t want to deceive the person who’s about to walk up here.

I glance one last time at Armin before all the eyes turn towards the big wooden doors. My heart jumps in my chest as I look at the officiant walking towards me. He shakes my hand and smiles at me.

“Ready, Mr Ackerman?”  
“I’ve been ready for thousands of years.” I reply without an ounce of hesitation.

Gradually, everyone stands up and my heart hammers even more against my chest as the song starts to play. Eren picked it. When he asked me if I liked it, and made me read the lyrics, I just… I just nodded because I couldn’t get any words out.

**This is the start, this is your heart**  
**This is the day you were born**

I see a red scarf emerge from the door, followed by a rat’s nest of brown hair, who’s being dragged clumsily forward by his sister. I can pin point the exact moment where my heart stops beating because he looks heavenly. 

**This is the sun, these are your lungs**  
**This is the day you were born**

The matching white suit, suits him much better than it fits me. Every curve, every muscle, everything is adjusted in a way that makes me think that I must be dreaming. Or that I must have been completely stupid for never forcing him to wear something like this before. I notice the white belt, the same one he always wears, circling his hips. Then I see the red string wrapped around his wrist. My gaze moves up and meets his beautiful bright green eyes and suddenly nothing else exists. We’re all alone.

**And I am always, always, always yours**  
**And I am always, always, always yours**

He smiles. A wide smile, the same kind you have when you’re so overwhelmed that you know your cheeks are going to hurt after a while. How do I know? Because I have the same one on my face right now.

**These are the scars deep in your heart**  
**This is the place you were born**

Yes, this is another start for the both of us. Indeed, we have made our way back to living a happy, peaceful and good life. After chasing him across the globe, I told Eren that the money was still his as long as he’d let me follow him wherever he wanted to go. It took a bit of convincing and a lot of arguing but he agreed to keep it. He chose California’s Art Institute and I gladly followed him towards his dreams. We visited our friends from time to time or they came over for a couple of days and complained about our tiny place. We stayed close to everyone, not because of this life but because of the bond that we had from before. If destiny made us meet again, it’s because we had to all stick together. Eren was happy of how everything turned out and I was happy as long as he was. I needed nothing more than that light in his eyes, the one that shines only for me. The one that I see when we’re in a crowd and I meet his gaze. When everything around us disappears and there’s only this invisible touch left. I love him and I tell him every day since then. It did take a while for us to find a decent apartment here. We even dealt with a one bedroom apartment for a while but it was put to good use, if you know what I mean. Quite frankly, I miss that bed. When things got settled and Eren was about halfway through his program, I finally decided to try and open a new Tea Shop near the Harbor, except that this time, we were both owners and I set it up in a way that music night and theme nights would happen every weekend. A Tea Shop, a bar, a place to watch the sunset over the Harbor, a place I could call home. When Eren got his degree, he got hired right away by one of the big brands company from San Diego. He climbed his way up fast to be the lead storyboard artist of some of the biggest movies around. He loved his job and every time he dropped by the shop, he brought something. Chocolate, sushis, geeky things, whatever it was, he always brought something. He sat at the same table he used to…Because of course I tried to re-create the same shop, except that it was so much better now. One day, as he was drawing something, I dropped my apron on the table and leaned over his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and stared at myself on paper, dressed up in a beautiful white suit. One hand in my pocket and holding out the other hand. I was smiling, a huge smile that I was not even sure I was capable of producing.

“What is that?” I asked him.  
“Just you, dressed in a suit.” He replied, angling his head to touch mine.  
“It’s beautiful, as always.” I whisper.  
“It would be better if it was real.” He says, slightly turning his head to me.

It took me a while to realize what he was saying but when I did, he was already on one knee. I felt like I lost all control of myself, of my life and during this instant I was terrified. Tears flowed on their own as I took in what this all meant.

“Marry me.” He said. “Be my light in darkness, be the hand that will be strong when I am not, be the one who I can wake up to every morning, be the hope that I need for when I can’t hold up that role anymore. In this life, in every life, Levi Ackerman, will you marry me?”

I cried. I basically only silently cried. Somewhere in there I managed to nod and the few people who were there on that monday morning stood up to applause. Eren stood up too and lifted me up in a tight embrace as the tears kept falling from my face, slowly tracing the contour of a huge smile, one like the guy on paper.

**And this is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out**  
**From the places you've been torn**

It was a rebirth for the both of us. The past was gone. The evil was gone and whether it was to come back in another life or not, we knew now that we would always find our way back to each other. Through the good, through the bad, if it hurts, we’ll be there no matter what. Why? Because no one can rival Eren’s determination and faith while no one can even imagine being strong enough to keep me away from him.

**And it is always, always, always yours**  
**And I am always, I'm always, I'm always yours**

Every steps brings him closer to me and I hold out a hand to him, remembering that stupid drawing he made of me in a suit, the one that was probably just a way for him to introduce his plan, the one that is now hanging on our bedroom wall next to a matching drawing of him. I added a red line on both of them and even traced it on the wall between the two frames. 

“I love your drawings Eren, _but since we’re going to live here…_ I’ll make sure that not even some stupid 30$ frames can separate us” I said back then.

**Hallelujah, I'm caving in**  
**Hallelujah, I'm in love again**  
**Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man**  
**Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance, yeah**

He climbs the two little steps and I lace my fingers with his, staring straight into his eyes.

“I love you.” I whisper.  
“I love you more.” He says.

**And it is always, always, always yours**  
**And I am always, I'm always, always yours**  
**Always, always, I'm always yours, I'm yours**  
**Always, always, I am always yours**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi everyone. You can imagine I’m quite sad to be writing this “author notes” because we have reached the end of But since we’re going to live here. I don’t even remember when I started writing this whole fanfic, it’s been a while and I am so grateful that it grew so much. My writing, has improved a lot considering it’s not my mother tongue. The comments have become more and more present throughout the weeks. The views and kudos came more and more and I am just overwhelmed by the love this fic got, especially since I started by writing this mainly for myself. It’s not THAT popular and I know that but it’s still way beyond what I expected. I am forever thankful to you guys for sticking with me weeks after weeks even when I was breaking your hearts (and mine). I hope the ending makes up for everything I’ve made you and them endure. I will try to fix whatever plot holes there might be and language issues whenever I’ll feel like re-reading it. Time to say goodbye but before I do, I wanna thank every single one of you for sticking with me through this. 
> 
> If you want to keep on following me, there are many ways. First of all, you can read [Extra Pepperoni](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4383827/chapters/9951416%20), which is going to be updated to chapter 3 this week (it is my new ereri fanfic and so far the feedback is really good, I am so happy with it and it is much much different than this one). ---- I may also have started two other ereri fics that I didn’t post yet because I don’t know where this is going ----
> 
> Then, you can follow me on [Tumblr](http://hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com/), [Instagram](https://instagram.com/hikarimitsuko/), [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/hikarimitsukocosplay), [Worldcosplay](http://worldcosplay.net/member/261593) or whatever else you find (I have it all)… under the username: Hikarimitsuko (some people refer to me as that levi cosplayer but whatever…lol). 
> 
> I track: #butsinceweregoingtolivehere #butsinceweregoingtodiehere #swgtlh #fic:butsinceweregoingtolivehere so if you ever do a fanart/cmv or whatever else or even find one, please share it with me, I’ll be forever pleased lol…(I’ll add them to the appropriate chapters too). Also for any questions regarding the fic or quick prompts about plot holes that you’d like me to fill via a tumblr post,  message me on tumblr and I will definitely answer all your questions and even write scenes if I feel it’s worth sharing the missing info. If you do share this fanfic on any social networks, please make sure to tag me on your posts so that I can thank you personally!
> 
> Special thanks to my friend Sui for being the beta reader of a couple of scenes that I needed to be “powerful” enough and needed feedback on. Special thanks to miss4eyes on AO3 who has been reading this from beginning to end and commenting every single chapter to give me feedback week after week. Special thanks to MiraYasuki on wattpad for doing the exact same thing!
> 
> PS: Who spotted the end of the loop? Who spotted the phrase? (Because just as in the first ever chapter of this fic that Levi said… But since we’re going to die here… (I’m going to kiss your dumb ass)… The last chapter says…………)
> 
> I’ll miss you all and I hope to see you soon!
> 
> Comments are always read-replied to-and much appreciated. <3
> 
> Hikari –Xx-


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